What would you do if your wife told you "The only reason you got me is because I was a divorced, single mom, and I was scared and you were safe"?

[Anonymous]

So, Before anyone asks, I have already filed for divorce, she's staying with her children (none of which are mine) at her parents house.

About three weeks ago, my ex wife and i were having a party, It was our 8th wedding anniversary. We had friends over. I was talking with some of our friends, Who unfortunately are still single, giving the best advise i had about relationships. My ex wife wandered over and stated "I wouldn't listen to him about relationships." I thought she was joking, so i kissed her, and Said "Well it got me you didn't it?" And she said "The only reason you got me is because i was a divorced, single mom, and i was scared and you were safe."

The party ended, I went to bed. I didn't talk to her, Didn't touch her, Didn't have sex with her, i just slept on my side. This went on for a while, I essentially just didn't talk to her any more, beyond one word responses. She i guess got scared, and started cooking my favorite things, tried to be more affectionate, started trying to initiate sex more, and i just didn't respond. One weekend she sent her kids, my step kids, away to her parents for the weekend, so she could take me on a trip. Nothing changed. the following week, i worked, and when i came home on the Friday, sat her down and handed her divorce papers. She kept trying to tell me "I love you now, the past doesn't matter". I feel like she married me under false pretenses, I feel like our entire relationship is based on a lie. I can't handle that. I refuse to be with someone i can't trust.

Her family has been trying to get me back with her. My friends, thank god, and believe it or not her friends, both support my choice.

What would you do?

[Blunky]

Finally some more info instead of the same question. I wouldn't partake in that kind of emotional roller coaster in a marriage. I stick to my stance on dating single mothers because of the high chance there will be drama issues.

However, it seems like you were also the one to shut down communication before seeing if it can work out. If you can't communicate with your -wife of 8 years- and are just now questioning the marriage happening under false pretenses, this doesn't sound like it was some eureka moment. It's been an issue for a long time and both of you suck at communication.

I absolutely hate that line, "the past doesn't matter". It matters more than anything else. People don't get to just ignore the things they've done, especially in a relationship. The things you have done in the past are what define your character based on whether or not you learned anything from it.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

While I'd avoid such situations in the first place, I'd reconsider if I was in your shoes. Maybe the relationship didn't begin under ideal circumstances, but it's the present and future that should matter most.

If your present and future with her and the family is bad, then that's one thing. If the only grievance you have is the past in spite of a good present and promising future, you've crossed the threshold of wisdom in my book to unreasonable levels of suspicion.

[TrueConfection]

Would it make a difference if she said;

I was a damsel in distress and you were my knight in shining armor who rescued me. That’s when I fell in love with you.

Is she terrible with articulation? I can see why a single mother would be protective of her feelings until she knew her guy is 💯 safe.

Are you certain the last 8 years meant nothing to her or to you?

[Cuminginside]

So you're her Well you're a dollar short and a lotto ticket out of luck.

[TrueConfection]

@Cuminginside Who?

[Cuminginside]

The guy's wife or do you not speak English or understand it especially the gist of it.

[TrueConfection]

@Cuminginside No speak English

Buh bye

[alice55]

Well she may have gotten with you because she was scared back then but no woman would stay with a man 8 years if she did not love him, she could have found another man.

But your'e free to do what you want / feel like is the best option.

[Cuminginside]

All right here's what you do Don't get her pregnant have fun with her In the meantime enjoy the niceness out of her I don't know her personally but I'm curious as to how long that will last before her fangs come out. Keep her in the dark about the divorce or keep it as a separation paper case. You should have responded to her if you weren't stupid enough to lose your husband or the father of your kids in the first place I would not be in this mess but I guess you thought she was joking at the moment but you should have called her out. Look here's my way of looking at it she owes you right now so cash her out and when the cash runs out tap out.

[OneViewpoint]

You are doing the right thing. You found her as a single mom. You're leaving her a single mom. Be thankful she told you the truth. Leave and don't look back. She's a cold blooded vampire.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

You allowed yourself to be cucked. No man should marry, much less marry a woman who has kids from another man.

[MannMitAntworten]

She is trying now. Later her fangs will cone out. She meant what she said or would have never said it. Prepare for a nasty divorce.

[Anonymous]

What she said was extremely hurtful and disrespectful. She should have taken it back and apologized, but she didn't. I don't think I could ever get past that and save the relationship.

[LaureenVO]

I would cry if my wife said that to me lol.