Why does my boyfriend always stare at his ex?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend broke up with his ex 7 months ago, and we have been dating for a month now. Something has been bothering me a lot. We live in the same town, but she goes to a different school, but she lives in the same apartment complex that he does. Anyway, he always tells me how beautiful I am, and he's always commenting on my pics on Facebook; he always has his hand in my back pocket when we're at school around his friends, and he comes over to my house almost everyday after school and we text a lot. She and I are really nothing alike. I'm really thin and she's really overweight. She has a really pretty face, but he has always dated girls who were thin like me, so I really don't know what he saw in her in the first place...I don't mean to come across rude, but she just doesn't fit the type of girl he has always gone for. Here's what I don't understand. Anytime she is anywhere near us he is always staring at her. He will even purposely lag behind sometimes to try to say hello to her. She doesn't seem to still be interested in him. From what I know he doesn't text her or anything, but I've had people tell me that he will go over and try to talk to her when he sees her by her apartment. All of that bothers me, and makes me mad. I got so mad that we left a ballgame because he kept looking at her so much, even though he tried to make it not look obvious. But even all of that isn't what bothers me the most. Like I said earlier, he's always affectionate towards me at school and around his friends, but if she's around, he won't hold my hand or anything...he won't even hardly walk right next to me and he certainly won't touch me. What's up with that? I've been wondering lately if he still has feelings for her. I know one of the reasons that they broke up was because he wanted a physical relationship and she wanted to wait. Is it possible that he's only dating me because we have sex? Does he really like me? I mean if he liked her all that much wouldn't he just break up with me and go back to her? I need someone to help me understand what's going on. He swears that he doesn't have feelings for her anymore, but how can I be sure?

[Anonymous]

I would love to hear what happened to this relationship if you come across this again at some point.

In regards to your “she isn’t his type” I can say that doesn’t matter, My ex husband typically went for the opposite of me however I am the one he married and I know he would prefer me vs his current partner if I allowed it though I have strong boundaries and he lost my respect so no way, like a lot of people that lack self awareness he is co-dependant. The type to need a relationship to feel secure. In fact my last ex also stares at me and I have reason to believe he is only with his current partner for same reasons, you described our situation exactly hence why I am curious. I am more his type though as I am more like his ex-wife than the girl he’s settling with, Unfortunately for men they realise too late they lost a real one and they then look back for ego reasons so when women like me withdraw from knowing our value, the insecure long for that validation again. It’s quite amusing to watch. I have another guy showing interest and I am not his usual type either though honestly I know my confidence and lack of validation need from anyone is what brings men to their knees. It’s my choice who I end up with and if the ladies man currently interested keeps giving me the “eyes on the prize” attention he gives me then he could win though I’m taking my time because a man needs to learn how you want to be treated if he really wants you he will keep trying as long as you reciprocate as a reward lmfao all that takes time to learn his intention or build enough rapport to just ask because all humans are insecure, it’s best to “play the game” with assessing each other before giving up the goods. none of my exes were right for me and no one needed to be hurt had we played the long game as I am doing now, this one could be as our values appear to be in sync and we get each other despite the limited actual being together, we first locked eyes 4 months ago. He is consistently showing up for me if I throw a bone, I have been with enough men to know women hold the power. My sisters partner was a player before meeting her and from knowing him and many males they are usually the most insecure that’s how they ended up that way as a self protection mechanism. I should know as I’m a female version, I am close to males who play specifically because they have personal plans to travel not settle so I know that being a mate but the girls they hook are not hearing the reality unfortunately this is why so many girls get hurt they are wired to the fantasy of a partner not always considering if he is the right one. I wouldn’t even be interested in the current guy if he hadn’t shown up all eyes on me so I also know I was okay before him and I can be again as I have been happier on my own more than in relationships due to the neediness most men show, that’s why it’s in my court, I just let him think it’s all his doing ;)

[Anonymous]

I can def relate to this...I have an ex-boyfriend who only was dating me because we had sex, deep down he had feelings for his ex-girlfriend..since she payed no mind to him, he moved on to another girl, while being with me. So we broke up.

You should comfront him about it. Ask him what you just said, "he's only dating me because we have sex? Does he really like me?" see what he said & be more confident too. he has to spill the soup, I mean there has to be a reasone he stares at her so much.

[SlugLord]

From your depiction he has feeling for her. Forget the comparison between you and her.

There is something more going on than you know if he won't show you affection in her presence.

It doesn't matter what he says, his actions are what's important. You seem smart enough to figure this out and put it in words.

Drop this guy he's using you, he has something going on with his ex.

Your better than both of them and you know it's not alright to use people.

[StringofFate]

+1, maybe not even using you, just a puppy dog. Little young in his relationships, still in love with the ex but is afraid to be alone/ doesn't know how to verbalize or even understand his feelings