What's up with desperate people?
Now I know you should never generalize a group of people but you usually don't see happy, fulfilled, life-loving people running after the opposite sex not reading cues, constantly texting them and guilt tripping them to stay part of their lives.
I've dealt with a couple of desperate guys myself who made me feel very worthless and bad about myself since the only thing they would see in me would be a female talking to them. I felt absolutely replaceable and objectified.
They would even tell me how sweet I am again and again over text before we even got to hang out. Couldn't even be bothered to get to know me in real life first before trying to pin me down with their compliments. And yes, I'm aware that that was manipulation trying to make me stay flattered enough to wanna keep talking to them. What they were really trying to say is:
You're so sweet because you're a female talking to me. I never get any texts from other girls, so thank you!
And most of the times they would even state that I'm the only girl replying to their texts, shucks! Never do that, guys and girls.
Present yourself like the hot commodity that you are. Leave no room for insecurities of past experiences or lack thereof.
I think it's important for everyone to have standards and rational thinking when it comes to meeting new people we'd consider dating. It's a form of self respect. Rather than saying something along the lines of
Tonight was amazing, I can totally see myself with you. You free tomorrow?
You should totally wait and get to know them A LOT better before being sold on them like that. Because you're a person with standards. You know your worth, you got things you know you're looking for in a person and things that would be total deal breakers for you.
Desperate people, even if you're not getting around with the ladies or guys that much, hold your horses. Not only is that kind of behavior making you seem, well, surprise, desperate but it also makes them feel like you're not appreciating them as a person since you're already so sold on them. They'll notice you're solely into the attention of the opposite sex since you're apparently rarely getting any. Because if you knew you have your options you would wait and observe their behavior on possible follow-up dates.
Also, most importantly, don't show them you're constantly thinking of them by texting them all the time and replying immediately. Keep living your life, make it an exciting one even without a partner. Mute the chat and refrain from replying too soon if not absolutely necessary due to the nature of the text.
Showing interest is toning it down, a lot.
When it comes to just showing them you're interested, that's fairly simple. Act mature, not excited or over the top. Be attentive and have a balanced conversation on the first date and read their cues. Adapt to how much they're willing to bring up topics and how much they're willing to share.
(If you want me to write a separate mytake about reading your date's cues let me know.)
Show them you're feeling comfortable, yet keep a healthy distance, level headedness and reservedness as well as balance in your behavior and show them you're interested in learning more about them.
I mean, let's face it, if you have all the right traits and an ideal personality naturally, then absolutely be yourself. I know I don't got them naturally so I had to consciously train myself to change and adapt my behavior in social settings. Which I'm much happier with though. That's why I can't whole-heartedly jump on the 'always be yourself' wagon. (Seperate mytake? ;))
Back to your post-successful date:
Ask them out on a second date via text but you don't have to follow up with it too soon, you can schedule it for within the next two weeks since you two SHOULD be having busy lives and a lot going for you ideally.
Obviously if you can't meet up that soon due to circumstances you can also schedule the second date for later. But make sure to observe their behavior to see if they ACTUALLY wanna see you again and are not making stuff up in order to avoid having to see you again. Go with your gut on this one. Because if they do, let them go and don't bother them with your texts. (If their replies are getting short, scarce, unenthusiastic or nonexistent it's time for you to move on.) But NO DRAMA PLEASE. Texting or agreeing to a date, baring your soul or spending the night does NOT mean the person is obligated to keep you in their life afterward.
Other than that, if you wanna keep the connection running an occasional 'how are you' and some smalltalk is fine too, but avoid texting them every day or on a schedule. If you don't actually happen to have a lot going for you due to circumstances, still resist the urge to be overbearing and give them some space.
If you think about it, you too would surely choose someone who's interested over someone who's desperate, right?
Thanks for reading! These are just my two cents, looking forward to hearing what you guys think about the topic since I know dating games/rules are more of a chore to most nowadays. Yet I couldn't live without them to be honest. They can show you what kind of a person you got standing in front of you early on. :)