The Desire to Be Understood vs. The Need to Understand

[LiaRaven]

We all want to be understood, to feel heard and validated. But just as important is the need to understand others. When we focus too much on expressing our own feelings, we miss the chance to truly connect with those around us.

If we only try to be understood, conversations can feel one-sided, and we might feel disconnected. But when we listen actively and try to understand others, we build stronger, more meaningful relationships.

Balance is key. Listening with empathy and sharing openly creates real connection. It’s about hearing each other’s feelings, not just waiting for your turn to talk. When both sides feel understood, trust and closeness grow.

[Valdemort]

What makes understanding difficult, is the context and associations built between symbols, index and their referent.
One individual can have an entirely different understanding of a certain situation, than another - because we are conditioned to relate someone's "reveal" to our own "listen" - to use the picture.
The crux is the fact that we have to base our understanding on things we are familiar with, which might never come close to reality- we can only imagine.
I think our empathic self will try its hardest to be understanding in a listeners-position, but there will always be those (or a more cynical self) that will downplay one's "reveal" because their own understanding of the situation is based on a very limited relation to what's referred to.
Even if nothing gets downplayed, the amount of times people will compare their own situation to another's only to dismiss the initial "reveal" of that person- happens incredibly often.
I think understanding is as important as communicating, if not more- but the difficult part in this is that no matter how hard you try, some things will never be entirely understood as they are hoped to be.

Thanks for reading my rant.

[Account]

No. I mean, I see nothing wrong with your post, in fact what you are saying is legit and it applies, but it is sort of triggering.
See, I am tired. My entire life I have been trying to understand and to get outside my own perspective in order to meet everyone all the way through, instead of halfway through.
I did that again and again and again. I almost molded myself in a way to adapt in a way that noone even knows the real me in order to give others comfort and to not confuse them. Even I don't have access to some inner parts of myself.
I can't keep doing it anymore. I just can't.

[LiaRaven]

It's exhausting
Thanks for sharing your experience🙂💜

[Account]

Thank you as well for making the post, hopefully some people see it and decide to do those steps in order for everyone to do the work. 💜💙😊

[LiaRaven]

You are welcome🙂

[Joshydavid25]

Very simple and easy to read Take Lia.. I absolutely agree.. I feel like many people today want to be understood but don't take the time to understand other people.. It's about "me me me".. We need to take the time to realize that other people are human beings too..

[LiaRaven]

A very nice answer Joshy, agree with you 🙂

[Joshydavid25]

Thank you Lia.. Of course.. 😎👉..

[LiaRaven]

🙂💜

[Joshydavid25]

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[Circushowcowboy]

Seems harder to understand for some than you’d expect. I do find when I make active efforts to let others know I’m really trying to understand their situation they tend to make the effort on their ends well

[LiaRaven]

That's right

[MisterWack]

Balance in knowing when its your turn to speak comes the balance to know when to give someone else the mic, always listen with compassion, kindness, warmth, and honest just as you’d want from others.

[LiaRaven]

Do your daily problems affect your ability to listen to others?

[MisterWack]

@liaraven Personally, no. I don’t even have that many problems or conflicts daily to begin with, maybe that plays a part in it. I don't know.
Why you ask?(just curious not being rude is all, typing doesn’t convey emotion and sometimes people think I’m sarcastic or something sorry if I came across like that)

[lorenzomichael]

Listen I understand that I’m always understood all the time, Plain and simple.

[LiaRaven]

Wow lol

[Tomisworthless]

Does not apply but good attempt, next UC agent please !

[LiaRaven]

Huh?

[Crazzyyworld]

Is that an asshole?

[LiaRaven]

Lmfaooooo🤣🤣🤣🤣

[LiaRaven]

I am trying to be serious here, but you GAGERS are dirty minds lol

[KrakenAttackin]

Female gibberish.

[LiaRaven]

You again, I like you still because I can feel how insecure you are💜

[KrakenAttackin]

That's your privilege.

[LiaRaven]

Ah, yes, my privilege of being able to see through people’s walls. It’s truly a gift

[DishLady]

@KrakenAttackin, only bc so many guys traditionally tend to clam up. But nowadays you’ll see the opposite issue — women who prefer privacy and men who “tell all” and gossip. The new gen is flipping the tables a bit.

@liaraven, perhaps don’t take comments on g@g so seriously or make so many public assumptions.

[LiaRaven]

@DishLady can you elaborate on that please

[KrakenAttackin]

@DishLady I don't see women preferring privacy at least Tik Thot is filled with women telling the most intimate details of their lives to anyone who clicks.

[DishLady]

Ah! @KrakenAttackin, that seems to be a generational failing. Some of us still prefer to reserve our sashaying time for one-on-ones with our fella. There’s a big difference between a woman and a lady. 😉

[KrakenAttackin]

@DishLady Agreed 💯. Unfortunately, the natural supply of ladies has hit an all time low.

[LiaRaven]

@KrakenAttackin
I see where you’re coming from, but I think it’s important to acknowledge that privacy and self-expression are personal choices, and they’re not one-size-fits-all. Some people—whether women or men—are more open, while others prefer to keep things close to the chest. It’s not necessarily about 'sharing everything,' but about respecting different ways of communicating.

@DishLady I get what you’re saying, and I agree that sometimes it's best not to take everything too seriously online. But I also think conversations like this can shed light on how perspectives shift across generations, and it's interesting to explore. Thanks for reminding me to keep things in perspective though!

[DishLady]

@KrakenAttackin 😲😥

[KrakenAttackin]

I agree they are personal choices, but there is a reason fathers and older brothers want to protect daughters and younger sisters from this attention whoring.

Your true power as a woman is in your true feminine. A truly feminine woman who is kind, faithful, respectful; will have the world laid at her feet. Men will fight each other for these women and she doesn't have to be a beauty queen.

When I see girls spending their virtue like a drunk sailer spends his pay, it frustrates me as I know she will pay dearly for this behavior in the future.

[GlowUpGirly5]

I dont have the desire to be understood lol