In these times it's almost impossible for most of us not to be on social media. Few people succeed at it, but the majority of us are involved in some kind of social networking site. The down side to it is that many of us spend heavy amounts of time on social media, succumbing to that psychological need to check our alerts and see if we're missing anything.
I don't like to consider myself any kind of authority on something or an expert, but I would like to say that having been on various social sites over the years, having observed and learned a lot from those experiences, and being involved in the politics of site moderation (which is not pretty business like some people seem to think and aspire to on sites they frequent), I can share things I think will be beneficial to anyone who doesn't mind taking the time to learn a thing or two. So I want to tell you some ways on how you can make your time on social media more meaningful and worthwhile, expecially with others. It's our interaction and communication with other people online that drives us, in either good ways or bad, so here are some tips.
Avoid popular/well-liked people: To be fair, not all popular, likable people oline are bad, but it generally tends to be that the majority of them aren't really useful or are just toxic, and often they turn out to be sweet on the outside but are really awful. They often only care about you if you're helping them look better, secretly lead cliques, and will even have favor from the site moderators sometimes. All you'll ever be for them is an ego boost or even a target when you stand up to them. Keep in mind that you were not made to be a follower, and being one may not even be your intention but you find yourself doing it. Don't get caught up in the habit. You can be polite to them in questions, answers, or comments, but keep your words few.
We often times feel like we need those people to make us feel good, we think getting their approval and getting them to like us is important, we think, "Well, hey, if people like them and they've got such a huge base, then they must be great," or that if we hang with them we'll even be able to share a piece of the pie. But again, you were not made to be a follower. Forget how they appear or how great their following is. It isn't nearly as important as what you can achieve yourself on social media: your experience should be about what you can learn, what will build you up, and even what you can do for others.
Avoid people with lots of friends or followers: This is also much the same as above. One of the things that turns me off about a lot of people online is if they have big circles and followings. People like this are usually just trying to work their way up to popularity or have delusions of grandeur, and they are generally female, yes (here comes to "boooo!" Sorry, but it is true). These types don't really value you as important, and if you have a hard time getting them to reply to your messages because other people are blowing up their inbox, they're not really worth your time and attention. If they really want to be friends or communicate, they'll make sure they get to you. Otherwise cut 'em out.
Another issue is that some of the profiles in a person's vast circle are really fake multiples they create to get around site rules. Also, some of these people with lots of followers just use some of their followers to spy on you and act against you maliciously if they don't like you. They will recruit their followers to flag all your content or block you just because they hate you, and those that follow them are weak enough to let somebody else do the thinking for them.
I will note, however, that on Google+ - my main social media headquarters - I have over 500 followers, but almost never add anyone myself. I gave up adding other people unless I really find them interesting and worth talking to or if adding them is the only way I can send a message, and I make it clear to other people that they don't need to add me either. Sometimes I even ask why they do add me.
Be very observant: Social media is very uncertain territory. You can't really know what anyone's intentions are, and you can like someone a lot, just to later find out what a snake they are. Keep your distance and observe others' words and habits before deciding you think they're great. Whenever I see a user I think is halfway decent, I first put myself in check, then I will click on their profile and carefully comb through all their details and as much of their activity and history as possible. I want to learn and get a feel for them as much as I can to be sure they're really as decent as I might think before I decide to make contact with them. Of course, there have been times when I was sorely wrong about them, and that happens too. Observing others also lets you know what kinds of people surround you on a site.
Cut out people who don't want to hear what you have to say: It's common for folks to tune out what they don't want to hear, but don't waste your time trying to share what you think with people who are sure you don't know what you're talking about, even if you do think they could learn something. They've already decided that if it's not what they've experienced, they don't care to hear you out. I've even had a hard time with users like this, and when I find that we can't have a discussion because they don't think I'm worth the time if I don't see it their way, I cut them out as well.
I recently had to get honest with someone here on GaG and tell her personally that I didn't appreciate her acting that way. She didn't owe me any explanation, nor did I expect one, but because I'm the kind of person who tells people what I think when I need to, I told her what was on my mind. I wanted her to know. Needless to say she blocked me, which was fine, but I wanted her to know, and had already planned on cutting her out, so she did me a favor anyway.
For those about to block...we allow you: Some people take being blocked to a very serious level, and in some circumstances I truly can understand, especially when everything was cool before. Even I used to be bothered by it years back, until I realized how childish it is on the part of the other person. Some people try to defend blockers, but most people who block - again, mostly female - typically do it out of malice and having an attitude, mad because they don't like something you say. So if it helps them feel better about themselves or sleep better at night, by all means let them do it, and don't block back. Show them how much of a baby they're really being by not doing what they do.
I was blocked here on GaG by a British girl simply because I asked her why did it bother her that people didn't agree with feminism. I got a dramatic, overly defensive response, to which I replied was only a question. I was met with more defense, and in exhaustion told her I wasn't looking for any drama. And blocked. She was going to block me anyway, but was just waiting for the perfect moment.
Some users actually look for reasons to block you and block just anyone for any ol' reason, and if you hear from enough people that they were blocked by that person, you know you better not connect with them.
I personally never block people unless they begin aggressively assaulting me or trolling my activity just to attack. Otherwise, it's not worth it to me, even for people I may not like.
Don't get romantically involved with anybuddy: We're told over and over not to do it, and yet many of us have, until we find out the hard way. You cannot build a relationship through the Internet. While this really has worked for a very small few, the vast majority of us will not succeed at this and at worst, suffer a very terrible experience. I almost did. And others I know have too.
Sure, we sometimes meet people online who seem absolutely amazing. We like their photos, their names, the things we see them say, and the things they say to us. Until we find out they're either a complete fake, downright nuts, or actually juggling you around among others on their bed posts. And then some are all too eager to meet - let that make you cautious. Last year I met a girl on Google+ who wanted to hook up for sex, and was all too willing to drive all the way to my area (after she found out we live in the same state) just to do it if I said yes. Which I didn't. That eagerness made me pretty uncomfortable for me as a guy.
So please. Avoid the online relationship trap. Put your "feelings" in check. Without really knowing their intentions or behavior in real life, it's just not worth it. We're all too old to be told this.
It's good not to be too noticed: I've been on GaG for 5 years and most of you didn't even know it! That's because I limit my activity. And I'm not even trying to reach any high levels or status here, it's not important for me. If I get there, it's only because my Xper will add up that way, but it's not a concious effort.
Less exposure is really not a bad thing. In fact, let yourself enjoy some shadow time, there's less pressure and more freedom, with not having so many people to have to keep up with. When I was on Experience Project I was semi-popular, with loads of followers (most I didn't add back) and getting a full inbox with 8 to 10 messages a day at the height of my time there, especially when I became a site volunteer. After awhile though, it really burned me out. So don't see it as bad if you don't get a lot of activity or attention from people - embrace it. I'm not nearly as active here on GaG as I was on EP and yet I'm already eligible to be a moderator, and only at Xper Level 6! So it just goes to show you don't have to be super active to achieve anything. And, yes, I turned down the moderator offer.
What's important?
So ask yourself: what does it mean to you to be on social media? What are you looking for? Is it about jokes and goofing around? Is it about sex? Is it about relating to people? A lot of people say it's friends, but be careful about that. Some people say they're looking for release. I can sympathize with that, but don't release too often.
No doubt, I like to talk fresh with females from time to time, I like to trade fantasies and have even cybered before, even shared some steamy poems with hot ladies who were more excited about them than I was, and it can certainly be pretty enjoyable, but it's not my main thing. Social media involvement should ultimately be about what you can benefit from it positively, what you can really learn, and I don't just mean taking to heart anything or everything someone says but learning from your experiences online, what they will not only show you about others but also about yourself. It should also be about how you can be beneficial to others and what they can learn from you, and again I don't mean trying to reach out to a bunch of people giving out advice, thinking you can be some kind of expert, and then burning yourself out, but by just being you and saying what you think is helpful when you feel it's necessary to say.
Oddly enough in my time on social media through the years, I've had people show up in my inbox asking me what to do about such and such in relationships or even individual problems, and I've found myself wondering what made them want to ask me. Why did they think I had the answers. Because something I said in Q&A or in comment to a post made them think my words had merit, even though I wasn't trying to be any kind of know-it-all with the answers. I guess it was because I was sincere and being me without trying to be big and important.
So ask yourself, what really matters to you? What is the most important? And from here on, cut out the rest. Just think about it.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
0Opinion
Great article.
Informative. I love how you gave personal scenarios to make each point come alive.
Ha, thanks. I forgot to tell you I finally posted it up, lol. But you found it.
To make it your occupation! I was searching for something reliable and inspiring to work on. However I've come to the conclusion that you should separate the work and the hobby, for only the serious job will bring some good money. And here we go - the jokes fade away as we diversify the ways we work. I found my way - https://www.homeentrepreneur.com.au/ - something fresh and clean! :)