Search Results: hurt by my ex

I'm hurting right now and very upset. My suspicious were confirmed just 2 days ago when my husband left his FB messenger open. It was messages between him and my SIL (sister-in-law). He admitted to her that he always loved his ex girlfriend Olivia from his much younger years. They met as 9 year-olds playmates, then dated for a short time in their Sophomore year of HS, she broke up the next year and met someone else.

The woman is married but still has him on his FB contact list as friends. He admitted to my SIL that he still loves her more than me. He loves me but I'm not really his first option. He would've wanted to have kids with her. He also said it was true what he once told me while drunk when we were just dating. Then this was the hurting part for me, the SIL asked if he would leave me if Olivia were to get divorced now and she reciprocated his feelings and he reply was a ''Yes, unfortunately I would leave (my name) but that'll never happen. I have to accept being in Olivia's forever friendzone''.

Flashback to the time we were just boyfriend and girlfriend:

We were drinking and while making love, he called me by her name. He literally said ''Oh Olivia, I love you... yeah''. Then tried to fix it right away when I got upset immediately. He called it a stupid drunken mistake and how we would never get drunk like that ever again and even reconfirmed me a bunch of times that he got over her already. I stupidly believed him.

Is this fair? We have a 7 year-old son and he's still obsessing over her? He never got over her and just got with me as second best.

Me and my ex [D] started as friends, met in person, and then "dated" for a while. Like I met his family and we had sex but to me it felt like a friendship. I loved him, but I don't think I was truly in love. And I don't know if he was either.

He dumped me and I agreed with him dispite initial argument and hurt. I was hurt to lose him but quickly found he meant it by being friends, which has never happened before. We've hung out and I feel okay. I've talked to his friend [P] who became my friend.

D and P and I have hung out once so far but all talk fairly often. I admittedly talk to P a lot more lately and I know I'm developing feelings. I have no intentions for at least 4-6 months to even try anything I just want to build a better friendship. Am I a bitch for how I feel?