Let's End Bullying: Child Haters, Kid Karens, Bully Makers

[Anonymous]

Dear Parents,

Short intro:

Child Haters, Kid Karens, Bully Makers are all one and the same awfully destructive characters. They are petty, weak, insecure people who take out their frustrations on the only people who are weaker than themselves - our children. They have many excuses for their conduct too, very seemingly good and valid excuses. And that is where we fall for their trick, and sometimes even surrender our children or even ourselves over to the abuser to be "disciplined" or "punished". These negative and abusive behaviors, mostly committed openly and some very subtly and secretly, can be damaging to the mind and self-esteem of young children on various levels. Just as it is common with any type of abuser, they are everywhere and in plain view, among our most trusted and closest circles. One of the sad results is the creation of a bully.

I have been a member of GaG for years. I love it. I just do. It is simple, beautiful, and drama free. Most importantly, it is the only platform I have found that is built to encourage healthy discussions and relationships. When I am going through difficult times, I turn to it for advice, support, and fresh ideas and original unbiased perspectives. During better times, I come to write to offer the same in return for what I have received, to uplift a troubled human or share my experiences and honest views so that someone might benefit from them.

Back to the subject...

This is my first myTake. Today I am writing this because my heart hurts deeply. The subject is about what I like to call "Kid Karens" or actually "child haters" or even "bully makers". If you can come up with a better name, I would love to see it in the comments.

I would like to label these awful people until they flee from shame. I would like to stop them and their emotional abuse and unjust control over our lives and our childrens lives and well being. The best way I know of is to ask like-minded parents to join me and stand up to them.

During a confrontation, whatever you do, STAY ON YOUR CHILD'S side. Do not take the hater's side, and do not discipline your child based on the hater's opinion, specially not publicly. Stand up to the complainer or hater NO MATTER HOW JUSTIFIED THEY SEEM TO BE IN CONDEMNING your child. Because they are NOT right. No matter what your child says or does, it is either the result of a mistake, misinformation, or a child's naturally undeveloped and immature mind. Your child most likely did not want to do it, already regrets what he/she did, REALLY has a problem that is too big for a child to solve, or doesn't even have the faintest idea what just happened!

NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILD NO MATTER WHAT EXCUSE THEY THINK THEY HAVE. And however they want, at that. Even criminals have rights and must go through official lawful trials with a lawyer present before being justly punished. Why don't children???!!!

Child Haters, Kid Karens, Bully Makers are all one and the same awfully destructive characters. More so because the damage they do starts very early in the lives of our little humans and grows like a malignant tumor to eat up our kids' lives and those in their circles over a lifetime.

They will nit-pick your child's NATURALLY IMPERFECT behavior and use that as an excuse to display different types of hostile behavior towards your child or even yourself!

Common excuses are safety (their favorite excuse), discipline, learning, the child's bright future, the country's bright future, a great career, health, not obeying rules to the dot, manners, physical misbehaviors, crying, tantrums, attention seeking, interrupting, creating a mess, damaging objects, wasting money, sharing issues, disrupting other's rights, disrespect, and any other normal child behavior. VERY NORMAL! Do not accept the excuse. Do not submit to the excuse.

Then they will proceed to usually physically tackle your child, right in front of your face, or proceed to scream at or otherwise punish your child, from putting in time out to publicly embarassing/humiliating your child to giving them extra work or detention. Some even make faces like those seen in horror movies at your child. Others will send strong but subtle verbal threats. Some of which is not visible to the parent, nor can it be deciphered or explained by the child.

Notice that these punishments will not, and most importantly are not meant by the abuser to correct your child's undesired behavior. They are meant to bring some relief to the abuser and make them feel better or greater. The abusive conduct may even be directed towards you, the parent, in order to gain the abuser more popularity, or to put you down and get you in trouble. I have even seen it have racist motives!

The problem is that these hostile acts imprint strongly on the maleable minds of young children. They will turn to frustration, anger, grief, depression, anxiety, homelessness, addictions, crime. They are remembered subconsciously forever. And the worst part is, they will fester and gain force, and then play themselves out when your child is confronted with a weaker being. This could be any other child, classmate, family member, animal, pet, plant, object, and later on your child's spouse or your grandchildren, or other vulnerable citizens such as the elderly, or just random strangers, service workers, etc. They will ruin your child's opportunities and relationships.

There you have it! A BULLY IS BORN!

Who would do such awful things, you ask? School staff, teachers, hall monitors, neighbors, your jolliest friends, family, the librarian, and just any happy, kind, wise, patient, and innocent looking adult can turn into an abuser for the split second it takes to harm a child. And then they can go on smiling at you like nothing at all happened in the world. Or sometimes not.

The one group of people solely responsible for the bullying problems we have in our schools, are the bad examples the school personnel themselves are setting by their own bad behavior. Just try crossing them yourself as a parent. Experiment. See what happens. I'm sure you will be gravely disappointed in the very people you trust your precious children with everyday. No wonder they can't solve the issue. THEY ARE the problem. This behavior is being mirrored and reflected ALL OVER SOCIETY and is giving abusers all they need to get what they want. All in the name of keeping order.

Everytime you see a bully showing negative behavior, just remember: they were treated the EXACT same way by an adult some time long ago during childhood. Each incident has a ripple effect, creating more bullies and more incidents. If a child is disrespected, the child will learn to disrespect.

How many incidents do you yourself recall when you were a child?

Trust your child. Children naturally have very jolly bright sunshiny characters. If your child dislikes ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE at all, or anywhere, KEEP YOUR CHILD AWAY from that person or place at all costs. A child may only have that one explanation tool in their arsenal, whether it is verbal or not: "No. I don't want to."

End bullying. Stand for your child's respect and boundaries.

[shaysh87]

I think this is true for not only child shaming, but also for fat shaming, the pervasive shaming of older women on GAG. Insecurity, bitterness, sadness accounts for vast majority of harassment and bullying in this world. Bullies will do absolutely anything to feel bigger or better than you.

[monorprise]

Unfortunately you will have bullies your entire life, a child either learns to stand up to them in the relatively controlled and safe environment of childhood, or they will be ill-reputed to deal with the far more serous problem of adult bullies.

Limit the physical harm but don't try to stop the bulling except via educating the bullied child.

Even cyber bulling is extremely important lesson to learn to deal with because IT WILL happen your entire life if you don't learn to deal with it.

[shaysh87]

@monorprise

Bullying should never ever be tolerated. Sure, bullies exist all throughout life but here's something you don't know about:

childhood bullying leaves permanent mental / emotional scars / trauma for the rest of the child's life. When you face emotional trauma, it will affect how this child interacts / deals with people in the future.
Super anxious around certain people?
Having serious difficulties meeting new people?
Get super defensive whenever anyone yells or screams at you?
Always see yourself as imperfect? Not good enough, regardless of how much you have achieved in life?
Always craving acceptance from others?
You can't get over it when others don't accept you?
More prone to emotional outbursts?
Extremely low self esteem / confidence?

Emotional scars / problems aren't just something that you can fix with a few months of therapy. Its not like a fever where you can just take a few pills and it'll disappear after a week. It does not work that way. Its very important for kids to be raised into emotionally healthy adults.

Its important to know how to deal with bullies. Its good life wisdom but usually all it takes is to know how to stand up for yourself. Unfortunately this does not come as naturally to some people. But its life, people come in all different forms with different capabilities.

[monorprise]

@shaysh87 I'm not sure you can blame all those issues on bullies, many of them are natural regardless of bulling and others are simply a result of failing to learn how to deal with bulling and the world as it is.

Taking bullies out will make the problem much worse by eliminating a source of real practical education. Children don't simply learn from theory on a board they need real life situation to apply said knowledge and develop their understandings.

If we shelter them too much like this you will end up in a far worse situation.

[shaysh87]

@monorprise

I think the right solution should be parents confronting teachers and the parent of the bullies. Prior to this, the parent of the victim should always teach how to stand up to bullies.

I certainly do not believe anyone deserves to be severely bullied in childhood. Such a thing is mental mutilation which will leave this person with plenty of scars, trauma for the rest of their lives. THis is a form of child abuse.

However, childhood bullying is no comparison to adult working world bullying. Bullying is less intense, harder to detect in adult world.

[shaysh87]

@monorprise

I don't think there's anything that will justify child abuse. The way that kids learn how to stand up to bullies, is from parents at home. This is the way kids learn- by doing, not by hearing. If all else fails, the parent must intervene and confront the parent of the bully or have the bully expelled.

By allowing bullies to remain in school without punishment , it signals to the bully that bullying is allowed. There must be severe punishment for bullying.

[shaysh87]

I was recently bullied by a supervisor. I stood up to her by telling her boss about what I've been noticing her doing. Immediately she changed her demeanor towards me. After telling this to a few coworkers, apparently, she's been doing this to many people in the past at this job. None of them reported her because they were too afraid that she would punish them for it.

[shaysh87]

Standing up to bullies is also not something that anyone, or every single person on earth can accomplish. Some people just don't like confrontation. They are just born that way. For me , I LOVE CONFRONTATION. I LOVE FIGHTS. So standing up to someone is not hard for me. I'm a feisty girl. But not everyone has my personality. Empaths tend to hate confrontation , hate fights, love peace. And I find that many of them tend to be unable to stand up for themselves , no matter what.

[monorprise]

@shaysh87 There is a point where parents should get involved but that point should not come before there is a risk of significant physical harm. Otherwise you are robing your kid of the opportunity to learn to deal with their own problems.
Bullies may not be desirable but they are a part of life that must be delt with.

No this can't happen at home or even in the class room because when your an adult there is no such authority to appeal to, to deal with Real bullies, adult bullies have already handled that angle you MUST learn to do it yourself.

[monorprise]

@shaysh87 And if you were bulled by your bosses boss, or some clever 3rd party you would be out of luck if you didn't know how to stand up to them and accert what power you do have to defend yourself.

The bullies most of us deal with don't really answer to a sympathetic authority

[shaysh87]

@monorprise

you only talk about "significant physical harm" , but what about "significant emotional harm"? you don't understand how bad the emotional scars are , because there is a good chance you've never been traumatized in life. The thing about physical harm is that you can recover from a broken arm by seeing a doctor. There is no 100% cure for emotional trauma, quite often there isn't even an 80% cure.

I've already mentioned that kids should be encouraged to deal with bullies on their own, with advice from their parents. I don't know how many more times I have to write that. But I don't think prolonged mental / emotional mutilation or abuse will serve the child any good in the long run. Parents must intervene if the bullying is unresolvable. It must not be prolonged otherwise the consequences will be permanent.

[shaysh87]

@monorprise

[And if you were bulled by your bosses boss, or some clever 3rd party you would be out of luck if you didn't know how to stand up to them and accert what power you do have to defend yourself.]

often times, in the adult world, you can't stand up to bullies because by doing that, you will also be risking your own job. what makes you think that you can just stand up to anyone you want? often times bullies can be your boss or a coworker who has a higher rank / seniority than you.
Do you think the company will kick you out or kick out a bully who is more valuable than you?

[shaysh87]

@monorprise

[nd if you were bulled by your bosses boss, or some clever 3rd party you would be out of luck if you didn't know how to stand up to them and accert what power you do have to defend yourself.]

I was bullied by my supervisor. I reported it to her boss. Thankfully my supervisor's boss was a good man with decent morals and spoke to her about it.

[shaysh87]

if I complained to my supervisor's boss that my supervisor is bullying me. He can speak to my supervisor. Then my supervisor can still secretly retaliate against me, for reporting shit about her.
You might not be picked for higher paying roles.

If you stand up to a coworker who is more valuable than you to the company, and its causing huge fights / problem. Human resources will kick you out, not the smarter / better/ more capable bully employee.

Sometimes, you can't stand up to bullies. There are times where there is nothing you can really do. The adult world is complicated

[monorprise]

@shaysh87 I acknowledge your willingness to let the kid try to resolve the issue yourself but was attempting to clarify what I think is a dispute in the point of intervention which it think for me is far later than it is for you.

I don't however subscribe to the idea that emotional harm is nessarly a non-reversable thing. For thousands of years people were told to deal with it and they did. That many modern people hyper focused on their emotions let it cripple them for life is in my opinion a relatively new thing inherit to a culture that places far too much value and trust in said primitive emotions.
Here we clearly disagree

[shaysh87]

@monorprise

so what? child marriages have been common in the past. 14 yr old kids having babies was a normal thing 1000 years ago. All throughout history, people never married for love up until the several recent decades. Brides were bought and sold by men, often men in their 40-80s craving for 16 yr old virgin girls. Women had no say in whom they married. In the past, even toddler girls were sold to be raped by men. For thousands of years, beatings were common in schools during the past where when a child brought up the wrong answer , the child would get a painful wack on either the palm of their hands or back of their legs.

Just because abuse was common for thousands of years, it does not make it morally correct.

Don't think that just because just because there were a few folks who were able to survive bullying in the past, then that means everyone can also survive it now too. There was a good chance YOU NEVER KNEW of any bullied victims who suicided back in the 1970s because there was no social media. Just because 4 kids at your school survived being bullied, it DOES NOT MEAN that all kids in the world who got bullied (at that time) survived it as well.

Due to modern day SOCIAL MEDIA, we are able to publicly ANNOUNCE suicides of bullied victims. Due to social media, people can spread AWARENESS about mental health. As a trauma survivor, I can tell you that trauma can never ever be 100% fixed. Often times, not even 80% fixed. Trauma stays with you forever. I have observed many other bully victims who've experience the same life long consequences.

Its easy for someone who had never experienced trauma or prolonged years of emotional abuse , to say that such things are too trivial to acknowledge.

[shaysh87]

@monorprise

[That many modern people hyper focused on their emotions let it cripple them for life is in my opinion a relatively new thing inherit to a culture that places far too much value and trust in said primitive emotions.]

just in case you weren't aware:

humans are extremely emotional and sensitive. People do business with people who they like. Would you go to a supermarket where the cashiers are super rude to you? you wouldn't. you would likely walk an extra 2 blocks to find another local store where the shop owner knows how to make you laugh. If you have a broken lock , would you call a locksmith who you didn't enjoy being around, or would you call another locksmith where you are able to smile when you see him?

why do you think so many companies value customer service quality so much? because humans are emotional beings. Humans will not do business with you unless you make them happy. Remember the old saying "the customer is always right"? you tell the customer they are wrong (even if they are wrong) , you better bet they will never come back to you again.

What you need to realize is , people don't go through life operating on logic. People operate on emotion. People don't like to admit it when they are wrong (even if they are wrong). People don't like to admit they've made mistakes (even if they did make a mistake). People don't like getting yelled at (even if they did something wrong). Its just the truth about human nature.

[monorprise]

@shaysh87 The fact that many disagreeable actions took place in history does not mean all such things in history are necessary for a child to develop the skills and mental resilience to deal with the real world.
I actually know people who went to such schools abroad and formerly here and there are many people today who's marriages are still arranged in other places around the world. There is more merit to their cultural ideas than you give credit in deciding they are simply "amoral".
Indeed they would point out that amoral is what we have right now. and with the rising child suicided rate, the anti-bulling campaign of the few decades seems to have counter-productive results.
Children today are NOT learning how to deal with the world as is.
Nor are a great many of them particularly boys who most need such educational style learning how to work in the world today.

What is being done in both of theses areas is not having the desired effect in fact we are going in the opposite direction the more they are done. I have given you the reason why too quick intervention against bullies has this effect. On the issue of too little assistance with picking suitable marriage parents that too is self-evidence in the fact that we have redefined marriage and love to be about infatuation. Rather than simple children and security and as such marriage has all but collapsed as an unnecessary and undesirable institution. Just as families and child birth rates have collapsed.

We clearly already went way too far down this road

[shaysh87]

@monorprise

Just because you just have never heard of kids suiciding back in the 1970s, it doesn't mean it never happened. You "think" that bullying is survivable because you never had access to any information or statistics beyond your little high school community. You think that your tiny little high school represented all the worlds bullies and victims. Just because nobody suicided in your tiny little school , it doesn't mean nobody suicided due to bullying back then. Its time to wake your old ass up. Old fucks like you think that bullying doesn't leave permanent mental health consequences because in the 1980s, nobody thought of mental health as an illness. In the 1980s, if you werent in a wheelchair or beaten up sent to the hospital then everyone would assume you're fine healthy and normal.

As a trauma survivor and someone who had been bullied for years, i can tell you mental health issues are a serious illness and can cause insomnia, traumatic flashbacks. anxiety, panic attacks in job interviews or pressurized situations, job /school performance, problems interacting with others, chronic depression that can't ever be fully healed,. Chronic bullying that is UNADDRESSED can even lead the victim to become a bully. The reason how i became a bully was because i was bullied. I had to learn to bully back effectively in order to defend myself. Prior to myself being bullied, i was the sweetest most innocent child. Do you really think bullying should be more widespread so more people should start to suffer from mental health issues? Should we see more victims turn into bullies? Because reality is, many VICTIMS end up BECOMING BULLIES.

K

[shaysh87]

@monorprise

Do you know why kids nowadays complain more about being bullied compared to your generation? Because todays kids know bullying is wrong and that adults have their backs. Back then in the 1970s, bullying was seen as ok, adults didn't care if kids got bullied. This is why kids in your generation didn't complain about bullying , they knew nobody had any sympathy for them. But it doesn't mean the consequences of bullying are any less severe. I am sure the kids who got bullied at 14-16 are still suffering fron the same mental health consequences at 40 years old.

In the 1970-1980s, murder was rampant, it was easy to get away with beating someone up, it was easy to get away with murder, bullying, robbery. Back then in the 1970s, i am sure plenty of bully victims have suicided or have been killed by bullies. You just never heard of it because news didn't travel as broadly back then.

But today we live in a more civilized society where everything is regulated. we live in a society where things are more controlled where there is order and a higher standard of morals. Racism was rampant back then. It was seen as appropriate in the 1970s because everyone else was racist. Today if you're racist, get ready to be shunned by the community. Its a different world back then and now.

[shaysh87]

If someone bullied you in the 1980s, you can break their arm and not get in trouble. If you break a bullies arm today, you can get expelled or arrested.
If you bully today, get ready for adults at school to intervene. This is why kids complain so much, because they know we live in a society where morals exist and adults have their backs. In your JUNGLE era, nobody cared if kids got bullied. And im pretty sure there were many kids that suicided or died back then

Lastly how the hell are you gonna do well in school and learn in a place where kids are constantly depressed anxious and fearing for their own lives? When i was a victim at school, my grades fell from an A- to a B or even a C. if you dont do well in school, you won't have a good future ahead of you

Ypu dont need to endure years of terrible torture to develop the resilience needed for the adult world. Because reality is, bullying is not nearly as common or bad in the adult world as it is in school.
A bit of exposure to bullying is necessary in childhood but not to the extent where it causes permanent psychological harm. The long term consequences are simply not worth it

[BigNerd45]

I agree, kids who bully at school do so because they are treated terribly by other people.

[Brokenheartedx]

Not always as much as we want to believe that more often than not its not the case. Most of the bullys are held to no account have a very high self esteem and no how to play the game.

[Poppykate]

Of course, children also need to learn that they are apart of a community. This community includes several circles, their peer groups, their family, their community, their country etc. They don’t exist in a void. Our behaviour (and theirs) effects those around them… like ripples in a pond.
I also think that we need to understand that these ‘bullies’ are often victims of abuse. Abuse/ bullying is often a learnt behaviour. I have been known to be one of those ‘kid Karens’ at times. If a child is screaming, I will ask them to please stop. I grew up with parents who had zero tolerance for bad behaviour. There was often very serious consequences of bad behaviour. Explaining my behaviour was considered ‘talking back’, and was completely disrespectful. I once got frustrated with a parent, and asked them if the child ever keeps still. He was running around and was 4 years old. It’s normal. But when I was four, I was often told by my mother to sit still and not touch anything, or she would cut my hands off. I would sit like stone waiting for her to finish visiting with friends. Like you probably can’t imagine my childhood, the way you raise your child is so foreign (it’s out of this world- in a good way). I think sometimes it takes understanding and compassion.

[myTake Owner]

I completely agree with you. I'm so sorry for how you were treated as a child. It was so unfair. I'm glad you realized it. It happened to me too.

[Brokenheartedx]

I've just read a kid was set on fire, I've read kids disabling a man, let's not get started on veneables and Thompson.

Kids are the product of the enviroment to tackle bullying the parents as well need to be held accountable. Harm or disfigured a child, take away every single right of the bully and its parents as a deterrent.
Im sick of reading about young kids being bullied to suicide. Black, white, Asian latino, a child is a child and when they are tormented to death because wee spawns of the devil's are allowed to make their victims lives so miserable that the only option they think they have is to kill themselves. I'm sick of reading and cryin that another 10 year old has hung themselves, ffs a 10 year old whose life hasn't even begun. We are all to blame for it. How many people turn the other way?

[myTake Owner]

I'm sick of it too!
Hurting children in physical and emotional ways has become a social rule and worse, a rite of passage.

[WinterWaves]

The real problem with human society is that we give wayy too much importance to outsider folks who are in no way trying to befriend us and are judgmental of us

and for their sake

We ruin our relationships with people that actually love and care about us.

So is the relationship of parents and children

We give more importance to what our next door karen has to say about our child rather than listening to our children who unconditionally love us

Then we put weird conditions in the relationship we have with our kids and that drives kids away from us... who were all well meaning and all loving...

We do it to our kids... because of giving wayy too much attention to judgmental people who will probably never change their ways and dont care about you at all

[myTake Owner]

I would like this a hundred million times if I could.

[JHNS98]

I haven't read your Take yet, but I can tell you this.

I was bullied for my neurovisual condition throughout middle school and up to 9th grade. This made me extremely shy in high school. I was basically outcast because of the way the class were, with small groups of students knowing each other from before.

I never really hung out with my classmates, but instead with people from other classes, even from years above or below.

Because of this, I still to this day find it difficult to start conversations with people I know, let alone with new people.

[myTake Owner]

I'm so sorry for your pain. I can't imagine how awful it must have been.

[MCheetah]

I thought this was going to be another whiny "all bullies are bad" post, but it actually was far more nuanced than that. Yes, bullies are created for a reason. However, some people ('Kid Karens" and "Junior SJW's") kind of deserve "bullying." Well, let's not call it "bullying," but they deserve a large number of people to tell them to shut up and not put up with their crap. Or else, that's how you get Twitter Millennials. Anyway, glad this wasn't another cliché MyTake saying "bullying is bad."

[myTake Owner]

Thank you. That means so much to me.

[Jackblue]

Ah ok, I agree that adults other than a child's parent, teacher or other caregiver shouldn't punish children. However, taking your child's side no matter what, that seems a bit excessive. Children need to be made to focus in school or they won't learn and they will stop other students from learning. Giving a kid detention is hardly the same as putting them in jail and if a kid is sent to jail he/she does get a lawyer etc. I agree that our society may still be too authoritarian in terms of parenting in spite of whatever progress we have made, but you can go too far in the other direction you know.

[myTake Owner]

NOBODY should punish children. You don't fight fire with fire. When you punish a child they will not be corrected, they will only learn that negative behavior towards others is ok as long as the punisher thinks they are justified to do so. Then they will take judgment into their own hands from their own point of view, where they will of course be most likely wrong in all cases, and they will in their own mind "punish" others whenever they get a chance. That's exactly what goes through a bully's mind. Or, they will feel so hurt and wronged by a punishment that they will try to take it out on others weaker than themselves whenever they get a chance. Because they think if a caregiver can do it to me when I didn't do anything wrong and knowing that I am defenseless, then it's ok for me to do it to others the exact same way.
Note that I mentioned "when I didn't do anything wrong" because that is exactly what a child who is being punished for any kind of unruliness is thinking. Because when a child is being unruly it is just like someone who is learning to ride a bike and keeps falling off. Because it is a child, not an adult who has full good control over their actions and must be held responsible. Even then, in some countries instead of punishing or locking up criminals, they put them through therapy. You don't punish someone who falls off a bike? Do you? You correct them. You let them take many tries at it until they learn. That is exactly what you should do about children.

[myTake Owner]

The training and disciplining of children shouldn't be taken lightly because you are shaping the future of a country. We shaped it wrong, now we can't deal with the catastrophic results. Bullying, crime, etc. Such an important and sensitive task should be taken on only by the wisest and most skilled and patient of all people. Yet we leave the very maleable and intelligent and sensitive and valuable minds and characters of our children and the future of our country in the hands of the cheapest most ignorant and s**ttiest people we can find. Then we are even conditioned to believe that those self righteous jerks should be allowed and supported by us to use discipline as an excuse to take out their own sorry a** frustrations out on our children.

[myTake Owner]

Children can be made to focus and not prevent others from learning if their teachers have enough skill. Detention is humiliating to a child more than anything else. Aggressive behavior or as they like to deliberately and wrongly label it as "assertive" will only do lots of harm.

[myTake Owner]

Not taking your child's side in the face of an abuser, no matter how justified the abuser may seem or what noble intentions they pretend to have to use as an excuse to hurt a minor child, just because the abuser is so "insecure" that they are afraid that a childs childish behavior could endanger their postion so easily that they feel the need to go hostile to the maximum extent possible.

[anon1903]

Children are helpless. They don't have a side. You should not listen to someone else.

[DeadlyCreed]

The main problem with bullying nowadays, now that electronics are everywhere, they badly affect the ability in children to effectively communicate. It’s ironic that the phone was made to make communication easier than ever, when now people have trouble talking appropriately to a parent, a boss, a woman, or even a friend.
On the other side is that these same people also can’t understand how people are talking to them and can’t effectively communicate when something is bothering them. And the person or people bothering them may not think they’re even doing anything wrong
Before you say “He’s just an old 30 year old man that hates phones.”
In real life, I’m 15 years old, own a phone, and I can see the impact it’s done to people who’ve been addicted to it since they were 3

[Anonymous]

Lol we should end bullying but it's never going to go away, we have been trying to for most of humanity. Ban premarital sex and cheating to give kids better chance at home life? Ban violent racists from making kids? Or since parents are untrustworthy we take their kids to force them to grow up in a church to prevent sins and killing?

We can't do any of that because it's illegal and everybody has a different opinion of what's good or bad. Kids don't want to listen to corny boomers so those anti bullying posters and programs are going to encourage them to be bullies even more

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for being honest and respectful. Of course it can't be 100% eradicated. Every society has it problems. But it can be greatly reduced. I have taught and studied in societies where bullying is rare. I will tell you their secret.
Children are treated with kindness, not punished harshly and frequently. Punishment is not just physical. Social punishment and humiliation are much more painful.
Once you punish a child severely, then give it freedom, it's like letting an injured bear out of a cage. It will become a bully.
Since you can not cage a child forever, the only way to prevent the problem is not injuring by choosing the right corrective behavior.
Children learn by example.
A person in training who is punished instead of being gently corrected for falling off a bike will naturally think they have been wrongfully mistreated and will think it is ok to mirror that behavior towards others or will just do it for revenge. And that is the definition of a bully. They will not really learn how to ride a bike either.

[monorprise]

Bullying and learning to deal with it believe it or not is a very important part of growing up.

There will be bullies thou out life, and kids that do not learn to deal with them in the more controlled and protected environment of childhood, have a very difficult time dealing with them in the relative anarch of adulthood.

We should limit the physical harm of bulling but we should defiantly not try to stop it all together except thou teaching kids how to stand up to them.

[anon1903]

I'm crying as I read this for the second time. You're a blessing for writing this. This is what an outstanding take looks like! Ñ

[myTake Owner]

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Children need to be disciplined. I had a child throw a goddamn toy at me when I was waiting in line to pick up a pizza. That little piece of shit needed to get disciplined. Was he? No, of course not.

Everyone thinks their child is some precious little angel. No, your child is a child. It is perfectly capable of being a bully or an insufferable little shit. And I’m supposed to bite my tongue in public when your fucking child decides to crawl in my lap in a coffee shop? GTFO of here.

[myTake Owner]

I had a child pee on me. No big deal. They're children. Under 18. Which means "unable" to be as responsible as adults and should not be expected to. Just gently corrected until they learn.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Those terrible traits need to be eradicated when the child first starts showing those tenancies. Most parents that allow their kids to behave that way have already missed the boat.

[myTake Owner]

"Terrible" and "eradicated" are both very strong words, sir.
From now on please say "childish" and "gently corrected" instead. These are small adults in training. They are allowed to not understand or make mistakes.
I'm not saying children should be allowed to do anything and everything. I'm saying a person in training who is punished instead of being gently corrected for falling off a bike will naturally think they have been wrongfully mistreated and will think it is ok to mirror that behavior towards others or will just do it for revenge. And that is the definition of a bully. They will not really learn anything either. You should not fight fire with fire.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I was a victim of bullying at school for several years. I do not use those words lightly.

[John_Doesnt]

Should we put Butters in a glass cube and have Cartman sing about his vagina?

https://www.youtube.com/embed/3DSCIT41vWs

[Subarugirl]

This sounds like a very specific situation.. generally a child's bad behavior is learned and is learned from the parent/guardian. I have never seen an adult full on tackle a child just for misbehaving..

[myTake Owner]

Just because you haven't seen it, does it mean it hasn't happened? Is that logical reasoning? I can give you tons of examples of tackling a child IN THE PRESENCE OF THE PARENT along with the names and addresses of the aggressors.
Yes, a child's behavior is learned. But are the parent/guardians the only people in a child's life? How about the 7 hours a day or more, 5 days a week that children are at any kind of learning institution?
When you say "bad behavior" it is an example of what I meant by "not falling for their trick". It is in fact not bad behavior. It is childish behavior. It is a behavior that is normal for an undeveloped mind to display. It is just like falling off a bike as you practice to learn riding.

[myTake Owner]

A person in training who is punished instead of being gently corrected for falling off a bike will naturally think they have been wrongfully mistreated and will think it is ok to mirror that behavior towards otjers or will just do it for revenge. And that is the definition of a bully. They will not really learn anything either.

[Zealconsumesme]

No, I'm gonna keep improving my cyberbullying record.

[007kingifrit]

humans are naturally hierarchical and violent. you are never going to end bullying. i think suffering is healthy for kids and teaches them to be bearable adults... people who never suffer young are the worst people of all.

[DWornock]

Typically, it is not adults that bully kids, it is other kids. Maybe it is the popular kids and they do it because it is fun and may not see the harm because it is mental; not physical but at times it is both. And, you are right, it will never go away but it can be reduced.

[myTake Owner]

I agree with you that humans are naturally hierarchical, but there are many that are actually not violent.
I am explaining about harsh, aggressive, humiliating and hostile behavior towards defenseless children by people who are either not authorized to discipline or are taking it too far. It breaks my heart really. And I really think in a civilized nation, violence should not be allowed, as so many governing organizations have been created to do just that.
What do you mean by "suffering"? I don't really think that suffering has helped anyone. As you can see modern times and places where people are treated with kindness and respect have made far more progress and are stronger than the old days when everybody "suffered". As a child, did you make better progress around people who made you suffer or those who treated you kindly?

[kinggeorge007]

I don't like kids but I won't hurt them in any way either.

[kinggeorge007]

And I'm strongly oppose bullies, every kind of them

[zagor]

Yeah, that attitude is exactly why we have so many entitled children who think they can do no wrong because mommy never told them no. Tomorrow's prison population.

[Djaay]

Im afraid your right on this one... not to ment

[Djaay]

Tion indoctrination too taught in schools. Bulling i think she's talking about is those who disapline.

[myTake Owner]

Disciplining a child in a respectful, non-aggressive and logical way by a wise and patient caregiver is just like having a good coach who helps you learn to ride a bike. Shouting and screaming at you and making angry faces everytime you fall off the bike will only traumatize you and teach you absolutely nothing. I'm pretty sure you are intelligent enough to see that difference. Mommy telling you no is like the good coach. A teacher or stranger screaming at a minor every time they make a wrong move which is just like falling off a bike for a child's untrained mind is actually very unconstructive, traumatizing, and is actually what creates tomorrow's prison population as well as more bullies.

[myTake Owner]

@Djaay can you explain more?

[Djaay]

About which part?

[anon1903]

The over displining attitude of my father is why I'm pro abortion. It's better to k8ll the child then to shame him or her everyday! Easier

[myTake Owner]

@anon1903 I'm so sad to hear you had such a difficult time. I did too.

[anon1903]

I feel better after reading this

[Anonymous]

Good luck with that. I think you can work to minimize bullying but it's inevitable.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for being honest and respectful. Of course it can't be 100% eradicated. Every society has it problems. Sometimes we lose hope. But bullying can be greatly reduced. I have taught and studied in societies where bullying is rare. I will tell you their secret. Children are treated with kindness, not punished harshly and frequently. Punishment doesn't have to be just physical. Social punishment and humiliation are much more painful.
Once you punish a child severely, then give it freedom, it's like letting an injured bear out of a cage. It will become a bully.
Since you can not cage a child forever, the only way to prevent the problem is not injuring by choosing the right corrective behavior.
Children learn by example.
A person in training who is punished instead of being gently corrected for falling off a bike will naturally think they have been wrongfully mistreated and will think it is ok to mirror that behavior towards others or will just do it for revenge. And that is the definition of a bully. They will not really learn how to ride a bike either.
Unfortunately, almost nobody has yet precisely quantified the amount of misery that a child experiences through each method of punishment that we use. Some, such as detention, time out, or simply screaming and shouting are not even thought of as punishment, while they are severely humiliating and painful to a child. So in most cases, at the very least, the punishment is much much more heavier than the crime, with no defense available to a child, and no trained judge around. Obviously the hurt child will hit back whenever it gets a chance.

[Opinion Owner]

I think that's because there are so many variables. Why does one kid endure bullying and grow up to be a normal well adjusted adult? Why does another get a gun and shoot up a chool? My PERSONAL belief is the best defense against bullying and it's affects are "love". I endured bullying as everyone has. But I had 2 parents that loved me and let me know that. So regardless of what I dealt with I always had 2 people who had my back I always had a refuge. Unfortunately not every kid has that.

[myTake Owner]

That's right. Unfortunately most kids don't have that "love" and support from their parents. One of the important reasons for that is those same parents grew up in a rigid, cold, distant environment themselves. A place where children don't get to be children, and the ratio of adults to children is dangerously low. The love and warmth you mentioned is nowhere to be seen.
So, those parents have no idea what it even means to love and support their children.

[myTake Owner]

Actually I'm very curious to know as a child what made you feel loved and supported in that special way that you mentioned?

[Opinion Owner]

My father was a cop. My mother was a stay at home mom. My dad lived to be a dad I think. He took us hunting, fishing, camping, he didn't have to spend a lot on us though My dad wasn't cheap when it came to us either. My dad was one of a kind. If I live to be a 100 and become a millionaire (which I'm on pace to become). I'll never command the respect My father did. The world cannot break me because he impressed upon me what's important in life. People can try to take from you but they cannot take your pride! I carry his name and I'm very proud of that fact.

[MaheenRajbut]

teach your child to respect other fellow in school

[myTake Owner]

That's true. Respecting other people and their feelings is what holds the world together.