Why can't my boyfriend remember the things I tell him I like, my family stories, and things like that?

[star2128]

my boyfriend of 7 months is a great guy, he says he has fallen madly for me and I have for him as well. I can remember everything he has told me about him, like his favorite foods, what he will land won't eat, his favorite candy, fave color. why can't he remember things about me when I have to repetitively repeat myself about what I like and retell him things about myself that I have already told him? what gives?

[TheTruthAboutLife]

You've got a classic case of the "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" boyfriend and I'm very sorry to say this because I know you won't like it, but he's never going to change; he CAN'T change. A lot of people hear the word "narcissist" and automatically picture a hot guy/girl checking themselves out and acting conceited, but as with all things, there are a lot of different types of narcissists and your boyfriend is definitely one. Now I don't know enough about him to give a professional evaluation, but my opinion based on just what you've said is more than enough... I've sadly seen so many relationships like this and I've been in one as well, so I know that it's very difficult, especially when the Narc uses "comfort and love" to manipulate you. He's able to remember the things he chooses to and things about himself, but then he suddenly "can't" remember anything about you? He "tries"? I'm sorry, he is not trying, he is not struggling, he is not incapable of remembering things you say, he just doesn't want to and since you continue to excuse his actions and allow him even more "slack", why would he bother anyway? He doesn't need to remember anything about you and he can continue to be selfish because you are allowing it. He sounds like the "Narcissistic Martyr Manipulator" aka the victim, which explains why he tells you he "tries" to remember and so on. He makes sure that you feel bad for him and give him a second (and third, fourth, fifth) try and it excuses him in the process, which is a must for these guys The problem with Narcissists is that they can't change because they will never, and I mean NEVER, admit that they are wrong and if they do blurt out a long apology full of self shaming and promises to change, it's not real. I'm not saying he doesn't mean anything he says to you because maybe he does mean it, but honestly, you can't "love" someone if you don't know what love is and you can't promise someone to change if you don't think anything is wrong. No one can tell you what to do, but I got stuck in a very long 4 year relationship with a narcissist, thinking he would eventually follow through with any of the millions of apologies he would give me that sounded SO legit at first and then I thought I would be able to beat him at his own game and come out on top, but it would never happen because you cannot beat someone who inside believes that they are and always will be "right" and you are "wrong". Good luck to you!!

[YourBasicFlawedHuman]

It’s utterly disgraceful that you psychologically analyze her boyfriend into the category of narcissistic personality disorder based upon a single paragraph. You’ve not only misinformed her, youve diagnosed her entire relationships past, present and future without offering her any true solutions. You then managed to identify the reason why: “I got stuck in a four year relationship with a narcissist.”

How about offering her a communicative option?
How about offering her an alternative solution?
How about you don’t reflect your ex onto hers?

To the OP, guys in general are pretty crap at remembering things. Maybe help remind each other that you both have identities in this relationship and that it’s important to have knowledge of one another’s personalities. A good way to do that is to sit and have a discussion about the things that are important to one another, and to list the things you both like about one another. I overthink everything and I worry if I’m doing enough. Talk to him and see if he’s forgetting other things because he’s misdirecting his focus. Maybe placing too much attention into work instead of at home?

Might have other things going on.

Unlike the nihilistic, negative reply above... I wouldn’t entirely forsake your boyfriend just yet. Talk first. Decide later.

[Friendlybro79]

@YourBasicFlawedHuman ridiculously well said my man. @star2128 I hope things have gone well here.

[KrakenAttackin]

@TheTruthAboutLife. "Narcissist", any man who can't stand listening to a woman ramble on, and on, and on, and on, about N O T H I N G.

[pancake]

Why Can't My Boyfriend Remember the Things I Tell Him I Like, My Family Stories, and Things Like That?

We've all been there. You're telling your boyfriend about your day and he seems to be only half listening. Or you're sharing a story about your family and he doesn't seem to be paying attention at all. You might be wondering why he can't seem to remember the things you tell him.

There could be a few reasons for this. Maybe he's not really that interested in what you have to say. Or maybe he's just not good at paying attention to details. Either way, it can be frustrating when you feel like he's not really listening to you.

Here are a few tips for getting your boyfriend to remember the things you tell him:

• Make sure he's actually listening. This might seem like a no-brainer, but it's important to make sure he's not just zoning out when you're talking to him. If he's not giving you his full attention, he's not going to remember what you're saying.
• Keep it interesting. If you're just rambling on about your day, he's not going to be very interested in what you're saying. Try to keep your stories and conversations interesting and engaging.
• Repeat yourself. If you really want him to remember something, make sure you repeat it a few times. He's more likely to remember it if you say it more than once.
• Write it down. If there's something important that you want him to remember, write it down. Give him a note or send him a text so he has it in writing.
• Be patient. If you're constantly nagging him about forgetting things, he's not going to want to listen to you. Be patient and give him time to remember the things you tell him.

Hopefully these tips will help you get your boyfriend to remember the things you tell him. Just remember to be patient and keep your conversations interesting, and he should start paying more attention

[KrakenAttackin]

Good grief. This is too much work.

[Mgoods]

Yeah, in the very least he cares little about what matters to you. And that isn't always a good sign :/

[KrakenAttackin]

How about she learns the golden art of BREVITY.

[Anonymous]

We're guys. We write down your birthday and our anniversary on sticky notes and put them in our wallets so we don't forget. Well, sometimes we forget about the notes we wrote to remind us of stuff like that.. but whatever. Only thing we really really remember is- the last bra and panties set you were wearing and what your shaving preference is like for the given moment. Cut him some slack. We have more important stuff to remember. Like the AL East standings at the moment, and all the buzz about off-season basketball and football moves.

[star2128]

But he doesn't act like the regular guys I've gone out with. he knows my birthday better than he knows his own. he notices detail, like if I've never worn my hair a certain way, or if I repainted my nails. he's not feminin or nothing like that but he wants to remember all the things about me but he just can't seem to. he tries, I know he tries, but I am not the type of person who likes to repeat myself a million times over what my favorite candy bar is, or what my fav colr is when I wear it alot.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay well I am kind of the same way. I try so hard to remember everything about a girl I can, and certain things get away. Cut him some slack. He clearly likes you or loves you obviously because he's putting in this kind of effort. Maybe try and avoid conversations that involve things he frequently forgets, or find a way to drill them into his head. We are only human.

[star2128]

Yes he loves me. he tells me everyday about a million times a day. I've hung out with guys since I was little, I know more about guys than I do girls, strange I know. and when I met him, he's nothing like what I know about in a guy at all. I do cut him some slack. I cut him a lot of slack for not remembering things, well its hard to avoid those certain conversations when he brings them up. then ill have to say " yes, you have told me this quite a few times". my aunt suggested a code phrase to...

[AleDeEurope]

Maybe his short term memory is bad. Maybe he lacks the ability to keep concentrated so he spaces out when you talk. Maybe he doesn't actually listen to you. Maybe he doesn't care. Maybe he doesn't put much importance to that.

[Dontworryaboutthe]

He may have a short term memory problem. It might not have nothing to do with what the comment above.

Ask him if he's ever had a sports injury and asked for details. He may have hit his head before or if he was a victim of a crime and got knocked out or something. Head injuries are very difficult to see because we can't see inside someone head. Also the certain medications can cause short term memory as well. And, if you ever notice he forgets where his own keys or his phone is, don't take nothing personal. That's enough to let you know his short term memory is not good and it has nothing to do with a personality disorder. If he is the type to forget where he parked the car, that's not the type of person to be mad at, he have memory problems. Nothing to do with you or how much he loves you.

[DermalPunch]

You're a woman. Being a conversationalist and remembering little details about people is part of your feminine survival pack. Maintaining social relationships is part of the feminine way.

Men are action driven. It is their biology. You expect him to express his love in a feminine way. You need to step back and look for the masculine (action-oriented) ways he is showing his love.

Also, hush you're talking his damn ear off girl.

[DermalPunch]

@star2128 it's unfortunate that you fund the MHG a good opinion. Ypu may be thinking yourself out of a really good guy because you don't understand his masculine nature. @TheTruthAboutLife is projecting a whole lot of their crap onto your situation.

[Anonymous]

He has a bad memory perhaps. You will find a guy with a great memory problematic. I have an eidetic memory which means I will remember almost everything you said, where, and when. The girlfriends I know sometimes love it sometimes do not. Girls tend to remember details a lot, unlike most guys. They love pulling up stuff from the past in arguments. Imagine a guy who can do it better than you. You will most likely lose every argument and most girls love that leverage on guys 🤣

[WhitneySnow]

Sounds like he’s not as into you as you are him. People (even guys) can remember things if they care enough to concentrate.

[Chiarac2003]

He’s a guy an idiot.. he should remember everything.

[DermalPunch]

Do you remember everything?

[Adronicus]

I learned a long time ago its a mistake to invest more of yourself than what's returned. I have a way of dealing with this. Lose interest, go cold, find someone else.

[slatyb]

He's not interested in knowing you. He's interested in the services you provide.

[KrakenAttackin]

Because you likely ramble on about nonsense and gibberish, forcing him to try to pick the relevant from irrelevant. Men have a hard time retaining woman-speak gibberish.

[sheikalana]

He doesn’t thin that’s important and has selective memory.

[EaterPeter]

People can hardly remember of 20 % they hear when they put continuous effort if they don't guess what would happen?

[OnTheLevel]

This may sound harsh, but it's because it isn't important to him.

[Thomas169]

Does he tend to have a bad memory in general? Or is it just with details about you?

[Anonymous]

two possibilities 1. memory problems 2. he just doesn't give a shit
or a combination of both

[Iron_Man]

I remember everything maybe he’s Punching

[michol1]

Sounds like he’s not interested

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry! Did you say something?

[Opinion Owner]

Actually, I'm thinking he might not think you are that interesting, but then I don't know you or him. It's impossible to give advice to strangers on the internet after reading a one sided soliloquy.

[noohair]

Brain Damage?