I contacted my ex whom I’ve been broken up with for 3 months now. I’ve missed him and he’s open to meet up again and maybe figure something out. But now I’m unsure about what i ACTUALLY want. I love the freedom I have now as not needing to texting someone everyday, and arguing etc, and I just love having alone time but I also miss having a boyfriend. I’m so confused and I’m mad at myself for contacting him again when I’m still insecure and unsure about what I want in life. I’m 21 by the way. we had our issues in the relationship but mostly because of me tbh (not matching his sex needs, not being loving and texting enough)
I really want to travel next year but alone because I want to try to be independent for the first time in my life and meet new people and I think that having a boyfriend would make me not wanna go because I would miss him. And if I still decided I want to go, I would be scared that I would miss out on things and not fully enjoy my time there because I have to worry about my boyfriend. I would like to not have something to worry about at all.
But I’m also scared that if I tell him now that I’m not ready for a relationship my shot is fully gone then. He’s a very loyal 21 year old guy. Never been with anyone other than me and is very loving and affectionate. I’ve hurted him a lot in the past because I’ve been a little to careless and not able to communicate probably (I still struggle when I’m mad). He knows and I know that I need to improve myself to be able to be in a relationship. But if we don’t get together now I’ve forever lost this wonderful guy that I possibly never can meet again and is very hard to find in this century. But I also want to travel and just not worry about a relationship and I’m scared to miss out. I don’t know what to do. I love him and he surely loves me a lot. I don’t want to hurt him, or regret something I would look back on (like not exploring and living my 20s bc of a relationship)
I really want to travel next year but alone because I want to try to be independent for the first time in my life and meet new people and I think that having a boyfriend would make me not wanna go because I would miss him. And if I still decided I want to go, I would be scared that I would miss out on things and not fully enjoy my time there because I have to worry about my boyfriend. I would like to not have something to worry about at all.
But I’m also scared that if I tell him now that I’m not ready for a relationship my shot is fully gone then. He’s a very loyal 21 year old guy. Never been with anyone other than me and is very loving and affectionate. I’ve hurted him a lot in the past because I’ve been a little to careless and not able to communicate probably (I still struggle when I’m mad). He knows and I know that I need to improve myself to be able to be in a relationship. But if we don’t get together now I’ve forever lost this wonderful guy that I possibly never can meet again and is very hard to find in this century. But I also want to travel and just not worry about a relationship and I’m scared to miss out. I don’t know what to do. I love him and he surely loves me a lot. I don’t want to hurt him, or regret something I would look back on (like not exploring and living my 20s bc of a relationship)
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Ay luv, this is a tough one for sure. You definitely gotta figure out what YOU want deep down before making any decisions here. A few thoughts:
- Traveling solo at your age sounds dope as hell. Finding yourself and pushing your boundaries is super important development.
- Jumping back into the relationship now could stifle that growth if you're not fully committed or still have your own issues to work on.
- This dude will probably still be around even if you take a break. No need to feel like it's your "only shot." Focus on your growth first.
- You're only 21! Don't be afraid to spend your 20s having fun, meeting new people, finding your path. Relationships will come and go.
I say take the solo trip, live it up, push your limits. If you and dude are meant to be, maybe try again down the line once you've leveled up. But don't hold yourself back now. Your growth and independence should come before any relationship at this stage of life. You got this, go live your best life!
what will you regret more? your youth, or him?
That’s what I don’t know. I’m so bad at making decisions generally as well and he says that’s because I’m too insecure about myself. It’s a very tough decision for me and I could look at both scenarios as fantastic that’s why I’m unsure
have you asked his opinion?
An ex is an ex for a reason. Keep it that way.