Roasting Men and Religion: Shoving Both Into the Fire (SATIRE)

Anonymous

My god people, the stuff these men are up to these days is just too much, okay? Ima take you guys through this nice and slow, and I'll use plenty of pictures for your stupid asses so it's easier for you to stay focused.

Roasting Men and Religion: Shoving Both Into the Fire (SATIRE)

Guys are sketchy creatures, they just have no idea what the hell they want.

FIRST DEMAND: Look good for us ladies๐Ÿ˜› #boners๐Ÿ†

And and what do we girls do? We oblige.

Roasting Men and Religion: Shoving Both Into the Fire (SATIRE)

We want to be sexy for you guys. we love being desirable and the attention we get from you and the jealousy we get from other girls, so let's just be honest about that. We get what we want, you get tents in your shorts and sets of lovely scenery๐Ÿ˜

Roasting Men and Religion: Shoving Both Into the Fire (SATIRE)

So easily amused aren't they? It's natural, it's ok, you don't have to be embarrassed. Deep down we want you all flustered๐Ÿ˜‰ We want sex, you want sex, we love to tease, and you get frustrated but...meh. It sounds like a legit way to do business right? I guess not cause what do we get instead of a symphony of lovers plowing each other to cloud 9? We get this...

SECOND DEMAND: Cover up, you slut! Stop acting like your sexuality and free expression are things that matter!

Roasting Men and Religion: Shoving Both Into the Fire (SATIRE)

So wait, what? Hypocrite much? You guys as a whole can't seem to make up your minds whether you want to ogle us, or burn us on pyres for...letting you ogle us. You're like those fat entitled cunts who want to stuff themselves with cake and then tell other people they've had enough. How dare we force you to stare at our soft, jiggly, perky tits oh you poor, triggered babies๐Ÿ˜ข I mean, it's not like you could look somewhere else, that's just a preposterous notion.

In all seriousness, what's actually going on here? I'll tell ya, but it's a complicated phenomenon. Imagine the entire population of adult men in the world as a single brain.

Roasting Men and Religion: Shoving Both Into the Fire (SATIRE)

With a brain as our model for analogy, it's the brain of a religious person. I know it's a convenient segue but stay with me people I'll tie it all together. The mind of a religious person can be described as many things, but in this instance I'll call it a tumultuous shitstorm of guilt and self loathing. They are told constantly to deny the flesh, accept the concept of original sin, and many unnaturally chaste doctrines.

The result?

They masturbate to porn, then cut themselves and beg the gods not to cast them into hell. They love the sight of a pair of double D jugs held together with nothing but a bikini top, then they go to confession and cry to their priests about how broken and sinful they are. It's a system of binge indulgence and then intense regret and sadness. Not unlike someone with bipolar disorder, this is a mental health issue.

Roasting Men and Religion: Shoving Both Into the Fire (SATIRE)

So, sticking to the brain concept, we have conflicting ideas inside the brain of mankind. I'd say a majority of men are ok with us girls being girls. They like the chase, they to look, they like to see the sex appeal and brightens their day. These men, so long as they're still civilized about it, have a healthy attitude towards sex. But there's also a sizable number of men who call natural sexuality shameful, slutty, and where they can they make it illegal to express any fraction of it in any way whether it be attire or action. Now you know why I brought religion earlier because I'm looking at you Iran, Pakistan, the Middle East. Don't think I'm singling you out, because I'm also looking at you Catholics, Pentecostals, the fundamentalist Christian Ray comfort motherfuckers out there.

Roasting Men and Religion: Shoving Both Into the Fire (SATIRE)

Stupidโ˜๐Ÿผ๏ธ

Also in nations where the legal system actually protects people's rights, you'll find communities of all the aforementioned idio--i mean-- religious peoples form mafias of thought police who keep there people in check. I've experienced first hand. I've been snitched on by people from my church who saw me IN A DIFFERENT CITY and had my parents tear my room apart till they found it. A pair of daisy dukes, the horror๐Ÿ˜ฑ And then after I had blood in my panties, from the swollen black welts in my asscheeks and not my period, they threatened me with hell. So mature and caring aren't they?

Anyway, so we have plenty of guys with these WRONG ideas about sexuality, we have normal guys, and we have guys in the middle. The brain of mankind is not agreeing with itself.

Roasting Men and Religion: Shoving Both Into the Fire (SATIRE)

And in my opinion, we have religion to blame for it. Not exclusively, but it's a big part of what's wrong with a lot of things. It's overreaching and utterly stupid influence sticks itself into many political and social issues...and altar boys arses. This is a roast Catholics. You knew it was coming. Unlike how you "know" the host turns into the body of Jesus, because you know nothing of the sort.Seriously who do you think you are? This isn't skyrim you tards, you can't just spam stoneflesh until your alteration is high enough to turn bread into flesh. That's not how reality works, but you just don't know that yet.

In fact, knowing anything has never been your strong suit has it? You'd rather just have faith in things wouldn't you?

Roasting Men and Religion: Shoving Both Into the Fire (SATIRE)

Well that just got dark didn't it? Nothing like starving children to make you think about what the fuck your prayers do after they leave your mouths in the form of sound energy. Do you know? How 'bout you Muslims, what do your prayers do? Mormons got an answer for me? Jews? Anyone? Fine I'll tell you what they do.

Are ya ready kids?

No, are you really ready though?

Sure?

drumroll please๐Ÿ˜

Roasting Men and Religion: Shoving Both Into the Fire (SATIRE)

Well, I think you've had enough so I'll have some mercy. Something that God would never do for any malachites, Egyptians, or any of the other people he had Joshua slaughter. Jus' sayin'.

if you liked my roast then hit the thumbs up๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ if you're butt hurt then stop taking it up the ass๐Ÿ˜œ

Roasting Men and Religion: Shoving Both Into the Fire (SATIRE)
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  • CHARismatic110
    I'll pray for you.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • ObscuredBeyond
    Your assault on Ray Comfort is unwarranted and repugnant. There is such a thing as having a standard of modesty, without going too far.

    Here's what your agnorant ass refuses to see:

    - The reason Muslims are so strict about female modesty is because Muhammad refused to acknowledge Adam's choice not to obey God as the root cause of all evil cursing the human race. So instead he shifted the blame to Eve, much as Adam himself did. Simply because Muhammad chose not to believe Timothy's words. And you think you can condemn Ray Comfort because Muhammad was a myopic pedophile hypocrite? Do you even logic, Sis?

    - What are we to do for starving African kids, but pray? If we do anything else, there are mounds of corruption that render those charities void. Oh, just shoot the m*f* thieves? We would do that, but your precious UN buddies would have us sent to the Hague, and call *us* the criminals, while they literally get in bed with the Janjaweed-heads and other lowlifes who are making sure donations to Africa go nowhere! And your solution is to become like Americans who neither donate nor pray? Weak.

    Yes, many struggle with masturbation and have a hard time with avoiding porn - SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE original sin exists! And you mean to tell me there are no dangers, when sexual sin is found in 98% of all serial killers' lives?

    You're not roasting, you're flaunting your ignorance and hatred, and trying to pat yourself on the back for having it, to convince yourself you're smarter than everyone else.
  • Wow!
    I can totally relate to you. I get what you mean.
    And I see a lot of butthurt comments down there too, caused by the high temperature of your grill :o
    Well, it doesn't change facts. You're still right and I love that.
    I really enjoyed reading your mytake :D
    haha, talking about skyrim and stoneflesh ^^
    Good stuff =)
    • Anonymous

      Lol thanks for having a sense of humor๐Ÿ˜Š

    • Unit1

      You mixed this take with truth and sense of humor. I loved it :)
      I myself am dealing with stereotypes and religious fanatics and supposed gender roles. I hate them.
      I also forgot to say: Your first point (about showing girls being desirable and sexually desirable) amazed me =) As a virgin, who never touched a girl will find this piece of info valuable =) I need to get laid so bad.

  • Rocket_Queen
    I think your seemingly psychotic rage in this rant is far more dangerous than my religion or men.
    • Anonymous

      Sure. Tell yourself Whatever makes you feel better๐Ÿ™‚ As a religious person you're already a champ at that aren't ya๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Oh I feel fine. Slightly confused about who you seem to hate more: Men, God, or your existence, but me? I'm swell. ๐Ÿ˜™

  • Relentless_Hippie
    You sound like an angry and miserable person. I hope God works a miracle through you because obviously you're hurting and bitter.
  • Raymond_Reddington
    Religion fucks up everything and makes people hate eachother https://youtu.be/VS5-uYLiKmw
  • Coolerthanyourmom
    Why are you hating? God made you and this is how you thank him? If you had God in your heart you might clean your heart filled with hatred and fill it with love. Also God doesn't answer prayrers of those who don't believe in him so I don't know what you are expecting. He loves you but you return with hate whyyy? John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
  • Scrambledagain
    religion fucks up everything. But you make one mistake. You attack men like it's their conscious choice. It's not. It's their parents that enforce it into their subconscious when they are babies. It's a real tragic thing. Then they are warped because of it in their future years.
    • Jayson101

      This whole thing of conflating 'men' and 'religion' is retarded. Same with 'men' and 'politics'. Women have always been involved in religious practices and the stuff that pertains to women, it stands to reason, has more female involvement than the stuff that pertains to men. Te purity balls are run by lunatic women, and the nunneries of the past.

    • @Jayson101 it was a male fuck head who wrote the religious Texts that people follow. Nothing like patriarchy at its finest.

    • Jayson101

      I don;t hate all religious concepts, the idea of religion is too broad. And women are heavily involved in spiritual practices and always have been.

  • RationalMale
    "Well that just got dark didn't it? Nothing like starving children to make you think about what the fuck your prayers do after they leave your mouths in the form of sound energy. "

    Lady... Africans are not smart enough stop fucking or use condoms. The more aid the idiots in the USA or Europe send, the more the population booms, the more they depend on foreign aid. It's like the African AIDS epidemic. We can shower condoms on them from heaven, but they are not willing to put them on. The only real solution is letting them die off en masse and letting the population find the proper level.
    • Anonymous

      Is there a "proposing genocide" reason listed for reporting shitheads like this? If not there should be

    • I graduated with a Bachelor's in Political Science and minor in International Affairs. The simple reality is that Europe gained life saving advancements over a long time, so the birth rate adjusted. Then Euros took life saving advancements to a stone age africa. Mortality dropped, but the birth rate kept going. The population exploded and still is. That's why Africa is a perpetual infant that needs aid. You have familys with 5 kids barely keeping from starving but they have more kids...

      Hell, they still haven't convinced people that raping a virgin won't cure you of AIDS!

      Really, foreign help needs to stop, a mass die off has to happen, and the population must reach a balance with their environment to save hundreds of millions of lives down the road.

    • A perfect example is how mosquito nets are used in African nations. It's sent to stop malaria deaths... then the locals take the nets and literally net every living thing in the waters. They don't think ahead to realize that when you're eating all the baby minnow size fish, they never grow to be adult fish, and then the lake soon has no fish and you all starve. Nah. Better to eat the minnow size baby fish and have kid number 9.

      www.nytimes.com/.../...w-epidemic-overfishing.html

      Or another example. Barbaric villages where young girls are forced to lose their virginity to a hired "hyena" male sex worker. The savages don't stop to realize 1. Basically mass raping young girls is amazingly horrific. 2. They are ensuring that tons of young innocent women get pregnant or get STD's like HIV.
      https://www.BBC.com/news/magazine-36843769

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  • peterjones
    This is totally cool - you even called out the culprits, well done!
    Just as FYI, Orthodox Christianity has a much more relaxed view of sexuality - maybe because a lot of us were under communism (which the church hated because men and women really were equal, sex was totally ok and in no conflict with science or education - or art (that is largely sexual anyway)).
    You clearly have a mind in your head - keep it up girl!
  • Popo21
    This is dumb, why are you bashing religion? If someone genuinely believes in God, he'd follow Gods ways and not worry about half naked sluts, esp if he's in a relationship
    And guys like when you dress half naked just so they can pleasure themselves lol
  • PT1911
    Ugh.

    I'm not sexist!

    Sexism is wrong!

    And being wrong is for women.

    Like you
  • Guisi
    Oooh look, another feminist pig jealous because of superior male priviliges.
    • Anonymous

      Hardly. I did it just for funโ˜บ๏ธ I also did a roast of women and religion so to be fair you should read that one too

    • Guisi

      Cry more feminist pig. Be glad we men let you women make sandwiches just to make you women feel somewhat important. You women are only good for sex.

    • Anonymous

      Lol๐Ÿ˜‚ At least we're actually good at it, 90% of you fucks have dicks so short we sigh in bed, not moan. You will never be as good as a vibrator so I don't know why you even bother. And I don't mind making a sandwich every once in a while because I know you men can't do anything for yourselves. Consider an act of charity like the pity sex.๐Ÿ˜œ

    • Show All
  • Righttobeararms83
    Most problems any woman has in the modern world can be laid on her doorstep or with other women. Women's problems are just that, WOMEN'S. Deal with it and leave men out of it.
    • Abi42

      And women won't help you with yours. So if I were you I'd look into being gay because no woman would sleep with you with that attitude

    • @Abi42 I have a woman who sleeps beside me every night thank you very much. Sorry for wanting to treat women equally the way I treat men rather than put you girls in a pedestal and worship from a distance. Self responsibility and reliance is what adults do.

    • Abi42

      We ladies help you and you leave us to fend for ourselves? That's equal?

  • Loadedgamer
    Is this roasting or wanting to be a cum dumpster contest?
  • Reallio
    This myTake gave me aids, should've had my bleach ready.
  • Nice_Guy_Last
    You know what's funny? Atheists talking shit about how religions never do anything good.

    Meanwhile, I haven't met a secular organization that runs more schools, hospitals, charities, food pantries, homeless shelters, disaster relief, mobile hospitals, etc. than the Catholic Church. Sure, a checkered past is putting it lightly, but you can't judge a group of 1.3 billion individuals based on a past that is centuries old/the actions of a few hundred hypocrites. The group of us as a whole does more good in the world than any one secular organization ever has.
    • Meanwhile I can name dozens of secular organizations, governments, and institutions that degenerated into nothing but the gulag, the guillotine, and the police state.

  • LadyTerror
    I read the entire take and I still don't get what it's about 😂
    • Markavia

      I didn't even finish the 1st paragraph, this lady have some issues!

    • LadyTerror

      @Markavia clearly

    • Markavia

      I feel sorry for her though, she probably had many awful men in her life

  • Josht13
    Oh man you have no idea how much I could stove into the roasting pits on girls, The website would crash with the butthurt.
  • MisterSir
    so wait, are you "roasting" people with penises, or people with beliefs?
    i'm more confused than i am offended.
  • Lightspeed-Lemon
    Guessing you haven't had much acceptance from society for your lifestyle, and this comes out as bitter vitriol toward those who rejected you. Being angry and condescending means your argument is based on emotion, not reason, and comes from an insecure place. They condemned you to eternal hellfire, so now it's your turn to "roast" men and religious people, "shoving both into the fire". One wrong turn deserves another, right? That'll show'em.

    Not all religious people are the judgmental zealots you've known. Some are genuinely spiritual people who are all about kindness, empathy, and living for a higher purpose than pleasure-seeking. True happiness is measured in those things, not in how many people you can bang in a lifetime. Maybe that is what bothers you the most.
  • Markavia
    I didn't even finish the 1st paragraph, you clearly have some issues woman, I feel sorry for you!
  • somebodysaycheese
    ... what did i just read... it's not even funny
  • DaddyRollingStone
    The men who make claim #1 aren't the same men who make claim #2.
  • anonman32
    Yeah some get frustrated and then they rape you. Indeed the right way to do business.
  • Callieeee
    This was stupid
  • Riggers
    Awwww. What guy hurt you sweetie? 😕.
    • Abi42

      Look at all the misogynists on this page

    • Riggers

      @Abi42 I'd say it's about on part to all the misandrists on this site. What's your point?

    • Riggers

      On par*

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  • Abi42
    I 100% agree with you on this
  • Book_Lover17
    Well this was a wasted MyTake 😐
  • takumii
    Mom pls stop.
  • ADFSDF1996
    Sorry but I only read the title😆.
  • Browneye57
    Hmmm... interesting.
  • Djaaaaaay
    That was totally offensive... FUCK YOU
  • Maazin
    Eh whatever, get yourself examined.
  • Anonymous
    Sure, because men, all things masculine and anything associated with maleness is a monolith. I mean you basically did that: "Imagine the entire population of adult men in the world as a single brain."

    It couldn't possibly be that different people want different things and that some women want to cover up and some (most) men don't have a problem looking at a little cleavage.
  • Anonymous
  • Anonymous
    This is why i no longer have anything to do with women
    • Oh come on we're not all like this ๐Ÿ˜”

    • Anonymous

      #Book_Lover17 I know, but i'm happier away from women. I just do my own thing. I prefer to stay far away from women

    • Okay ๐Ÿ˜Š

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  • Anonymous
    Saying, "You guys as a whole can't seem to make up your minds..." is where it went off the rails and never came back. People don't have a hive mind and claiming that different groups of people should have the same thoughts is your problem.

    The rest of this post showed the same narrow thinking. All complaints, no arguments. You don't like how other people act? Welcome to the universe, child. Grow up and open your mind.
  • Anonymous
    LOL you make it sound like religion is a man's thing. NONSENSE!!

    Wicca is a female religion with a mother goddess... an extremely evil religion... Whereas men have always preached peace! A queen in power has historically always led to a significant increase in wars. Women commit the majority of domestic violence. Lesbians are more violent than gays.

    Funny how this take is "promoted" on this feminazi website. (comment removed/feminist censorship in 3... 2... 1)
    • Anonymous

      Actually I hope they don't remove it. It's a great example of stupidity and they should leave it here for people to marvel.

    • Anonymous

      Only a woman/feminist can call facts "stupidity"!! XD

      Women are also more likely to commit child abuse, whether married or single. Women's prisons have rates of sexual victimization 3 times higher than that of male prisons... and in male prisons the rapes are mainly in gay and bisexual circles... not straight men. Women commit 90% of the rapes of boys in juvi even though they make up less than half the staff.

      It's not just physical violence. Women also leech off men and often nag us to death... among other horrible things. More wars by queens = waayy more killings by queens.

      For example, the brutalities of Spain in the Americas were mostly under the authority of queens Isabella and Joanna.

    • Djaaaaaay

      Take owner. FUCK YOU

  • Anonymous
    Simple Logic (that a child can grasp): Men want women to be sluts for them not for other men. Be a freak in the sheet and dress up for him, not dress up public because your constantly on the prowl to trade up and therefore need to look your best to attract a new man.
  • Anonymous
    I agree about religion, but on the first topic... don't act like you don't want a guy with a large dick and six pack abs.
  • Anonymous
    Someone didn't get hugs as a kid...
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