My roommate is in love with my boyfriend. help!

[schwantesj]

my boyfriend and I have been dating for three years, and we are in love and talking about engagement. we have decided not to live together until marriage, so when we both moved to a different city, my boyfriend suggested I room with his friend and business partner who I only had met a few times. the times that I did meet her she was very nice, and we got along very well. this woman is not attractive and I am 100 percent sure that he is not interested in her, so I have never been jealous. the problem is, after I signed the lease, and only a few weeks after me and my boyfriend moved to this city, I went away for a month to visit family. while I was gone she went to his apartment every night, cooked him dinner and they spent a lot of time together. I wasn't worried because I trust my boyfriend and this woman is known to be very motherly and always cooking and cleaning for people she has no responsibility over.he was also lonely not knowing anyone else in town. when I got back, me and her spent time together and all seemed well. we were good roommates together, and everything seemed good, but over time, she started trying to cause problems between my boyfriend and myself. if I was doing something, she would automatically text him and relay to him everything that I was doing. she would call him constantly when me and him were spending time together, even though she could have called me also. she is always trying to rub in my face when she knows where he is and what he's doing and I don't. when we argue, she will automatically take his side, even if he is wrong and try to turn him away from me. when there is a house issue, she will call him and complain about me to him instead of coming and talking to me. and then some really weird things happened. I had pictures of my boyfriend and his sister who my roommate had never met before that I hadn't framed yet. she found them and framed them in her room, and when people asked, would lie about how close to his family she was. she guilt tripped us into inviting her to my boyfriends family holiday functions, then tried to act like she was the host of the party and head of the family. she tells mutual friends that she doesn't think that we should be together and that she was in love with him, but acts like my best friend to my face. my boyfriend sees that she has some psychological issues, and I have expressed concern about some of these issues, but they were friends first, and their work life is very fused together so I do not want to cause any problems. all I want is for her to stop trying to be in the middle of our lives. I would have no problem with their relationship if it did not cause problems with the relationship that me and my boyfriend share. and I also do not like feeling uncomfortable in my own house knowing that my roommate and supposed friend is plotting against me. I do not feel threatened by her, but I feel betrayed and hurt because I have never done anything to her to deserve this. please help

[freemind]

I think:

1. Tell you boyfriend not to answer to call when you two together, if there's anything important, she will call you instead ( just tell her that he left the phone at home or not near the phone) , or you can answer on his phone ( to tell her subtle that he is yours). I think she will stop doing this after a while ( pls discuss with your boyfriend first about the situation and how much you worried about her)

2. Tell her that you heard your boyfriend told you that she's a good cook, if oneday she has a chance, can she cook for you too, or you and him together ? ( will see if she wants to serve you too). I know this is not very nice but you need to be the boss and know how to control the situation

3. Put picture of you with your boyfriend in a few places in the house where she can see

4. Still be nice to her, and tell her how much you appreciate her to be a very good room mate and your boyfriend business partner

5. As soon as you and your boyfriend show her how strong your relationship is, she will step back

Just a few things that I can think of, Good luck!

[justconfused1]

You should just tell your boyfriend that he needs to talk to her and tell her to back off. Coming from you she'll just feel like she's winning and that you're jealous of her. However that's not the case, you just want her to show some respect to you. Coming from him however, she'll have to get the hint and she'll probably feel a lot stupider about what she's been up to.

Also you should definitely plan on living elsewhere when your lease is up. The less time the two of you spend with her the better.

[schwantesj]

i definately plan on living somewhere else, but as far as he is concerned, all of the problems don't necessarily have to do with the contact between him and her. its the things that she does at home and how she acts around the people around us. his family, me, friends. all he see's is that she is nice to him and they work well together and get a lot done. she doesn't even necessarily flirt with him. she knows she doesn't have a chance, but she pretends to everyone else that she is closer to him

[tcrystal89]

Unfortunately people are crazy, I had a weird situation with my fiances MOTHER. I would say try to distance yourself as much as possible, and try to be out with your man as much as you can. If you guys are thinking about engagement, you trust him & wouldn't think he'd cheat, and you guys love each other then everything will be okay, and try not to let it bother you so much. Stick in there!

[Trihill]

warn your boyfriend and see his reaction...if he plays the friend card, he's gonna cheat on you in the near future...if he doesn't realize what's going on, then you need to get the proof to prove it before things go south

[schwantesj]

i have warned him when it started, we have a very open relationship. he knows that she has a lot of psychological issues that go way farther then the way she acts in this situation, but he also thinks that what I think her motives are, are over exaggerated. there is no way that he can stop working with her, so he we both know he needs to keep on good terms. he promises to help with the relationship between her and I by not letting her converse to him about me, but he would never cheat

[Anonymous]

get out of that place and tell her boyfriend that other than business you don't want him seeing her. From sound of this behavior you would not be asking to much

[Caliguy88]

Lol. My ex’s roommate was into me I guess. We never did anything very bad but I did find her nudes on MY computer once. I think they uploaded by accident. But I’d jackoff to those a lot when I was with my ex. I was attracted to the roommate too. We did end up having a fling after the ex and I broke up. We never actually had sex because she said she could no that to her friend but we’d get naked and fool around. Be careful though! If I was a cheater and that girl was into it I would have cheated. But I’ve never cheated on anyone. But we had some hot nights prior to all that that drove me crazy about this chick. Caught her having sex once. We’d both seen each other nude multiple times... those feels can get going sometimes in that environment...

[TheCheshireCat]

Trust your boyfriend

Tell your roommate that she needs to back off

[KayKay19]

I think that you should just be straight forward with him.

What are his thoughts on all this?