Is being "good" worth it?

Question

I don't understand it and am giving up. I did everything I was supposed to do growing up to the best of my abilities. I followed all the rules and was considered by everyone else's standards to be the perfect child. I struggled with education because of a learning disability but also because I was homeschooled and my parents concerned my education to what they felt like I only needed to learn.
I was raised heavily religious to where I believed I'd go to hell for any little misstep.
I was bullied by literally everyone in any social setting like camps, groups, and sports.
I worked my ass off at every job I've had and yet still make shit pay.
I've literally done any and everything for friends who always leave me and stab me in the back.
I pray to a God who never seems to hear my prayers but will always show up for everyone around me.
I just don't seem to see the fruits or benefits of being good per say and doing the right thing or being a good person. Nothing ever seems to work out no matter how much i try to make the best out of the situation in which im in. I was always taught that if I did the right thing and made the morally right decisions that life would go well for me but those i knew growing up and even as adults now who cut corners, lied, cheated, and stole seem to have life made for them now that we're all adults now.
Do you feel like making the right moral choices in life have benefited you in any way?

ZackBan · Accepted Answer

I know exactly how you feel:
I too was rased on "principals" parents were not strict but they made sure I be a good person and I complied for about 20 years. But all it got me was being stepped on and exploited and hated by others for it. I could never understand why I was so good and yet no good things happened to me.

Eventually I realized that being good is not the answer.

The answer is being strong and free, and using that strength and freedom to make the good choices. And the good choices are often not the obvious ones.
For example I was told that drinking alcohol is what bad people do so I believed it but now I understand that this is wrong, abusing alcohol and beating your wife and kids is what bad people do but having a drink is not so now I drink and party and do all sorts of things.
I was also told to respect women and that kissing or touching are meant for only after marriage, but most girls I mate disliked me for respecting them.
Now I date and breakup and hook up and do all these things, and from this position of strength I chose to respect women.

Bottom line is being good has no worth it's only a choice you make. Instead try to be "strong" as a person.

Joseph69 · Accepted Answer

Be yourself and always listen to your heart

Puppystarfish23 · Accepted Answer

Omg. I can relate so much to you and also feel the same. I also have learning disabilities, had a religious upbringing felt the same too at that time in my life but if I was bad and didn't stick to the rules bad things would happen but even when I was good people would treat me poorly and I'd fail in most things in life..

I always say no one ever becomes successful from being a good person but I just don't have it in my heart to be bad. I see so many terrible people get whatever they want in life and it makes me so mad inside.

I've also work really hard in my jobs too but never felt appreciate much and have always been treated like a idiot by other colleagues because I'm not in love with myself and think everyone loves the sound of my voice like they do. I get the blame for stuff I never did and get told my the lazy one whilst they stand there kissing the mangers behind while I clean up there mess.

But please don't stop being a good person, don't let shitty people turn you into them or its a never ending cycle. The world needs good people even if we don't get any appreciation for it.

yucychan · Accepted Answer

I feel you like you have been living your life for everyone else except for yourself. Maybe it's time to step back and decide what you want.
You can start with something small, like hobbies. Do something you really like and enjoy, and not just because it's something your parents would want you to do.

I don't really believe in the notion that "if I did the right thing and made the morally right decisions that life would go well for me". If I want something, I will demand for it. I put my request upfront. I got a pay raise because I request for it from my boss. Yes, putting effort in your work, achieving sales targets/goals is one thing. But you must still make your demands and requests be known. Your employer is not going to automatically give you a pay raise just because you are a good worker.

I have a friend like you. She assumes that if she does her part, things will just fall into place. The world is not like that, don't be so naive. You want something, then you have to demand for it.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

"I was always taught that if I did the right thing and made the morally right decisions that life would go well for me." Did you turn out to be a person with excellent moral character and values, worthy of commitment and trust?

Gray-Wisp · Answer

If you want to take a religious approach
"Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted," or
"Though the wicked sprout like weeds and evildoers flourish, they will be destroyed forever."

I was not in the situation that you are but it had some similarities. I have several driving beliefs.

1. God helps those who helps themselves, this doesn't mean propping up evil, but if someone wouldn't put effort (not just praying) into a situation then why would God essentially do all of the work? This is why it is idiotic to for example, not take medication if you're ill.

2. Most people are degenerates. Over half of the population will lie to you, deceive you, steal from you, and some would even kill you if it benefited them. Christian, atheist, right winger, left winger, men, women, etc. doesn't really matter. Now, there are some of those groups that are something like 90% degenerate but there's still a big enough portion of all groups that are degenerate to where you really can't trust anyone.

3. Good? Bad? I'm not even really sure what that means in some cases. What I do know is what the society that I want to live in looks like. What I do understand is politics, economics, and so on. What I do want is to essentially transform society by abolishing this system and putting up a new one. Giving into "bad", hedonism, pride, deceit etc. isn't the right route. Why do you think everyone is like that? Why are there so many degenerates? They all looked at the same situation and reached the same conclusion of giving up on being any semblance of what "good" usually means. The only way it's going to change is to force them back and it doesn't take much imagination to think of a few ways how if you're ambitious enough.

The_Maphio · Answer

No. You should be neutral about everything. Which means, be inquisitive and never take any face-value info for good without a proper investigation and info. gathering of your own.
You'll often find out that what's "good" has other aims behind it, and those who are marked as "evil" by the public opinion were actually those who'd have fixed things with better timing and lesser losses.
Being good for the sake of it is pretty useless, if then you're going to suffer the consequences of a dumb action to appear as a nice person to the public.

Alpha09 · Answer

Yes and no. Find a balance of possible, I was homeschooled to and I learned pretty quickly once I moved out that trying to be perfect would do me more harm than good. Be a caring and kind person, but don't hold yourself back so other people can get ahead all the time. It's your life and your going to die someday just like the rest of us, so do you really want to spend your time always trying to "behave"? There are some things in this life that are only bad because you've been told over and over by other people that they are. Stop living by their standards all the time. Do what is best for you, and be smart about it.

exitseven · Answer

Life is not fair. I always felt there was a big disconnect between hard work and success. It seems that dishonest people usually get the promotions and hard work is rarely rewarded.
You have to find a way to live with this. I concentrated on raising a family. I created a nice life for myself separate from my career. I did not compromise my principles and maybe I never was a high earner but I still have a comfortable lifestyle.
Just be the best version of yourself, don't give in to pressure and work to make yourself happy instead of working to make others happy.

DWornock · Answer

Being good doesn't mean you should be a pushover nor, except for common curtesy, that you should do things for others. Realize that all people are selfish and will take advantage of you if you let them. Don't an ever lend money.

Being good means being truthful and never stealing or shoplifting. It fact stealing or shoplifting is stupid. It is not worth it. Before you can still $10,000 worth of stuff, you will be caught and if prosecuted your attorney fees will be $50,000 and you might be convicted and have a record that will follow you your entire life.

JSmuve · Answer

"I was always taught that if I did the right thing and made the morally right decisions that life would go well for me"

You were lied to. Plain and simple. Being "good" doesn't get you ahead just like being "nice" doesn't get you the girl. People love to tell each other half-truths to either control them, to keep them from getting ahead, or because they don't really have an understanding of the world. Those that stand up for themselves, are assertive, and take what they want usually get ahead; not the good people who let others walk on them.

888theGreat · Answer

so give up how? You are going to become a slut and sleep with 1000 guys? You are going to stop going to church? You are going to start selling drugs? A life of crime?

Sounds like you think because you say I believe in God , money from heaven should fall in your lap. That you should never hear the word no again. The bible says it rains on the just and unjust.

Adam and Eve made it impossible to have setbacks. Job was better than you and look what he went through. Yet he didn't lose his faith and got everything restored. So, your reward for being a perfect person , as you describe yourself, would be after you die , not while you are living.

DeltaCharlieEcho · Answer

This, boys and men, is why religion exists. Women can’t understand that doing the right thing is societally beneficial so we have to tell them this magic bullshit so they don’t stay fucking retarded, doing self serving bullshit for their entire lives and eventually develop an understanding that it is better to live a good life that encourages others around you to do the same than it is to live a selfish life and encourage the others to live that way themselves.
Holy shit. We need a fucking religious resurgence for women.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

It is worth it. I can tell you that from personal experience.

When we give up and stop trying to be good, we will experience bad things.

When I stopped caring about following the speed limit, I got tickets and my insurance rates went up.

When I drove carelessly, I got in a wreck.

When I allowed myself to spend carelessly, I got into debt.

Never, ever compromise your values and standards. You may not see the benefit of having them, but you will certainly reap the consequences of not having them.

Nazgol · Answer

I'm sure as you already realized, it's a cruel & sad, ugly world out there. I myself also came to this conclusion, and couldn't believe all the badness after my goodness & pureness. If you think being good hasn't benefited you all that much, why not stop trying to be so good? Its time to break from that and start being your own unique individual. Not telling you to be "bad" per say or evil, but just dont try to be perfect all the time. Let go of the standards and just be you. Dont be afraid of mistakes & slipups

Ellipzocore · Answer

Here's what I will say. I come from an egoistic point of view, which holds that the self is the center of morality, not others. Holding oneself as the single most important person in their life and the only one to whom they're obligated to necessarily changes what is considered moral. You're feeling this way because of the fundamental difference between egoism (me) and altruism (you).

You're relying on others for a lot, such as when you say you do anything and everything for your supposed friends, despite them not reciprocating rather than looking inwards and analyzing whose values are aligned with yours. Your values are going to be the most important... to you. You should introspect and figure out your values, and then go from there. This is incredibly more challenging than I am making it sound, however, but it is worth it.

ohshee · Answer

Could it be worse ,, I mean what do you want do you want to benefit from doing good I watch a lot of people bad people be bad but I understand the reason why they do it I watch a lot of people work their asses off to be good and I understand why they want to do it but no matter what we do in life we want to pay out you want a reward for doing whatever we are doing so be honest tell me what you're looking for because I'm really worried until your page then what you're saying

Crazybeeguy · Answer

Yep, being competent will help you with money.
You need to find a job that needs competency.
I was always like you in the workforce, now I can say no to jobs; without better pay. We want to pay you $19/hr, I reply no sorry, what you're asking is a $25/hr job. I also let them know why I am worth that. People think kindness is a weakness, but it's not, it is much harder to be truly kind to people.

If you want to know what I did and a true action plan PM me.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

If you weren't religious, I'd consider being your roommate (assuming you were in the US anyway), if for no other reason than I would be the type of person to give back the kind of kindness you dish out, as I also grew up as an abused doormat.

Jesus_is_the_guey · Answer

I mean everyone in life has different circumstances that makes their situation different than yours but I can tell you as a reformed former idiot that made horrible scary choices in the past that good is always better and bad decisions make your predicament worse

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Doing the right and ethical thing has ALWAYS helped me. Everything that happens in life is cumulative; that means everything you do adds up. Those ethical choices you make will progressively open doors for yourself down the road. The only thing you have to be careful about is being stupid about doing the right thing. You don't want to get taken advantage of.

invalid1 · Answer

No. *hugs*
But we only live once. That's why we choose to be good. That's all what the test is I am saying this although I am scientologist and I am not religious. But this is the CORE of it. Without people like you, the world will not exist. But being good does not mean being weak. Being good means you also have to kick wikid asses. If that makes you feel any better.

AmeerX · Answer

I feel exactly like what you right about now. I have not gotten much out of it. Is it worth the effort? No, I am pessimistic about it now. Things are not happening even with all the effort I have put in it. I don't think I will ever get happiness now. The harder I tried, the harder it got for me

KrakenAttackin · Answer

"Good, bad, when you are staring down the barrel of a gun --- what difference does it make"?

"Good" does not mean passive or weak. You should not tolerate bullying, you should stand up for yourself, with force if necessary. Being assertive and paving your own path is "good".

TremorJay · Answer

I questioned my own morals once, and it drove me to do something very painful, but ultimately changed my life for the better... maybe... I don't know, I still have no idea where I'm going with my life.

RawIronhide · Answer

Nobody ever said you will get everything you desire if you're just good. being good is also subjective and sometimes you're left to make the best of do bad choices. Be yourself, even if the real you is a little bad.

Hawner · Answer

No, it is not worth it. In the end, it will bring you nothing. Society, as it is more, does not reward being good, but the contrary.
Still, it is the right thing to do, so we do it. Take solace in that.

melanieeeB · Answer

No it's never a good idea to follow the expectations of others, just be truly you and that will be worth it

bulletbob555 · Answer

I can see your point. Still you are better off being a good person than a bad one. There is no magic in doing the right thing and you will get anything you ever imagined. Wish it was, don't be so hard on yourself and enjoy what you have

EternallyCorrect · Answer

Yeah, but you should also be an asshole to people who wrong you.

WalkingBassist · Answer

Well, seems maybe you been "good" but maybe a bit of a doormat. You can't get anywhere if you continually bow and turn the other cheek. It's worth it to be good, but its more important to be balanced.

BUNroaster · Answer

Right and wrong choices get blurry a lot. Kinda blend together most times. Sometimes the mean or less innocent approach is the right answer.

Ryfyle · Answer

No ones owed jack fuck. You do good for the sake of doing good, but if you want more in life your going to have to be more ambitious.

collie22 · Answer

if your following Gods word you will have his Blessings. "if" is the big word here

David_Bayer · Answer

It is because people around will notice.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Yes.

michael1469 · Answer

Hell no.

Is being "good" worth it?

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