Search Results: is he attracted to me marriage

Most people living in western counties would say hell no to this (for the most part me included).

But in other parts of the world there are arranged marriages where love is supposed to come later. Even back in 1800s and earlier people would often get married through community arrangements. One family knew another and the parents thought that their sons and daughters would make a good match. Even the ancient Spartans had this weird marriage ritual where they put young men and women together in a dark cave. Whoever opposite gender you grabbed first and walked out with into the light would become your spouse.

I have to wonder how often people ended up with someone they weren’t attracted to. However divorces were way less common many years ago. If so many people were really that miserable with their arranged marriage you would have to think there would be some serious mental health issues and more violence back then. But at least historically this wasn’t the case.

I have an opportunity to marry a younger woman who has an excellent personality and is a very hard worker. We have been friends with for a few years now. It was her idea is purely for economical reasons. It would benefit us both.

But I am not in love with her and she knows that. She said she doesn’t care if I date and sleep with other people. This would be a paper marriage.

I have gotten advice for a few trusted people about this. All but one person said it’s a bad idea. I am leaning towards no myself but besides the economical arrangement a part of me wonders if I’ll ever find an ideal partner given my age.

Ever since I hit 36 (in my early 40s now) my dating life has been hell on earth trying to find a truly decent woman I feel attracted to. I have had a few flings with attractive women who would make horrible wives. I tried dating a girl who i felt so so about physically just for her personality. That slowly got agonizing. I ended up breaking up with her and that ended very badly (she went psycho).

However of me just WANTS this life milestone. But I don’t want to be an adulterer. Even though she understands I might date other woman I do have spiritual beliefs. Oddly the Bible doesn’t say anything direct about premarital sex (but it heavily implied that’s not alright). But it is VERY clear about adultery. I wouldn’t feel comfortable cheating on my wife. Even if it really is a paper marriage and it doesn’t sit well with me.

Asymmetric romantic attraction is one person has feelings and the other does not. The person who has feelings isn’t thinking clearly because chemicals are (naturally) being released in their brains compromising their judgment. But the other person can see everything as plain as day because they aren’t attracted to them hence little/no brain chemicals.

So person who has no feelings has to make a decision on how to handle a person they have influence over. The moral thing to do is be tactfully honest with the other person (and do it early). But we don’t live in a moral world so the following usually happens:

Scenario #1: Man manipulates the woman into sex when she is thinking there is going to be a relationship. Worst case scenario he gets her pregnant and abandones her.

Scenario #2: Woman manipulated the man into thinking she likes him when she doesn’t. She does this for attention, favors, free meals, free counseling, etc (stereotypical friéndzone).

Worst case scenario is she is a gold digger. Yeah she has to give him up to him at the point but she gets a huge payout for faking it. She will likely divorce him and screw him over in alimony (and she likely cheated during the marriage). She never had feelings for at all. Just a good actress.

Now roles can be reversed at times. Some women do use men only for sex and some men do seek out “suger mamas”. Some men do friéndzone women for their own ends. However for is just not as common. However I will say it is at least biologically natural to want to have sex with someone even if you don’t want a relationship. However using a person for money, ego, attention, favors, etc is downright conceited.

Anyway I got in a long “debate” with a feminist on here who believed that men should be held liable if they mislead a woman into sex. But she had no problem with women taking advantage of men via the friéndzone or worse (gold diggers). Not kidding.

I argue that BOTH genders need to watch out for themselves.

I’ve been talking to multiple girls and as soon as I got single they all came flocking. Some even saying I’m so tall and look like a model after I got done screwing them.. My friend who is really smart has a crush on some girls and I’ve tried asking if they would ever date him. They said absolutely not. He just isn’t attractive and they can’t picture themselves being intimate with them at all. They said he would be a great marriage couple, someone who has a career and money and depend upon, but never attracted to. I asked what could he do to be more attractive? He would have to start dressing and grooming himself like me. Which is basically business casual, clean cut, smelling good. Just an overall complete shift in clothing and maybe even personality.