Society & Politics

Why I won't ever judge someone for aborting or keeping their baby

The three choices
The three choices

This is pretty spur of the moment since I just saw a very ignorant question about why abortion is legal but murder isn't. I ask you in response, why is it anyone's business what someone does to their own body?

I don't claim to approve or disapprove of abortion; I'm quite neutral to the idea. Unless I'm the one pregnant I really don't care what is or isn't socially acceptable. As far as I am concerned choosing to abort is a huge decision with a few positives and a few negatives depending on your circumstances; but it's a decision only you as the mother can make. Unless of course you are in a long term, healthy and committed relationship in which case your partner absolutely has a say.

Lets see what the options are when you get pregnant. You can have the baby and hope your life goes well, abort the baby, or give it up for adoption.

I want to talk about adoption first because it's a pretty big thing people ignore; people ignore that we even have orphans in this day and age. At the time of writing this the most recent article I found estimated that there are 153 million orphans worldwide and every day 5700 children become orphans. https://adoption.org/many-orphans-worldwide

That's a scary thing to read. 153 million orphans and do you know what's worse? Some countries will not allow their orphans to be adopted by people of other countries despite the fact their own people would rather adopt foreign children. Some countries do not allow children to be adopted by homosexuals or any other sexuality besides heterosexual. Some countries can't even feed their orphans. Some countries have a large proportion of orphans with severe disabilities who probably won't ever be adopted because people don't have the resources to care for them or they simply don't want disabled kids.

The odds of being adopted are slim, children are being put up for adoption almost as fast as they're being adopted. What follows is a life in and out of foster homes, potentially being placed with abusive families and being traumatized, getting lost in the system and forgotten about. Or living a really good life with a foster family who adopt you eventually.

Next we have the option of keeping the baby. Keeping a baby is expensive and it's a serious lifetime commitment for the mother, the father as well if he so chooses; or whatever the gender of your relationship dynamic is. A baby is yours for life unless you give it up and let it disappear into the system; which could be even more traumatic for mom and baby because there's nothing worse than feeling like you were unwanted and experiencing all the above.

You can be in for a lifetime of late bills, doctors visits, snotty noses, hormones, behavioural problems, school fees, guidance, role modeling and dealing with other nosy parents.

On the other hand keeping a baby can be life changing in a good way; if you decide you want the baby, you commit to being a parent, you are confident you'll do everything you can and more to get your child to be a healthy happy adult then that is amazing! Kudo's to you! Having a child can be very rewarding, you get to see something you made grow up into a better version of you (hopefully) and you get to live a life with something you otherwise wouldn't have had.

Now, the topic we've been waiting for; abortion. Abortion is a tough choice to make and it's not one to be taken lightly at all, just like adoption and parenting it leaves it's own pro's and con's and it's really really personal. I can't talk about it as I did with parenting and adoption, it's far more complicated, because unlike adoption and parenting, abortion is generally frowned upon.

Our society demand reasons for everything everyone does. There are some really rational and sound reasons to have an abortion, namely; your life is in danger by being pregnant, you are not financially able to care for a child, you are too young to care for a child, or you're in an abusive situation which isn't safe for a child.

Sound, logical reasons that I think many people have to put tongue in cheek and accept for the most part. I can't imagine anyone forcing a 12 year old rape victim with a bleeding disorder or heart condition to have a baby. That's a maturity gap, potential loss of life, financial burden, and of course what kind of life would that baby have? No one with half a heart would force that girl to go through with it; I sincerely hope.

Take it a step further, why do our reasons have to be purely logical? Why is "I'm just not ready to be a parent" not a reason? And I understand if you're not ready to have a baby don't have sex or use contraceptives, but shit happens and consequences arise from our choices and we should be responsible for our actions. Even so, if you don't want a baby and you end up pregnant anyway, please look your God in the eye and tell him you will always love, cherish and never regret or resent that baby.

This is quite a rant but I dunno I think it needs saying that it's just no ones business. I think too many people are involved in their neighbours lives and they everywhere except at their own families. People find it easier to scrutinize other peoples lives and nitpick about absolute nonsense for no reason other than it's entertaining and like minded people hype them up.

I don't think we should even have to explain why when we get abortions, I don't think we should have to say anything at all to anyone other than the other half of the equation if applicable. Many men seem to feel very angry about women getting abortions and I've never actually heard a reason why besides "It's just wrong it's murder" which I think isn't well thought out or particularly empathetic at all. No less disgusting is that many women have the same explanation for why they harass and ostracize women who choose to do what is right for themselves.

I was working in a restaurant as a waitress and I heard a mother call her daughter selfish for having an abortion and the daughters reply has stuck with me for years. "Selfishness is putting your wants about someone else's needs. YOU WANT me to have a baby but I NEED to be better off financially and I NEED to have better mental health to be a parent. Self-respect is putting your needs over other peoples wants. I am not being selfish for wanting to be in a better place before I have children, at the end of the day I am building a future that I have to live with long after you're dead and it has to be a future my children can flourish in."

Brava Queen! It's things like this that need to be normalized. Yes I understand it's a life, but people forget it's not one life; it's two. People forget men run away from pregnant women, people forget the world is over populated and adding another child into the orphanage doesn't help anyone.

Abortion is a touchy topic and it can be scary, confusing, upsetting and infuriating to see someone go through it. I know I'm going to get hate for this, but plain and simple; mind your own business. If someone chooses to do something that's better for themselves and suits their needs in that time then that's their choice and they are dealing with their own feelings on the matter and don't need your negative input.

If it doesn't directly involve you or effect you and your body and your finances and your family and your home then it's none of your business. Respect people who make decisions out of a need to live and build the lives they want to build. As I said I neither approve or disapprove, it's your decision and not mine; I don't see an embryo as a baby and I feel that whichever choice you make your life will be changed and you will be changed.

What determines if you are for or against abortion is whether or not you feel like you can handle what comes after; emotions, surgery, changes to your cycle, relationships with other people, maybe your religious implications. If you feel like you'd be guilty of murder by having an abortion that's how you feel and that's okay but don't project that onto the contents of other women's wombs. Every one is entitled to their opinions and feelings, these are just my thoughts on the matter.

The decision to parent, give up or abort a baby is between the parents in a healthy relationship setting, or with the mother in other circumstances. It's a discussion that needs to be well thought out, honest and committed. I'm not saying mothers should just make the choices or the men have no say, really just addressing this post to people who aren't expecting that baby.

Why I won't ever judge someone for aborting or keeping their baby
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