How much should I trust my ex?

[Anonymous]

So months ago my ex broke up with me and didn't tell me about it. I basically had to find out through friends/figuring it out. Our relationship was rocky on both sides. I was clingy and he had trouble opening up to me. Our communication really wasn't the best. We were also opposites. I was shy and introverted and he was outgoing and very extroverted.

Because of this, he was always partying and hanging out with other people. I grew jealous because he spent more time with others than me. Even people he knew for less time than me. Granted he's a very busy person with multiple jobs but our time together began to shrink. Things eventually just fizzled out.

Recently I've been told by mutual friends and his family that he still loves me. That I should give him another chance. He also hasn't had a relationship (or serious one at least) since we have been apart. His circle has been very supportive and encouraging to me. They seem to really care about our relationship.

We've been talking again and it has gotten emotional. And he's gotten a bit better about checking up on me while we're apart. I'm a bit better about being ok with his socializing.

Yet part of me is still a little hurt and nervous. At the same time though, I realize that if he wanted to be with those other people, he would be. Because despite all our time apart, he never got serious with anyone. And I wasn't exactly a saint at the time either. I also really do love him.

So are my fears baseless and should be dropped? Or should I stay cautious about him? Sorry for the long post and thank you for your answers!

[Zally]

First, friend and family input on your relationships or potential relationships shouldn't matter at all, if they like it so much they should just go ahead and date him, don't date him for someone else.

Second, work I can understand keeping someone busy but someone's actions show what thier priorities are, if they let it fizzle out then that's something that shows. People that are interested will make time, that phrase gets said a lot but it is indeed the truth. You'll realize that when someone makes the time for you.

And third, I'm hearing a lot about them and not a lot about you, you are your number 1 priority, period. No one should be more important than yourself and it sounds like you're happy if they're happy, what if I told you that relationships that are healthy consist of both parties getting to be happy? I could be wrong about this third one but the fact that you're hesitant means you aren't sure, and I'm willing to bet you would like a better relationship than what I'm reading.

You should focus on you. Some things aren't meant to be and life isn't all that long

(Entirely my opinion)

[Static_In_The_Attic]

It’s like trusting a shark to supervise children in a swimming pool!

[cnj421]

I had mutual friends telling me that my ex still loved me and missed me and felt bad, etc. I even started talking to him again because of it. But just because he felt that way didn’t mean he wanted to be with me. In fact he had started seeing someone else and even our mutual friends tried to say she was nothing. Three years later they’re still together. I tell you this to say that what other people say doesn’t matter. What matters is what you and him say and how you feel. Your feelings are valid for not trusting him. I would feel that way too. It would require a lot of work (both individually and together) and honest communication to get back together especially since the relationship itself seemed rocky to begin with. I would trust your gut on this one. And don’t commit to getting back together unless you can really truly start fresh with him and choose to trust him. Most of the time people can’t do that.

[Amy10223]

Why would you be concerned about whether or not to trust your ex, if he is your ex? This is confusing.
Your ex will be your ex, unless he comes to you and asks you for forgiveness, or asks to see you again. However, being he broke up and didn’t tell you, he might now be going out with you again because his actions will be the same, not communicating with you.
If I were you, I’d ask him directly— what is your position with him and how do the two of you stand? Are you a couple again? He needs to be more clear.

[Camomila2]

General advice on going back to an ex is that you miss the opportunity to meet other people. People that can give you what you deserve without you asking. But also if your ex wants you back, he should be the one telling you that. Not other people. If he's serious he should make it known to you. I would also add that maybe this is the time that you work on yourself, you said you were clingy. This isn't exactly healthy and perhaps you'd like to take this time to work on yourself. If he really is serious about you and doesn't want to lose you, he would wait for you. I wouldn't get into any relationship before not working on myself and any issues I noticed while being in a relationship.

[HaleyCatgirl]

I think you're valid if somebody just leaves a relationship without saying any reason them doing it again is going to be in the back of your mind and it's not healthy for you and you're going to be stressed out over it

[whistlingwh0res]

Men are dog and women are cat. Cats are naturally suspicious

[WhitneySnow]

Give him another chance