Search Results: hard to talk to girls

I was an introvert since I was a child. I’m still trying to talk more often but I didn’t like to talk too much it’s just that I find it unnecessary to talk so much. It’s not easy for me to talk to people whom I don’t have a close relationship with. I had a hard time trusting too many people, most of the boys in high school were not boyfriend material. They talked about sleeping with as many girls as possible and they are not interested in getting into a relationship. When one of those jerks approached me and claimed he had feelings for me, I rejected him in a very harsh manner assuming he only want me is because he wants to sleep with me. I was right he wasn’t the type of guy who wants a serious relationship, it’s only the sex. That’s how he and his group of friends hated me for being ruthlessly harsh but that’s my personality. I can be vicious and heartless in my speech when I knew a guy want me because of sex and nothing else. I was still the same when I found out my ex used me for sex, in the end he hated me because I didn’t gave him a good time. Do I feel guilty for being harsh to my ex? Not in the slightest.

This was decades ago, but I guess I remember this because I was emotionally impacted. This was in a wealthy white suburb, mostly Jews, and this was one of my first experiences of racial discrimination. I'm Korean American by the way and my family probably rented the smallest home in the area.

In 2nd grade, she said "No, you can't play with us because you're not really American. You're like Chinese" I was heartbroken since there was nothing I could do to change my ethnicity, and I felt so ugly and wondered why I was born so differently from everyone else. It is insane how something from 2nd grade can bring someone down, and I know that most Asians who grew up in similar white neighborhoods, like my siblings, have had a similar experience. This is not saying all white people are bad but I'm saying white neighborhoods are bad because all it takes is one person to ruin someone's childhood and trust me, there's usually more than one person. And it's easy to feel lonely when you're the only Asian being discriminated against in a classroom filled with white people. By the way, I think the racism as an adult is actually worse, but as a kid, it feels much harder because you don't know what the hell is going on. I'm sharing this right now because it's annoying when people talk about how sensitive someone is to words, but as a child, it's not easy to be strong, and a lot of adults pass this soft verbal racism on to their kids thinking it's nbd but it is a big deal.

But anyway, in 3rd grade, she invited me to her house and I guess I couldn't really refuse at a chance to fit in. What do you think made her have a change of heart?

We were friends throughout elementary school until I moved to an even whiter neighborhood where there racism was actually way worse and I attempted suicide like a little bitch so I survived. I'm grateful to have failed my attempt but my cousin had the opposite result.