Hi everyone, it sure has been a while since I last came on here. I stopped coming on here, but I thought I'd come back to write this because 4 years ago I wrote a MyTake about the life lessons after I turned 16, and last month, I turned 20. I believe 20 is a milestone age, because you're exiting your teens and entering a new era of your life. I have grown so much from when I was 16, reading my old MyTake makes me cringe so hard, but hey, that's growth. Anyway without further ado, let's get into it.
1. I know so little
In my lifetime, I have learned so much, and I know so little. Knowing so little, in my view, is a commonality humanity shares. When you think about literally all the knowledge in the universe, and then compare that to what we know as people, we know so little. It doesn't make us less intelligent, it just means we will always have the opportunity to learn because there will never be a time in our lives when we know everything. Knowing that is actually quite liberating because you're not putting yourself on a pedestal, but instead allowing yourself to have an open-mind and if you're wrong or mistaken it doesn't matter because you don't know everything. It's also incredibly humbling, and for me, it made me appreciate other people way more because I think everyone has something to teach me, and vice versa.
2. Politically, I wasn't as open-minded as I thought
When I was younger, I never really called myself a leftist but my views were mostly leftist but I did have a few right leaning views too. That being said, I didn't have a very good opinion of people on the right for the most part. I didn't hate them, but I often dismissed what they had to say, often wouldn't truly listen to them and write them off, and I trapped myself in an echo chamber of leftist voices.
Ironically, I considered myself to be an open-minded person and in certain aspects of life, I was, but then in this political aspect I was incredibly closed-minded.
Nowadays, I still don't identify with the left or right I just think there is no need to label myself in that kind of way.
I did consider myself to be incredibly politically active, I followed and supported several politicians all of whom were on the left, I was of the mindset that I always need to use my voice to educate people and make them understand and that if I'm silent then that is wrong, you know silence is violence and all.
Fast forward a few years later, I do still think it is important to use your voice, and educate others but when appropriate. See I would be so hasty to use my voice in the past, I wouldn't properly explore a topic, I'd google it read a few articles then think I knew what I was talking about because I was so desperate to use my voice and educate others, but I do think if you're not well-read on the topic enough, that can actually do more harm than good. So sometimes, it's actually better to be silent and use your ears instead of your voice, to truly listen and learn from all sides about a particular topic, differentiate between fact and opinion, and then give your opinion on it and use your voice.
Back then, I couldn't do that because I only ever listened to leftist voices, but now, I listen to voices that are left-leaning, right-leaning, in the centre. What I have learned is that whether you're on the right, left, centre whatever- most people are reasonable and actually share a lot of commonalities with their political opposites, but the extremist element is what keeps us most divided.
You have the far-right who typically white supremacists, oppose all kinds of immigration, they're actually bigoted and probably idolise The Nazi Party. Then you have the far-left who believe in the concept of white guilt, the worst thing you can be in their eyes is a straight white male, they often mock and disrespect religion mostly Christianity, and they'll baselessly accuse you of being bigoted for challenging their viewpoints. Both extremes have a cult-like mentality and are discriminatory and racist but different ways and they ruin everything for everyone. If you trap yourself in an echo chamber of left or right voices, it is then so easy to become far-right or far-left, because you're never actually getting exposed to the other side, so it is easy for them to turn the opposing side into this huge boogy man, and then hey presto you're now a closed-minded borderline far-left or far-right person because you think the other side is evil, and can do no right when in reality most people on the left and right and normal people who just identify with a political side for whatever reason and both sides have extremes and people.
And I was falling into the more far-left trap of "oh the right are racist" "the right won't like me because I'm Muslim" so I'd just ignore them completely. But with actually becoming open-minded and listening to people on so many ends of the spectrum, you actually find each side has good points, bad points but nonetheless it's interesting and eye-opening to hear what people have to say. And no, as I said reasonable people on the left and right actually have common ground like not being discriminatory and bigoted.
Letting go of political loyalties, fear, and a cancel culture mindset was one of the smartest things I ever did.
3. I'm more comfortable with disagreements
Following on nicely from the previous point, with actually being open-minded I feel much more comfortable when people disagree with me. When I was like 15-18 especially, when people used to disagree with me it sort of triggered a kind of flight or fight response and I often got defensive, because how can a teenager be wrong about anything?💀
However, with understanding and accepting I know so little and with opening my mind to listening to many worldviews instead of just my own, you naturally become more comfortable when people disagree with you.
One of my favourite genres on YouTube is the commentary genre, and as I said I listen to all kinds of different people, I don't think I 100% agree with anyone I watch or listen to, and guess what? That's okay. Maturing is realising not everyone will agree with you, and it's stupid to cancel them because of that. Even if I think they missed the mark on a take completely, it's still interesting to gain such insight and challenge that viewpoint.
The world won't implode on itself if someone disagrees with you! What a surprise💀
4. My life doesn't end at 20
Okay so let me explain. When I was 15, I had a goal. I wanted to have this book I was working on, published by the time I was 16, and I had to be a bestselling author by the time I was 19 because anything I achieved after my teen years had ended was worthless and wasn't worthy of praise because achieving stuff in your teens has more of a wow factor than achieving stuff in your 20s.
First of all that made no sense whatsoever. Because I wouldn't graduate university as a teenager, I wouldn't have gotten married as a teenager or started a family, I wouldn't have achieved everything in my career as a teenager, and all of these in my eyes are valuable achievements.
I think a lot of it was rooted in vanity as well, because I really wanted to wow people and a teenage author who writes a good book is a wow factor indeed, but at the same time, I think it's incredibly stupid to give yourself such a deadline and dismiss your achievements beyond your teen years.
And the worst thing is, people I looked up to achieved most of their greatest successes after teen years, and their achievements were valid in my eyes but my own achievements beyond my teen years weren't valid in my own eyes?
In reality an achievement is an achievement and should be celebrated regardless of age. Age shouldn't invalidate one's success.
5. Religion is great and it makes me happy
In case you don't know I'm Muslim, and I have always been Muslim but I started taking my faith more seriously as I got older. Honestly, praying, wearing my hijab and dressing modestly, learning about Islam, listening to the different stories about the Prophets, listening to Islamic podcasts and lectures, just brings such peace to my heart like nothing else. Having belief and believing in a higher power makes me so happy, and has honestly humbled me and made me far more kind, thoughtful of my actions, grateful, and it just helps me have a more positive outlook on life.
Now this doesn't mean I'm an angel or perfect, I'm far from that. I can still be rude, careless, mean, and sometimes I get trapped in such a toxic self-loathing negative mindset- it's not a fun rabbit hole to fall down, but when I become mindful of Islam and Allah, it's like light leading me out of that nasty rabbit hole and I wouldn't trade it for anything. With becoming more practicing, I have also adopted a far more reflective mindset which I think is incredibly beneficial as well.
While practicing religion isn't going to solve all my problems, there's no doubt it's a huge help to me and I do believe it is truth, so I'm not going to stop anytime soon for anyone.
6. Intergenerational trauma is real
I think a lot of South Asian people would agree with me on this, you have the elders in our community who unfortunately experienced the 1947 partition, our grandparents and/or parents moved to Western countries for a better life where they struggled and sacrificed so much dealing with racism and xenophobia, and our generation grows up still dealing with issues such as racism and xenophobia and feeling too Asian for the West and too Western for our motherlands.
That's just the tip of the iceberg though, then you have cultural clashes our grandparents and parents are more traditional, whereas we are not, and with clashes, miscommunication and misunderstanding one and other, we've all contributed to hurting each other over all these years.
And I'm only talking about South Asians because I'm Pakistani, but intergenerational trauma is not exclusive to South Asians.
I think movies that do a great job of showing how intergenerational trauma affects families are "Turning Red" and "Encanto" and I'm so happy that these issues are being brought to light.
Once I became aware of intergenerational trauma, and the ways it affected me and my family, I realised two things. One, that it's not the fault of our families, it's just how life turned out and nobody is villain and everyone is trying their best to make life better for the next generation. Two, the cycle is slowly but surely breaking and I view it as my responsibility to further break the cycle for my children and the future generations in general.
7. I need therapy and it shouldn't be shameful to admit that
There is a huge stigma attached to therapy and talking about mental health in general. For so long I was so anti-therapy and that stigma was a huge reason as to why. I thought if I went to therapy that means I'm crazy, I'm mental, plus I didn't like the idea of telling a stranger all my problems. Plus, when I first became more religious I thought: "I can just pray, I don't need therapy now."
But your mind is such an important part of you, and there should be no shame in getting help with your mental health if needs be. If you broke your leg, you'd go to the doctor with your problem and let them assist you in healing. And from a religious perspective, you wouldn't just pray and expect your leg to heal, you'd seek appropriate medical attention and pray. So why is the mind any different?
Throughout my teenage years I struggled so much mentally, while trying to put a perfect bubbly girl front, I would often ignore how I feel, or certain thoughts I had and would try to compensate with good grades and academic validation. That worked for a short period of time, but ultimately, your mental health catches up with you, and for me I stopped getting the highest grades and that made me feel even worse.
Hopefully, with therapy I will be able to work through my problems and grow as a result of it. I don't expect it to magically cure all my problems, but I do think it will help greatly and I'm so glad that I'm finally taking this step.
8. My dreams can come true and that isn't just something they say in Disney movies
Remember a little earlier how I talked about wanting to become an author? That's a dream I still have, I'm so passionate about writing. That first story I was writing when I was like 15, was absolute garbage honestly, they could have made a really bad Netflix movie out of it. My style of writing was good for a 15-year-old, but the plot was not it. That was because I was in such a rush to get it done, and the fact I was a girl who grew up on Wattpad.
But with getting a little more life experience, taking inspiration from what I know, and slowing down- I have a new project I'm working on, the plot is better, the characters are better, everything is better. Plus, the inspiration comes from my life in general and not one Year 10 science lesson I had and Wattpad💀
At 17, I became more cynical again, that "it's never gonna happen for me" "I don't have connections in the publishing industry" "just forget it" kind of mindset. I think lockdown also had a part to play in this, being inside all the time, feeling lonely and all, and other personal stuff. I think I was also incredibly impatient and I just wanted everything to happen within an instant without putting the work in.
But now, I'm not putting an expiry date on my success, I try to remember the countless examples I've seen of people succeeding in life, and I'm more of the mindset that if you want it enough you will get it. Because if you want it enough, you will do all the work it takes to get there.
It's not like a Disney movie where some magic will come along and help you get your happily ever after, but through hard work, looking after your health physically and mentally, surrounding yourself with good friends and a support system, and if you're religious praying, it may be hard but it's not impossible to make your dreams come true.
9. Our education system needs huge improvements
So we're on the same page, I was born and raised in England and went through the English education system. While I do think there are good things about our education system like we learn something at least and that's better than nothing, ultimately having gone through it all, looking back I see how it is greatly flawed.
Firstly I think the education system we have prioritises finding answers, over learning and gaining knowledge. I did work experience in a school this year, and I tried my best to work with the students to ensure they understand the work but when time ran short I just ended up vaguely going through the method then telling them the answers because they needed to have an answer in their books, and it just reminded me of similar experiences I had growing up. It's like the point isn't gaining knowledge and understanding, the point is getting the answer down for the sake of a mark. Secondly, I think the education system discourages critical thinking because students are just spoon fed information to get answers in order to get marks on an exam, rather than encouraged to seek knowledge and truly learn for themselves, it's all about exams and grades and that's it. Then when you go to university you're suddenly told you're not spoon fed information and now have to be critical thinkers but for the past 13 years you've been taught the opposite so you have to unlearn all of that.
I could honestly write a book critiquing this education system but I'll keep it short. Ultimately I think it needs great improvement.
10. Sometimes my plans not going to plan was a good thing
At the age of 15 I had my whole life planned out. Let's just say 15-year-old me thought 20-year-old me would be in a completely different place, definitely not where I am now. In fact, the possibility that my life wouldn't go the way I planned didn't even enter my mind.
I wanted to enter the corporate world working with computers, but I'm not doing that anymore. When my plans first crumbled before my eyes, I felt like that was it, I was a failure the world was ending.
However, I wasn't completely honest with myself and that whole dream I had of entering the corporate world was more about pleasing my parents, keeping up appearances, and doing what everyone expected me to do. But after getting lower grades than I expected, even though I still could have gone on to study the course I initially planned at university, I decided not to and now I'm studying to be a teacher and honestly I could not have made a better choice.
I enjoy teaching people things, working with children is just so heartwarming and rewarding, and to me this feels much more fulfilling.
But had I gotten those high grades, I would have continued pursuing the other path without question and really reflecting on why I wanted pursue that path in the first place. The lower grades made me really reflect and question myself. And if I was truly passionate about that other path, I would have pursued it no matter what.
But I wasn't, and I'm glad I'm studying something I'm way more passionate about.
Wrapping things up
Wow if you made it this far I'm impressed. Honestly, I know not everyone is gonna agree with everything I say here and I just want to clarify I'm not saying these life lessons are for everyone, they're for me personally but I just thought I'd share because I did when I was 16, and now some time has passed.
I also want to say that if you do remember me from when I was a teenager on here, specifically like, 15/16-years-old firstly hi I'm 20 now, and secondly if we ever had an interaction where let's just say we didn't see eye-to-eye and I may have gone off you unless you were racist and told me you don't see me as human because of my race and religion, then it's water under the bridge- honestly I've grown since then, I do remember going off on people who didn't deserve it, if that was you then I'm sorry and I hope we can turn over a new leaf.
Feel free to say anything in the comments but keep it respectful and civil. I might do a part 2 to this, or I might not.
I think I'll write another one of these MyTakes about life lessons I've learned after my 25th birthday, because 25 is the next big milestone age in my eyes, plus my brain will be fully developed by then so it will be interesting to see how I think. The irrational reckless part of my mind is like: "How can you learn any more? You're so wise" but then the logical part is like: "Shut up, idiot, you have so much to learn you know so little."
At 25 I definitely will have graduated, I'll be a teacher, have at least 2 books published, be smarter with more independence, hopefully have more self-confidence and higher self-esteem, still have my 3 closest friends, and maybe I'll be married by then but marriage by 25 is not an absolute must.
Thank you for reading all of it and I hope you have a nice time wherever you are❤️
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