My girlfriend broke up with me but wants to be friends now. Please Help!

[Anonymous]

I had been dating this girl for a little over a year and for a long time everything was great. We were each others best friend and did almost everything together. We both even expressed our feelings that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. The last month and a half or so we've been fighting and not getting along until she finally decided she wanted a break. After a couple of weeks of a break with both of us still being jealous towards each other leading to fights she blindsided me with the dreaded news. I must say at first I did not take it well and did everything wrong. Constantly calling, texting all that stuff until I realized I was pushing her away even more. I convinced her to meet me in person to talk about things because she never really gave me any reasoning. We had a pretty emotional conversation because I had realized I had been pushing her away for a while now. Her jealousy had caused my jealousy and in fact led me to be a pretty neglectful boyfriend. I love this girl with all of my heart and hindsight really is 20/20 because I see all the flaws of my character that may have pushed her away. She has expressed that she wants to "do her" and spend more time on school, work and with her roommates/friends and that she wants to be friends with me. she does love me but she says as a friend because she doesn't want to jump into a relationship. She even said at one point you never know what could happen in the future but did again say she wanted to be friends. I know this girl cares about me but I don't know what I should do. For now I'm not contacting her and giving her space. She doesn't want to "talk" talk so I really don't know what to do especially if she does text or call me which she does occasionally but not to "talk" talk. I really love her and hope this time apart will allow her to realize she does want to be with me. Any experience or help would be great thank you.

[themastaplan]

dude holy sh*t...are you living my life...woahhhh

my relationship was for a little under 2 years...SAME SHIT happened to me...except our fights were from me taking advantage of her and not being the best guy ic ould be - mostly due to inexpierence with a serious relationship and my attitude during that age period...

ok, this is going to be easier said than done...i did EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING you did...begged her, called her, I went crazy without her...it was BAD, real BAD

heres the thing I learned, if you love her and she's asking for space and time to concentrate on school and work or what not...GIVE IT TO HER, you need to respect the fact that your relationship didn't work at the moment, could it work in the future? SURE it could! but you have to let her live her life and YOU need to work on yourself, become independant again...i TOTAL FEEL FOR YOU, I'm not kidding when I say I was in the same situation...

anyways this is how it panned out for me...my ex got a boyfriend and whatever, I didn't talk to her for months...on her bday I wished her a happy bday and she told me she missed me and wanted to meet up-- that's when things went sour with her new bf...or as I call him, the rebound...she realized how much mroe of an attraction she had with me and a better feeling around me...i call that "love" lol...anyways, a monht of so goes by and she eventually ends it with the rebound (abouter about 4-5 months)...talsk to me some more and we start hooking up again (THANK GOD! lol)...i wasn't really ready for a relationship and niether was she so we took some more time, but still talked daily...eventually she asked if I would be with her again, I said no, EVEN THO I WANTED TO! why!? I felt she was just lonely and didn't really want to be with me just wanted the attention, here we are about 2-3 months after that, still talking and hooking up and now I want her back and she doesn't want me because of 3 classes, 2 jobs, etc...theres just no time...what do I need to do to get her back again? SPACE AND TIME! I need to respect the fact that she's busy and give her what she needs, but ALWAYS be there for her when she needs me...skip the petty arguments and fights, because that will get you no where and make your ex feel liek you never will work in the future becuase you can't seem to stop fighting...so give her time and respect her for what she's doing...

this doesn't mean put your life on hold and wait, but go out, have fun, be yourself, be independant, meet new people and do you! show her you can survive without her, I know you two will be jealous most likely and you two are exactly like me and my ex...it will just take TIME...take your space, almost give her that feeling of losing you, as if she could potentially lose you forever...this will let her realize how much you mean to her...

in the end, just be there for her, let HER contact you, not the other way around...dont answer EVERY call or text, she needs ot see what life is like w/o you

[themastaplan]

Hope this helps...jsut be cool and calm..BE YOURSELF, remind her why she fell in love with you...but do thsi SLOWLY!! it was the turtle who won the race, NOT the rabbit - SLOWWWWWW my friend, SLOWWWW

good luck! lemme know if you need any more advice or if anythign comes up

[eSHkidd]

It depresses me that love is just one big game with a rulebook.

[themastaplan]

Eshkidd...i know, it sucks, it does...its all about games until that person realizes that they are in love with you....sometimes people have to feel that they are losing you to really know they are in love :/

[Seraphine]

But isn't that more like playing games? :(

[themastaplan]

In a way I guess...but I always loved my ex, I still do, id do anything for her...ive felt what it was like to actually feel like I was gonna lose her forever...she needs ot feel that from me, sometimes people don't realize what they have until its gone...

[Asker]

That's what I know will happen. I'n not going to hold on forever but I feel like this time will bring her back to me.

[Asker]

At least I hope so I finally found someone who I wanted to spend my life with and who wanted to spend theirs with me until this happens. I know were young but I don't understand how someone can just throw it away like that but that's emotions there's no logic.

[Harry_singh_Hs]

I agree with him. I too broke up with my best girl exactly the same way. I turned ignorant and treated her bad untill she decided to move away. now she just want to stay friends and she say she doesn't want any relationship with anyone. she is working real hard for her profession and job. i tried calling, texting, looking for her. I totally went craxy. but the more i did, the more she getting annoyed. it doesn't took me time to realise that its better to let her do what she want and respect it. i had my chance and i treated her bad, so i cabt push her just to be with me again. emotions are not like switches, which can be turned on and off, so as relationships. it takes time. So im just trying to give her time and space and also try to find myself again because its so frustrating.
But the only thing i dont understand is, she changed a lot, like she doesn't care. It hurts though. She do still call. We do play games online. But its not the same. After she left i realised i loved her the most

[Harry_singh_Hs]

themastaplan... i can use some advice too.

She say she doesn't want relationship at all with anyone, she say she has zero interest in that.. And reminds me at every step that im just a friend now. Just last night i tried to tell her my feeling but she pushed me away, saying i should stop and not to put her in the same atmosphere. Also told me that i dont listen and that its a live example.
I just dont want lose her.

[Mak2512]

Most of the time if a girlfriend/boyfriend ask for being friend after a breakup of a relationship then it means they want to keep you on back burner as a security while want to go and "test waters". This is not always a bad thing, they feel they care for you but you hurt them and you might hurt them again so better to look for somone who might be better then you. And if not...then you are there anyway.

If you have no problem with such thing then you may take it slow. Be freind with her while don't expect too much from her. Go with your life and might date somone else.

If you are lucky, she might come back and ask you to get back together and then it will be upto you to decide.

[PhatPat]

Aw, you poor guy, I know your heart is hurting right now and that SUCKS. However, you ARE doing exactly what you need to be doing right now: backing off and respecting her space. I think really, the bottom line here is that you're going to just have to give it time. It sounds like you both do care deeply for each other, but that it's been VERY intense these last few months. I think both of you need space (you need and deserve to regroup just as much as her honey) and need some time to figure out exactly what you want and are willing to give in a relationship.

It's good to keep it as friends for now, keep it casual and easy going, but on that hand you'll also be able to keep in touch because you haven't completely cut each other off. Definitely bide your time. Get out, go have some fun with your own friends, get your head into work/school. When you guys are both truly ready, you can revisit the idea of getting back together again and you'll be able to do it without being emotionally fueled.

Good luck sweetie! :)

[Anonymous]

You have your hands full! All I can say is that me and my boyfriend went through this a couple of months ago but I was in your position so from where I was I totally understand where you're coming from because you're in love with her just like I am with my boyfriend. The best advice I can give you is to give her space yes and don't respond when she texts you eventually which will prob be soon she is going to wonder why you don't want to talk to her I know its ridiculous but with some people you have to play this sort of stupid game that makes them realize theyre dumb! I'm sure she loves you just probably is a little confused about your realtionship give it a week and if she isn't begging you to talk to her move on and find someone who does want to be with you. I hope this helps

[stara]

"Doesn't want to jump into a relationship" is a bunch of BS because guys say it too. It means I want to be with someone just not you. People change and grow and sometimes friends don't make good boy/girlfriends. You can't wait around for anyone to change or "realize she does want to be with [you]" because maybe she doesn't and staying friends is because she cares for you. I am a hopeless romantic constantly getting the run around and heartbroken and you just move on to the next one. Learn from this experience and grow but never wait.

[zombie_girl_xxx]

This is almost the exact situation I'm in right now. Except I'm the chick. I dated my boyfriend for 11 months and he became more of a friend to me. I got angry at him because I was unhappy in the relationship. Eventually I broke it off. Load off of my back, giant weight onto his. I was happy and still am being single. But he never ceases to tell me he misses me and wants to be with me again. That pushed me so far away. Number 1, because he doesn't understand how I feel. And number 2, because I don't like guys dropping before me constantly telling me how they feel. I'm not attracted to a guy being all over me. Plus I've only felt that immature love. So it's never been real.

So I don't know what to say. If the chick is exactly like me and is feeling how I'm feeling, I'd say move on.

[HuskerChick]

I would just give her space and time...wait until she contacts you because like you said if you continue to keep contacting her, she will get annoyed and you will be pushing her away. Keep doing what you are doing. When she finally come around, tell her exactly how you feel, and have her explain how she feels and go on from there.

[newpeace]

She still cares about you, obviously she would. It is good you see some of your mistakes and have learned from them. Both of these factoids do not guarantee that you will get back together. Getting yourself together and being constructive and productive will be the most appealing status to put on. This way you are doing well, and if she changes her mind great, and if not you have not wasted you life.

[SUMMERSWEETER]

She sounds like she wants to figure out her feeling for you, she's probably stressed about school and is feeling like, with all the time that you two had been spending together that she had been losing touch with her other friends. She still wants to be with you and maybe even wants a chance to get to know you a little better before things start to "really" get serious. Just keep giving her space and show her that you'll be there for her and are willing to respect her decision to take a break. Be a friend to her and also give "yourself" a chance to slow down from the demands of the relationship... it might do you both good. Hope this helps.

[shgurl22]

she fell in love with you when you were your whole self by yourself. you feel like a piece of you is missing and she sees that, and that isn't the guy she fell inlove with...the guy who was whole without her, is who she fell in love with ...so you have to try your hardest to find that piece of you within yourself...and she'll see that too =]

[FFStaylor]

All you can do is be there for her now. No matter how much you want to explain yourself, it will probably just push her away more. If you two really love each other as much as you say you do, then she will want you back sometime in the future. Let her focus on herself and you do the same. Use this time to let your feelings grow stronger. Don't think of this as a bad thing, make it a good thing.

[shgurl22]

hey this is so weird. this is exactly what's happening eith me right now. a bit dif...lol but anyways...i'm so miserable. how is everythign going? I'm really curious as to how it;s working out for u

[Asker]

Unfortunately it hasn't gotten much better. We talked all last week like normal friends just about life but she didn't say anything about another guy. late last week things got weird she texted and called me 30 times while I was sleeping. She was drunk and wanted me to take her back to her place. Her texts were accusing me of being in bed with someone and saying things like you lost your chance. The next day she texts me again accusing me and what not so I cleared it up and apologized that I

[Asker]

Couldn't be there for me we talked for a while and she confirmed something I had kind of known that she was talking to a new guy. She said she still wanted to see me and we "needed to talk" and that we should get lunch I told her no as I was pretty upset from what I had heard. The next day I called her to get that lunch and she told me she was in bed with him and to leave them alone and preceded to say all these things about how great he is to me. the next day we ended up at the same party where

[Asker]

We didn't say a word to each other and two days later she texted me asking why I didn't say hi I said I was still upset about what she said to me the day before. she again said he was there with her and how great he is etc. trying to get a reaction and make me jealous. That was the last time I heard from her and I won't text or call her. I'm still lost and hurt but I'm trying not to think about it just keep up with no contact and trying to better myself. I know she'll talk to me soon and this

[Asker]

Rebound won't last but its hard. Wish I had better news for you and I'm so sorry you have to go through this as well I've been in relationships and dumped but this one was "the one" and I'm missing a piece of me. The only thing I can say is keep your head up and try to better yourself. Make him wish he'd never left you. I'm moving on and changing my outlook I know she will notice eventually and see the mistake she made. Good Luck to you!

[shgurl22]

Thats awesome that you're being able to refrain from contacting her....i think that's the best thing you can do. just try your hardest to be happy, and other people will see you're happy, and she is going to see that and be like "hmm why didn't I latch myself onto that boat?" ya know....and you said you feel like a piece of you is missing without her...ij completely know how that feels. you just don't know what to do with all these feeling. but I was thinkin....she fell in love with you when you

[Anonymous]

Dude, I was went through the same thing...check this out..it's about "decoding" what a girl says ==> link

[Anonymous]

If you've dated her for a year, a general rule is to give her space for half that time...so you might have to wait it out for 6 months...is her birthday coming up?

[Asker]

No but mine is. If she calls/texts me or even wants to hang out I wouldn't really know what that means.

[wonderwander]

Give her space. If she wants to come back, she will.

[Anonymous]

While you're giving her space, you need to come up with a good game plan..==> link

[Anonymous]

I understand your pain...are you connected with her on Facebook?

[Asker]

Actually I'm not I got rid of my facebook for unrelated reasons