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Dear Feminists, There Is Nothing Wrong With Being A Stay-At-Home Mother (Page 2)
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I always thought that part of the feminist ideal is that women should be able to make all their own choices in life, not have to justify them to others and only be judged on their ability to do that job.
Astronaut, CEO of a fortune 500 company, stripper, stay at home mum or anything in-between.
I think its important to remember that the loudest person in a group is usually the dumbest and that they rarely represent the majority of people, which is why they feel the need to shout so loud.
Well said.
I never understood why it was shamed for a woman to be a housewife. That's her choice. It's definitely not one I'd see myself making, but I'd never scorn a woman for wanting to be a stay at home mother.
My sister-in- law got her PhD degree in computer science when she was pregnant with twins!!! She now works full time, takes care of her kids, cooks delicious meals and read them bed time stories before putting them to sleep. she is definitely more inspirational than a women whose only job is to change diapers and watch television all day.
Clearly you still live with mommy and daddy and have no clue what its like living in the real world or surviving on your own and run a successful household if you think any mother without a PhD only is there to "change diapers and watch television all day".
@Rocket_Queen Any women without a career only is there to change diapers and watch television all day.
@Rocket_Queen My brother is a smart guy for not marrying a leech but an intelligent alpha female with a career and also a nurturing side.
Again. . . you're just proving my point that you have no idea what the real world is like and have never been out from under your mommy or daddy and their care/check. Mothers who stay at home have far more to do than just change a diaper and watch tv but keep being young and naive. Stay at home mother also does not equal leech. You obviously don't know what it's like to parent either, good for that because you're 18, but the point remains.
Also... alpha anything is a ridiculous gag term and means you should spend more time off of the internet. Anyway, kudos to your sister in law for getting an education and being a mother... doesn't put her over anyone else.
This is bullshit, let's be real she either didn't get her PhD or she doesn't have kids.
@Rocket_Queen i strongly disagree and don't feel engaging in an online fight. Bye #blocked
You're the one mad.
Take care 💋
@Rocket_Queen But her sister-in- law is a real life superwoman!!! I aspire to be like her. I don't want to be dependent on a guy's income.
@Mangolover I know right!!! My mother works full-time and still manages to cook. clean and look after my little brother.
@Mangolover i never said she wasn't great. Getting an education while being a mother and wife is tough, but that doesn't make her better than anyone else. That doesn't make stay at home mothers any less. And her comment was simply not true. Stay at home mothers do far more than sit on their butt all day which is basically what she said. And people stay home for different reasons, childrens health, childrens schooling, financial reasons. Here comment was not true. That is all.
@Mangolover you're also not seeing the full picture... when you marry your husband, you become one with him, so there is no "a guys income" or "a womas income". It's yalls income. My husband and I both work full-time, we raise 2 kids with one on the way, but the income we make is ours. Not his or mine, but ours together because whats mine is his and whats his is mine. We also have worked hard for him to get through college and get his education while the remainder of mine went on hold for now t allow him to get where he is. He has completed his this year and is now waiting on a chief promotion. So once our baby is born, I will return to school full time and might work a few shifts? My husband would rather I not and just stay home and focus on our kids and school during that time. So there are many reasons and one you marry you become one. Not his or hers. You take care of eachother because you're husband and wife.
@Rocket_Queen I do agree with your last statement. There should be no his or her money within the confine of a good marriage. There are definitely some special circumstances when I think it's beneficial for a parent to stay at home. My mom's coworker's son was diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma. She decided to quit her job to take care of her son. I volunteer at the autism service center and I know how tough it is for parents with low functioning kids to work full time. With that being said, if I were a man I would definitely want to marry a woman who is self-sufficient and career-oriented. Two incomes will definitely mean more disposable $$$. I am a product of a two income household and also a strong advocate for it. it definitely has it's perks. My mom will pay for my college and recently paid for my sister's honeymoon.
Exactly! I was on a sleep apnea monitor when I was born from being 3 months premie and no daycare would take care of me so my mom had to stay home for a while. Some of my patients are very sick and their parents have to stay with them. I wasn't trying to say your sister in law isn't great, she sounds amazing, but just that many moms are amazing stay at home or not. And I agree it gives more money to use on fun things, but also is time away from your kids. Like everything You need balance and what works for one family may not be the same for another. Both are equally fine. Anyway, take care.
@Rocket_Queen Some low income households can't afford good daycare and they shouldn't be having kids in the first place. Being a stay at home mom is not a job in the west. We don't need to walk freaking 40000 kilometer bear feet under the scorching sun to fetch water. With modern technologies like dishwasher, refrigerator, washing machine and the internet household chores are becoming less strenuous than ever.
@Mangolover sigh... there is a lot more than chores lol. But whatever, I'm done here. Stick your nose up, act like you're better, do you lol.
I want to marry somebody just like your sister in law ;)
I never thought feminists had a problem with being a stay at home mom, but rather with the fact that women used to have no choice. Now it's a choice.
its not really a choice. How many women can really afford to say at home? We often hear it said that "feminists won" the war of women in the workplce, but it's not really true. The people fighting for women in the workplace were only a very small sector of the feminist movement - an almost exclusively white, wealthy, heterosexual one - who's interests aligned with the common bourgeoisie. Doesn't it make more sense to say that feminism was recuperated? That what once was a serious challenge to capitalist labour relations has been reduced to a "struggle over hearts and minds?" Now women are not only expected to perform unpaid reproductive labour - childrearing, housework, emotional and sexual labour - but are also expected to perform waged productive work, too. Women's workload has been doubled. And as the wealthy women can choose between staying at home or hiring a maid, the poor women labour twice as long for next to nothing.
this is why I always bring up Wages for Housework in these kinds of questions - not because I really believe in it (that battle ended 30 years ago), but because the idea is *totally unheard* of now. In the 70s and some of the 80s it was a major pillar of the feminist movement, and now it's been totally forgotten. The second wave was about getting women in the workplace and thats all, says the revisionist narrative. It was always about assimilating into the logic of capitalist labour relations. But it wasn't. It was always about disintegration, tearing the whole thing to pieces, separating from the regime, dissolving the social order... hmpfh!
@Laura_Marx Plenty of women can afford to be stay at home moms as long as they aren't looking to live a lavish lifestyle. You may not be living in a $300,000 house or driving a Jaguar, but it's definitely still possible. It just depends on what you want, but what you need? Yeah, women stay home all the time still. Of course, that's provided your married. But women back in the 30s, 40s, and 50s worked if they weren't married, so...
feminism never said it´s not ok to be a stay at home mom.
feminism is about having the choice not to, not about talking you out of it, if that´s what you want.
Thank you awesome grumpy cat person!! 👍🏻
Actually, that is accurate in the 1st wave of feminism. Now however women are shamed for wanting traditionalist lifestyles. You have internet, please Google it before you make a statement.
@OPBinYYC people will always "shame" others for not being their opinion. that´s how it works.
No feminism says being a stay at home mum or wifey oppresses women.
Yeah sure women have a choice just like religion but people end up being brainwashed while some dont. Although if you live in a country like Pakistan or some orthodox religious country you pretty much have no choice because it's ingrained into society. It's the same with feminism in the west, it's becoming ingrained into society and culture like Islam is in the middle east. Soon if feminism keeps on growing strong it will become radical and third wave feminism has already begun. Feminism is cancer.
@Mrwoo99 that´s why feminism makes sense in those countries and not here, where women aren´t even oppressed.
yeah I know
www.weareplanc.org/.../...r-Housework-Poster_1.jpg
I would like to be a housewife but if only my future husband is rich enough to afford it
You don't need to be "rich", you need to make enough money to support your family. For instance maybe the two of you agree that you stay at home, but you buy a cheaper car, or don't go out to eat as much.
honestly i don't consider myself a feminist and it great in the time we live in it's a choice and not an obligation but don't you want have a life outside of the house? don't you want to meet people who have different prospective? be a model for your kids of what a modern women can do in the 21 century? and what if your husband leaves you or something happen to him or when your kid will leave the house ? it's not critic but i just don't understand
The Stay-At-Home Mothers were a thing when wages were high enough to raise a family on one wage. These times are over.
Now Stay-At-Home Mothers make the choice to marry a rich man or live in poverty. Rich men aren't that easy to find since they prefer to marry rich girls. Poverty and SNAP are easier to find.
I prefer the Idea of stay at home moms, its better for the kid. id say until they are ready for 1st grade then its no longer needed, but if they can't afford to be a stay at home mom then then they obviously need to work.
Feminists are so full of shit. Hell almost as much as Hillary Clinton.
Gee, feminists are refusing the right of a woman to make her own decisions? Colour me amazed.
Oh no wait, don't. Because feminists have been doing that to women for decades. And they show fuck all signs of stopping any time soon.
Good take - I have no issue with a career person or a stay at home person if you can afford it - It is a person's choice not society's at the end of the day.
I'm sure there are thousands of childless, infertile feminists at the ready, to tell you what a stupid woman you are.
/thread
A woman should do what makes her more happy lol. Not wanting to be a stay at home mother doesn't mean you're a feminist
I'm a feminist and full time stay at home mother. I'm also raising my daughters to be able to make their own choices- get a good education so that later they can choose career, stay at home, or do both part time.
I will work my ass off to make sure I can have a stay at home wife for our kids early years.
I'll be damned if I let a sitter or daycare employee raise my kid.
What's the difference between sending your kid to daycare for 8 hours a day, then sending them to school for 8 hours a day when they reach school age?
@musicbrain5
The years before schooling are highly crucial for a childs development. If theyre being raised 8 hours a day by a person with ten other kids to watch then thay aren't getting the crucial teaching of values and such that their parents would (assuming theyre any good at being parents) be much better at getting across.
You can't raise your child the way you see fit when paying somebody else to do the job.
And schooling is a legal requirement. can't really get past that.
@BaileyisDarcy
took the words right out my mouth.
@BaileyisDarcy I know that, I work with children of all ages and I'm a teacher. But parenting and raising children doesn't stop at age 4 or 5 when they start school, and raising children properly also includes teaching them and making sure they get a decent education. Parents are the first teachers in life. There is the option of homeschooling, where the parent can stay home and teach their child as they see fit instead of sending them off to school all day to learn things from someone else. It seems kind of strange that parents who want to stay home with their children as babies/toddlers are suddenly okay with sending them to school all day when the time comes.
Where I live, we have all day Jr and Sr Kindergarten (ages 4 & 5), which children attend every other weekday, then every second day they're off school. Before that it used to be a half day, every day. But if the stay at home parent is going back to work, where does the kid go when they're not at school during business hours?
@BaileyisDarcy (cont'd) They either go to daycare or somewhere else, like Grandma's or something. Whatever the case is, it's time spent being looked after by someone who isn't Mom or Dad.
It's hard to explain my question clearly, but basically I'm asking about the difference between the two scenarios. I've asked my mom this very question as she was basically this kind of parent, but I can't get a straight answer out of her.
I didn't say don't send them to school. Schooling in general is a legal requirement, whether it be at an institution outside the home or inside the home with at home curricula.
"Faced with the assault on welfare, women seem to have followed the advice of the welfare mother who once commented that if the government is willing to pay women only when they take care of the children of others then women should “swap their children.” Given that in the labor market women are concentrated in service sector jobs involving reproductive labor, it can be argued that women have traded off unpaid housework for their families for paid housework in the marketplace."
- Sylvia Federici, Revolution at Point Zero, "the Reproduction of Housework and Reproduction"
reminded me of this funny passage from Federici
I would definitely prefer my wife to be making money.
That's fine too :)
So would a good amount of men, actually. No offense to stay at home moms, but to support an entire household in this economy, one needs more than just one person bringing home the bacon.
When the children are really small? Think again. The children do need raising and nurturing, day care is not cheap, and no day care worker will raise them like a loving mom. When they reach school age and are in school most of the day, on the other hand, I could see how you would definitely prefer your wife to be making money.
@Curmudgeon Actually day care is comparatively cheap when you've got 2 parents making money. Or a nanny could work. Either way, 2 parents will make more money
My dad and stepmum spent excess of five hundred dollars a week on day care for my younger sister.
Thats over 26,000 dollars a year.
Six mouths to feed, one income from disability care the other for plumbing.
Day care is not easy. Its not cheap. And you are not taking into account EVERY single other expense.
Food, water, electricity, gas, clothes, schooling fees.
We were lucky. My stepmother had a well paying job and a good head for spending. We owned our house instead of renting, and our finances were in order, all debts (if we ever had them) were paid.
Yet those daycare bills were still somewhat of a burden.
Not everyone is as well off financially as my family is.
Not everyones family owns a business, not everyones family is full of money makers and not everyones family has the elders to fall back on for financial support if needed.
Comparatively cheap? No. Daycare is a burden and a half.
@BaileyisDarcy And yet with your step mom working you'd manage to pay it off
Only because she and my dad both come from money in the first place.
You have totally missed my point.
@BaileyisDarcy No, you've missed mine. My underlying point is that with both parents bringing in income, the kids will do better in the long run
There obviously is nothing wrong but a female should try to have a career as well.
Personally I am very career focused, but I have seen some of my closest friends do this to women who make that choice. Just because they're not a CEO or a lawyer, they're not "modern women"? It's stupid. They need to get their head out of their ass.