The Art of Letting Go

[Anonymous]

I personally find it relatively easy to forgive people after they’ve done me wrong but forgetting what they did though… never…

The thing is, a lot of the times I get haunted by the pain that they’ve caused me even though I have no ill feelings whatsoever towards the person when I see them. It’s just that when I think about the past version of them that I start reliving all the pain and heartache.

Sometimes I can’t help to overanalyze what happened in the past. Why did they do it? Was I not good enough? Am I not deserving of love/respect? Do they feel any remorse? Do they know that they’ve hurt me? Blablabla

It’s all in my head but in a way, I am a prisoner of my own mind.

But I’ve (finally) learned that to heal… is to let go. You can’t keep holding on to the past, you’ll just be holding yourself hostage. Yes it’s okay to not forget what happened BUT you have to let go of all the emotions attached to those memories.

One thing that has helped me tremendously is the idea of just letting them be. Say your S.O. cheated on you and you decided to take them back. You’ve forgiven them but is still plagued by all the what ifs. What if they’re still doing it behind your back? What if they’re just gonna do it again? What if they weren’t fully being honest with you about the infidelity? So what? Stop wasting time overthinking. Just let them.

If they’re going to cheat again, they’ll just cheat again. Don’t waste your time and energy worrying about what they’ll do - you can’t control their actions. So just let them. Just let them do what they want to do so you get to see what they’d actually rather do - they’ll be exposing who they truly are as a person.

Now at the same time, it’s also important to apply this concept to YOURSELF. If you still feel angry about what happened, let it out. If you want to cry, let it out. Let yourself feel all the emotions. You don’t have to be “perfect” or “strong” at all times, you’re human, you have emotions. So LET THEM OUT and and let it all go…

I’m just writing this as a reminder for myself because in all honesty, I’m still struggling to let go of some things that happened in the past. It’s a work in progress but I want to share this with the rest of you who are struggling the same way. I really hope this can help some of you in a way. It’s easier said done than done but I believe we can all do this! 💙🦋

Let’s stop living in the what ifs, let’s just keep moving forward.

[Justneedtokno]

Yes, It is a difficult task in letting things go, not knowing exactly how things are going to turn up, especially when you care for that person and how instrumental they are to your life or going to be.


And then also, you have to understand and listening to them and what they need as well in the time and situation of either friendship, family member anything of that nature sometimes rest and not doing so much


Even with yourself learning and regulating what you need that finding that balance of who are you? What do you want? Where are you trying to go and we know that you can give so much be a good person but you can’t drain yourself too.

[myTake Owner]

It’s definitely easier said than done. Stepping out of your comfort zone is scary but by holding on, you’re pretty much just staying on a sinking ship. Just make the jump and good things should come your way!

[DishLady]

Just because you forgive doesn’t mean you need to have that person in your life anymore. It’s a lesson I’m learning this year the very very hard way.


Letting go also doesn’t mean letting the person back into your life. They’ll just trip you up again. There’s a way of carrying on so your sense of self worth is intact — you KNOW you didn’t deserve to be treated poorly even if the other person didn’t. That simply has to be enough.


Maintaining a firm boundary is a life lesson many of us have to learn so we’re not continually treated like doormats for abusive and toxic individuals.

[myTake Owner]

That is a great lesson and a very important point! I’m also in the learning process of setting stronger boundaries. I read a quote somewhere that went something like “just because we don’t sit at the same table anymore, doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you eat”

[DishLady]

Interesting quote... I'll take it a step further... I don't want to see the guy... but I'll still show him to a place where he can eat.

[myTake Owner]

That’s also a great plan, out of sight and out of mind

[DishLady]

Funny this came up bc I actually made baked goods from scratch to offer every family at church. One I gave to the mother of a person who’s been a real thorn in my side to the point that I’ve opted not to speak with him anymore. But the mom has a big sweet tooth and has always been kind to me. In giving it for her to take home I don’t have to watch or interact with anyone but I know I’ve done the right thing. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[myTake Owner]

Yep just because you cut off one person doesn’t mean you have to turn your back on the rest of the people attached to the toxic one. Glad you managed to find a happy medium!

[DishLady]

Like I said... it's been a process. ;)

Happy holidays!

[myTake Owner]

Happy holidays and I wish you all the best!

[Anonymous]

The picture certainly draw me in, well chosen.

As for continuingly living old moments, means you still have not "made peace" with them.
Being in peace with an event is by totallt grasping or understanding it. Kind of reliving the shock again.
We get shocked because it was outside our expectations or awareness in first place. So unless we are now expecting or aware enough, it obviously means shock just hits again.

You took one part of it as, expecting it again and now will decisively deal with.
That's good.

I hope you continue with this peaceful mindset path.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you and yes I think the picture is a great symbolism for letting go. Plus moths/butterflies usually symbolizes “rebirth” or the birth of a new life cycle so it fits the bill!

You’re right I haven’t made peace with the past when I kept on reliving the old memories over and over again. It’s a work in progress but slowly letting go has helped lessen the weight on my chest.

[Lynx122]

I'm trying to move past the things that happened to me and I'm succeeding but it takes lots of time and work. I just had a big breakthrough recently so I'm happy about that. It's difficult and a struggle but a lot of people don't even try or only very superficially so I feel good about what I'm doing. I don't always feel good about struggling with trauma and disability but fuck it I feel like I've overcome most of it now and now I just wanna enjoy life as much as I can have a positive attitude and vibe :) Wish me luck :)

[myTake Owner]

Any progress is still progress. I’m proud of you!! Keep on moving forward and I’ll be rooting for you 😊

[Lynx122]

Thank you :) Nice take :)

[myTake Owner]

Thank you! It’s my first one actually. But I wish you the best moving forward, you got this!

[kitkatto]

I really needed this so thank you!! I do feel like I have been struggling to move forward because I keep on revisiting the past which then ends up with me hurting myself. I don't know what’s so hard about letting go of pain but it’s been difficult. Maybe I’m a masochist…

[myTake Owner]

I totally feel you! I also struggle with “hurting myself” with my own thoughts. Just have to learn to catch yourself when you’re slipping, don’t be so hard on yourself about the slow progress. You’ll get there eventually xx

[kitkatto]

Thank you, I hope you also get to heal 💜

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

You're moving towards an ethical path I admire most. Some of my fave quotes in this regard from Stoic philosophy:

[myTake Owner]

Those are really great quotes actually, thanks so much for sharing. I’ll be saving these!

[exitseven]

I let the past be the past. There is nothing I can do to change it. It is like eating a rotten egg. It tastes like crap and makes you sick to your stomach but eventually you get better but every once in a while you might get a whiff of a rotten egg and it all comes back again.

[myTake Owner]

Wow really interesting analogy but a great one at that! You’re right, the past already happened so it can no longer hurt you.

[qupid911]

I have no idea how to let him go. I move out next month so that’s a start. This unhealthy attachment and romanticizing the idea we could be better friends is messing me up

[myTake Owner]

Moving out is definitely a great start, out of sight out of mind. Don’t worry, just give yourself time to mourn. I can relate with wanting to be friends, that what I did with my ex but eventually he started trying to take advantage of my kindness again and the cycle almost restarted. Sometimes the only way is to go cold turkey and completely let go. Baby steps!

[Clyde_123]

Thanks for sharing. I have so many things that is bothering me one of it is holding on to people who was never there for me so when I read this I instantly thought that I shouldn't be thinking and forcing myself to people who dont like me.

[myTake Owner]

I totally feel you. I do think you need to make room for people who actually cares about you, just focus on you 😊

[TheSpaceGnome]

Way too much overthinking.

If you get cheated on, you aren't supposed to give thrm a second chance, you're supposed to remove them from your social circle and move on.

[myTake Owner]

True… but I’m a believer of second chances. If he does cheat again then shame on me

[TheSpaceGnome]

You're a doormat, no good guy will ever trust you because you think its not unforgivable to cheat. The only peope who forgive cheating are other cheaters, and people who are extremely insecure. Either way its a huge red flag.

[myTake Owner]

I am insecure, definitely need to work on that tbh

[TheSpaceGnome]

Everyone else understands that you dont keep peoplei in your life that dont care about you

[bddddd]

This sounds pretty normal, in my experience. Do what you need to. Don't beat yourself up about it.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you! Glad to know this is normal

[Jamie05rhs]

What the hell? This is really bad advice. NEVER take someone back if they cheat on you! EVER!

[myTake Owner]

Understandable, but I think there are cases where the relationship can still be worked on. Anything involving sex I think is an immediate break up. But some people do genuinely make stupid mistakes sometimes

[Jamie05rhs]

So then what did that person do that didn't involve sex?

[myTake Owner]

It was mostly an emotional affair. Going on dates, texting (no nudes but just lovey dovey stuff)

[Jamie05rhs]

Ohhhhhh

[Jamie05rhs]

But that's bad enough.

[Jamie05rhs]

But yeah, I can understand the distinction.

[myTake Owner]

Yep it was still a form of betrayal but one that I can still “forgive”

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay

[Jamie05rhs]

I'm glad you were able to forgive him.

[Jamie05rhs]

Even though he fucked up.

[Anonymous]

I get the pain

It takes time. Don't resort to alcohol.

Doesn't matter the reasons

Just move on. Wiser for the experience.

Lucky there no kids?

Next time hopefully.

[myTake Owner]

Yes I will stick to healthier and cheaper coping mechanisms for sure. I hope you’ve managed to heal from your own pain

[Sluttt]

We only need to accept the fact about ourselves slut

[myTake Owner]

True. I have a slutty side in me that I deny so I gotta start embracing it

[audreyrogers]

I’m also trying to stop rationalizing people’s behavior toward me that has impacted me in one way or another, or making excuses for them. Because no one ever does that for me, there’s no point in doing it one-sidedly.

[K8tie2001]

I let them go.

[myTake Owner]

Yes and peace will come your way

[serious]

Good mytake.