How to Let Go of Expectations

[ChromAzonyx108]

I was inspired to write this by @Stacyzee 's take on dating with no expectations. This take is more about the nature of expectation in general.

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First off, is it even possible to not expect? For example, if you travel somewhere you can expect the weather to be good or you can expect the opposite that the weather will not be good; that it will be bad that day. Both are expectations. However, if the weather was bad and you didn't expect it to be that way then that is still an expectation as you were expecting something to not happen; you had a preconceived idea of how things should have turned out. So, in general, you can expect something or you can not expect something but that not expecting is still a kind of expectation.

Is there a way to drop expectation altogether? Upon consideration, it is apparent that any form of expectation is focussed on the future; on what will or will not happen. Therefore, to drop expectation the mind has to be reeled back from the future to the present moment. When the mind is rooted in the present, then how can one expect? You can’t because there is nothing to expect; things are as they are. Then you can only evaluate things based on how they are, not how they should be or how they were. And when you evaluate things based on how they are there is no comparison; you have only to accept the situation as it is. Don’t expect, accept.

You have a right to your actions but not to your actions’ fruits. Act for the actions sake and do not be attached to inaction. Self-possessed, resolute, act, without any thought of results, open to success or failure. This equanimity is yoga.” – Bhagavad Gita

Ok, you can drop expectation but that doesn't mean that you have to drop your desires. An action needs a desire or else what is the point of acting? You can hide your desires, lie to yourself, but the desires are there. Action is fueled by intention and intention is fueled by desire of a certain favourable outcome. One possibility is to change your intention from one based on desire to one based on a sense of discovery. You don’t know what will happen, you can’t expect for sure. The only way to find out what the outcome will be is to act - then the process is driven by curiosity. For example, when it comes to dating you can desire getting a significant other but this is outcome based and laden with expectations of how things should be. Alternatively, you can desire to find out what would happen if you asked someone out. This brings your mind back from the future and closer to the present moment on what you're doing right now.

This is the process that children use. They don’t know what will happen, they can’t assume what will happen, they only know that they don’t know and so they want to discover. Life is amazing but, as we grow past childhood, expectation insidiously creeps into our lives. Instead of acting out of desire, act out of curiosity.

[Spiorad_Aisce]

Great take - That is a really good way to think - I try to limit my expectations about things as much as possible - You are right in saying people have desires and they should adapt to try and gain them - Take actions to achieve them not necessarily expect them - Certain things are out of your hands but if they happen you just readapt to try and get original desire or create a new feasible desire.

[Stacyzee]

Thanks for the mention !

Yes, i agree life should be a discovery. Life is full of uncertainty. We should encounter each and every situation with a positive view , but not "expecting" what we do not know.