Why Female Feminists and Women Should Man Up


In The Mask You Live In (2015), Jennifer Siebel Newsom explores what she perceives to be harmful notions about masculinity in American culture.

Why Female Feminists and Women Should Man Up

In American culture, men cannot release emotions. If they are depressed, then their symptoms are not recognized, and may even be misdiagnosed as some kind of behavioral disorder/personality. Moreover, they are told to put up with their depression. This causes more hurt and sadness to the point that men have a tendency to commit suicide than women. Because men tend to use more violent means to kill themselves, they often succeed in suicide.

Why Female Feminists and Women Should Man Up

Men may have intimate male buddies that they can talk to about serious concerns that are affecting their emotional health, but they have to be very cautious about the relationship. Signs of affection between two men can easily be interpreted as homosexuality by other people, and homosexuality is condemned, because homosexuals are believed to be gender traitors who refuse to follow the male social hierarchy.

Why Female Feminists and Women Should Man Up

Men cannot be soft and gentle. If they are soft and gentle, then they may be ostracized and bullied by their peers in the male pecking order.

Men are taught that violence can solve problems. If a young boy is beaten by another boy at school, then his parents would tell him to beat the other boy back or figure out some way to defend himself physically. Ironically as a girl, my mother encouraged me to fight back. When I did not fight back, she thought I was useless and went to the neighbor's kid and told him/her that I had an older brother that could beat up him/her. (I really don't know the kid's gender, because I was too young, and when my mom told me the story, she used her native language, which meant that there was no phonetic difference between "he" and "she", unlike English.)

Then, the neighbor told my mother that she should let kids be kids and deal with their own trivial problems and bickering. However, my family may be the exception here, because at that time, my family lived in a different society, where boys were more valued than girls, and the one-child policy was mandated by the government. When my mother had me, she wanted to raise me like a boy despite that I was a girl. She also gave me water guns that I used to play with my male cousin, who was about my age. As a result, I really didn't associate water guns with masculinity; instead, I associated them with having fun during the summer.

Why Female Feminists and Women Should Man Up

Men are taught that they should strive for extreme success: athletic ability, money, and women. A man who spends his days reading books and lives a quiet, celibate life is not interpreted as a manly man. Celibacy in a man is torture, because his peers will taunt him for being effeminate or imply that he's homosexual.

Why Female Feminists and Women Should Man Up

The film does portray unique families that address this societal problem. One man says that he was raised by his mother and other strong women, so he has great respect for his mother and other women. Because he was affectionately raised by a single mom, he was bullied in school. He was supposed to act tough, but he didn't. He was supposed to drink alcohol and sleep with many women, but he wasn't interested in that wild lifestyle. Another man says that he never had a father figure. His own father was always in prison. When he grew up, his son's mother didn't want to raise his son, so he became a single parent that was both father and mother.

This allowed him to raise his little boy differently than the norm. He allowed his son to share troubling feelings with him and taught that violence was not the answer. He knew his son was "sensitive", because his son told him so, and he listened. One woman sends her son to a Christian school, hoping that the school children would act Christian and be kind. The problem is, even Christian schoolboys manifest the same kind of behavior as everyone else, and the woman's son gets beaten at school by the schoolboys. Fortunately for her family, she allows her son to speak to her about his problems.

Why Female Feminists and Women Should Man Up

From an early age, men are socialized to act aggressively, play in sports, not be afraid, not show emotion, etc. If they do anything that implies femininity, then all of a sudden they are not "manly". So, they have to spend all their lives to "prove" their manliness to other men by suppressing any qualities in themselves that are deemed as feminine. It is this mindset that espouses hatred against women, ownership of women, and persecution of homosexual and effeminate men.

Why Female Feminists and Women Should Man Up

In a twisted world, high-achieving males that display the most masculine traits are applauded and respected by the low-achieving males. They have the most power and resources, and they embody hypermasculinity at the cost of their own well-being. The top male attracts the most women, and that is admired by the lower-ranking men in the pecking order. In the male social hierarchy, homosexual men are perceived to be at the very bottom, almost next to women. Women have no place in the hierarchy and are regarded as objects of sexual desire and reproduction. The oppressive nature of the hierarchy may lead to the persecution of effeminate or homosexual men and the total control of women.

Women's only acceptable role would be housework, childrearing, and childbearing; and their husbands would have control over their life and body. Women may be exchanged and discarded like commodities. Girls must be kept pure in order to be marriageable, because promiscuous women would be outside of the male control. If a man cheats the system and has sexual access to the girl, then the girl becomes irreversibly damaged and can never be replaced. Marriage would legitimately seal the transaction between the man and the woman's father, and the man would have exclusive access to that woman's reproductive capability.

Why Female Feminists and Women Should Man Up

I believe the film discusses the threats that American men face very well. Moreover, the rigid male gender role may be the cause of the problems that women face. Therefore, I believe that feminists and women should man up and stop thinking so much of themselves. If they want to promote women's rights, then they have to stop the hypermasculine expectations.

Hypermasculine expectations from women are just feeding into the dangerous stereotype (such as a woman who claims that she will only date/marry a man who earns more money than she does or has more education that she does, even though she is a graduate from a top university and earns a six-figure salary), thereby forcing men to aspire to be masculine but cannot due to the increasingly female-centric, female-powered world that feminists have engineered under the assumption that men are the enemy. Men are not the enemy. They are the victims of a rigid, oppressive male social hierarchy. I think feminists tend to ignore male problems too often, because they are too focused on women's issues.

In reality, I believe men's issues deserve higher priority, because tackling the male social hierarchy and helping men realize that there are many ways to be a man and gain acceptance from women may resolve the women's issues. Alas, men's issues aren't treated seriously, because they (which are focused on the manifestations of the rigid male gender role and male social hierarchy) are perceived as wanting to return to the "patriarchy", and the men are told to man up.

Why Female Feminists and Women Should Man Up
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  • Anonymous
    I don't think it's the pressures that are the issues, I think it's the contradictions that need fixing.

    You mentioned how men are expected to be willing to fight by society. Well I say that if you're going to expect men to fight, don't punish them for fighting. If society is going to pressure a man into being the guy who can control any woman, don't call the guy "abusive" or "manipulative" when he does so. If you're going to expect men to be sexually promiscuous and to "spread his seed far," don't force the man to pay child support when his women get preg. If you pressure a man into wanting to get high socioeconomic status, don't act all mad when he starts using more aggressive tactics to get to the top.

    See what I mean? Society needs to stop punishing men for doing what it expects of them. It's confusing as shit and is extremely counterproductive.
    Is this still revelant?
    • We're damned if we do and damned if we don't, man. With women, you can never win.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Anonymous
    Okay thanks for sharing
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • jacquesvol
    One of the big problems is that MRAs tend to plead and repeat over the whole internet that women are responsible for this while it's society as a whole (patriarchists, MGTOWs and MRAs included).

    They see only women and feminists hindering them in being manly. That way they are feeding and continuing that virility myth.
    • Anonymous

      I still think (American) men and boys are affected by the male social hierarchy of dominance, where females play no part. I think this phenomenon is well studied in the video game industry, in which males significantly outnumber females and tend to rank themselves by masculinity. Studies like that usually resort to evolutionary theory. I don't know what to believe; maybe gender is sociological, and maybe gender is determined by our genes. Maybe the natural tendency for males to rank themselves based on masculinity is normal, but it's perceived badly because feminism has become exceptionally powerful. Feminism may be unnatural, but just because something is "natural" doesn't mean it's right. Nature and Morality don't always agree.

    • Have you ever thought that maybe those guys had a point instead of drinking your Misandrist Kool-Aid and listening to Anita Sarkeesian for advice?

    • TakeMaker

      Totally right, these morons think it's women. Is a woman making you sob alone because society expects you to? Is it fucking bollocks. It's people adhering to societal norms because their too weak and scared to do what they want and feel is right. I was brought up in an unusually environment, outside of societal norms and as a result I have always been baffled by the compliance my peers showed and how bad it made them feel as a result of not measuring up and judging themselves on standards that really aren't important.

      People need to live their lives how they want instead of doing what they're told. Acting how they've been told to act.

    • Show All
  • hellionthesage
    Most of this is in accurate, it ironicly is shaming masculinity claiming that men naturally want to act as women do (they dont, biologicly speaking we couldn't even if we did) instead of acknowledging that society has a skewed view of masculinity one it views as dangerous and unhealthy (it isnt) this isn't an attack I think your heart is in the right place but you have come to the wrong conclusion. Man and women are different and that's okay, women demand men act a certain way this is fact he has to behave in a way she wants of he wants a relationship so women do have significant influence on make behavior. Men use to go to women in there lives for emotional support but now that is shunned because society has become more rigid in what men have to do and women are expected to act like men being competitive and assertive which removed there nurturing traits making them seem more masculine and thus having men less inclined to open up to them. It's the constant negative portrayal of men by women not some inherint weekness in men that has caused this. When every one treats you like a monster it tend a to screw you up.
    • Basically with women, it's damned if you do and damned if you don't for men. That's why I don't bother with them anymore.

    • @Steelcore1085 that's why a lot of men don't nothing you do is viewed as good enough your always the bad guy while they can do no wrong etc. That's why it's important to point that out to try and encourage women who are open minded enough to realize how poorly men are treated to actually step up and question what they have been told. Giving up on them entirely won't fix the problem, it's an understandable response to the near constant hate and sexism, but in the end it only means fewer people to stand up to it.

    • I stand against Feminism, but when it comes to women... fuck them all. I really don't care about women, their feelings, or their opinions. All I hear is "waahhhh, I'm oppressed! Give me more rights; men are evil monsters who objectify me." It's literally like you can never ever be right with women, and can only be wrong. There's no way to win, and your chances of winning are slimmer than winning the lottery. So you know what? Fuck them, fuck what they have to say, and fuck their feelings. I don't care anymore.

    • Show All
  • Steelcore1085
    I get the sense that you're a Feminist. Please do men a favor and seriously stop pretending that you actually give a fuck about the problems and issues men face in society? Can you stop pretending that you're worried about men? Can you just fuck off, focus on your fellow girls, and just leave us men alone? Can you stop trying to get men to suppress their masculinity and stop trying to turn men into a bunch of feminine pansies? Is masculinity seriously that much a threat to you that you want to make men suppress their masculinity?

    How about you focus on your own gender and their own problems, and leave us men alone? We have the MRAs helping us, and they've certainly done more good than you Feminists have done for men for the past 50 years (if you've even done shit for men). I'd rather have a group of even casual men's rights activists helping me out than having a bunch of you screeching misandrists coming onto the scene and pretending you're doing anything to help men and look less like a piece of shit. There's a reason why most men don't like Feminists and a reason why we don't want you to act concerned about us. We don't want you around. Focus on your own gender; let us focus on ours.

    #MRA #FuckFeminism
    • LadyTerror

      "Can you stop pretending that you're worried about men? Can you just fuck off, focus on your fellow girls, and just leave us men alone? Can you stop trying to get men to suppress their masculinity and stop trying to turn men into a bunch of feminine pansies?"

      You're the one doing that here. She's doing the opposite.

    • Men always complain about how feminist only care about women but when we do show empathy towards men we get people like you saying we aren't genuine. We don't want men to suppress their masculinity, we want them to embrace who they are. Not all men are the same and like the same things. Just because you may be super "masculine" or whatever doesn't mean all men are or even want to be.

    • jacquesvol

      Thanks for proving my point.

    • Show All
  • somebodysaycheese
    The only ones who shame men for being emotional is other men. Maybe they need to have a pow wow with their sex and wonder why they shame eachother for showing emotions. And you assume women feel comfortable showing emotion cause a ton of women dont. Women feel as "weak" as men do when they show how they feel. After all, we are taught to be bold, go getters and emotions dont ususally come with that.
  • Polocrew
    Lol 2/10 sexually frustrated chicks who can't get laid got very little to do with this ha, world just need more big jacked athletic dudes like me baha Because men have turned in little nerds who think everyone's challenging their manliness (Evendoe they dont have any of it) lol They feel "manly" for paying first, "providing", "not expressing emotions" and if they don't do any of that They'd feel less little men which they already are
  • Felinegirl
    Feminism is about equality for all. Women have come way further in emancipation than men and now it's mostly their turn to get more rights, less social pressure and to decrease prejudice.
    • Jeeevan

      That's the definition of feminism but it doesn't really do anything for men's rights, i wouldn't have a problem with feminism if they did help us. I agree with everything else you wrote though :)

    • We don't need women's help. Stop like you give a fuck about men. You women don't. Let the MRAs help us. You women have already done enough damage.

      By the way, a woman cannot ever possibly be an MRA or an advocate for men's rights. They just want men back on the plantation, those women who say they are concerned about men's rights.

    • Felinegirl

      @Steelcore1085 you sound quite sexist, to judge me and throw aside everything I say merely based on my gender.

    • Show All
  • posted
    I bet if a bunch of feminists half of them would disagree and half would somewhat agree with this haha
  • GreatnessBack
    I hear what you are saying, but I enjoy those things.
    I don't feel obligated to do them, because if I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't and no one can make me.
  • WhaChaChaKing
    Why are you pointing out feminist? We're against all this shit.
  • Jibaku
    Yea, I've noticed this a lot. Not all men are like this but I'd say it's around a 70-30 split.
    I know two guys now who are constantly trying to find girls for sex. One guy does seem to have the view of women as sexual objects (I could be wrong as I don't see how he interacts with women on a personal level, only the words he uses to describe the actions or attitudes of some women) and the other seems to treat women respectfully. They both get laid pretty often.
    The thing for both these guys is that there's a willing participant on the other side.
    So my point is that while men are encouraged/expected to sleep with many women, there are many women who are willing to sleep with these guys.
    • Anonymous

      What's the 70-30 split?

    • Jibaku

      70% follow the male stereotype
      30% don't

    • Anonymous

      Which camp are you in?

    • Show All
  • anonman32
    we just need to forget hegemonic masculinity and focus on biologic masculinity.
  • suseel_sushi
    This is the backfiring of patriarchy. patriarchy hurts men more. this is exactly we need feminism. We need equality for us to be whatever we want.
    • Stop drinking the fucking Kool-Aid.

    • @Steelcore1085 put your fuckin brain back to its original place.

    • Look who's talking. It's funny that the dude who supports the female version of the KKK thinks that my brain is misplaced. Ironic.

    • Show All
  • Unit1
    I love it that you address real issues men are dealing with. We really need more people like you for the sake of better times.
    As you can see the problem starts very early in the boy's life (be tough, don't show emotions etc..) and escalates in a snowball-effect with damages, that can hardly be reversible. In the end both men and women will have the issue, that men have no feelings and women have no one with feelings.

    That's very considerate of you posting this and I wholeheartedly appreciated reading it.

    I see you received quite some hate but don't pay attention to them. Haters gonna hate and they hate changes even if it's good, so we have that.

    Thank you!
  • SatyricLord
    Nice myTake.

    But I know deep down inside you girls will always choose the hypersexual, abusive, wealthy, perfect genome and steroid-user male over me.

    I'm considered a last resort. The last man girls would choose.

    Feminism made me invisible.

    I'm telling you right now that when you girls decide to come to me after every man in this planet dies out, I'm going to reject all of you.

    I'm going to watch humanity perish out of existence.

    You all looked down on me in the past. Some of you girls and guys said I was too dumb, ugly, fat and weak. Some of you ignored my existence, especially when I asked for help.

    You all said that I wasn't allowed to have any sexual desires. That I am unworthy of having sex with girls. When I finally did get to have sex, I got ripped off completely. You made me overpay for the sex, while giving me the stingiest sex a man can possibly experience. I feel no different than a virgin.

    We will see who is truly worthy in the end.
    • jacquesvol

      Bad experiences with hookers? Who wonders?

  • Anonymous
    Don't disagree with your take.

    I'd humbly suggest two things.

    One is that a core assumption of society was that men were powerful and had agency, while women were acted upon. While we have pushed (rightly) for women to have more opportunities, we have not let go of the mindset that men are powerful and capable of changing things, while women are victims of circumstance. We still see this today -among- feminists (aside from radical feminists, who have different issues but actually not this one!) who demand things like 'men need to stop raping', as though average men have a magical ability to make no bad things happen to women, when adult women are, in fact, safer than children in our society.

    Secondly, while peers and the school system push men towards hypermasculinity, i'd suggest those forces are actually -milder- than women's dating and especially short term dating preferences. I know quite a few men who simply avoided the 'jocks' and found some more sensitive guys to hang around with going through school, but ultimately had to learn to 'man up' to attract women. Whenever this is raised, I see (some) feminists say 'maybe men need to stop viewing vaginas as rewards for being decent men'. That sounds all nice, but if you to act surprised that being loved desired and having romantic and sexual partners is not going to be a pretty profound driver of how people behave, you're just being pointlessly obtuse.

  • Anonymous
    I have always been the typle of man to never show my feelings even when someone close to me dies. Last year i went through a forced break up and almost lost my sister to cancer.. it took me a full 12 month to cry for the first time in along time. It felt really good but when i start expressing my feelings to the opposite sex or talked about things that stress ne out wanna know what i was told? to man the duck up or to stop being a pussy that was by 80% of every single girl i spoke too. So now am less open about my feelings agin and only speak to my girlfriend or very very close friends when am super stress out. Girls say they want girls to show rheir feels more but when you call a guy a pussy or unmanly for doing so... why would he change? hurts even waste when it's from a girl u love.
  • Anonymous
    Ma'am why are you not running for president, if you were i'd vote for you without question. I love a smart women like you. THANK YOU
  • Anonymous
    this is like all about guys. not that I'm being selfish or anything. anyone can be anything they want to be. don't give a fuck about society because we deserve to be happy.
    • Jeeevan

      And this is a example of a feminazi

    • Felinegirl

      @Jeeevan lol probably. Im a feminist who believes feminism is about ending unfair or old fashioned differences between men and women to improve life for all and think this was a great take. Shame the feminazis give feminism a bad name

    • Jeeevan

      @Felinegirl Why dont you call yourself an equalist or something but i appreciate your views, i wish more feminists had the same mindset.

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  • Anonymous
    Only one female commented and look what she commented
  • Anonymous
    "Men cannot be soft and gentle. If they are soft and gentle, then they may be ostracized and bullied by their peers in the male pecking order."

    But I'm soft and gentle... :(