[Warning: Long take!]
I feel like I need to write this because there are so many people that misunderstand the opposite sex on so many fundamental issues. Many of them are biological aspects, and others are cultural.
So, hear me out before you disregard this as a sexist thread. This is intended to be 100% objective (but, of course, I may be completely wrong in some points), and I don’t want to offend either of the genders, so I'm going to keep this as non-offensive as possible. I also want to clarify that I tried my very best to adopt a male viewpoint and try to understand them because I believe society really punishes men for being...men! And society also doesn't favor women in many aspects either.
The point of this thread is to make people understand that men and women are essentially different, and these differences can make up a high percentage of our miscommunication and misunderstandings. Men and women are not equal fundamentally, but we can of course change social expectations and culture in order to favor both sexes. I support the idea that one shouldn't be more privileged or more empowered than the other. But the road to equality is definitely verging on impossibility, so that's kind of a reality check that some people need.
Okay, let's start.
BIOLOGICAL ISSUE #1: Sex & Love
We all know that men have more desires to have sex than women do, even if you disagree with this (there are obviously exceptions). When a man looks at an attractive woman, the first thing that pops into his mind is sex and how the experience of sex would be with this woman. This happens mostly when the guy is a teenager or young adult. The man does not think "Oh wow, I want to get to know her better, she seems like an awesome person." He may think about this WHILE getting to know her, but it's impossible to know how she's like just by looking at her of course.
Women, on the other hand, have a very different response to an attractive man. When she sees an attractive guy, most of the time, sex is NOT the first thing that she thinks of. Even if it is, she will most likely want to connect with him on an emotional level, and she won't think with her genitals. Women, generally, CAN control their urge to have sex with a man. In fact, we can ignore the urge to have sex quite easily (but not forever, obviously).
Women actually are attracted to a man when he exhibits positive behavioral traits and a good attitude. If he's sweet, if he's nurturing, if he's compassionate, if he's funny, if he's quirky, etc. THIS is the main reason why a woman starts to truly consider having a relationship with him.
But men, at first, want to date a girl because of how she looks, and because of sex. That's his main motivation in the beginning. But this experience starts to neutralize when he gets to know her; both the woman and the man start to discover many personality traits of the other. The woman starts to see that he's "good enough" to have sex with, and the man starts to see that she's "good enough" to fall in love with and connect with emotionally!
So it goes like this... At first, men think of sex, and THEN they start to want to connect with her emotionally. Women's experience is reversed--she wants to connect with him emotionally, and THEN she wants to have sex with him! This really makes it hard for both men and women to communicate and understand each other, especially in teenage years.
Also, this is the main reason why people say that women should not "give it up" so easily, because they want to ensure the man falls for her and is loyal to her before she ends up heartbroken. It's not a sexist thing... it's just what happens.
BIOLOGICAL ISSUE #2: Impulsivity & Risk-taking
An endless number of studies have proved that men's testosterone & other hormones make men have more impulsive behavior, and they also take more risks than women do. Women, generally, are more cautious to potential dangers. It's a biological thing--women have always been more physically vulnerable, so our female ancestors had to be more careful to avoid any type of danger.
Men are more likely to get in serious accidents and injure themselves heavily because of this. They're also more likely to commit serious crimes, violence, and get themselves into all types of dangerous situations. Criminal organizations are more likely to be led by men, because they're simply more inclined to take risks.
Women generally don’t get themselves into these types of situations. Most of the time they'd rather be safe instead of taking risks.
BIOLOGICAL ISSUE #3: Differences in Body Size & Strength
We all know that men are taller and stronger than women. Their body size is bigger than women's, and this influences how we perceive each other. A man perceives a woman differently than how a woman perceives the man. A man generally does not feel threatened when in the company of lots of women, because in his mind, he can overpower all of them. Of course, he may be wrong in many occasions, because women don't have to rely on their strength anymore; they can rely on weapons and such.
Women, though, generally do feel threatened when they're in the company of many men. If a woman is alone with a large group of men, she will feel like they're plotting something against her. And since she is powerless, she will feel unsafe in the environment. She knows she wouldn't be able to overpower them, even with weapons (unless it's a very potent one that kills all of them or something).
The way we perceive each other plays a big role on how we interact with each other, and this is why women automatically assume a man will hurt them if she's outside at night, in a deserted road, and a man happens to be there. She will feel threatened by him immediately because of the environment and the fact that no one is there to save her if something happens to her.
Today, a man who doesn't intend to hurt the woman will feel threatened too or will feel bad, because he may think "This woman thinks i'll hurt her" or "This woman will accuse me of something I didn't do." It stems from how we perceive each other, and the difference in our body size.
And now let's get to the more societal/cultural aspects...
SOCIAL ISSUE #1: Male suicide, depression & expression of emotions
Most suicides, as most of you know, are male suicides.
Men are currently in a society that is making them feel like they're inherently evil or should change their fundamental nature in order to fit into society. It's actually a lot tougher for men to adapt to society than for women. Women have a smoother experience while growing up and adapting to a society that is trying to make the world safer for women.
I'm not saying that it's easy for women. I'm just saying that the road society is choosing to take is one that mostly favors women. We women still face discrimination, of course, but society as a whole is taking a path to improve women's lives, instead of improving both men's and women's lives.
It's kind of like an objective. "Violence against women" is very relevant in modern culture. But where is "violent against men" or "men should be able to feel safe in society"? I have never seen such a statement or such a protest. But I do see things like "women should be able to feel safe in society".
Did you know that 80% of murder victims ARE men? So... this makes no sense, right? Why is it SO important to save a woman's life compared to a man's? Women's lives are not more important, at least they should not be. Both are equally important, but the world starts to lose it when a woman is killed, as opposed to when a man is killed!
Male suicide and depression is the result of a society that does not like them or favor them. They don't feel loved by social culture, and they don’t feel like they're useful anymore. That is not fair, and men deserve to feel happy and safe in a society that is focusing on women's safety and tranquility! We HAVE to listen to men as well.
SOCIAL ISSUE #2: Rape Culture & Rape Accusations
I understand that most rape victims are women and young children. And rape strips away a woman's dignity, her essence, and it simply a disastrous, traumatic experience for a woman and any person for that matter. Any person, regardless of their age or sex or race, can easily experience a lot of trauma and psychological issues as a result of being raped.
But there are two issues here that co-exist. Rape culture and rape accusations. Rape culture is normalizing sexual violence against women, and rape accusations is normalizing men being viewed as rapists. These two issues are extremely harmful for humanity.
Men are not rapists by nature. And women are not going to be raped just because they're women in society. This way of thinking opens the door for hateful attitudes toward men, and this also makes women literally want to be more violent and resentful toward men in general. If women feel like men are inherently rapists, they're going to be cruel toward men. If men feel like it's okay to rape a woman, then they won't do much to make changes.
SOCIAL ISSUE #3: Women's safety & Men walking on eggshells
Women have more expectations of men than vice versa. In today's society, men are expected to respect women and to view a woman as an equal because this helps him understand that she's a human being, just like him. And that's totally fine, but the issue starts to get worse when women expect men to treat them like they were royalty.
Men don't have to be nice to you just because you're a woman.
And women don't have to feel safe with you just because you think you're a good guy.
If a man insults a woman these days, he's considered sexist and misogynist, but if a woman insults a man, she's a strong assertive person. That's completely illogical, don't you think? And just because you're a good guy, this does not mean that the woman has to say yes to you and put her walls down around you.
These two are very harmful to men and women.
We need to understand each other before we judge each other. And we can't do this if we only take into consideration our own viewpoint. We have to try very hard to put ourselves in the opposite sex's shoes in order to truly understand what they go through. Men and women have their own issues, and society as a whole needs to adopt a more neutral viewpoint instead of favoring one over the other.
These are my points. I hope you liked this Take. Let me know what you think, lol.
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