Finally moving on... but I feel guilty

[Anonymous]

My ex and I were together for over 2 years and are still friends. It ended because he met someone else but he never told me about her. Things didn't work out with them and I ended up finding out the truth months later. It really upset me that he did that and lied about it.

I have met someone else and we are on the verge of dating. I feel almost guilty about it though because I feel like my ex will get hurt when he finds out. It feels almost like I am betraying him because we are still friends. Is it normal to feel this way?

[Anonymous]

It's normal to feel this way. I went through the EXACT same thing with my ex. Once I was the one who moved on (depsite the fact he had talked to a girl behind my back which ended up never working out) I felt like I was betraying him 100%. You are prob feeling this way because you went out for over 2 years. From my experience with my ex once I moved on, he lost it! We broke up a few years ago, but to this day he is still trying to get me back. If you have a feeling he's going to get hurt, then you are prob right. It is your life, and if your broken up you can do whatever you want. Don't let these betrayel feelings effect anything witht his guy your about to date. Be prepared for him to get upset though..because its going to happen! Personally, if I were you I would slowly stop talking to him...because you shouldn't be friends with an ex you recently broke up with when your starting a new one..it never turns out well! You can only truly be friends with an ex once feelings on both sides are gone, or under control. If you know he's going to get hurt, then once you start dating this guy, you shouldno longer be friensd with him(not to mention he CHEATED ON YOU! which should be more of a reason to not want to be friends)

p.s. just make sure this new guy your seeing isn't actaully a rebound, because that's unfair to him

[onemoreplease]

Yes, it is normal to feel that way, but don't let it hold you back. It can be a very sad experience when a person realizes they are *really* over someone they once loved, but it also means that new and exciting things are just around the corner. Of course you're not betraying him, and if you two are really friends (and not just pretending to be friends so you can keep checking up on each other) he will want you to be happy with a guy who treats you better than he did. I have no idea what his feelings will be when you tell him- it may sting for awhile, or he may not care at all- but in the end, it is not your responsibility to protect him from getting hurt. Think of it this way: which guy deserves more consideration, this new guy who HASN'T lied, cheated or betrayed you, or the ex who did all three of these things?

[foolishmistakez]

wow! I am going through this right now .. my ex broke up with me 5 years ago but now we're friends .. I feel guilty for moving on but I have to undertsand he made it clear that we're not getting back .. and even though he dated several people after that =/

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

It sounds like you have unresolved feelings about this "ex," whom in your mind's eye you don't quite see as an ex.

First, you're not betraying him. You broke up with him, and that was because he was dishonest. It's perfectly reasonable to expect honesty from a partner, and his particular lie is generally thought of as the cardinal sin of all sins in a relationship. That is, cheating.

Pursue the new relationship. That person has shown interest, and has not given you a reason not to date him, so go with that one. If your ex can't understand why you are moving on, or he wants you to stop dating this person, that's a problem he'll have to deal with himself.

He lost all rights to request or even demand anything of you a long time ago.

[MaxPrime]

Thank you, thank you, thank you...girl are you kidding me. You should have NO guilty feelings what so ever. Are you just never going to date anybody ever just so you don't hurt your ex's feelings? He doesn't deserve you, and if being friends with him is limiting you (which it is) then stop hanging out with him. Is he saying that you shouldn't date anybody? If he is, then you REALLY need to get out of the relationship once and for all.

[Littletad]

Your not betraying him. You are no longer with him and free to live you own life now. He betrayed you by lying and deceiving you.

[Anonymous]

Move on! Why should you put your life on hold because of the possibility of hurting someone else's feelings. If your ex was truly your friend, he should be happy in your new found happiness.

Remember, this is your life! Go out and make the best of it! It's much to short to live for somebody else!