The Difference Between Being Desperate And Being Interested

What's up with desperate people?

Now I know you should never generalize a group of people but you usually don't see happy, fulfilled, life-loving people running after the opposite sex not reading cues, constantly texting them and guilt tripping them to stay part of their lives.

The Difference Between Being Desperate And Being Interested

I've dealt with a couple of desperate guys myself who made me feel very worthless and bad about myself since the only thing they would see in me would be a female talking to them. I felt absolutely replaceable and objectified.

They would even tell me how sweet I am again and again over text before we even got to hang out. Couldn't even be bothered to get to know me in real life first before trying to pin me down with their compliments. And yes, I'm aware that that was manipulation trying to make me stay flattered enough to wanna keep talking to them. What they were really trying to say is:

You're so sweet because you're a female talking to me. I never get any texts from other girls, so thank you!

And most of the times they would even state that I'm the only girl replying to their texts, shucks! Never do that, guys and girls.

Present yourself like the hot commodity that you are. Leave no room for insecurities of past experiences or lack thereof.

I think it's important for everyone to have standards and rational thinking when it comes to meeting new people we'd consider dating. It's a form of self respect. Rather than saying something along the lines of

Tonight was amazing, I can totally see myself with you. You free tomorrow?

You should totally wait and get to know them A LOT better before being sold on them like that. Because you're a person with standards. You know your worth, you got things you know you're looking for in a person and things that would be total deal breakers for you.

Desperate people, even if you're not getting around with the ladies or guys that much, hold your horses. Not only is that kind of behavior making you seem, well, surprise, desperate but it also makes them feel like you're not appreciating them as a person since you're already so sold on them. They'll notice you're solely into the attention of the opposite sex since you're apparently rarely getting any. Because if you knew you have your options you would wait and observe their behavior on possible follow-up dates.

Also, most importantly, don't show them you're constantly thinking of them by texting them all the time and replying immediately. Keep living your life, make it an exciting one even without a partner. Mute the chat and refrain from replying too soon if not absolutely necessary due to the nature of the text.

The Difference Between Being Desperate And Being Interested

Showing interest is toning it down, a lot.

When it comes to just showing them you're interested, that's fairly simple. Act mature, not excited or over the top. Be attentive and have a balanced conversation on the first date and read their cues. Adapt to how much they're willing to bring up topics and how much they're willing to share.

(If you want me to write a separate mytake about reading your date's cues let me know.)

Show them you're feeling comfortable, yet keep a healthy distance, level headedness and reservedness as well as balance in your behavior and show them you're interested in learning more about them.

I mean, let's face it, if you have all the right traits and an ideal personality naturally, then absolutely be yourself. I know I don't got them naturally so I had to consciously train myself to change and adapt my behavior in social settings. Which I'm much happier with though. That's why I can't whole-heartedly jump on the 'always be yourself' wagon. (Seperate mytake? ;))

Back to your post-successful date:

Ask them out on a second date via text but you don't have to follow up with it too soon, you can schedule it for within the next two weeks since you two SHOULD be having busy lives and a lot going for you ideally.

Obviously if you can't meet up that soon due to circumstances you can also schedule the second date for later. But make sure to observe their behavior to see if they ACTUALLY wanna see you again and are not making stuff up in order to avoid having to see you again. Go with your gut on this one. Because if they do, let them go and don't bother them with your texts. (If their replies are getting short, scarce, unenthusiastic or nonexistent it's time for you to move on.) But NO DRAMA PLEASE. Texting or agreeing to a date, baring your soul or spending the night does NOT mean the person is obligated to keep you in their life afterward.

Other than that, if you wanna keep the connection running an occasional 'how are you' and some smalltalk is fine too, but avoid texting them every day or on a schedule. If you don't actually happen to have a lot going for you due to circumstances, still resist the urge to be overbearing and give them some space.

If you think about it, you too would surely choose someone who's interested over someone who's desperate, right?

Thanks for reading! These are just my two cents, looking forward to hearing what you guys think about the topic since I know dating games/rules are more of a chore to most nowadays. Yet I couldn't live without them to be honest. They can show you what kind of a person you got standing in front of you early on. :)


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Most Helpful Guys

  • I have trouble answering this because I never express interest openly in any way even if I am. It is a fine line though that must be gingerly walked if you are to develop a mutual interest. It really is like putting a hook in the water with the rite-right bait. I usually manipulate her into making the move purely by body language. If I sense her language is speaking to me I will tend to mimic some of those signals back and see if it escalates. Some will make the move and then some will require not much at all. But with either, her body language has to be there first.

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    • You mean like you discreetly flirt with a woman you try to get interested in you?

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    • But if you wait for her to make the first move of showing any interest then she might think you're not interested no?

    • Maybe but I would hope I could sense she is interested before that. A good hint would do also.

  • I wouldn't text the girl constantly but if I don't get any from other girls I would never make an effort to hide that fact, I always reply instantly if I am interested, and then do my own things. Also why would I hide the fact that I am excited for the date? what the fuck lol

    The guys that made you feel "absolutely replaceable and objectified", the guys you called desperate, could they just be unattractive to you... I know that disingenuous compliments are the worst, I would never do such thing, they are as bad as hiding your excitement for the date, in fact I hate any form of dishonesty

    "Tonight was amazing, I can totally see myself with you. You free tomorrow?"
    Thanks I'm gonna use this line from now on.

    "You're so sweet because you're a female talking to me. I never get any texts from other girls, so thank you!"
    I unironically texted my first girlfriend something like this in high school, we dated for 3 years after that.

    Rules to dating are nonsense to me because I have learned that they are distorted heavily by other forms of attraction so it's better to just be upfront and see if the other person truly find you attractive or they are just follow some rules written on dating forum

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    • Because I found it a turn off when a guy was like 'looking forward to our date' days in advance.

      Unfortunately, yes, all the guys that acted desperate towards me where guys society would deem unattractive.

      But even if he's attractive, if he comes across as desperate and doesn't really see me for me it kills all the attraction.

      Don't you wanna give her some time to prove herself to you and to make sure that she's not just putting on some type of act for you before you get all excited about wanting to keep her in your life?

      Thanks for your opinion, you do you. :)

    • Well I mean there are occasions where I could see myself marrying the girl after one date (lol) It does not typically happen, but when it does I think I would tone it down to "Tonight was amazing, I can totally see myself with you. You free tomorrow?" 😂 and I would never hide my excitement to find out whether my intuition about the girl is correct!

      All the time is still given to her, it's not like I'm proposing, also if for some reason I don't see myself with the girl for more than a few weeks. I'd let her know that precise reason too and see if we can work something out (maybe fwb)

Most Helpful Girls

  • I think people should just go after what they ent and life is too short to be trying to not act happy if you are happy or exciyed if you are excited... basically pretending to be other than you are wil land you with the wrong people, though they love you in the beginning. The right person for you will appreciate enthusiasm.

    I think separate is when someone says no not interested and you keep asking. Otherwise it’s all just communication and if they are not interested they should tell you bc no one likes wasting their tome.

    And in my opinion guys who are genuinely happy to be talking to me stand out way more than guys who act fashionably cool... that is annkyinga And boring and I feel like an appliance they are considering, it a human being who has touched their mind.

    Also it’s not true that happy people do not persue or miss signs. We have language for the very reason signs are not emough and if you can’t be bothered to say no, then I don’t think there’s much credibility in complaining. If any guy made you feel weird he and you are free to never see him.

    You can be happy and popular and many people after you get in love with one person who may be shy or quiet or genuinely not like you but can’t be bothered to say so.

    How about instead of ha hang everyone censor their passion for life- “PEOPLE IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED, TAKE TEN SECONDS TO SAY SO”

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    • I am
      So sorry for the many typos

      iPhone auto- incorrect 😐
      Seems you manged to decipher the meaning anyhow. Thank you for the MHO

      😊🙂

  • I have to agree texting every day is really annoying. That must be crazy hearing that from a chick huh? Every guy I've ever talked to has wanted to talk all day every day. I get that they are interested and want to know who I am but I can't text all the time. Texting that much gives me anxiety. It really stresses me out. I told this one guy i had an exam online for a class and I couldn't talk. So I put my phone down and he repeatedly texted me anyways, sending me like 20 messages ignoring the fact that I am doing something important and trying to force me to talk to him regardless. Like wtf? selfish and selfcentered... I've told guys I can't text them all the time and I need space and they got really angry. They say, "If you don't like me then just say it instead of leading me on." Or "I feel ignored, I need you to text me more." These guys couldn't go a day without texting. Clingy or desperate man...

    Taking your time is really important when you are getting to know someone. People usually just jump into the relationship before they know the person. Then when they are dating that person they realize there is more they don't like than like. Is taking it slow unheard of these days?

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    • Thanks for your insight :)
      I'm the same way, can't be bothered to text more than a couple times a week haha. But you go girl, it's our right to demand space!

      Also, yes! Taking it slow is so vital, it shows that you have your standards and self respect and have to first evaluate your level of compatibility.

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What Guys Said 18

  • I dunno, I tend to be sympathetic to a person who is desperate. I can understand that they want a happy relationship.

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    • Sure but you don't owe them. It's best to find happiness being single first in my opinion. :)

  • Hot damn, finally a woman stating what I have been saying.

    Stop being a chod and giving all of your value away! Loads of complements drop your value to the person you are interested in. Stop being predicable. Be something of challenge with a little bit of mystery.

    Finally. A woman spells it out.
    Thank you for the MyTake. Excellent.

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  • You should never be desperate! Find the guy or girl you’re compatible with. Take your time and find out if you are really right for each other!

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    • I found desperation in women about wanting to be married quickly, be supported and making babies. I had some older friends in college and then some women in my career chasing friends of mine. Many were admins or lower level corporate. The solid professional women had no desperation going on at all. Or they didn’t show it. The desperate ones wanted to be stay at home moms, and needed to find a guy to settle down with. They weren’t picky about which guy, as long as he was single and could marry and support her.

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    • My male friend avoided her and she found someone else.

  • Welp, I definitely come off as desperate as shit then, there's my problem.

    Too bad what I say is true & I genuinely want to see them/spend time with them & literally don't have any other female companions/interests.

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    • Do you feel like that kind of behavior is driving some of the girls away or is it working regardless?

    • I don't have any success, so there's your answer. I can't help it - I want them to know i'm interested, I want their attention etc.

  • It never pays to be desperate for a companion. You can make mistakes that cost you your life.
    Better be alone than in bad company, always.

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    • True. Important aspect. If you got no standards it's easy to get exploited.

  • Everyone wants love and sometimes even the smallest shred of affection displayed to them can make them feel like they need that persons affection <3 </3

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    • I understand but a stranger can't guarantee and doesn't owe you love. What if you try to find that love within yourself first though? :)

    • No-one owes you love, not even your parents or family, it's about giving and the kindness that you want to share.
      My way of looking at it is if you want to feel love and you know that feeling, if you know how great it feels to have that kind of feeling then why not give someone else that feeling as well?

      It has no price and has no down side to it so what is there that you can possibly lose or not gain from it? Granted you may not necessarily GAIN anything but you don't LOSE anything either so why not?

      And I totally agree, you should try to find the love in yourself as well and that is probably the hardest one to find <3

  • Once it starts looking like you are begging for attention from someone then you appear desperate but I don't think most men mean to do that, it just happens that way and it turns some women off.

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  • If someone's too trigger happy to play the victim, I call desperation. Being interested is a neutral thing. You ask them out, if yes great, if no - at least we got it out of the way etc, get back to what you were doing.

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  • when we date we have to see how we get on with each other and love and respect each other and work hard at keeping the relationship and friendship going and work things out and act like adults

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  • I'm kinda both of those things right now so...
    Nice Take tho!

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  • How do you prevent excitement from looking like desperation? lol

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    • My recommendation: try to stay level headed during the first stages of dating. The fact you're asking them out again will show them you're interested.

  • Desperation is rarely attractive.

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  • This was a well written take!

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  • Interesting myTake.

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  • Great take thanks

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  • you can't talk about this women are for the most part desperate

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    • Well I'm definitely not desperate lol. Also you'll find these characteristics in both men and women.

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    • HAHAHAHAH lol
      that's regular life

      you get money
      you buy nice things
      and girls notice

      that is not desperate lol

    • Well some guys are, good for you if you're not, but some are. So shouldn't you be in favor of my mytake then since I encourage people not to be desperate? ;)
      Peace out man ✌️

  • I don't want to hear anything to do with other guys. Hearing I'm the only guys she's talking to is not at all a negative.

    I don't understand this being "busy" stuff. I don't understand what people do with their time to be too busy to see someone unless you've got some ridiculous work requirements. But whatever.

    I'm not even busy, I just choose to space out the time I spend with someone because I like having a lot of space between whatever I'm doing and it's kind of annoying to think that girls have a problem with that. Honestly I don't think guys do. In my experience it's girls who need a guy to basically be too busy to see her much and guys don't care if you're busy or whatever, they just need to not be overwhelmed.

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  • God I'm dealing with this now. She constantly wants to be talking and hanging out. And she get's all pissy when I tell her I'm busy. It's like "um excuse you, I had a life long before your ass came along and I'm not throwing it away to spend every minute of my life to entertain you. How did you exist before I came along if you're this clingy?"

    Seriously though people need to get a life. Sorry that was my rant I'm literally going through this with a girl currently. I think I'm just gonna leave her. She's just pissing me off too much.

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What Girls Said 12

  • I am interested in many things then and none is desperate to me

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  • They 're aiming for fast results

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    • True. There definitely seems to be some lack of patience involved.

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    • Like what things?

      Also what would you say to a guy who claims he expresses his emotional bond with someone by getting touchy feely?

    • Your gut feelings will know... saying the right things to you

  • nice take!! i agree :P

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  • Nice take

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  • Nice take!

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  • Nice take 😊

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  • I'm not desperate, yet!

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  • That is good advice.

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  • Desperate people either know exactly what they want and try desperately to get it or would be fine with anything, there's usually no in between, I find that funny 😂
    I'm the first kind...

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    • How would someone be desperate though if they know what they want? You mean, since their efforts have been in vain they're desperate because they don't know what to do anymore?

    • Wanting what you want doesn't make you confident, if a homeless guy knows he really wants 100$ but can't get them, it could make him desperate enough to steal.
      Wanting one specific thing that they can't get could make them go to desperate extent to get it. I mean they've lost hope, they don't truly believe they can get that thing they want however, if we propose them something wether it be dumb or even dangerous to get that thing, they will still give it a shot because they're desperate enough.

    • I see, thanks for explaining :)

  • Definitely but the art of wooing is another conversation

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    • Sure thing. How would you describe the process of wooing?

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    • I don't know, whenever I meet a cool guy we're more on the same level, I don't know if I'd consider wooing me a necessity, personally speaking. I mean, I'm the one to initiate a date with them in the first place sometimes so I'm probably not expecting that from them 😅

    • sorry my bad, i misunderstood the term of wooing... I just checked the meaning, it has to do with courting!

  • Cool

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  • Nice take

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