I don't want to read the typical cliche things of "maybe you're going to the wrong places" or "maybe your personality sucks". I am not going to give a long winded speech about myself. To be blunt -- I am in grad school, I work, I plan to have my own place one day, I have traditional old school thinking, I am caring and helpful and know when to give people space without feeling needy. I don't drink or do drugs or have slept around. The problem is girls I meet are young like earlier 20s, therefore there is already a decade or more difference and I just don't see it working out unless the girl is mature for her age and accepting. I just think nowadays young women don't care about marriage, don't care about relationships and now as a guy in my 30s that is also against me. It's tough to find someone in the same age bracket who shares common interests and beliefs.
No, my expectations aren't high -- if she's a hard worker, loyal, has faith in God, proper education, someone i'm attracted (not model-esq) and not someone who is damaged with emotional past trauma or daddy issues. That's not asking for much. Most girls who read this would say, "yeah I want a guy who is committed, hard working, isn't a pushover and doesn't have deep hatred for women because of his past". That's my post, not sure where to go from here or look, sure dating apps are possible but those also seem like either I am being catfished (ie: fake account) or the girl is just messing around on those apps or trying to look for an actual prince charming (ie: 6'4, 6-figure salary).
What Girls Said
Dating world is not great for most guys. Study’s shown that girls only swipe on between 5-20% of guys meaning they ding 80-95% of guys unattractive. On top of that guys don’t act like gentleman anymore and girls don’t act like wives anymore. It’s a giant mess
I think guys and men should focus on their health and know how to take good photos. I personally think I look better in person then in photos if that makes sense. I'm not big on taking photos. I also don't get why women will say its not about looks when they keep swiping to reject and find the perfect dude. I never told myself if I find the most beautiful girl she will have the best personality to match with it. I think young women on dating apps assume if I find prince charming with the looks he must have such a great personality with phenomenal characteristics. I know women have preferences such as tall or muscular which is fine. As a guy I want to present myself a strong minded and physically strong dude as well. But it is a giant mess and I don't know when it will end.
But if you do this online dating business all they have to go by is your picture it’s not great
Well, somewhere your standards are wither too high, or you aren't looking the right places I guess. I would've thought that a man in his 30's with a good education would easily find a partner, but maybe Im wrong.
The only thing that sticks out to me in your post is, talking about people as damaged, everyone has bagage, thats part of life
If dating apps aren't working, there's real life left, tough crowd
everyone has baggage i get that but i've learned i have to be careful how to approach people in life because I always hear or read people say, "you have to find yourself first and perfect yourself first". That's true, people should. I don't expect someone to be perfect. But I don't know, maybe I do meet someone 7,8,9,10 years younger than me and we're both cool with it. I still feel young and energetic for my age. I work with people 10 years younger then me who get tired easily which shocks me.
Yeah that right, I find that many people in their late 20's or 30's already have children as well, might make it harder. Dating is difficult
Honestly, I have older sisters who are now in their 40s, they were teenagers in the 90s. Back then times were different. Cell phones were around but not everyone had one, and it wasn't a smart phone. It was those motorolla flip chunky flip phones. Mindset was different back then. Today, it just seems like women have followed a movement not caring about marriage or kids because some may look at that as oppression, some may look at that as not being ready or ever wanting them. But I know its influence with what is pushed out through media, books, magazines, etc. Animals have this innate nature to find someone, to find love, to have children, but now with human beings it's getting lost. People will say, that's different because animals don't have to pay for bills and etc. I just don't get why I also think if a girl grew up without a proper father, dated awful guys and has a bad influence of friends around her, she's not going to change. It takes a lot for someone to make amends with their parents, cut off toxic friends, believe in yourself and be happy with yourself. There are people who would rather be around toxic people than to be alone, that makes no sense to me. Peace of mind is invaluable, there is no price of having peace of mind.
I really agree with the last bit you wrote. I do not understand wanting to spend your time with toxic people, I would much rather be on my own. Which is also why I have no real advice in terms of dating, its a jungle out there, I can't personally be bothered, even though I would've loved the tradional family life
Well like I said I am in my 30s and I have 3 older sisters. Here's the thing, two are divorced and of the two, one of them has a child. I care about my niece but she's already turning 13 next year, time flies. All 3 of my sisters have good jobs but I'm the only guy in the house. I do my own laundry, I cook as well, I clean up after myself. At my age now I'm getting tired of living with my parents. Because my older sister can be messy and not care but will nit pick things in life. But mom and sisters will be on my ass about shit. Its just abrasive behaviour and I can't tolerate it anymore, I've kind of been that punching bag for my sisters to act rude with me. God knows i've helped out my mom. Even where I live now it's annoying to commute to go to school or work or do other things. I have lived by myself for a year and half on residence. Time is precious and no one gets it back. My take as a guy is that girls nowadays don't think about the future. It usually involves how much money to make and where to go next for vacation with the girls. My guy friends are slowly getting married and we don't take the same way as we used to. If I messaged my guy friends right now and said, hey lets watch a basketball game before Christmas, my guy friends will say can't, they have other commitments and thats life, which I understand. But in 2023, yeah I need to move out and have my own place. I know even with my sisters it gets annoyed being around them because they talk about such mundane things, meanwhile I care about important things like world issues, they don't really.
Ok you said what you do... what do you look like... woman want an attractive guy... they want him to be kind, loving, loyal, faithful etc and handsome