Society & Politics

Listen to Your Listener

Essentially for the whole of my life so far, I've been and used as a listener.



What this means is that I'm that person you go to so you have that chance to vent. Which is fine, I'm happy to let you unload your problems, I'm happy to take them on as mine for the small while that you want to ponder on them. I can offer my advice, or I can shut up and let you talk.


I am happy to do that for you.



Listen to Your Listener


Something people tend to forget about when they're venting though, is maybe that they've said this same thing fifty thousand times. Maybe that they've been going on about the same problem for ages now, yet done nothing to change it. Maybe they're putting their problems forward in such a way as to manipulate their listener into feeling like that problem is seriously theirs to fix.



I am sick of feeling like I'm expected to fix everyone else's problems.


I am sick of being made to feel bad because I'm not responding in the way I'm expected to.


I am sick of being made to feel like their problems are my fault.



But what I am especially sick of?


That I can listen to every Tom, Dick and Harry, but nobody gives a shit about what's wrong with me.


And when I do get the chance to talk? I get maybe five seconds before they're back talking about how they were grounded for sneaking out or getting drunk or something equally juvenile, while I'm having nightmares because my abusive stepmother is keeping my siblings away from me and making it very clear that I am far from welcome at what was once my home.



I am not above saying that my problems certainly qualify as worse than some of the problems I hear. And yes, I do want to smack a few heads in at times.


But I don't. Because I understand that need to vent over the smallest things.



That's why I'm a listener.



Not because I want to be. But because I feel obliged to listen. Because I understand.


Listen to Your Listener


Everynow and then though. I'm going to have enough.



I might just walk off while you're midsentence.


I might interrupt you, make some excuse, and wander off.


I might tell you outright to just stop talking.


I might tell you I don't want to know.



Yes, I'm going to be rude when I've had enough, but if you think about it. When was the last time you heard their issues? I mean, actually heard them out without interrupting, without butting in with your experience in the same area, without offering your opinion. When was the last time you really listend to your listener?



Are you the only person they listen to?


Do you think anyone else listens to your listener anymore than you do? Probably not.



Listen to Your Listener




All I'm saying, is give a little thought to your listener.



Because sometimes they have their own problems, and they might want to have their chance of ranting every once in a while.



So pay back the favour, be a listener, for your listener. You don't have to like it. You don't have to offer advice, or care. Just look interested, nod at the right moments, give a little input when asked for it, take in what they're saying.



Just let them have their moment so you can have yours again later.




(Also as a side note, if your listener offers you a piece of advice, and somebody backs them up, DO NOT turn around and exclaim that they really were telling the truth in a tone that says clearly that you did not believe them. Because that is a big, Fuck You to the only person who gives a shit about your issues.)

Listen to Your Listener
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