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Being a guy doesn't just mean having a penis and using your penis (although that's a big part of it), being a guy means being awesome. Living life. Taking risks and chances. Fucking with and fucking girls.
Overall, I like being a guy. In a lot of ways I'm not your stereotypical "guy." But in other ways, I am. For instance, I hate football. I'm tall but skinny and I hate all the pausing and resuming. On the other hand, I like video games. And girls. And technology. And creating.
So without further ado, here's what it means to be a guy.
Yes, I'm well aware women play video games too. Most women treat it as a hobby though. For guys, it's a way of life.
Video games are, in some sense, a rite of passage. I remember for my fifth birthday I got three video game consoles that didn't work before I stumbled upon the Nintendo plug and play console. I fucking loved that thing. PaperBoy, Ice Climbers, Kung Fu, and Bomberman- amazing. I don't remember what my first E10+ game was, but I'm pretty sure my first T game was Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess (I know, it doesn't sound very masculine.) My first M game was Bioshock (my favorite game to this day).
I even remember how I stumbled across it. Years before my dad was talking about a game he read about where you're trying to survive after a plane crash. Years later, on a whim, I decided to look that game up and see what had become of it. And I'm glad I did.
(Would you like some painkillers before your operation?)
I'm a huge fan of dystopian literature, probably thanks to this game. I don't even have the words to describe this game. It's fucking amazing. Play it if you haven't.
Looking back on it, I probably only did karate because of Kung-Fu the game. Crazy women didn't throw bees at me, but I had some weird encounters.
Dick Jokes/Talk/Having a dick
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Penises are amazing. Usually. There are exceptions. Laying down in the floor in tight sweatpants doing yoga... ouch. Ball pain from running... ouch. But for the most part, having a penis is awesome. And they make for good topics of conversation.
I was watching a podcast recently and this really well known, respected, super intelligent Youtuber was talking about... whether you could judge the size of a guy's junk by how it sounds when he's peeing.
A woman could spend two hours stimulating herself and absolutely nothing happens. If a guy wants to, he could probably get off in five minutes. Believe me, I've masturbated at three in the morning while I felt like crap and I was still able to orgasm. No batteries required.
And the dick jokes... the fucking dick jokes.
Trust me on this- having a dick is awesome.
You don't need to shave
Granted, some guys should shave. I have a very young looking face (that's not me bragging by the way, I look like I'm about 14-15) and I have a mustache. It looks really fucking weird. And terrible. At some point I'll get around to shaving it.
Some women spend hours shaving and even waxing. I've ripped off a super sticky bandaid before and it hurt like hell. I've never attempted to rip the hairs out of my own legs, but I'd imagine it would hurt.
And yes, technically women don't need to shave either. In fact, while I'm on the subject of shaving I don't understand how anybody- man or woman- puts a razor anywhere near their genitals. Trimming is one thing, but shaving just seems unnecessary. And even though most guys don't mind, many women do shave their genitals.
Little off topic rant there. Anyways, I'm glad I don't need to shave.
As a guy it's important to have a cultivated well rounded sense of humor. For dating and for bonding in general.
Typically guys develop their brand of humor from a young age, when seeing somebody fall down is amusing. From there, the humor develops into something everybody can appreciate. Or, it doesn't, and the guy becomes a full fledged Sociopath.
Dumb joke, but you get the idea. Humor is a cornerstone of guy culture. If you're in the mood for a laugh, here's a pretty funny stand up routine I saw by Donald Glover, creator of Atlanta. (funny show- check it out if you haven't yet).
It's the perfect blend of toilet humor and more evolved comedy. Check it out.
To be continued?
Is there more to being a guy. Definitely. But guys get bored fairly easily, so I'll leave it at that. Thanks for reading, hopefully you enjoyed. If you did, click that like button and I'll make a part two.