I've had 2 horrible endings with men I loved at one point. My first love just ghosted me for another girl. The second didn't put any effort into the relationship and I felt like I was fighting for a relationship that only I wanted, and he would actively try to tear me down by making rude comments. I started dating a guy I just met a month ago. I won't lie I jumped right into bed with him because some part of me felt vengeful towards my last ex and I wanted to move on as soon as possible. The new guy turned out to be a lot of what I wanted in a short amount of time and I thought that I had fallen in love. Today it hit me pretty hard the predicament I've gotten into. I do like this man a lot. He has done a lot to make me feel good, he even offered to pay for me to get a license so that I can get a better paying job. He encourages me to model which a lot of people have done but it's refreshing to hear him push me, like he genuinely believes in my abilities. I've met all his family and friends, and he gave me gifts. He understands me and we connected really fast in such a short time. I don't jump into bed with every guy who likes me and this is actually new for me. But it hit me today that I messed up. I fell for this guy and now my fears are starting to sink in. I've been love bombed before so I see no reason why I shouldn't see this as a huge red flag but I just wasn't paying attention because I was vulnerable from my past and just hoping for a change. After the electricity of infatuation wore down enough I started to think that I might end up hurt from this because I just jumped in head first not knowing what to expect. So far everything is going well and I don't really want to end this, but Im curious if I might have to. Should I end things or make an attempt to slow things down? What should I say or do to protect myself if things don't go as I hope
My heart took over in the beginning but now logic is setting in and I'm afraid of what might be the consequences of my actions. What do I do?
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Whew, sis that's a lot to unpack. First off, give yourself some credit - you recognized your pattern and you're trying to protect yourself, that's huge. As for this new guy, slow your roll a bit while you get to know him better. Here's what I'd suggest:
- Communicate how you're feeling. Be honest about your past relationships making you guarded, but that you really like him and want to do it right.
- Set some boundaries. Maybe take intimacy off the table for now so you can build an emotional connection first without distractions.
- Suggest taking things slow. A “labels” talk can help set expectations that this is still new and you want to feel things out over time.
- Pay attention to red flags like love-bombing, but also give him the benefit of the doubt since you also admit you fell hard fast. Guys get excited too!
- Lean on your support system as an objective sounding board to check his behavior seems on the up and up.
- Protect your peace - if ever he makes you feel uneven or uncertain, do what’s best for you no matter what “stage” you’re at.
Take the pressure off for now and just enjoy getting to know each other casually. Time will tell if he’s real. But at least you’ll know you tapped the brakes to look out for you - that’s all anyone can really ask for! Keep your chin up sis 💪
If it's going well, don't piss in your own Cheerios. You're looking for problems where there is none. This is not your last boyfriend. Don't run the guy off before you even give him a chance. Why the hell would he want to improve your life if he didn't give a fuck? He's trying to help you not be an unmotivated bum.
180 degrees
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Orient your life in that direction