Agree to Disagree? That Is The Question

[CHARismatic110]

We live in a world that is full of "different." There is so much diversity in the world. So many choices. Everyone of us is unique. There is no other person exactly like you on this earth. Nor like me. We all are entitled to our own opinions and preferences. There's nothing wrong with not sharing the same views as someone else, so I will never understand why people feel the need to bash someone for that. What ever happened to agreeing to disagree?

I see it everyday all day on social media, especially with my frequent use of this site. We've all seen the endless questions on topics such as race, religion, and weight. Some of the comments that I've read during those debates have been mind boggling. It's like people don't know how to have a debate without throwing insults and downing the other side. You don't like black people? Fine. You choose not believe in God? Okay. You prefer to date girls that are slim? Great. There's nothing wrong with any of those things. They are personal choices and preferences. Like I stated earlier, everyone's entitled to them.

The problems come when people mistake that entitlement as an invitation to criticize and condemn someone else that just so happens to have a different view from theirs. Or put someone down because they don't fit the criteria of their particular preference. Let's use weight as an example. I can't count how many times I've seen the skinny/curvy/fat debate. A girl will post a question asking guys what they prefer as far as the size/body shape of a girl. One guy will say "I prefer to date bigger girls." Another guy will comment on that opinions and say "I like fit girls. Fat girls are disgusting and need to put the donuts down and get into the gym. Gross." Now guy number 1 stated his preference and left it at that. Guy number 2 also stated his preference. Instead of leaving it at that though, he made a rude comment about the choice that wasn't to his. Which was unnecessary. He obviously had a different preference. That was clear with the first sentence. The second one was not needed, especially the way it was put. That's usually how the debates go though. People will find the nastiest most hateful things to spew all in the name of "defending their choice." They don't realize that all that does is make THEM look bad because they have to resort to putting something/someone down to make themselves/their choice look better.

I'm not saying that everyone has to agree on everything. That's pretty much impossible. I don't agree with everything I see or read. Especially not on here. Like I stated in the beginning of this take, we're all different. We're going to stand on an opposite side about one thing or another. Does that mean that we should hate each other because of it? That we should do everything we can to tear each other down because we don't share the same views on something? Should I hate someone because I believe in God and they don't? Or because they have a different skin color than I do? Should I say hateful things about thin girls because I'm bigger? The answer to all of those questions is no. Too often we choose to fight to the finish over something that we know we'll never fully reach an agreement on. We say horrible things to each other and disrespect each other rather then just saying "Hey, I have my opinion and you have yours and they're obviously are different. Let's just agree to disagree and move on?" It's not called giving up or giving in to defeat, it's called respectfully bowing out. It's called avoiding a pointless argument that could potentially end up hurting someone. I don't know about anyone else, but I don't enjoy seeing other people hurt. Especially not by something that I said. Sometimes it's just not worth the argument. So maybe keep that in mind the next time you find yourself in the middle of a debate. Remember that's it's perfectly ok to agree to disagree.

As always, thanks for reading and stay classy GaGers. Later!

[Ozanne]

Atheist, feminist, fat girl here...

Never in all my life of living those three things have I felt so disliked and assumed than being online. I know this myTake applies to life offline too, but thanks to the anonymity of the internet, offense triggers defense. I see it every day.

If I was ever seen as being disgusting and lazy, no one would dare say it to my face. If women's issues were discussed, my tone of voice could be an indicator that I was no threat and wanting to talk issues out. My atheism has been a threat to the religious, but the worst is just not being spoken to, which I can handle.

Online socializing breeds a lot of mouthing off that people would NEVER do in person, and it gives people a chance to think of what clever things they want to say before typing. A real privilege you don't get when you're in someone's face and have to think on your feet! And I appreciate that your posts do not allow anonymity which is a big problem with those who already know what they will say is going to be inappropriate or unpopular.

The beauty of real life, in-your-face conversation is that sometimes you know when to quit or when your opinion is affecting the mood of someone else or if it's costing you a friendship. Online, people tend to roost about their opinion and grand-stand their cute thoughts knowing there is an audience to see their responses.

This is a great myTake, and something I should remember myself because I find I get very irritated with those that come at me with their quips, leading straight to my defense. It's not worth the stress. I take long breaks from this site because of the reasons I mentioned. I already deactivated my Facebook and removed a lot of social media because I can't stand the show-offy comments people make about almost everything. It's getting to be predictable and I'd rather feel better offline, outside, and engaging in more healthy conversations than the hurtful quipping that goes on with social media.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you for reading. Very valid points you make. It is much worse online. I believe that there are people who sit behind their computer screens trolling and being rude all day everyday. I too take breaks from social media because it becomes overwhelming at times. And it's easy to get swept up in the drama.

[Despondency]

I want to break this down a bit at a time:

"We all are entitled to our own opinions and preferences.", no. That has never been the truth. For instance if it's my opinion that I am the scion of God and have the right to kill people I am relatively sure I am not entitled to that nor the preference of terminating people I don't like. Now why do I drag out an extreme example? Because subtle examples are things we don't consider; for instance it's really not your entitlement to say that poor people are worth less than wealthy people, or to have a preference for dogs versus humans (zoophilia) even though the latter exists beyond human control.

"You are free to think what is generally acceptable" is correct. This is why:

"What ever happened to agreeing to disagree?"

Went straight to hell. You never had the ability or right to agree to disagree. Ever. You have a broad horizon of opinions but not an infinite horizon; you can't say "Hitler was awesome", which extreme, but on the same mild tone you can't say "cock fighting is okay, they are just animals" or "homeless people deserve it." This is key, what it dos is it actually expresses the situation from a standpoint that is understandable; the idea that you should listen to everyone's ideals is decrepit and with the advent of the internet this got even worse.

Now you have unqualified people making claims that either are completely ludicrous but "sound good" or completely false with false data that has been implemented in a manner that is convincing such as false statistics on rape, or it's inverse, consensual sexual activity among youth and how many partners the average person has.

This leads to:

"The problems come when people mistake that entitlement as an invitation to criticize and condemn someone else that just so happens to have a different view from theirs."

The first question is whether this is based on the opinion of the person or the logic of the person...

[Despondency]

... For instance let's say someone doesn't like black people on the grounds that they think they all are dirty ape niggers who commit crimes all the time and that there are more black men in prison than there are in college. Is it okay that they don't like black people? Sure. Is it okay why they don't like black people? God no. And why not? Why not leave them to that?

Humans are a social species. Stereotypes are literally the living breathing behavioral recognition of storytelling behind social cues. All fat people are lazy? That's a stereotype; does it actually look at the activity level of fat people? Of course not. Has anyone really done so relative to direct productivity? Not really. This is why we have to quash bad logic; the idea that a person has a preference and the idea that a person's logic is allowable should be directly separated by both reason and fact or truth whichever is more readily available. Leading to:

[Despondency]

"People will find the nastiest most hateful things to spew all in the name of "defending their choice."

Validation of Logic. In a world so full of people it is a requirement; what is the point of saying say, something nasty, or something horrible, beyond one's original intended message? Momentum. When a person gives an opinion the value of that opinion goes up, almost exponentially, for the reasoning. For instance if someone asks "Should I stay or go" and I say "Go" without saying anything else they almost always ask me why, because validation of opinion equates logic, and logic means that you actually care about the issue. So momentum works essentially by stating a POPULAR opinion with a POPULAR sentiment; "fat people are lazy" is the stereotype so the guy who says he likes fat women, he's not on the "right side" explaining his lack of explanation. The other guy? He's on the right side. He throws in the tagline to bolster his presence. This is a side effect of:

[Despondency]

"Does that mean that we should hate each other because of it? That we should do everything we can to tear each other down because we don't share the same views on something? Should I hate someone because I believe in God and they don't? Or because they have a different skin color than I do? Should I say hateful things about thin girls because I'm bigger? The answer to all of those questions is no."

The impossibility of neutrality. This is a direct contradiction to the idea that everyone is entitled to their opinion and furthermore the implied entitlement to EXPRESS their opinion. You cannot have both ways; you declared a definitive answer, "no", to those questions but not everyone would agree, and if they agree to disagree there what exactly does this mean? How does that coexist?

It doesn't. "You shouldn't have the right to be cruel" is in and of itself an edict so that means that you are removing a person's ability for the greater good which returns us full circle.

Oh well.

[Hidden_P]

That 2000 character limit just wasn't enough for you there was it?

[Despondency]

This kind of thing has to be deconstructed properly.

[CHARismatic110]

Lol well that you for reading and deconstructing the entire thing. Not sure if you got the overall point of it or not but ok. I appreciate the input.

[Despondency]

I don't think you would be able to understand the problem with this kind of thinking but it circumvents itself.

[tenofthepeaks]

lolol... there is no basis for what a good or bad opinion is... sorry, but there is no esoteric realm, nor does everything boil down to this.

[Despondency]

There is no such thing as a good or a bad opinion but there is such a thing as good and bad logic.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Another awesome take, I'm glad you wrote this :)

This is a definitely a problem in real life but I see it more on social media and I think that's because people feel more "brave" being rude or hateful online than they would in person. It's okay to have an opinion, but there's no need to put other people down and be hateful to those with differing opinions.

That's just called being childish and immature. I may not agree with someone else and I may tell them that I don't agree with them, but I will not name call them or make hateful comments regarding their personal viewpoint. Some people on this site could learn a lot from this myTake.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you for reading!

And yes, it's relevant IRL as well as on social media. I definitely agree that people are more hateful and hurtful online. They hide behind screens and keyboards. It's ok to disagree, but it's unnecessary to do so in a way that disrespects and downs someone. I hope that people do take something positive from this.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Yeah, I agree. It's easier for people to act that way online when they don't have to face any real consequences for their words. And yes, I hope so too.

[Beautifiedgirl123]

Great post! I've seen this happen plenty of times. I remember someone had a yes/no question and I said no and they told me to go kill myself because they were expecting everyone to say yes.

there was a religion question in which all I said was that the question wasn't a proper question and the person told me to take my religious belief and jump off a bridge. Which i then replied that, you don't know if I'm religious or not so why claim. I remember him arguing that I was definitely religious and wanted to push that kind of stuff down his throat. It's funny cause the only things I said to him was, he didn't ask a proper question and he shouldn't assume things.

I think it happens way too often on this site, that if you don't agree, then they feel the need to insult you or even get aggressive

[CHARismatic110]

Agreed. People are quick to get aggressive when you don't see things their way. They jump to conclusions and just go nuts. Most of the time those reactions aren't even warranted. It's crazy. But thank you for reading and thanks for your input!

[vishna]

Very nice take on this issue.
Thanks for sharing.
This really strikes because yesterday a friend of mine created a post on facebook that got a lot of positive attention but also some negative attention. And he handled really gracefully doing exactly as you say we should do, and he told the guy that arguing over the internet was pointless.
That being said, I'm a really stubborn woman, and it's taking me over a year to learn to not try to persuade people to the subjectively moral truth aka my way.
I'm definitely not dogmatic on everything, but if I think someone is being cruel or an idiot, I'll use up more energy than I should to try and reason with them.

[CHARismatic110]

Thanks for reading.

That's understandable. Sometimes you just really want people to get your point.

[kxera]

Definitely agree with you. I don't see why some people still feel the need to force their beliefs on everyone. For me, I've always been open to looking at things from both points of view, but some people are just brick walls. Also, some questions are so obvious and redundant that you'd think people just wouldn't ask them because it's as simple as "some do, some don't" because we're all different people. I won't lie, I have been guilty to asking questions I already knew the simple answer too just to investigate the psychology of some people, but I get messages asking about preferences yet some people still won't accept my answers because they want one that fits all people. I try to explain that there is no one for all. Last night I saw a question debating whether we should make criminals drink acid to burn from the inside out, and they would not just let me agree to disagree.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you for reading. And yes, I agree. Some people don't know when to let things go! They'll argue for days on end if they could. Why go through all that when it's clear from the beginning that we don't see eye to eye? Sometimes I just shake my head at skme. of these debates.

[bryon]

Kudos for this post.. I am so glad to see I am not alone in this hon arable yet little used mind set. I have often wanted to comment on a topic but declined as the atmosphere had become toxic will foul and hateful statements.
Diversity is in fact a good thing in society as it keep life fresh with new ideas and overlooked concepts. If the old saying that opposites attract , why are so may offended or repulsed that an opposite opinion is part of that same diversity? Is it that it makes ones value of something less viable of honorable in it's merit? I actually enjoy a good debate with like minded people , I find other peoples opinion rewarding and often enlightening. I agree that if it reaches the heated stage , just graciously excuse your self and let it go. It is not our place to conform others.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you for reading. And you makes very valid points as well.

[bryon]

You are most welcome , I enjoyed your take very much.

[CHARismatic110]

I'm glad you did!

[TwistedLogic]

While I understand the intentions of your post, I still find the issue much more complicated than what you made it sound. I am generally indifferent about all the issues in the world. I used to argue for my opinion and debate for hours, now I just sit there silently. I think "everyone is entitled to their opinion" is valid 10% of the time.

You don't like black people? Fine. However, if you do not employ them, do not give them their rights, or treat them as less than humans then we have a problem. A huge one.
You choose to believe in God? Okay. However, if you go around killing people, denying scientific evidence, and forcing your thoughts on your children, etc... then we also have a problem.

There are issues where opinions are needed, and issues that do not call for opinions. Unfortunately, people act like experts in life and think they must have an opinion about everything.

[CHARismatic110]

There are times when opinions aren't necessary, but I think you're delving into the deeper side. My points are pretty much for arguments sake. I agree that problems can and will arise if people begin to mistreat others, hell it already happens. But what I'm saying is that I'm not going to argue for hours on end with someone like that. No, I'll agree to disagree and that's that.

[CHARismatic110]

Thanks for reading and for your input.

[TwistedLogic]

I totally agree. I was just trying to sound smart.
And you are very welcome.

[CHARismatic110]

Lol well you made some valid points so I guess you succeeded.

[Krushhbrownies]

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[CHARismatic110]

Thanks for reading.

[akadatank44]

Yes I agree with what you said. Its actually beneficial in many business to hire people who are different. You need people who think differently on things. Because if everyone thinks and believes the same way you may all of forgotten a crucial step and in the end your product will fail. Everybody comes from a different background and have different ways to doing something. You will never see eye to eye with everyone. Its impossible.

So my point its welcome those who disagree with you. It will be beneficial in the long run. It will make you a smarter and better person. That's what makes this site. We ask questions and we all in out minds have on way of doing something when we ask them but the people on here think different or know how to handle a similar situation. If we all think the same and tell you what you want to hear there would be no point in having this website.

[CHARismatic110]

Thanks for reading.

I agree. I don't mind people that are different. And some debates are healthy. We learn that way if you want to be honest. I enjoy learning about different things. But I'll never disrespect anyone because they have a different view from me.

[akadatank44]

Exactly that's why I said it would make you a bigger person when you accept other peoples opinions when they are different then yours instead of disrespecting them

[CHARismatic110]

Agreed. Thanks again for reading for your input Tankers!

[akadatank44]

You are welcome Char!

[GirlsLie]

Completely agree, I don't understand why differences make some people so mad lol. The only time it's worth getting annoyed over is when someone has a view that is insulting or puts down others, other then that I love when someone can make me think twice about what I already think, it's fun to hear others views.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you for reading. I agree. Some people are just close minded. It's always nice to hear what others think.

[BelleGirl21]

Wonderful take. I sometimes think we don't realize how similar we actually are all despite our different opinions. There are people here who have drastically different belief systems from mr and yet I've come to not only be interested in what they have to say but also to care for them.
You never know what amazing person you're going to miss out on knowing because you are being so judgmental.
I love that last quote and I'm definitely guilty of it from time to time.

[CHARismatic110]

Thanks for reading Belle. And you are so right. You will miss out on some truly wonderful people by being close minded and stuck in your comfort zone. Some of my closest friends have major differences from me such as religion and sexuality and I love them all the same. Same for some of the people that I've met here. It's so much that you miss out on by being close minded and only wanting to see and hear views similar to your own.

[RationalLioness]

Perfect. I am one of those people who do criticize opinions though it's not because they disagree, but it's because they're 1) irrelevant to the discussion or 2) completely 100% absolute irrational bullhonkey.

I can't let someone that's number 2 keep spreading BS as if it's factual. I cannot.

[CHARismatic110]

Thanks for reading.

And that's understandable. I've never seen you blatantly disrespect anyone either.

[mistninja314]

I Agree to Disagree BAD CHAR IS BAD!!! i1127.photobucket.com/.../...f.com-add-text_14.gif *hiding behind an anon post now*

[CHARismatic110]

Lol thanks for reading brudder!

[mistninja314]

y'all MODS are on a roll with these MUCH NEEDED TAKES LOL

[CHARismatic110]

Lol don't sleep on us baby!

[mistninja314]

Umm I'm 1 of the only GAGers that LOVE ALL THE MODS since y'all will actually let us DUKE IT OUT ON HERE unlike most forums WERE MOD ARE LIKE LEGITIMATE COPS lol

[CHARismatic110]

Lol we love you too Ninjaaa!

[peachblossomluck]

This was deep:) I liked it. Too many people are quick to be disagreeable online and irl. I have to say I have always felt that "Agree to Disagree" was an annoying saying but maybe because my mom says it LOL. This was a point well made. Thank you for writing it:)

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you for reading it!

[Nathand]

Females don't see it like that.

To them its either I'm right or I should have been right. But then there are times that you'll agree with her and she won't like you for agreeing.

Females love drama. They love to argue. They want to be 7 at 22 years old.

[CHARismatic110]

Thanks for reading.

I don't feel like all females are like that.

[Nathand]

Their all the same.

[CHARismatic110]

Well you're entitled to your opinion.

[Nathand]

From experience its a fact.

[CHARismatic110]

Okie dokie.

[Nathand]

yup.

[LogicBomber]

I wouldn't agree to disagree with something which affects other things because it's just wrong.
These things need to be criticized and fought without rest. Just letting them have their way and "agreeing to disagree" would let these groups gain power and do shit they should be doing.

[DivaMonae]

Another great take!

And I couldn't agree more we are all diverse people... but when it comes to an argument or disagreement I'm always right ;)

Lol jk again good work =)

[CHARismatic110]

Lol thank you and thanks for reading!

[GraySailorsBride]

Amen!!! This has always amazed me how quick comments can go south with with the addition of added rude comments beyond a stated opinion. Great My Take.

[CHARismatic110]

Thanks for reading!

[Hidden_P]

Oh... *orgasms*. This is pure perfection this take. I could kiss you. Thank you for saying this. Maybe one day, they'll understand.

[CHARismatic110]

Lmao thank you for reading and understanding the point! Hopefully they will get it.

[Hidden_P]

I say this all the time (in ruder words) on people's posts and they just spout crap. I don't even open these types of questions anymore because it's filled with people with an iq of 50 or less. Typing words by smashing their face into the keyboard.
Urghh, love you for this take. Thank you!

[CHARismatic110]

Lmao you're very welcome!

[couldntthinkofaname]

Very good take I agree with this 100%. Don't hate someone just because their views oppose yours.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you! And yes, we're not all going to always agree with each other. But disagreeing doesn't mean that we disrespect each other.

Thanks for reading!

[RainbowFanGirl]

I loved this take. People can be absolutely mean sometimes.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you for reading!