How do you get over your fears?

[tenofthepeaks]

What do you fear, and what holds you back?

Many people for instance say stuff like "I don't like going out alone!" or "I'm scared of going abroad alone!" And even big adults say this, not just teens.

When I was an early teen, I was a pussy about things like this, but now I laugh at myself compared to what I am now.

When I was 25, about 3 years ago, I went to a park with some friends/family and I fell in the lake and wet my jeans. I didn't take a change, so I had to spend the day in wet jeans. This included going on trains and in restaurants and stuff. Some people looked, even laughed, but I don't give a fuck if they did, i didn't know them. It's that it's about not giving two shits what others think or say or do, and doing your own thing.

So if you're out alone, who gives a fuck if they judge you? Who gives a fuck if they laugh at you? It's a free world...if they judge you, then you are able to and AS FREE not to give a shit and do your own thing.

I think people should do a thing everyday that frightens them, or makes them not uncomfortable. This can be:

Walk alone at night in a big city (in good and bad areas)

I've done this before, and got robbed once, but then I just know which areas to go where not to.....in principle, it's not something I do or would ever oppose...

Wear inappropriate clothing somewhere

Say something out of place somewhere

Be aggressive and irk others

These all require balls, and it's only with practice that we hone anything.

And if you fail, don't wallow in it, bounce back. Be determined, don't be a pussy.

So don't be scared of stuff, live out for the day and carpe diem.

[muspelhem_5]

Not being too bothered with other people's opinion of you is not the same thing as not caring about other people. You fail to make that distinction, and it shows in your obnoxious answers to people who have taken the time to read your Take and comment on it.

[tenofthepeaks]

haha..

then don't assert who holds the right to air views..

perhaps in your culture/society this is normal, not in mine.

[tenofthepeaks]

but it's self-evident you try and engineer how i'm supposed to behave, but meh, whatever..

[muspelhem_5]

I never said that. I just said it makes you an asshole. Which may sound cool, but is not the smartest thing when you live in an interdependent reality.

[tenofthepeaks]

erm.. not everybody in society nay humanity is always civil. but i don't know, you read things i don't say directly, so i will do so in kind:

- it's self-evident you lack confidence in trying to appeal to a stranger

- you probably try and cajole people to like you in real life, based on such lack of confidence

but whatever..

[muspelhem_5]

I have never met a truly confident person who felt a need to put others down like you seem to do.

[tenofthepeaks]

i'm only jumping on the ride... sorry, but you seem to like to read me a lot, so i'm doing likewise. but then perhaps you're not that confident since you get irate when it's done to you in response lolol..

[tenofthepeaks]

but then it's quite clear you're playing a game, since the values you believe in you only apply to me, and nobody else here... but then continue "read who i am" and then expect me to welcome you. lol.. fool.

[muspelhem_5]

This will be my last comment, since you are boring me. I used to do what you do. I used to try to boost my confidence by pretending other people didn't exist or didn't matter. It failed. Utterly. And they do matter. Good luck.

[tenofthepeaks]

haha... well you asked for it. i don't know who you are, and you're trying to get a stranger to be your best friend, but ok... continue to look the victim here.

[tenofthepeaks]

besides, you have Asperger's, so i suppose your answer figures...

oh, i anticipate a "i don't give a fuck!" but then, meh... as if i care about how Web strangers are lol.

[lanternhill]

he appears to be a rather bad troll, he continually says things on this site like "oh so you say I can't have opinions on here," "you have Asperger's," "why are you offended," etc.
I was actually surprised he wrote a mytake.

[muspelhem_5]

@lanternhill: Haha, we all gotta have a hobby...

[tenofthepeaks]

haha... i just give as good as i get.

[muspelhem_5]

Fair enough mate :)

[muspelhem_5]

Hahaha, I actually might have it, so maybe you should look into becoming a shrink...

[tenofthepeaks]

i know you do.

[Chloe-Price]

so... basically... the best way according to you to get rid of your fears, is by being an asshole and having to risk your life?

[tenofthepeaks]

perhaps... but then it's about building confidence...

if you lack it, maybe, but there you go.

[Chloe-Price]

what good is confidence when you die in a robbery gone wrong situation?

[tenofthepeaks]

because it's life... duh.. lol... it's about facing fears, but then yep, thanks for saying how I should express points... lol.. i take it you have Asperger's, but don't mind me if I don't take your "absolute word" for things.

[Chloe-Price]

if i have assburgers you must have every single mental disability currently in existence.

[tenofthepeaks]

i doubt it... but then i know it's true for you...

[Chloe-Price]

whatever you want mental patient

[ImNotASlut]

Fucking love this. I was always taught to stay out of everyone's way. Brought up to be the quiet one, the one that follows every rule, dresses to occasion and not to do anything to encourage anyone to pay me any kind of attention. I was scared of everything and everyone, what they could do to me. My father played on this and deliberately scared me with his presence.

But fuck that.

He moved out when I was eleven and I saw the effect he had on my mother, a poor terrified woman. I was turning into her. I'm so lucky that I saw this and started to push myself in the ways you have suggested above and I became me. Still a little screwed up in the head, but nowhere near as bad as I could have been. This is a great read, thank you.

[Hannah591]

I'm very much a city girl who's also a night owl. I get the feeling of serenity from walking around the city at night in quiet areas, although I rarely get to do that because of the risks and I rarely go out at night anyway. I guess it's because it's an unusual experience that you don't experience often and has a sense of danger involved.

If I have a fear, I try to confront it. If you avoid something due to fear, the fear will just get worse.

[tenofthepeaks]

this posting offends you, admit it.

[Hannah591]

No it doesn't. :s

[tenofthepeaks]

It does.. and i dont care if it does.

[Hannah591]

You're making things up in your head.

[tenofthepeaks]

i'm not... lol... it's the truth.

[OzFarmer]

As a kid I used to be scared of the dark, as a teen I made myself go outside at night until I was no longer scared... Now it's not an issue..

"The fear of failure only empowers the demons that haunt us" this quote inspired me to overcome my fears...

[tenofthepeaks]

power to you...

[YourFutureEx]

I have 100% confidence and I still give 10% shit because I can't ignore what's happening in my life. I can't progress blindly.

[tenofthepeaks]

i don't believe you're that confident, but whatever.

[YourFutureEx]

Thanks for the ego boost.

[tenofthepeaks]

sorry?

well no, but i, like how you say i cannot post as i please when you do the exact points... sorry, i wasn't raised in your culture, i don't care..

[YourFutureEx]

I never said that you cannot post as you please. I don't need to do these insane things to become a self confident guy unlike you. Maybe because you weren't born in my culture, unfortunately.

[tenofthepeaks]

lololol.. ok.

[tenofthepeaks]

well no because it offends you but whatever.

[YourFutureEx]

Me or you? Lol you can't forget it. You're replying again after 10 hours. Haha XD

[tenofthepeaks]

Forget? You presume im paying grand interest in this... im not lolol..

[YourFutureEx]

Who knows? I can't expect from you.

[tenofthepeaks]

Haha... im not. But then mr assured person, try and get me to open to you but meh whatever..

[YourFutureEx]

Oh man, don't you have anything to do?

[tenofthepeaks]

Work on my corporate blog and be amused at you butbok..

[YourFutureEx]

Spend some time in hospital too. Bye.

[tenofthepeaks]

Dont need it.. though i suspect you do..

[Words_and_Wisdom]

The key point to take here I feel is to let go of what people think of you. But not to become an asshole if that's not the type of person you want to be.

Instead you should accept it when do you happen to piss someone off and understand that not everyone will like you. It's better to have some people hate you and some people love you than to have everyone be just "OK" with you.

[Nobodycares]

The truth is that our experiences in life are like 95% psychological tricks. Personally, I've just given up and decided to do what I makes me feel comfortable.

Free will is an illusion. The only reason you can do things is because you've been 'motivated' (chemicals in the brain). Some people are naturally more motivated than others, and others have to try really really hard to get there. I feel as if I'm the latter, but I don't care enough to put myself through hell, so y'know.

[tenofthepeaks]

it's a free world.

[thesweetness]

"but i didn't take a change" - is that how people are speaking now? oh wait, that's right. it's not people, it's just you. also, your first tip is a good way to have terrible things happen to you.

[tenofthepeaks]

such is life... duh..

and people don't make mistakes...

and life isn't about growth..

ok fellow...

[thesweetness]

>says you should get over your fears
>gives advice that may get you killed and make fearlessness obsolete
ok fellow

[tenofthepeaks]

and this is how confidence is developed..

but tell me kindly, where do you get your right to determine what is "valuable" material

i suspect you were raised in a rigid culture...

[thesweetness]

are you a jewish man?

[tenofthepeaks]

are you Asperger's? sorry, but it's clear this has offended you.

[thesweetness]

no i'm not retarded. but you're right in that your stupidity offends me.

[tenofthepeaks]

your insistence i cannot comment offends me, but then don't reckon everybody must enter your spiritualist church.

[thesweetness]

just because i have a sense of self-preservation doesn't make me a fanatic. and when did i insist you cannot comment?

[tenofthepeaks]

Its because you try and read me i do so in kind lololol..

[Jxpxtxr]

my worst fears are spiders and deep water, if the spiders aren't too huge I now manage to actually kill them myself, only from a distance though like using a vacuum cleaner or suffocating them with deodorant because some of them can actually jump.. yuck.. but the water haha I guess I'll just never be able to get on a boat (I can swim in pools tho)

[micheal727jovanie]

The only fear I have is hurting others. The only way to overcome my fear is to understand everybody is going to die some day just not me.

[tenofthepeaks]

so you're a sociopath.. ok.

[Nobodycares]

Do we really have to overcome our fears? I simply choose not to, because if I do overcome my fears, people will expect more of me. It's modern psychology, in this fast paced world where people expect you to do things for them.

Well, fuck you, I'm fine with my fears. I have no reason to overcome my fear of heights, ie.

[Nobodycares]

I quote 'successful'.

[Nobodycares]

I was expecting the OP was going to advise sky diving, but attempted originality by suggesting something else. Didn't do it for me OP, sorry.

[tenofthepeaks]

if they are hinderances, yes.

but then fine, don't grow and be limited.

[tenofthepeaks]

and modern psychology? well ok, you have your own views.

[tenofthepeaks]

and peer pressure? never mentioned that, but then it seems you're in your own mind/brain... ok.

[Octavion]

"Be aggressive and irk others" You are gonna piss off the wrong person one day and be lying in a gutter dead with your brain matter going down the storm drain.

[tenofthepeaks]

not really... nobody is owed anything.

[Octavion]

Yet you want to purposely annoy people anyways.

[tenofthepeaks]

who cares? it's the way of the world.

[Octavion]

Just like pissing the wrong guy off and getting curb stomped is.

[tenofthepeaks]

no, it's not.

but then you look silly by attempting to appeal to some stranger online... these aren't youth ways, it's anything goes.

[Octavion]

you're right ANYTHING does go.

[tenofthepeaks]

so then it's good to brave and not give a fuck. perhaps as a non-mentally healthy person as yourself, you don't get this.

[Bethanycats]

I know I'm aggressive but fuck it. if I want to dress skanky I will.

[tenofthepeaks]

i'm glad, good for you.

[micheal727jovanie]

You go girl! xD

[Words_and_Wisdom]

Aggressive and sultry... I like

[Bethanycats]

Thanksss!!!

[Falling4UTC]

I agree about facing your fears, but there is one thing I do not fully agree with. You should not go out of your way to hurt someone, annoy them, or make them unhappy. Sure, face your fears and don't care what others think. But there is a huge difference between not caring if you are judged and actually going out of your way to bother others. Please enlighten me if I am wrong or read it incorrectly.

[tenofthepeaks]

Why not?

[Falling4UTC]

Well it is just right. You have no idea what other people's loads are that they must carry. Why make it any harder for them?

[tenofthepeaks]

Who cares?

[Falling4UTC]

I do, actually. You see, you may not feel the same as others, but many people can easily be affected by other people's actions and words. Why hurt a human being purposely? I just find that so wrong.
Go ahead, face your fears, and don't care what others think. It is freedom of thought and speech afterall, but just remember that there are always limitations to freedoms

[tenofthepeaks]

There are none...

[Falling4UTC]

Actually, there are limitations at least in the law. I am actually learning about the limitations to the freedoms the country has. For example, freedom of religion has a limit because you aren't allowwed to force your religion onto someone or talk about it if the other person doesn't want to hear it. Another limit would be for freedom of speech, when you can't bully, harass, or in anyway take away the other person's freedoms. There are many limitations.

[Falling4UTC]

Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you should

[tenofthepeaks]

There are no laws.

[Falling4UTC]

Wow, I hope you are attempting to troll and dont actually believe there are no laws becayse there are. It is hard to tell who is trolling nowadays because some people don't think /). (\

[tenofthepeaks]

there are laws... it's self-evident.

[Falling4UTC]

You just contradicted what you said before haha

[tenofthepeaks]

Humans contradict.

[NotTheFBI]

And here I thought just drinking and getting drunk helped... I've been doing this wrong the whole time lol XD But seriously I'm thinking there are 'Safer' ways to getting over your fears... well... hold on hold on I'm thinking... fk...

This was a pretty good article nicely done.

[been_waiting]

-walking alone at night can be dangerous so what's the point of doing it

-why "irk" others on purpose

[tenofthepeaks]

why not?

[been_waiting]

Because its rude.

[tenofthepeaks]

Who cares?

[been_waiting]

Decent people

[tenofthepeaks]

A subjdctive label.. but meh.

[pavlove]

Cold showers... if you can force yourself to get into an ice cold shower without flinching whatsoever you will be able to go into a lot of scary situations and bypass your natural flinching response.

[tenofthepeaks]

good points.

[Anonymous]

This is such bad advice. "Be aggressive and Irk others? Should've titled this how to hide your fears by pretending to be an ass

[tenofthepeaks]

Not really.

[tenofthepeaks]

but then i like how this offends you... only because you reckon i cannot post edgy stuff..

i post as i please, it's a free world lol.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah its a free world. And I choose to exercise my freedom by not following stupid advice from a 32 year old who still hasn't figured this basic stuff out.

[tenofthepeaks]

There is no stuff.. uts how it is lolol.

[apexalpha]

funniest part "When I was 25, about 3 years ago" it says you are 32 in your profile.

[tenofthepeaks]

people lie, duh.

[GirlScoutsRevenge]

There's being brave and being stupid. Some of these have a mix of both.

[tenofthepeaks]

Stupidity is subjective

[GirlScoutsRevenge]

Yep, but I'm not the one who got robbed...

[tenofthepeaks]

life experience... duh. then be a pussy and not experience stuff.

[GirlScoutsRevenge]

You're just being childish and obstinate now.

[tenofthepeaks]

i answered your point, what more do you want?

[GirlScoutsRevenge]

I don't want anything from you, trust me!

[tenofthepeaks]

but then crime doesn't happen, and clearly you're not very brave, and very presumptive that i wished to
"give" you anything lol.. ok.

[jacquesvol]

The last time I got REALLY scared was when my car burst a left front tyre on a flyover in the dark. Trucks were speeding at 55 mph at 2ft behind my ass while I replaced it.

No way to continue, I had to change the wheel to get off it. And the danger was real.

[Anonymous]

Soooo true.
Right now I truly feel like I'm just scared of failure haha but not making a mistake just being an utter failure and never following through on my word.
As far as little fears... Probably telling my family how I truly feel and just being independent and free and not relying on them.