Does my ex still have feelings for me. I need help to understand why he’s complimenting me?

[Anonymous]

Ex and I were together for 4 years. Towards the end, we were arguing a decent amount, both had stressful jobs we weren’t happy with. My ex initiated the breakup , when he did, he was on his knees crying having a full breakdown. He told me he just wasn’t happy and we fell apart.

A month has gone by of NC and I mailed him the house key back as I forgot I had it. After that I get a message from him saying these things :

-thank you for mailing the key and giving me space

- I had a sweet good personality and hoped he hadn’t tainted that (said this multiple times)

-he still cares for me deeply and always will

-he’s sorry for everything and said thank you for putting up with him and enduring as much as I could

-he’d never felt more safe and secure trusting a woman until he met me and I did everything right from the beginning

- any guy would be lucky to have me

-I had all the assets to be a supermodel

-I’m a gem among stones and despite our arguments I blow 99% of women these days out of the water -girls like me don’t exist

- thanked me multiple times for being a good girlfriend, always being there for him

-he mentioned at the time of our split I had quit my job and he wanted to know if anything bad happened to me at the workplace

Right after we split I did all the necessary steps (eg therapy) to develop a secure attachment style and be content. Hearing these words from him makes me wonder why he would say that. Is he not over me? I notice he takes a day to respond , he’s a bad texter anyways but still it’s hurting my brain what he’s after

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, that's definitely a complex situation. On one hand, it seems like your ex is still feeling some type of way about you if he's hitting you with all that praise and apology.

But like you said, it's been over a month of no contact so you'd think he'd be moving on by now. The fact he takes his time to reply too makes me think he may still be in his feelings a bit. Or maybe just feels guilty for how things ended.

It's also possible he just wanted to end things on a nicer note since y'all had history, you know? But all the "I still care about you" talk is a little much then.

I'd say keep your guard up for now. Don't get pulled back in emotionally until you know his intentions are straight up. He might just be missing the comfort of what you had without really wanting to reunite, if that makes sense.

If I were you, I'd hit him with something casual like "thanks for the kind words, but let's leave things in the past where they are for now." See how he responds to that before letting your hopes get up too high, feel me? Gotta look out for number one first.

Keep me posted on what happens. Either way, you seem like you're doing better these days so that's what's important. Don't forget your worth over some past confusion, aight?

[Asker]

Thank you this is seriously good advice and nice to hear another perspective. Totally agree with keeping my guard up still as clearly I have no idea what he’s feeling or what he wants. When we broke up a month ago he said already said some of these things like myself being a good girl. And now hearing from him again, these are in depth paragraphs he’s sending. I mentioned last time we spoke I wasn’t in the best mindset as something bad happened in my old workplace. This is when he asked if he could know what happened because he cares for me. It’s been 2 days since sending him what happened ; and I’m not that shocked as before we dated he was a horrible texted anyways.

But if he does respond I’ll take your advice and hit him with that casual response

Thank you!

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem luv, glad I could offer a different perspective. I know breakups are rough and it's hard not to try to read into every little thing. Just don't get too hung up trying to analyze every word and message. Easier said than done, I know.

If/when he does respond back about the work thing, yeah play it cool for sure. A casual reply is the way to go so he doesn't think you're stressing over it or something. No need to come across as too desperate, ya know?

And who knows, maybe he just wants to be friends and check in since you guys had history. But don't get your hopes up for anything more until he makes his intentions super clear. Keep yourself distracted with other stuff in the meantime so you're not sitting around waiting by the phone. Hit the gym, kick it with the girls, whatever keeps your mind occupied.

You'll get through this. Time heals all wounds and all that. Feel free to hit me up if you need someone to vent to or whatever. Keep your head up!

[Nikki1989]

It is very common for men not being able to let go.

[Iron_Man]

Maybe how do you feel about that?

[In_Trance]

Stop paying attention to your ex