Why I won't ever judge someone for aborting or keeping their baby

The three choices
The three choices

This is pretty spur of the moment since I just saw a very ignorant question about why abortion is legal but murder isn't. I ask you in response, why is it anyone's business what someone does to their own body?

I don't claim to approve or disapprove of abortion; I'm quite neutral to the idea. Unless I'm the one pregnant I really don't care what is or isn't socially acceptable. As far as I am concerned choosing to abort is a huge decision with a few positives and a few negatives depending on your circumstances; but it's a decision only you as the mother can make. Unless of course you are in a long term, healthy and committed relationship in which case your partner absolutely has a say.

Lets see what the options are when you get pregnant. You can have the baby and hope your life goes well, abort the baby, or give it up for adoption.

I want to talk about adoption first because it's a pretty big thing people ignore; people ignore that we even have orphans in this day and age. At the time of writing this the most recent article I found estimated that there are 153 million orphans worldwide and every day 5700 children become orphans. https://adoption.org/many-orphans-worldwide

That's a scary thing to read. 153 million orphans and do you know what's worse? Some countries will not allow their orphans to be adopted by people of other countries despite the fact their own people would rather adopt foreign children. Some countries do not allow children to be adopted by homosexuals or any other sexuality besides heterosexual. Some countries can't even feed their orphans. Some countries have a large proportion of orphans with severe disabilities who probably won't ever be adopted because people don't have the resources to care for them or they simply don't want disabled kids.

The odds of being adopted are slim, children are being put up for adoption almost as fast as they're being adopted. What follows is a life in and out of foster homes, potentially being placed with abusive families and being traumatized, getting lost in the system and forgotten about. Or living a really good life with a foster family who adopt you eventually.

Next we have the option of keeping the baby. Keeping a baby is expensive and it's a serious lifetime commitment for the mother, the father as well if he so chooses; or whatever the gender of your relationship dynamic is. A baby is yours for life unless you give it up and let it disappear into the system; which could be even more traumatic for mom and baby because there's nothing worse than feeling like you were unwanted and experiencing all the above.

You can be in for a lifetime of late bills, doctors visits, snotty noses, hormones, behavioural problems, school fees, guidance, role modeling and dealing with other nosy parents.

On the other hand keeping a baby can be life changing in a good way; if you decide you want the baby, you commit to being a parent, you are confident you'll do everything you can and more to get your child to be a healthy happy adult then that is amazing! Kudo's to you! Having a child can be very rewarding, you get to see something you made grow up into a better version of you (hopefully) and you get to live a life with something you otherwise wouldn't have had.

Now, the topic we've been waiting for; abortion. Abortion is a tough choice to make and it's not one to be taken lightly at all, just like adoption and parenting it leaves it's own pro's and con's and it's really really personal. I can't talk about it as I did with parenting and adoption, it's far more complicated, because unlike adoption and parenting, abortion is generally frowned upon.

Our society demand reasons for everything everyone does. There are some really rational and sound reasons to have an abortion, namely; your life is in danger by being pregnant, you are not financially able to care for a child, you are too young to care for a child, or you're in an abusive situation which isn't safe for a child.

Sound, logical reasons that I think many people have to put tongue in cheek and accept for the most part. I can't imagine anyone forcing a 12 year old rape victim with a bleeding disorder or heart condition to have a baby. That's a maturity gap, potential loss of life, financial burden, and of course what kind of life would that baby have? No one with half a heart would force that girl to go through with it; I sincerely hope.

Take it a step further, why do our reasons have to be purely logical? Why is "I'm just not ready to be a parent" not a reason? And I understand if you're not ready to have a baby don't have sex or use contraceptives, but shit happens and consequences arise from our choices and we should be responsible for our actions. Even so, if you don't want a baby and you end up pregnant anyway, please look your God in the eye and tell him you will always love, cherish and never regret or resent that baby.

This is quite a rant but I dunno I think it needs saying that it's just no ones business. I think too many people are involved in their neighbours lives and they everywhere except at their own families. People find it easier to scrutinize other peoples lives and nitpick about absolute nonsense for no reason other than it's entertaining and like minded people hype them up.

I don't think we should even have to explain why when we get abortions, I don't think we should have to say anything at all to anyone other than the other half of the equation if applicable. Many men seem to feel very angry about women getting abortions and I've never actually heard a reason why besides "It's just wrong it's murder" which I think isn't well thought out or particularly empathetic at all. No less disgusting is that many women have the same explanation for why they harass and ostracize women who choose to do what is right for themselves.

I was working in a restaurant as a waitress and I heard a mother call her daughter selfish for having an abortion and the daughters reply has stuck with me for years. "Selfishness is putting your wants about someone else's needs. YOU WANT me to have a baby but I NEED to be better off financially and I NEED to have better mental health to be a parent. Self-respect is putting your needs over other peoples wants. I am not being selfish for wanting to be in a better place before I have children, at the end of the day I am building a future that I have to live with long after you're dead and it has to be a future my children can flourish in."

Brava Queen! It's things like this that need to be normalized. Yes I understand it's a life, but people forget it's not one life; it's two. People forget men run away from pregnant women, people forget the world is over populated and adding another child into the orphanage doesn't help anyone.

Abortion is a touchy topic and it can be scary, confusing, upsetting and infuriating to see someone go through it. I know I'm going to get hate for this, but plain and simple; mind your own business. If someone chooses to do something that's better for themselves and suits their needs in that time then that's their choice and they are dealing with their own feelings on the matter and don't need your negative input.

If it doesn't directly involve you or effect you and your body and your finances and your family and your home then it's none of your business. Respect people who make decisions out of a need to live and build the lives they want to build. As I said I neither approve or disapprove, it's your decision and not mine; I don't see an embryo as a baby and I feel that whichever choice you make your life will be changed and you will be changed.

What determines if you are for or against abortion is whether or not you feel like you can handle what comes after; emotions, surgery, changes to your cycle, relationships with other people, maybe your religious implications. If you feel like you'd be guilty of murder by having an abortion that's how you feel and that's okay but don't project that onto the contents of other women's wombs. Every one is entitled to their opinions and feelings, these are just my thoughts on the matter.

The decision to parent, give up or abort a baby is between the parents in a healthy relationship setting, or with the mother in other circumstances. It's a discussion that needs to be well thought out, honest and committed. I'm not saying mothers should just make the choices or the men have no say, really just addressing this post to people who aren't expecting that baby.

Why I won't ever judge someone for aborting or keeping their baby
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  • Celtero
    See, the contention is that unwanted pregnancy is very avoidable. Abortion advocates will talk as if birth control and condoms fail 50% of the time. You get these hypocrites who think they're a pillar of virtue and then they turn around and kill their own child in the womb.

    And abortion is very much my business when you get Joe Biden talking about how he'll try to repeal the Hyde amendment, making my tax dollars available to pay for abortions.

    Lastly, the main problem I have with abortionists is how utterly retarded and sophistic all their arguments are. You showed very little of this... The only thing I'll point out is being an orphan is better than being dead and even if you're not an orphan you can grow up having abusive parents that meant to have you. I've known adopted kids that live very privileged lives who could've been mincemeat at the bottom of some medical waste container.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Pregnancy is avoidable 100% I agree. I know birth control and condoms are very effective and rarely fail, I have no doubt about that. I'm not American so I can't say anything about your system but in my country if you want an abortion you pay for it yourself. I don't know why your system requires tax money for it, that's just stupid and I can see why you'd disapprove.

      I think being an orphan can be quite awful, you've been abandoned because you weren't wanted, you never know who you are or if you fit in. Thats a very subjective emotional response from me and it doesn't represent all orphans, like I said there are orphans lucky enough to be in happy homes. I did grow up with an abusive parent so I know what you mean but I would rather have been dead personally than born to a woman who hates me.

      So I agree with you, people skew data, taxpayers suffer in certain countries, and orphans are a hit or miss subject. Thank you for your comment, I appreciate you being respectful and logical

    • FYI, I was an orphan, than adopted buy a shitty family, so I know what it is to be "unwanted". I still think life is better than being flushed down a sanitary drain line.

    • Anonymous

      @KrakenAttackin Okay thats interesting, I guess it's just perspective

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • samiammm
    I personally am pro life but I totally agree with your stance
    What they do is their choice.
    • Anonymous

      Exactly, it's much better to stay out of other peoples life choices

  • KrakenAttackin
    I WILL judge a woman. I would NEVER consider being with a woman who did murder her own child or even thinks it's OK to murder her children.
    • Anonymous

      Would you stay with her if you got her pregnant? If you got multiple girls pregnant? Would you hate a woman for aborting her fathers kid?

    • Red herring. Pregnancy through rape is LESS than 0.01% of abortions. This is so small it is less than a rounding error. Would I stay with a girl I got pregnant, I would be there for the child. The child is not liable for the sins of the parents.

    • Anonymous

      That's an interesting statistic, I'll definitely look into it some more, thank you! I wonder why it is so small actually, that'll be an interesting bit of research. I respect you for that, that's a very good attitude to have and I wish more men felt the way you do towards their own choices. But if I may ask do you feel then that a woman has no right to an abortion, for any reason at all? Or is it simply that women can do what they want so long as you aren't involved?

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  • anon1903
    Thank you so much.
  • Anonymous
    I am pro life.
    I was once pro choice.
    I got pregnant when I was homeless, I was scared out of my mind.
    I buckled down and got my shit together.
    The second time I was a little more prepared but going through post partum depression.
    Again, I got my shit together.
    Third time I almost died.
    I was told that having my third child would put my life at risk.
    I was willing to take that risk.
    I have three amazing boys who I would die for.
    I had an excuse to abort every single one.
    I never wanted to be a mom EVER.
    But it comes down to selfishness.
    I don't believe for a moment that I'm more important than my children. I would rather die than pay someone to rip my child apart peice by peice, sell their body parts and throw the rest away like trash.
    I have zero sympathy towards ANYONE who would let a child suffer and die especially in such a cruel way.
    Now after having three kids I got my tubes tied. I'm not paying someone to kill my child, I know I'm not in a place to have anymore. But this way if I do want more I can adopt.
    My husband was adopted.
    Life has been rough for him.
    But even he is ready to fight for our kids and thank God for him. He was an addict, he was a teenager, but damn it he did everything he had to, to make sure his kids were taken care of.
    Men need to stand up and fight for their children, support the mothers and mothers need to do the same instead of paying done monster to dismember an innocent voiceless child. I'm so sick of people and this poor me bs, suck it up and grow up.
    Before anyone decides to have an abortion you should watch once done with an ultrasound where you can watch it fight to get away but be torn apart writhing in agony.
    Seriously, people who fight for this would be horrified if we did it to pigs.
    • Anonymous

      Why should we make abortion safe when someone always dies?
      I think if a woman wants to kill her baby doing it in a back alley or with a clothes hanger should be the way to go.
      You wanna kill someone you should be ready to die too.

  • Anonymous
    Abortion is murder
  • Anonymous

    However, I will say that I do often judge a woman for aborting her child, depending her age, her circumstances and her reasons for aborting. I view abortion as killing a human life, but I think there are some scenarios where it is justifiable. That is, in the big picture an abortion does more good than harm. The two primary scenarios where that is the case are rape and when the mother is under the age of 18. There are some other, much less common scenarios as well, but I won't go into those now.

    But in my experience the vast majority of abortions are by adult women who simply find the idea of a child to be very inconvenient. In other words, they use abortion as a means of birth control. I have two major problems with that. First and foremost, I believe it's wrong to kill one's own child as a matter of convenience. I think that should require no further explanation.

    Secondly, if a mother has the option to decide she does not want to be a parent and just walk away from it by way of an abortion, the father should have the same option. That is, he should be able to legally choose to walk away from all fatherly responsibilities, legal, financial and otherwise. However, he should be required to make that decision and notify the mother within a certain period of time after the beginning of the pregnancy so the mother is aware in time to make a fully informed decision about whether to abort or continue with the pregnancy knowing she will be a single mother. That is fair, and I will never support women's right to choose an abortion until men are legally granted the corresponding right to choice.

    I also believe a mother should be legally required to notify the father, when possible, and when it will not endanger the mother or child, that she is pregnant with his child. To me it is barbaric and cruel that men currently do not have the right to know.
    • Anonymous

      I should have added another scenario when an abortion is justifiable, and that is when the mother's life or health are endangered by the pregnancy.

      Also, to clarify my point about father's rights, I do not support a woman's right to choose to abort simply as a matter of convenience. BUT, if they do have that legal right, and I believe they always will, fathers should also have the legal right to choose not to be a parent, just like the mother.

  • Anonymous
    It's not about her body it's about the life of the baby.
    • Anonymous

      And the mothers life?

    • Anonymous

      And you changing the subject... only a very small % of pregnancy are a risk to the mothers life. Plus most if not all abortion laws have exceptions for that.

    • Anonymous

      My question wasn't about the mother dying...

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