Sick of "The Patriarchy" - Blame Your Mother

[GoldMeddle]

The patriarchy is a term feminists use time and time again. Supposedly, women are living in an oppressive society built for men and are forced to fit in and adapt. If they try to get ahead, they are shunned and stopped from doing so. How exactly large companies led by females fit into this "patriarchy", I'm not sure.

This whole "patriarchy" argument is incredibly confusing. How exactly can a woman be running for top position in this country if women are oppressed? It doesn't make much sense. I must be missing something.

Some men and women argue that the patriarchy does not exist. Some argue that it does. So for the purposes of today's MyTake, the patriarchy does exist. There is a male dominated power structure oppressing women. Any woman who fights the patriarchy is immediately shunned and dismissed as an SJW or feminazi.

So who is to blame for this patriarchy? Men, of course. After all, the system benefits them. Just like white people are to blame for slavery and segregation, men are to blame for the patriarchy.

Which makes sense, until you take a closer look at a particular element of the patriarchy.

Now, once again, it could be argued that biological factors such as balance of hormones affect behavior and that gender is not a social construct.

But, once again, for the purposes of this Take, gender is a social construct. There are less female politicians because women are taught to be quiet and polite and non combative. If a girl was raised like a boy is raised, she would have similar interests and would be tougher and more willing to stand up for herself.

But here's where things get confusing. According to feminists, the patriarchy oppresses women and that is why women are encouraged to be housewives while men are encouraged to pursue a career and achieve their goals.

But feminists also believe gender is a product of social conditioning. There is no inherent difference between the two genders in terms of interests or desire to achieve.

But, historically, women have been the caretakers at home. Meaning that, women are socialized by their mothers. Meaning, if there is an issue with how women are socialized...

Their mothers are to be blamed. Because their fathers are away from home earning money and working.

And if this is not the case, and women and men are equally responsible and have equal say when raising a child.

Then patriarchy doesn't exist.

Here's another interesting element though. Historically, women have been caretakers and men breadwinners (I'm talking about generations ago.) So that means men were also socialized by their mothers. And if we are to believe there is no biological difference, their mothers socialized them to be tougher and more dominant.

So if men are tougher and more dominant than women, once again mothers are to blame.

So either...

The patriarchy exists, social conditioning by gender is real, and mothers in society are to blame for it.

OR

The patriarchy isn't real, there are biological differences between genders, and mothers are doing a fine job.

Personally, I don't think mothers are to blame. I think mothers are doing a fine job, so I think the latter is the case.

Either way, no matter how you look at it, men are not to blame.

*I enjoyed doing this stream of consciousness MyTake where I didn't obsess over every detail and instead just made observations. Hopefully you enjoyed reading it.

*I welcome all comments. Be as rude as you want, but expect equal treatment.

[vishna]

Culture teaches people or forces people how to act, how not to act, and so on. I'd call myself a feminist, but I don't use the term "patriarchy" simply because I'm not a fan of incorporating buzz words into my vocabulary.

I think you're right that women DO have a part in perpetuating gender stereotypes and making it harder on our gender in general. My grandmother told me all the time that I'd have to cook for my husband every day (even if I was tired) because he would need food, and I'd have to cook meat (I don't eat meat) because he will want it. To her, I have to cook for another human being if we get married simply because he will have a penis, and I have a vagina. Funnnnnn.

Ok, and I don't fuss much when she says that because she's old and my sexist ole grandmamie.

But who taught her that? Who has gained for centuries from the oppression of women: free sex because martial sex wasn't a thing, free cook because not cooking for your man was seen as bad, free punching bag because it some cultures and countries it was 100% within his rights.

I'm not saying all men are terrible and the patriarchy is real. I'm just saying even hypothetically blaming all of women's problems (via the patriarchy) on women is just silly.

[GoldMeddle]

@vishna I don't believe the patriarchy exists. I was approaching this from a perspective of "if the patriarchy exists..." Personally, I think men and women are more or less equal. If you can name a right women currently do not have that men do, fair enough. But all the times I've asked this question I've never gotten an answer. I hate asking it, but I am curious to understand a feminist's perspective on this. Unless there's something that's not occurring to me...

I don't blame all of women's problems on the patriarchy. I took that attitude because women tend to blame men. So I took the other extreme to make a point. Obviously it's not a woman's fault that she is raped- that lies solely on the perpetrator, usually a man. Although, as heinous as rape is I consider all violent crimes bad and men are more likely to be the victim of all other types. So in the grand scheme of things, the genders are fairly equal in that department, but improvement in either would be a good thing.

[GoldMeddle]

@vishna I was only talking about America and other first world countries. Obviously some middle eastern countries treat women like garbage and feminism is necessary in those places.

[vishna]

sorry marital rape* in 3rd paragraph. I think it's valid for a western woman to consider herself a feminist, even if women can legally drive, not be forced to marry as a teen, etc. Women in America are fortunate to have been born in a country where we are pretty much assured our rights. However, there is still a lack of justice for rape and there are still many outdated notions about rape that do negatively impact women in America: and these notions are even held by young people. Ex) If she's wearing X she was asking for it, if she drank it was her fault, if she did this sexually then she was giving him mixed signals. I was on my fb today and a video had been liked thousands of times with a title like "They were wrong for bothering her but she shouldn't have been wearing that" And it was a video a guy took as him and his friends cat called a woman at a food stand, got close to her ass, videotaped her, and overall sexually harassed her because she chose to wear something that she looked

[vishna]

hot in.
And I know people that think this way. And I'm don't for a second thing American culture is as bad towards women as some other countries. However, it's still an issue, and it still causes pain for women. So, why not try to make it stop.
Also, I don't categorize all crimes like that. And I don't think crimes can be "fair" Rape isn't fair for men or women. And being robbed or murdered isn't fair. I don't quite get the concept you're describing.

[Saoirse_Nua]

That does make a lot of sense but I would blame society rather than any particular gender. Patriarchy or privilege I think is more a latent acceptance rather than an evil power tool. Would I like to see it change, yes but in a way that is fair to all. I honestly think neither side is elementally evil but they are so caught up in the "I F****** hate you" that any thought of "Lets see if we have any common ground" is thrown in the wayside. Nearly every conflict was effectively finished by dialogue not by beating one side to a pulp or mutually assured destruction.

[GoldMeddle]

@Saoirse_Nua I was kind of playing devil's advocate with this Take in the sense that I approached it from "Patriarchy exists." Although, not really because I didn't approach it from a feminist's point of view. I used a feminist's point of view to point out logical fallacies.

I do think there is a lot of tension between anti-feminists and feminists. And both of them use cheap tactics using words like "mansplaining" and "cuck" "SJW" "Closet-liberal" to shut down conversation. I may do a Take about the Anti-PC side, because there is just as much to criticize.

Personally I don't think patriarchy exists. I believe men and women have different interests, I don't believe gender is a social construct. I think anybody of every gender should be encouraged to achieve in whatever field they wish, but I also think gender differences are a good thing not something that needs to be eradicated. And gender differences mean each gender has strengths and weaknesses.

[kaylaS91]

uh oh. Here we go with another man complaining about how men have dominated society for millennia and blaming it on women/feminism (becuase they have nothing else on which to blame their fruitless bitch-rants).
media.giphy.com/media/13sUwJPHp6wf16/giphy.gif

[GoldMeddle]

@kaylaS91 did you actually read the MyTake or did you just see the title?

If you had actually read the MyTake you would realize that I don't even believe men dominate society and the patriarchy exists. In retrospect, this was the perfect title because it exposes who read this and who did not.

Fruitless bitch rant- what do you call this? There's nothing of substance in your comment just you complaining to me about men complaining about feminism.

[kaylaS91]

yes sweetcheeks, I read it.
'But, historically, women have been the caretakers at home. Meaning that, women are socialized by their mothers. Meaning, if there is an issue with how women are socialized...
Their mothers are to be blamed. Because their fathers are away from home earning money and working.' <---- blaming women for doing a shitty job of raising their daughters because the men were mia.

So that means men were also socialized by their mothers. And if we are to believe there is no biological difference, their mothers socialized them to be tougher and more dominant.
So if men are tougher and more dominant than women, once again mothers are to blame.<-- more horseshit blaming the mothers on raising their sons 'wrong', as well. Because heaven forbid we put any of the blame on the barbaric and patriarchal as hell mostly if not only male governing bodies!
No. That's just be unfair.

[GoldMeddle]

@kaylaS91 you read it selectively

The patriarchy isn't real, there are biological differences between genders, and mothers are doing a fine job.

Personally, I don't think mothers are to blame. I think mothers are doing a fine job, so I think the latter is the case

I don't think the patriarchy exists and I think mothers are awesome. I was approaching this from the standpoint of if it does actually exist, stop blaming men for it.

[GoldMeddle]

@kaylaS91 that's in the MyTake as well. Check for yourself

[kaylaS91]

mhm.. So either women are to blame, or nobody's to blame and equal treatment for all.
Victims love to blame someone other than themselves so your 'equal' viewpoint managed to give birth to theredpill.

Congratulations on your giant bandwagon of individuals who find putting themselves in the driver's seat as overwhelming.

[GoldMeddle]

@kaylaS91 Precisely, glad you understand sugarbuns.

[GoldMeddle]

@kaylaS91 I'm still not sure exactly how men are to blame though. You still haven't explained that to me. How is patriarchy the fault of men.

[kaylaS91]

No specific gender is to blame. At this point, I'd say that the people who feel like blaming a certain gender and thinking that'll actually resolve any 'inequalities' are, if anything, the most at fault for creating an even bigger divide and fixing NOTHING alongside that.

[Elarra]

Here's the summary for everyone who doesn't feel like reading.

"Men are only in charge because you let us be."

The end lol

My mother and father had a give and take relationship. Both worked, both respected and loved one another, both cooked and cleaned, both went grocery shopping, both took care of us kids and watched us while the other went off for time to themselves, and both supported one another. So if you're asking me to blame my mother for providing myself and my siblings a good a example of a healthy and loving 32 year long marriage, I'd be more than happy to oblige.

[Aqualung]

It's ridiculous everyone knows mom's the boss. Men dying on battlefields don't cry out for dad and never have. It's all because of a very base male condition and natural biological fact. Women can have intercouse anytime which provides us diversity and ensures reproduction of the species; our only reason for existence. Men can't, biologically. And it bothers us subconsciously, so being stronger, we dominated. But we were and are still 'Paper Tigers ". But we both have biologically assigned roles, like it or not.

[CisScum]

Isn't the definition of patriarchy where in a government men dominate seats or government officials. Is that not true still today? I mean the government is still highly dominated by man mostly because it has always been dominated by men since the dawn of government.

[anonman32]

Patriarchy does not exists, nobody can name anyone that is a member of this said patriarchy, yet all men are somehow a member? Seems very much like the Nazi anti semitic propaganda to cause a racial divide between germans amd jews. And so this propaganda patriarchy causes a divide between women and men, just look at the female comment section. Its filled with antagonizing behavior.

[YourName123]

men are not equal to women.

Men can't have kids and commit most of the murder due to their DIFFERENT hormone and physiological makeup and greater strength.

While both genders are capable of doing a wide variety of things, especially in the case of outstanding individuals, typically, women will excel at certain things and men at others.

People should play to thier strengths

[Rawrzz]

Thw fatal flaw in your reasoning--I say as an antifeminist--is that children also go to school. Children also watch T. V. and movies and cartoons. E. g.: parental influence is only half the equation. You have to take into account societal influence.

[Fathoms77]

Ah, very Freudian. BLAME MOM! :P

j/k

Nice Take!

[raspberry0416]

Patriarchy exists but it's going away, that's why a woman is able to run for president. When she wins patriarchy will go away even more.

[GoldMeddle]

@rasberry0416 precisely what makes you think it exists though?

[raspberry0416]

You do realize historically women in America had very few legal rights, including the right to own property, and were not protected against marital rape. Legally women were men''s property, not people. The effects of that history carry over into today, even though the laws have changed. Patriarchy lives on in discriminatory attitudes towards women's place in society and women''s bodily autonomy.
Think about it, why is it that there has never been a woman president, and why is it such a big deal that there is going to be a first one. Because people 50 years ago would never believe that women have the intellectual capacity to run a country. That's what I mean when I say patriarchy exists.

[GoldMeddle]

@rasberry0416 Historically, yes. But we don't live in history. We live in the present time. Examples of patriarchy today.

Patriarchy lives on in discriminatory attitudes towards women's place in society and women''s bodily autonomy. The fact that feminism gets so much attention in the media makes me think this isn't the case. If so many people had "discriminatory attitudes" why is feminist talked about and featured so much in the media?

How many women have run for president? How many men have run for president? Women have been allowed to run for president for years. Is it possible they just... aren't interested? Just like most men aren't interested?

With slavery you can make a case for slavery affecting people's lives today. Because slaves weren't paid money so money wasn't passed down through generations, so the next generation was disadvantaged- so on and so forth. I'm not sure what argument you can make for women though.

[raspberry0416]

Why does having feminism featured in the media have anything to do with discriminatory attitudes towards women?
And no, it wasn't because women weren't interested. Hillary Clinton was always interested but she was treated with hostility in the 90s for wanting to be a leader and not just the wife of a leader. You are seriously misinformed if you think women in the past have had the same opportunities that women do today. What you are seeing is the gradual breaking of barriers that used to be in place.
Examples of patriarchy today: politicians still fighting abortion, Brock Turner and guys like him who think they are entitled to women's bodies, Donald Trump and all the ridiculous things he says.

[GoldMeddle]

@raspberry0416

1. Supposedly society as a whole supports these attitudes toward women, yet society keeps bringing attention to them.

2. Hillary Clinton was always interested but she was treated with hostility in the 90s for wanting to be a leader and not just the wife of a leader.

Name a president who was not "treated with hostility." Presidents are always treated with hostility. Presidents are THREATENED on a regular basis. MALE presidents. Hence the need for the secret service. To claim that only female presidents experience hostility is ignorant.

When I said women have been allowed for years I meant the past decade. In recent times. Long ago women were not allowed. Women weren't even allowed to vote, obviously. Yet, in the recent elections how many women have there been and how many men have there been?

A "gradual breaking of barriers." What I'm seeing is the barriers being moved to hold back men. That's what I'm seeing. Slowly but surely.

[GoldMeddle]

@raspberry0416 yes, Brock Turner got an incredibly short sentence. That's not the fault of men as a whole that's the fault of one particular judge who happened to be male. If you remember the massive backlash that came after his light sentence. People were not in support of that at all.

"Guys like him" I'm aware of one other case like that.

Yes, 1% of men are Sociopaths. You can't look at the actions of some sociopaths and liken that to the actions of men in general. "Men like them" what percentage of men do you think actually rape women? If you think it's a high percentage you've been reading too much huffpo. And that study that said 1 in 3 men would rape if no laws were in place is complete bullshit.

So Donald Trump should not be allowed to run for president? Isn't that interfering with the rights of people in this country. I can't stand Donald Trump and most of what he says is complete bullshit but to say he can't run or can't say those things is being ignorant of the first

[GoldMeddle]

@raspberry0416 amendment. And the fact that he's received endless criticism for his actions says a lot about society and society's attitude towards misogynistic men. They are shunned in society.

If men could also have kids and there were different rules, we could clearly say that's based on gender. As they don't, we can't say whether it's based on gender or whether these laws would be in place even if men could have kids. And abortion is legal in the US. So I don't know what the big issue is. RELIGIOUS people will never accept it. Christians and the Patriarchy are two different groups.

Turning everything into men vs women is absurd and only increases tensions. The patriarchy doesn't exist, there is 0 evidence that it does.

[raspberry0416]

Now I see what's causing the problem. You think men are being treated unfairly. It would be a better use of your time to talk about how men are treated unfairly instead of trying to argue that patriarchy doesn't exist.
To respond to your points:
Some people in society are trying to fight discrimination, that's why they keep putting feminism in the press.
Hillary Clinton was treated with hostility because she was a woman and trying to take charge. Men who try to take charge do not face the same sort of hostility. That's not to say that male presidents don't get criticized for anything. Of course they do.
The fact that judge Aaron Persky exists and makes it to the level of a judge is evidence of patriarchy. He is a male in a position of power who is incredibly sympathetic to a rapist, and he was rightly criticized for it.
Donald Trump is not shunned. He is a major party nominee for president. His supporters are misogynistic.

[GoldMeddle]

@raspberry0416 I've found that most people who don't support Donald Trump despise him. And, according to polls, that's most people.

I don't think men are being treated unfairly in society. I think certain groups of people make generalizations about men that are unfair and ignorant. That's what I think. Most people who think that way don't believe the patriarchy exists because that would mean you believe women are oppressed in society. If somebody believes men are oppressed, or men are unfairly blamed, they do not believe in the patriarchy.

The press is trying to attract as many readers as possible. Why would they spend so much time covering feminism if so many people were against feminism. The majority of people seem to be pro social justice, just like the majority are voting for Hillary Clinton.

Hillary Clinton was treated with hostility because she's said and done some horrible things. Donald Trump is treated with hostility by many like you because he's said and done horrible t

[GoldMeddle]

@raspberry0416 The fact that judge Aaron Persky exists and makes it to the level of a judge is evidence of patriarchy. He is a male in a position of power who is incredibly sympathetic to a rapist, and he was rightly criticized for it

Hillary Clinton laughing about getting off a child rapist... is that not a similar situation? She was incredibly sympathetic towards him- she helped clear his name. Aaron Persky should not be in power and neither should she. I would happily vote for a woman president if there was an alternative. I would have considered voting for Jill Stein before I heard her internet wave conspiracy theory nonsense.

I think I'm going about this the wrong way. You are a 28 year old woman. What experiences have you had? I will be respectful. Maybe you have encountered misogyny. Something has shaped your world view. I won't argue against the examples you give, I'll just read and process.

[Wolfstarking]

You do realize women are presidents in other countries right? The US is not the only country. Also Hitlery Clinton is the most corrupt politician to ever run for office.

[mistixs]

I did a poll on here once and most men said they learned most their gender roles from their dads.

[Jager66]

Yeah pretty much.

Patriarchy is a thing though, just like Matriarchy, it's Feminist "Patriarchy Theory" that's 100% bullshit.

[John_Doesnt]

I always blame my pill-popping mother. It's a great excuse for when I screw up. "Oh I set your house on fire? Blame my mom and my upbringing!"

[Anonymous]

I can blame only my father, because his retrograde patriarchal upbringing made my life very bitter, I was never "good enough" for his conservative and old-fashioned standards.

[Adigelunar]

nGood post