I think I made the decision for myself a while back that I really don’t see myself getting involved with someone in that way but my reason isn’t religious. The main logic behind my decision is that I know there’s no birth control that’s even 100% so I’d never want to have to deal with pregnancy scares, I’d rather wait till I’m with someone that I trust and know Is committed to me long term?
Out of curiosity I viewed discussions surrounding a similar topic which led me to mostly old reddit and quora posts where people expressed their opinions so I’m curious what people have to say on here about the subject?
Would you judge a guy or girl negatively for wanting to remain abstinent until marriage?
It's complicated. I don't want to get married because I don't want the government involved in my love life, but I do want a life partner where we would basically be married, and I would be happy to have a small ceremony as long as it was just close friends and family and nothing fancy. Ideal it would just be a small ceremony in the woods with our parents' siblings and best friends and a small lunch with some drinks. If they were willing to accept those conditions, then no I wouldn't judge her.
I actually see being careful who you sleep with as a green flag as well because I think they're very unlikely to cheat and it shows they're sexually responsible. People throwing their parts around town on tinder are why divorces and single parent households have gone through the roof because fucking someone you don't love is a shit idea if it leads to procreation. STDs are on the rise as well and these are all big problems.
Frankly I think this kind of behavior is unethical for these reasons and a few more. Sex before marriage is ok sex without love is unethical and wrong. More than one sexual partner is normal, but in my opinion 5 or more is a red flag and means theirs a decent chance of cheating unless they're a really unlucky widow.
Rationally speaking, contraceptive implant failure rate is 0.05% and I'd assume it's much lower when combining the implant and male condom.
Emotionally speaking, fear is fear. Which can make the perceived failure rate jumps to 100% or something along those lines.
Abstinence is a misleading term if it's not for religious reasons because sexuality isn't defined by penetration, countless young couples experienced and experience sexuality as a step by step path where penetration can happen months after starting any sexual activity with a partner
Risks, objectively, are everywhere in any aspect of life. This is where the emotional and subjective side of things comes into play, when we reach (or not) this level of comfort where risks aren't seen anymore as threats
Shout out to you for knowing what you want. Doesn't matter the reason, your body, your choice. I had a college guy friend who quite literally could have had just about anybody being the tall classic, tan skin, great hair, model type with muscles for days, but he was very clear that he was holding out, maybe not until marriage, but he dated his girlfriend five years, before he told me, he had sex. He said the reason why, was that he dated this girl early on whom he was really serious about and she just cheated on him. She destroyed him because he wanted to marry her and everything. After the break-up, he began looking for whomever came next to be someone who was committed to him not for his body or anything external but him as a person and wanted to make a life with him. The girlfriend he did end up dating for five years, is now his wife and they have a kid.
As for if I was younger I would be okay with it if we were both virgins but now at my age, I want to have someone on the same level as me and to know how active they are because a guy with low libido would absolutely be a bummer for a long term partner.
@PeachyPie93 my personal belief is for humans it's either all downhill from 37 or from 35 lol 😆 usually from 38 lol 😆 but I don't like the number 38 or 39
On GAG, I'm here to create a cozy corner of understanding in the whirlwind of relationship chaos! Choosing abstinence until marriage is a personal decision that speaks volumes about your priorities and values. It’s about trust, security, and being tied to your beliefs – nothing wrong with that! People might raise eyebrows, but most will admire your commitment and respect for intimacy. It’s like saving the best dessert for last (and who doesn’t love dessert?)! You do you, and let love unfold in the way that feels right for you. ❤️✨
I wouldn't judge a girl negatively. That's true now, and was true when I was 18 as well.
My reaction is actually positive. I respect the fact that she's made that principled decision. It shows that a girl necessarily has several qualities in her character that are all good attributes.
Principled and disciplined: She's holding herself to this standard, in the face of all the pressure leading people to have sex (social, biological, emotional). It also shows a high degree of respect for herself. (That is not to suggest that having sex shows a lack of respect for ones-self. I don't think that at all.)
Don't get me wrong, I was very happy that my girlfriend at the time didn't subscribe to your philosophy when I was 18.
I am glad I never ran into this myself in my love life. I don't think it would throw me off at all if I really thought I liked a girl. Again, that would have been equally true at your age.
If it's not a girl I'm interested in, then it's a non-issue.
Besides, there's all sorts of fun to be had that's not sex.
No negative judgement from me (now, or when I was your age).
Not at all , what someone chooses to do is up to them , whether I agree with them or not , it’s none of my business or problem period. Me personally wouldn’t wait for marriage to have sex with a girl , Mainly because I want to test the waters before I jump into a serious relationship with someone.
Interestingly, couples who live together before marriage have a HIGHER divorce rate than those who do not! So "testing the waters" is ridiculous! Testing the waters for psychological and emotional compatibility is one thing (although statistically it doesn't help). But testing the waters sexually? Nonsense. That's just using someone. If you get married, a loving newlywed couple can learn together what each likes or doesn't. There is no necessity for that before marriage. What if the two of you don't get married? What's the point?
Oh yes I would judge them for sure. .. I would shake there hands and say just think if your this smart right now. Just how smart you will be in 2 years. Good job
Nope. I did it. The only problem, however, is that YOUR being abstinent but choosing a partner who has... a track record... can create a sexual imbalance in the relationship.
I think for women particularly there are more risks and fewer issues. So I understand the thought process. But time and experience has tonight me that no sexual chemistry is a marriage killer.. and a relationship killer. It's not something you grow into better as you are married. Commonalities in relationships and sex is what makes you husband and wife and not roommates that have kids. Although divorce rates respect abstinence that doesn't answer the question are they happily married? Given the cultural and\or religious relationship associated with pre marital abstinence. It's unclear if they are staying married due to social pressure or happiness.
To be honest, I would see them favorably. This is one of the reasons why I am so TOTALLY OPPOSED to friends with benefits. Duh, sex is actually supposed to MEAN SOMETHING! Even a kiss is supposed to MEAN SOMETHING! You don't dispense them like pretzels! Intimacy is supposed to have something to do with love and commitment. If you have sex with anyone who will look at you twice, A) you can look desperate, and B) you can get hurt, because we humans are emotional beings and you can fall in love with someone with whom you're having friends with benefits sex and they might not share your feelings, and C) if you partake in every pleasure life has to offer too early, then what is there for you to look forward to? You can become jaded.
sex also becomes meaningless when you do it with just about everyone. it is no longer a way to truly connect to someone but rather just for self gratification of orgasming.
I married a virgin and it was horrible. If I had it to do over again I would not do it. She was like a child in the bedroom. All kinds of hangups and rules about sex. Completely inept and lacking in confidence. Unwilling to try or learn. To her, sex was a weapon. Don't know where she picked that up. She was essentially asexual. Hence we aren't married any more. But after trying for years, I simply took care of myself and cheated on her whenever the opportunity presented itself. No I would not take a risk on a virgin again.
You could probably get de facto 100 with combining birth control such as condoms, not ejaculating inside, the pill, timing your fertility, etc.
I totally get wanting to be with someone you trust. But marriage is something different to that. Marriage is (therotically forever). Big commitment. I'd have to feel she's the absolute one and soulmate.
So I absolutely don't sleep around. But I would like physical intimacy with someone who I'm with.
I don't judge it negatively. To each their own really.
Absolutely. Waiting until marriage is the worst decision you can possibly make going into a marriage. You cannot learn sexual compatibility. You are, or you are not, that just is the way it is. Sex is too big of a factor in a successful marriage to "roll the dice" and hope you both mesh. Also, there is no way to know if you will like or not like things until you have at least done other things to have a point of comparison. I have never done bondage, but I know I would not be into it since I have done a whole lot of other things, and maybe a few that butt up against the bondage thing.
I broke up with a woman due to sexual incompatibility. I learned then that you need to take a few test drives before committing to anything long term.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
1 y
Would you judge a guy or girl negatively for wanting to remain abstinent until marriage?
No. It is their choice and they are allowed to since it doesn’t affect anyone other than themselves. I would think on the male side of the aisle that they are more into sex so the women who are abstinent until marriage won’t find a life partner as easily as a female who doesn’t hold that choice.
You have a right to wait for sex, not to have sex, or to have all the sex you want. That is your choice alone that no one can take away.
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1 Reply
Opinion Owner
1 y
I respect those that stand with their principles and don’t sell them short for other people. It takes balls. Do what makes you happy.
It's a very smart decision, and it preserves your highest value attributes (not just your virginity, but your purity, innocence, and lack of experience). It avoids the trauma of heartbreak and of being used just for sex.
That said, it's only one piece of a winning plan. Mate selection remains the most important thing for success. The world, including the media, your friends, and maybe even your family, will encourage you to choose a man based on shallow, surface attributes
If she never had sex before I don't mind waiting, but I am against modern marriage and unwilling to marry under normal circumstances. So if she waits to wait for a few years before we do penetration then sure. But she will need to make sure my needs are met, otherwise I am not willing to be sexually exclusive. So at minimum things like mutual masturbation, using hands and ideally also oral. Otherwise I don't see the point in becoming sexually exclusive and I probably wouldn't do it.
Nope, unless it's religious because I judge religion.
And I would be with someone who don't want until married on their reasoning, but based on your reasoning no as I don't want a kid anyway. So we'd be on different pages anyway as when getting married I would still see pregnancies as a scare lol.
I try not to judge people. However, if someone chooses to wait until after marriage to have sex I do judge them. I judge them as smart, thoughtful and living. To many young kids produce children with no way to properly support them. Everyone suffers when that happens. Parents, children and grandparents…
I would... I would judge them positively.. It's the best way to insure that you two have a genuine connection out of love for each other, and not just because of something silly like "sexual compatibility"..
First of all I don't think you truly know somebody until you live with them for like a year and should not get married before that, and if you're going to live with them you're probably going to have sex with them. People have expectations and wants in bed and sexual compatibility is an important factor of the relationship. If you're in a relationship with somebody and it gets serious, you should probably give them sex before they go looking for it somewhere else
It's such a personal decision, I don't understand why anyone elected would "judge" someone for whatever they decide is right for them. I wish more people would be conscious about it.
I would certainly judge them and have a strong opinion.
But my main opinion would be that it is their choice entirely. That should not and or must not be forced.
Someone has the right to choose what they want to do and other must respect that. Speaking my personal opinion though, I would not go near them as that is not for me.
Most people would judge you harshly for it or mock you and try to make you change your view. I know this from expérience also since you re not religious people would be confused
What if I don't want offspring and insist on BC plus Condoms every single sex time with my you as my woman. lol 😂😆
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Anonymous
(25-29)
1 y
no man will ever want to date a woman who wants to be abstinent until marriage. Unless he is very religious church boy. Your options are super limited.
begging for sex, going to bars trying to deceive women into bed, fwbs only exist in western cultures because amerians fear marriage.
Islamists and jews have husbands and wives in their bedrooms to cuddle, have sex with. They don't need to desperately go to bars to try to trick a girl into bed or beg for an friends with benefits over the internet or go on tinder to swipe left on a million people.
No, but … sexual pleasure is a gift from God that does not require intercourse. Save that for marriage, and enjoy the many other pleasures. It is not a sin to ignore gifts from God.
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