Society & Politics

Seek to Understand Rather Than Be "Right"


One thing I've really been realizing lately is how poorly so many of us communicate, including me. I feel like so many of us communicate with assumptions. We assume one is meaning something, so we become defensive, when often times he or she is meaning something completely different.


The biggest example I've seen of this in my life is my mom & I. We are so different and see the world so differently, we often misread what the other person is saying & that can lead to heated arguments. Both of us recently came across a tool that has helped already! It's time consuming, but it does help.


*Repeat back to the other person what you hear them saying in your own words*


Example:


Person 1: I don't want you doing that because you had problems with that in the past.


Person 2: Are you saying you think I have poor judgement & can't handle it?


Person 1: No, on the contrary your judgement is good, I'm just concerned for your wellbeing, that's all.


BOOM! Argument & hurt feelings avoided!


I've learned the biggest tool for effective communication is listening.


Here are 3 ways of effective listening that can calm down an argument before it even starts.


1. The disarming technique


You find some truth in what the other person is saying even if you feel like they're acting unreasonable or unfair.


2. Empathy


You paraphrase the other person's words & acknowledge how he or she is probably feeling.


Ex. "You're upset I ate the last cookie? I didn't know you were saving it. Gosh, that must be frustrating."


3. Inquiry


You ask gentle, probing questions to understand better what the other person is thinking & feeling.


Another thing that can really start an argument is using infitinive or accusatory statements "YOU ALWAYS do this" "YOU never do that." Instead, use "feel" statements.


Ex. "I feel hurt when you do that."


If you seek to understand before being understood, you will see your relationships bloom. I grew up in a more Italian household. Italians tend to interrupt, speak over each other, and talk a lot. I figured this was a healthy way to communicate, but it isn't! It's not about getting your point across, proving you're right, forcing someone to see the "truth," or blabbing the first thing that comes to mind. Communicating is about the other person.


Phew! I'm preaching to the choir here!


So become more curious, gain a thirst to understand others, seek to listen...you never know what you may learn!


Seek to Understand Rather Than Be

Seek to Understand Rather Than Be "Right"
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