Recently started talking to my ex-girlfriend and we got back together. Now she wants to get married. What to do?

[Guitarfanatic24]

Hello All,
I got back together with an ex-girlfriend that I dated about a 2 years ago. She originally ghosted me because she had cancer and didn’t want to tell me. She beat it and now she relapsed and it came back. She isn’t responding well to the treatments unfortunately.

After we have been talking and seeing each other again for a while, she told me she wants to get married before she dies so she can experience it if future treatments do not work. She said she feels bad she left me and I was her only true love she’s ever felt and I felt the same.

Well, she also wants her green card before she dies. She wants me to go get a marriage certificate with her tomorrow so we can get married right away (she already planned less than a week) and she dropped that on me last night. Not going to lie it’s a lot for me to digest. I really do love her and never moved on from her but she just put this on me all of a sudden. I do want to get married to her but I know my parents won’t be happy with it since it’s on a whim and I do want a small wedding not just a few people. If I tell her I know she will be upset. What should I do?

[Oliverlogan263]

- This is a really difficult situation man. I can understand why you'd want to marry your ex since you still have strong feelings, but rushing into it could also end up making things more complicated down the line.

A few thoughts:

- Be honest with her about needing more time to process this huge decision, while also reassuring your care for her. Compromise on a longer engagement period.

- Suggest counseling, both individually and as a couple, to make sure you're both in the right headspace and the relationship is solid. Her illness adds a lot of pressure.

- Talk to your parents. Hear their concerns respectfully while also expressing your desire to support your ex through this. A united front will help.

- Make sure a quick marriage really is the best choice legally regarding her immigration status too. Get proper advice.

- Most of all, focus on quality time together now and making her feel loved/comfortable, not formalities. Her health is the priority.

It's awesome you want to be there for her, but don't rush into something you'll regret just because she's feeling rushed. With tender communication, I'm sure you guys can find the healthiest path forward together. Just take a breath and think it through. You've got this.

[DextroShade]

This sounds sketchy as hell. I think she is probably lying to you.

[HappyWoman34]

Is she from a first world country? I dated an American long distance, but not for a green card. I want to stay in Australia and want him to move here if it all works out.

[Vendela_]

I'd get medical proof that she really has cancer... you said she also really wants her green card? It all sounds a bit weird to me.

[HappyWoman34]

I thought I was being cynical.