If done out of a place of anger, then it is abuse. But children, especially young children, aren't mentally mature enough to comprehend why they shouldn't do something, so you need to give them a simple reason. But there is a fine line between discipline and abuse, and that line is anger. Once a child reaches the ages of roughly 8-10, depending upon the child, corporal punishment becomes more counterproductive than anything else.
I used to think this way also. You would be surprised if that if you take your language it down to the lowest common denominator how much you can make a one-year-old understand. I speak to my kids even the smallest ones it and they get it too. Whether it's like facial expressions the intonation the repetition they get it too. Just takes some observation and a lot of patience.
I do understand that some children are more mature than others. But some children need to learn that actions have consequences, sometimes severe ones. Take my two nephews for instance. Two weeks ago I spent 4 days at a cabin with all my sisters and their families. And two of my sisters each have a son who are about the same age. These two got into trouble, disrespected, or just plain ignored the adults almost on the hour, you could almost set your clock to it. And every time their parents would pull them aside and read them the riot act. And nothing changed. Sometimes children need to learn that actions have consequences, and sometimes these consequences are more severe that getting an ear full from your mother, who you don't listen to in the first place.
How do you look at that yes consequences are absolutely important to it for actions as children get older. I have just found that consequences never need any type of deliberate corporal contact.
When my kids do that I just said I really feel unappreaciated/sad/angry/irritated when you ignore me. And pretty much within a few minutes everything changes. It's really powerful when you just name the emotion and be vulnerable instead big bad authority figure for every distressing interaction.
I do not spank my children at all anymore since I've applied this in those types of methods. And sometimes just sitting there and saying an okay when they rant and rave and they end up finding the solution to the problem themselves without me having to do anything at all but existed and be open.
Some children just need a talking to. I'm not saying don't talk to your children, or don't try to teach them why what they did was wrong, you definitely should. But some children need to be shown at least once that your word is law. Not every transgressions requires a spanking, oftentimes a talking to is all that is needed. But, and this is the key part, NEVER DO IT IN ANGER. When mine does something wrong, something they know will get them a spanking, I send them into their room for 15-20 min. so that I can get past that initial anger at them disobeying me, which dissipates quickly, then go the their room, talk to them and make sure they know why what they did was wrong, then I spank them, not because I want to, I don't. But I promised them that if they did that thing, they would get spanked, so they know the consequences of doing that. So maybe they won't do it the next time the want to.
Yes I know. I don't do the room thing either. I read a book called How to talk to kids so kids will listen and how to listen so that they will talk. It has transformed my parenting and made my relationship with my children between 2 and 9 exponentially better. Check it out if you ever get a chance.
I understand, but it's not my job to be their friend. It's my job to prepare them for an independent life in society. And part of that means teaching them that actions have consequences, sometimes it's just a ticket, sometimes it's jail time, sometimes it's worse. I'd rather they learn this from me while they're still children, and the stakes are a sore bottom and some time away from their electronics, as opposed to learning in when they're adults, where the stakes are life and death.
And now you know why people start wanting to treaten or what you see in school shootings. Displaced anger is not the reason. Not understanding how to raise children properly and what to do with your own children is. A lot of people who do that adults who do not understand what it takes to raise a child. Every child is not the same in every child does not respond to sing. You do that kind of treatment to the wrong kind of child that may God forbid end up turning worse. You're not teaching them that actions have consequences. You are teaching them to be afraid of you which is why when they get older they want to get away from you.
You must learn to become a parent. Not just be a parent. You are held to a higher form of responsibility to train up a child in the way they should go. You're not training them by constantly doing what you're doing. If you don't know how to handle your child then you are not the right person to be disciplining them. Kids need direction and they need leadership and they need somebody who is going to be able to take care of them. Not somebody who is incompetent to do their job. Even if you claim yourself to be your child's friend, if you are a poor friend then you doing yourself no justice for the other person.
If you want your child to be independent then you must learn to emulate that in your own life now before you even think about having children. Not when you start having them. If you're not living by the same principles yourself then you already shown yourself to be a poor example. They will not heat to your Authority but they will heed to someone else's Authority. Same personality types like TJs, ESTJs, ESTPs, ESFJs, ISTJs, all those with authoritarian discipline style are usually those who grew up in harsh environments.
That was expected back then because of the error in the condition you lived. That didn't necessarily meant that it was healthy. But that you grew up in stressful conditions that's forced you to react and behave the way you did. Now you try to emulate that on a new generation of children who are not born in the same era as you or in those same conditions. But because those conditions were so comfortable for you, you try to force those same conditions on them. They are nothing like you. And therefore you must learn your child the same way your child must learn you. Any behaviors that they have they learned it from you and the environment that surround them. So if you choose to give your child everything, do not be surprised they request everything. If you choose to act angry, do not be surprised if they are angry. If you are depressed, don't be surprised if they are depressed. They learned it from you. They are not just born with these problems unless you already had those problems and it became genetic.
As I said earlier; I never said don't talk to your children. If your child has psychological issues, then you definitely should get them the help they need. Spanking, when done out of anger, is abuse, which is why I give myself time to cool off and get past my anger before I discipline. I don't want to turn on the news and learn than my child was shot by a cop, and know that it was all my fault because I never taught them actions have consequences, and if you so something illegal you will go to jail, and no ammout of whining and throwing a fit will get you out of it.
Why do you think they don't care they go to jail? The world never gave a damn about you anyway. I have been spanked and abused. I am not that child that did what others did. So I honestly do not understand what you are talking about? You cannot just talk to your child. They do not understand that. Humans understand body language and actions. Not words. Words hold no meaning alone. This is why you are easily angry and do not understand your anger, hence why you need to calm down,. Which is not your child's problem. it is a YOU problem. And you need to fix yourself. Your child cannot fix the problems that you didn't fix BEFORE you had children. They only understand EMOTION. And your emotion speaks louder than your words which is why they don't believe your words but your emotions. It's like telepathy. Empaths like myself read people. I didn't stop doing what I did because I was taught not to. I did because I DIDN'T want to make my parents angry. In turn, I became fearful of other people's ANGER. And in turn I became from a happy person to an ANGRY person.
So let me tell you something as advice. If you don't want your kids shot by police, start believing in YOURSELF as a parent and BE YOUR OWN PERSON. Stop emulating what your parents did. You are NOT your parents. You are YOU. They are not YOU. They are themselves! And if you don't start breathing positive things in their live and your environment all they will know is negativity. I don't know how many kids you have or what their personality type is. But if you were to describe in detail what they are like, I am certain as somebody who never had sex or children can tell you how to direct them whenever you have a problem. You are more and likely handling this wrong with your child which is why you are exhausted in your attempt to not let your anger control you. That is a personal demon and struggle you must handle first before that same demon starts getting out of control and really do damage. Find out the source of where that anger comes from so that way you can better handle your disciplining methods without spanking.
They don't do what they do just because they want to. Unless they were born evil. And trust me you would know if you have an evil child. They are beyond help. And some people are not human. You don't know what children you conceiving which is why you need to be CAREFUL WHO you lay up with. That's another factor in the type of child you get. They do what they do because they want to be SET FREE. It's like with suicide. They want the pain to go away. They don't want to be hated anymore, they don't want to be a burden to you anymore, they don't want to feel like they don't exist. They do what they do to feel like it is not for nothing or else they already do. They want to be FREE from this prison we call life. Your body should not be a prison. And when you do what you do, you never know what you may have done, or the invisible scars they hide from you. This is why Yes, we have to train them, and discipline them for it is out of love. But be CAREFUL with it to not provoke your children to anger or discouragement. I didn't need a spanking. I need LOVE, compassion, and that conversation. This is why I related more to my late mom than I did to my dad. He doesn't love himself either. In turn, he hit me, my sibling, my mom, I heard he used to hit other women, and why? Because his mom did the same to him, because her ex-husbands used to hit her, and she saw her father hit her mom. Back then it was permissible to hit your wives. You had to obey. After my grandma's 2nd divorce, she swore she wouldn't remarry again and any child she had she would raise them herself. So you see, this is the consequence of SIN nature. And some people have more sin nature than others.
A.) I don't think you listed when I said NEVED DO IT IN ANGER. Anger turnes discipline into abuse.
B.) I would agree with you if I hadn't spent half of last year watching enormous mobs of people blindly stealing, killing, and destroying everything in sight. All because of a man who would %100 be alive today if he had just said "yes sir" and got in the cop car insted of throughing a temper tantrum about not wanting to get into the cop car.
C.) As someone who grew up suicidally depressed my whole childhood, and has aspergers syndrome, a form of autism. I am glad my parents took the time to teach me that actions have consequences, and that I can't use my conditions to abuse those around me.
I grew up in the ghetto. I've seen this stuff on the daily basis for 23 years of my life. All I am telling you is to stop making excuses for why you have to spank. There is no need. Some people are just wicked. And you can't always do anything about it. Just pray that your child will not turn into that person. And even so, you did all that you could. You are not perfect. It is a LEARNING experience. No, You having those issues are not excuses. It is an opportunity to help you face those challenges unlike somebody like me who doesn't have those mental disabilities as you do. There is a difference. You needed more regulation. So it was more appreciate for somebody of YOUR particular NEEDS.
You needed more discipline than those like myself. So we regular people, no offense, do not understand the same needs as you do because our needs are different and I was depressed also. I went to school with kids like you. Many of you needed supervision and a social worker to help you. While very few had little to no behavioral problems. So again, no offense, that is not the same as the rest of us. You needed more structure because your challenges were unique. And not everybody is equipped to handle a child who has a disability or impairment. Again, this is no disrespect towards you or prejudice, but what you speaking is out of common sense and personal bias. This is exactly my point in making no child is the same.
Don't go attributing more to my parents than they deserve. I was suicidally depressed because of them, not because of the spankings, but because the only things they gave me were judgment and loneliness.
9 times out of 10, spanking is not needed, and there are people who spank to much, or do so out of anger, and both situations are abuse and need to stop. But sometimes you need to teach children to respect authority and that sometimes when an authority figure says something, you say, "yes sir" or "yes mam" and do it immediately. Because if you don't teach them that while they're still children, it could get them into a lot of trouble when they're adults.
You are 30 years old, have autism, and have suffered depression and more and likely still. You are angry at yourself and you have yet to fully understand and realize that. Had you not tell me you were autistic, I would have changed my answer. But now that I know, as I said. You needed more regulation, and you do not realize the source of why you feel that way, because at the root it is depression. If I cannot attribute that, should I than blame you as you blame yourself? If anybody gave loneliness, anybody gave you JUDGEMENT, then who are you to judge if you coddle them? Either you love them, or you don't. Either you hate yourself or you love yourself. Which is it? There is no gray area with this. HERE is your problem. You have no AUTHORITY. And you do not understand what your authority IS. Which is why nobody can listen to you.
You do not understand commands. You do not emulate authority or dominance. From this entire conversation, I can tell you are a sensitive man who is not naturally dominant and do not understand commands. You naturally do not have it which is why you equate spanking with authority. People say "yes sir, or ma'am" not because of that. But because the person exhibits that through body language and ENERGY. You sound submissive as a man.
Let me tell you something. I am an INFJ, highly sensitive and emphic. I have authority and I understand my authority. Why do you think a lot of people and some adults never liked me? Because of who I am. I had to learn who I WAS, and that when there is boundaries and you understand that nobody has the right to cross them and your authentic and hold true to your word, people start respecting you. Not by yelling, or screaming, hitting, etc. But by simply learning how to be a calmer person learning to control your environment but understanding not everything is going to be in your control. And things you can, not you give it to God. That is what I learned to do. I learned to do the opposite of what was done and taught to me. Now I do not tolerate that same thing my dad did. I told him straight, touch me, and there will be problems. Disrespect me there will be PROBLEMS. And I mean it and do IT. NOT talk about it. 1 positive thing I have learned from dad despite all of the abuse is if you say you're going to do something, DO IT. People will not respect fake people and those who are wishy washy. I raised my dogs. I did not and do not have to hit or yell at my dogs to command respect. If I tell them to do something, I make sure to let them know they need to. And I have 3 dogs. Now 2. Each with their own personality. they are like children with the minds of children. All I have to do is snap my finger and point, and they know they did something wrong and they go to their room. It taught me how to command. And still honor and respect them as dogs. It is the same with children. I disciplined one of my friend's sons. He was upset and my friend didn't know how to handle him. I had his attention when I did the opposite of what his mom did. I told him if he wanted the toy, he has to respect his mother.
See, I UNDERSTOOD his personality. He just wanted the TOY, but he was behaving in a manner that was not appropriate. When I asked her about if it was okay for that and whatever he wanted, she approved. AFTER, I told him, Listen. You need to respect your mother. Your mother loves you and doesn't want to get hurt or do anything to get you and her in trouble. You making your mom sad. You don't want to make her sad right? He told me, no. So I told him this, would you like it if she makes you said? No. So I asked him why would he make her sad? He stood quiet. I told him I forgive him, but I want him to apologize and appreciate his mom. He was but about 3/4. Do you know what he said? "YES, MA'AM" He calmed down, turned to his mom, and was sad. "I'm sorry, mommy. I wouldn't do it again." He didn't the whole day and ever since. AUTHORITY.
Now if you have a little snot for a child, then by all means. Do whatever is necessary. Sometimes they need a little challenge to get them to cool off. Sometimes you have to give them what they are looking for. I would have sent that one to a traditional African village and put them through the test they do for their young. You people are too soft. I am soft but I know when to be firm. I don't play that BS. I would put through sword training, martial arts and wipe their butts right there. Show who is the BOSS. What do you think the Japanese do? The Asians? They don't play that crap.
No, I am mature enough to not tolerate myself. If you were my husband I wouldn't tolerate that talk from you because I desire and see GOOD for you. You are loved, man. I say what I say out of love, not shame. Stop hiding behind your shame. There is joy and peace in Jesus Christ. God has taught me this. I pay you to get healed from your past and become the man you truly desired to be. A man free to be YOU.
You're not the only person who has experienced hardship. That hardship doesn't make you the most valid person on Earth. I don't care about your life story, and I don't feel like doing a pity party challenge with you. Everyone has experienced some measure of pain and heartache. Yours don't make you or your opinions any more important than anyone else.
I agree that yelling and hitting are abuse, as they come from a place of anger, which I have said 4 times now that I am adamantly against, thus I do not do those things. You seem to have a fundamental misunderstanding, I do talk, I do teach, and in the very few times that it is necessary, I discipline.
Actually it is you who need to learn that. That's the very point of why I said what I had said. So I understand and know that you don't care about it. Which is why I told you it's flat-out wrong. If you don't think it's wrong that is you. I only hope and pray you'll be able to make this out okay as a parent. You say you are against it but as I said before, it's about Authority. which is why I gave that example. You're the one that is confusing that part of what I had said. Lacking Authority. So again that's not my opinion. I just hope and pray you don't learn it the hard way. But if what you're saying is true, then more and likely you will. It's not the point of hardship. But the kind of again personal damage that can be done. One minute you're talking about what your parents done to you next month each other about it because of your spanking. I think I can kind of see exactly where the problem is and it has nothing to do with autism.
You are very much confusing yourself and reading your past comes with the other user is why I said what I had said because you're a very contradictory. You talk about your nephews and then you talk about yours. You say that you send them to the room for 15 to 20 minutes so that you can get past the initial anger at them just abandoned you. That is something not corrupt with the picture. If you got to send them to your room just so they can avoid your anger something is not correct and that is the point that I am making. The fact that you have to avoid. You said four times you said it. No I addressed the very point of what you had said. You're talkin about aborting your anger. What is the problem. If it's to the point where you are starting to get angry that is a problem. So they are in fear of your anger and not you're disappointing. I pretty much see what your parenting style is exactly is which is exactly why you're talking about something being counterproductive. you are causing counterproductive measures already. Your talking psychological issues, this is how it starts because your not stable yourself. My issue is that you give yourself tome to cool off. That is a sign or a possible problem that needs to be addressing I know because I get like that, and it's not healthy. If I sense that abput a person, I would not stay with them. I cannot be with a man who acts like that. I don't know if your a somgle father or not and it is part of the reason your stressed, but I sense problems here. Kids are different.
Nobody said you can't teach it is, how. Which is why I gave you that example. I don't know what's causing you to act and behave like this, but you really need to fix it. It is clear that the spanking and the depression is very much linked and connected. I think you just had issues which I had said earlier, and your autism just didn't help much which lead to your spanking. Because they didn't know how to handle you. I know I'm not the only one which is why I speak the way I speak and why I'm an advocate against these things. I know what mentality you have. I once had it myself. What you're doing is out of fear and not the discipline that they are in need of. The very thing you fear what you do not see, May sadly become that future. You and I have the same problem. And I am telling you, your defensiveness can and will cause problems. I used to think the spanking was a good thing. Until it was revealed to me that it wasn't. The problem is your ignoring your pain as if it still doesn't affect you and your npt basing it on being strong to do it alone.
Are you saying I should burry my anger? That's healthy. I used to do that, but grew increasingly worried that it would explode out and cause me to hurt someone. So I decided a long time ago that if I felt my anger build up to much, then I would allow myself to vent some of my anger in a safe and harmless way. Everyone has anger, and trying to ignore it will just get you into trouble. That said, I refuse to let my anger cloud my judgment, so I give myself time enough for it to pass so I can look at the situation with calm eyes and approach it correctly. I've made a point to ensure that those I love never see me reach the point that my anger starts to violently lash out, because I don't want them, especially my children, to fear me.
Since you're so interested, fine I'll correct your misconception. I was suicidally depressed because my parents never took the time to get to know me, everything we did was because my brother, their biological son, wanted to do it. I spent my entire life growing up as my brothers plus one. I was all alone in my family, even when we were all together, because no one actually knew me. It wasn't until I started to hangout with my now best friend that I actually got past the suicide part at least. He gave me a place free of judgment and expectations. A place where I could love and enjoy who I really was, even if I didn't know who that was myself. All the spankings I got, were because I did things that they told me not to. So I knew that doing them would result in a spanking, did them anyway, and learned real quick that actions have consequences. I think I got maybe 5 or 6 spankings in my life.
by the way: my Aspergers syndrome just means that the social rules and laws that everyone is born with, I had to learn by trial and error. It had nothing to do with any of my spankings.
Finally the truth comes out which i already knew. Your pride is thw problem. Guess what? Been there, done that. Supressed anger -> asthma, low BP, feel like dying, etc. BUT, God had told me this. Forgive yourself!
You must learn to OVERCOME these challenges before you can teach and guide your child. Especially if your child is a boy. Your son needs you there. Handle the anger. And deal with it. Not hide it. Your children will always love you. They too want love as you needed your parents. Your parents wanted your love too, but could not understand that love.
Nog everybody anger is the same either. Yours was neglect and abuse. You feel your weak. You are not weak! In sin, yes we are, but there is strength in Jesus. I forgive how you reacted, but understand I say what I say out of LOVE. Its not the amount of spankings. But HOW it impacted YOU as a SELF. your children are still developing a self and childhood is tender, but the world is ruff. Just because the world is broken, that doesn't mean you have to bring that world in their world. Understand what they didn't want you to do and ask yourself what have you dome differently if you was you? You can't answer if you dont know yourself.
Since you want to play therapist, fine. My anger was never at myself, but at everyone else. I hold myself to very high standards; selflessness, charity, kindness, bravery, intelligent, etc. I do this subconsciously mind you, I have no control over this. This isn't a problem as I generally manage to uphold my own standards. The problem is that I hold all those around me to those standards as well. So when I see someone being; selfish, greedy, cruel, cowardly, stupid, etc. it arouses my anger. Because they know better and have chosen not to be. I've been though all this emotional soul searching before.
The spankings were nothing but a positive influence in my life, they taught me to respect authority, even if I don't understand why they tell me to do or not do something.
If I was my parent I would have done nothing differently in regards to discipline. I know myself because a different situation entirely forced me to learn every single aspect of my personality.
Great, that you read something and pointed to sources of info, but those sources are of not reputable. As both articles are talks about some study and only tells one side and both authors some nobody who interprets some studies, with no links to them and even one is interested in click baiting more then truth...
All this is could and would only without even any data, it might be affecting in a way you describe only 0.0001% of children...
Not saying, that spanking is good or bad. It was done to me and no affect, you described accrued.
I think kids should know what it is, if they misbehave VERY badly, but it is only my opinion. Obviously laws in a country you are should be obeyed and no permanent damage (including mental) done to children in process...
The word spank is an adult soft word to describe child abuse. Children are young adults learning they learn from mistakes. My parents spanked and I hate them, everyone hates them. Anyone who lays a hand on a child deserves to be judged in the after life. Because they will be born children there and what they think others deserve they should receive 10x worse.
My father used to hit me when I did something wrong. He did it bc he believed in that methid bc his parents did this to him too. This method is fast and good bc if you get hit for something, u know u did something wrong and then u learn not to do the thing again. It didn't work for me though for some reason. Everytime my dad hit me i hit him back and continued to do what he wanted me to stop doing. He didn't abuse me at all and I did not have an abusive childhood. Now I hit him sometimes as a joke.
your kids are not gonna obey you to the fullest , unless you give them some type of severe punishment. Taking away privileges will only lead to rebellion in other ways.
when i was a kid, spanking was the only thing that worked to discipline me.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Depends on how it’s used and it was justified. Both my parents spanked and slapped me up (they got worse as kids). I had undiagnosed ADHD as a kid but my mom saw my sometimes unpredictable behavior as “disrespectful” and me being an unruly young boy.
Anyway my dad apologized to me for beating me as a kid. But it was usually more clear cut and justified when he used physically punishment. My mom did it to be controlling. She’s never apologized for any the physical/emotional abuse bs she did to me as kid. She believed she is beyond reproach and still talked down to me as a grown in my 30s. Hence the reason i haven’t talked her in 5 years.
Yes it is outdated and trust me from experience there are much more scary ways to punish a kid. Like getting them away from stuff they like etc. Plus spanking is really bad for there mental health while making them get bored would make them more creative or reading a book or whatever.
Add to this that you shouldn't get there in the first place if you're doing everything right as a parent.
When i got spanked as a kid i never did what i did again lol same as my family it is a format if discipline nit sure if i would ever spank my kids due to the backlash today lol but i grew up normal. today these kids are out of control and wild and aren't going to be prepared for adult life.
@Alwayreckles93 no thats you being soft and sugarcoating abuse, abuse is being beat discipline with a belt taught me to never do what i did again, abuse is people who say everything you do is wring and beat you just cause that was never my experience.
Some people see children as objects not as humans. And your parents saw you as an object. Why have children if people are going to mistreat them. Again I believe your parents at what in their late 50's or 60's? yeah that's the kind of mindset that old generation has.
@Alwayreckles93 yeah but their was spankings and then their were people who actually hurt their kids for no reason i didn't have parents who hurt me for no reason.
More often than not studies are conflated based on the bias of the individual.
I've yet to see anyone who is anti spanking be truly honest and fair to the best of their ability when diagnosing this. There is always a scenario where spanking and straight up abuse are conflated with eachother.
Then they'll talk about the effects of abuse, then broadly spread that over to spanking. That's not a methodical method for truth seeking. That's seeking to prove your bias.
The most scientific way to "prove" a theory is to consistently attempt to honestly disprove the theory.
Apply this process to your beliefs. If it holds up you have a stronger case for your theory. That's why the theory of evolution has lasted so long. It's had years and years of attempts to disprove it and not yet been disproven.
Now there is nowhere near enough evidence, nor will there probably ever be enough for it to move pasta Theory. But it will more than likely forever be a theory. Until humans genetically mutate enough to be considered a new species.
Speaking from experience of being whipped with a belt I’ll say this.
when I was a kid I hated my parents for it. But being a mature man now I look back and realize they were right and I did deserve it when it did happen.
its effective and if my kids when I ha d em do something bad enough to deserve getting spanked you bet your ass I’ll put them over my knee.
and no it’s not child abuse especially if it’s only 2-3 strikes.
So because you think you deserved it so should everyone else? That is a falacy. Did you deliberately do something bad? Most kids don't know what they did wrong and have learnt a said behaviour from someone else. And why do parents think they know best? Smoking drinking gambling cheating etc whilst the child has to naturally learn to be perfect without any help. Lol you see where your parents sold you short.
Both spanking and yelling have never been effective other than to break the child's spirit. Only a parent who is weak needs to beat or yell at their child. Understand if u're consistent and stern, the child automatically gets unto ur program. It's a battle of will power.
all jokes aside I don't think it's right to discipline a child that way. I had a parent who would hit and scream at me and one who would just be disappointed in me. The latter is what crushed me for an entire week as a kid.
It is cruelty. Teaching your child that if they misbehave, they will be beaten. It teaches them that when they are adults and have children when the children misbehave, they can expect to be beaten. A child can misinterpret the actions of another child and decide that child needs a beating.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Spanking is a completely acceptable form of punishment. However, it should be reserved for the worst offenses. For example, my mother and grandparents would only spank me if I did something stupid that could have physically hurt me, such as running in the road without looking both ways. Spanking would not be appropriate for a lesser offense, such as a child cussing. I believe in making the punishment appropriate to the behavior, but am not opposed to spanking in general.
I support spanking the kids when it's necessary, to hell with all these studies, let's see what they can do if they have a bull and not a kid who in no way can understand in the good way...
To keep them on the right track and not losing them, you'v got to do when needs to be done!
Got spanked in my childhood and did the same way with my son when he was a child but only did it when i found that there is no other way...
Works if used right. many did use it when frustrated instead of last resort to mark and correct a behavior that is off.
The funny thing with no physical is that it's much easier to create mental wounds and psychological problems for life. less margin of error befor messing up the child.
Yep. It's been well proven that physical punishment is a very poor way to train anyone/anything. If a child's being violent, restrain them. Don't teach them that violence is what solves problems.
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131Opinion
If done out of a place of anger, then it is abuse. But children, especially young children, aren't mentally mature enough to comprehend why they shouldn't do something, so you need to give them a simple reason. But there is a fine line between discipline and abuse, and that line is anger. Once a child reaches the ages of roughly 8-10, depending upon the child, corporal punishment becomes more counterproductive than anything else.
I used to think this way also. You would be surprised if that if you take your language it down to the lowest common denominator how much you can make a one-year-old understand. I speak to my kids even the smallest ones it and they get it too. Whether it's like facial expressions the intonation the repetition they get it too. Just takes some observation and a lot of patience.
I do understand that some children are more mature than others. But some children need to learn that actions have consequences, sometimes severe ones. Take my two nephews for instance. Two weeks ago I spent 4 days at a cabin with all my sisters and their families. And two of my sisters each have a son who are about the same age. These two got into trouble, disrespected, or just plain ignored the adults almost on the hour, you could almost set your clock to it. And every time their parents would pull them aside and read them the riot act. And nothing changed. Sometimes children need to learn that actions have consequences, and sometimes these consequences are more severe that getting an ear full from your mother, who you don't listen to in the first place.
How do you look at that yes consequences are absolutely important to it for actions as children get older. I have just found that consequences never need any type of deliberate corporal contact.
When my kids do that I just said I really feel unappreaciated/sad/angry/irritated when you ignore me. And pretty much within a few minutes everything changes. It's really powerful when you just name the emotion and be vulnerable instead big bad authority figure for every distressing interaction.
I do not spank my children at all anymore since I've applied this in those types of methods. And sometimes just sitting there and saying an okay when they rant and rave and they end up finding the solution to the problem themselves without me having to do anything at all but existed and be open.
Some children just need a talking to. I'm not saying don't talk to your children, or don't try to teach them why what they did was wrong, you definitely should. But some children need to be shown at least once that your word is law. Not every transgressions requires a spanking, oftentimes a talking to is all that is needed. But, and this is the key part, NEVER DO IT IN ANGER. When mine does something wrong, something they know will get them a spanking, I send them into their room for 15-20 min. so that I can get past that initial anger at them disobeying me, which dissipates quickly, then go the their room, talk to them and make sure they know why what they did was wrong, then I spank them, not because I want to, I don't. But I promised them that if they did that thing, they would get spanked, so they know the consequences of doing that. So maybe they won't do it the next time the want to.
Yes I know. I don't do the room thing either. I read a book called How to talk to kids so kids will listen and how to listen so that they will talk. It has transformed my parenting and made my relationship with my children between 2 and 9 exponentially better. Check it out if you ever get a chance.
I understand, but it's not my job to be their friend. It's my job to prepare them for an independent life in society. And part of that means teaching them that actions have consequences, sometimes it's just a ticket, sometimes it's jail time, sometimes it's worse. I'd rather they learn this from me while they're still children, and the stakes are a sore bottom and some time away from their electronics, as opposed to learning in when they're adults, where the stakes are life and death.
And now you know why people start wanting to treaten or what you see in school shootings. Displaced anger is not the reason. Not understanding how to raise children properly and what to do with your own children is. A lot of people who do that adults who do not understand what it takes to raise a child. Every child is not the same in every child does not respond to sing. You do that kind of treatment to the wrong kind of child that may God forbid end up turning worse. You're not teaching them that actions have consequences. You are teaching them to be afraid of you which is why when they get older they want to get away from you.
You must learn to become a parent. Not just be a parent. You are held to a higher form of responsibility to train up a child in the way they should go. You're not training them by constantly doing what you're doing. If you don't know how to handle your child then you are not the right person to be disciplining them. Kids need direction and they need leadership and they need somebody who is going to be able to take care of them. Not somebody who is incompetent to do their job. Even if you claim yourself to be your child's friend, if you are a poor friend then you doing yourself no justice for the other person.
If you want your child to be independent then you must learn to emulate that in your own life now before you even think about having children. Not when you start having them. If you're not living by the same principles yourself then you already shown yourself to be a poor example. They will not heat to your Authority but they will heed to someone else's Authority. Same personality types like TJs, ESTJs, ESTPs, ESFJs, ISTJs, all those with authoritarian discipline style are usually those who grew up in harsh environments.
That was expected back then because of the error in the condition you lived. That didn't necessarily meant that it was healthy. But that you grew up in stressful conditions that's forced you to react and behave the way you did. Now you try to emulate that on a new generation of children who are not born in the same era as you or in those same conditions. But because those conditions were so comfortable for you, you try to force those same conditions on them. They are nothing like you. And therefore you must learn your child the same way your child must learn you. Any behaviors that they have they learned it from you and the environment that surround them. So if you choose to give your child everything, do not be surprised they request everything. If you choose to act angry, do not be surprised if they are angry. If you are depressed, don't be surprised if they are depressed. They learned it from you. They are not just born with these problems unless you already had those problems and it became genetic.
As I said earlier; I never said don't talk to your children. If your child has psychological issues, then you definitely should get them the help they need. Spanking, when done out of anger, is abuse, which is why I give myself time to cool off and get past my anger before I discipline. I don't want to turn on the news and learn than my child was shot by a cop, and know that it was all my fault because I never taught them actions have consequences, and if you so something illegal you will go to jail, and no ammout of whining and throwing a fit will get you out of it.
Why do you think they don't care they go to jail? The world never gave a damn about you anyway. I have been spanked and abused. I am not that child that did what others did. So I honestly do not understand what you are talking about? You cannot just talk to your child. They do not understand that. Humans understand body language and actions. Not words. Words hold no meaning alone. This is why you are easily angry and do not understand your anger, hence why you need to calm down,. Which is not your child's problem. it is a YOU problem. And you need to fix yourself. Your child cannot fix the problems that you didn't fix BEFORE you had children. They only understand EMOTION. And your emotion speaks louder than your words which is why they don't believe your words but your emotions. It's like telepathy. Empaths like myself read people. I didn't stop doing what I did because I was taught not to. I did because I DIDN'T want to make my parents angry. In turn, I became fearful of other people's ANGER. And in turn I became from a happy person to an ANGRY person.
So let me tell you something as advice. If you don't want your kids shot by police, start believing in YOURSELF as a parent and BE YOUR OWN PERSON. Stop emulating what your parents did. You are NOT your parents. You are YOU. They are not YOU. They are themselves! And if you don't start breathing positive things in their live and your environment all they will know is negativity. I don't know how many kids you have or what their personality type is. But if you were to describe in detail what they are like, I am certain as somebody who never had sex or children can tell you how to direct them whenever you have a problem. You are more and likely handling this wrong with your child which is why you are exhausted in your attempt to not let your anger control you. That is a personal demon and struggle you must handle first before that same demon starts getting out of control and really do damage. Find out the source of where that anger comes from so that way you can better handle your disciplining methods without spanking.
They don't do what they do just because they want to. Unless they were born evil. And trust me you would know if you have an evil child. They are beyond help. And some people are not human. You don't know what children you conceiving which is why you need to be CAREFUL WHO you lay up with. That's another factor in the type of child you get. They do what they do because they want to be SET FREE. It's like with suicide. They want the pain to go away. They don't want to be hated anymore, they don't want to be a burden to you anymore, they don't want to feel like they don't exist. They do what they do to feel like it is not for nothing or else they already do. They want to be FREE from this prison we call life. Your body should not be a prison. And when you do what you do, you never know what you may have done, or the invisible scars they hide from you. This is why Yes, we have to train them, and discipline them for it is out of love. But be CAREFUL with it to not provoke your children to anger or discouragement. I didn't need a spanking. I need LOVE, compassion, and that conversation. This is why I related more to my late mom than I did to my dad. He doesn't love himself either. In turn, he hit me, my sibling, my mom, I heard he used to hit other women, and why? Because his mom did the same to him, because her ex-husbands used to hit her, and she saw her father hit her mom. Back then it was permissible to hit your wives. You had to obey. After my grandma's 2nd divorce, she swore she wouldn't remarry again and any child she had she would raise them herself. So you see, this is the consequence of SIN nature. And some people have more sin nature than others.
A.) I don't think you listed when I said NEVED DO IT IN ANGER. Anger turnes discipline into abuse.
B.) I would agree with you if I hadn't spent half of last year watching enormous mobs of people blindly stealing, killing, and destroying everything in sight. All because of a man who would %100 be alive today if he had just said "yes sir" and got in the cop car insted of throughing a temper tantrum about not wanting to get into the cop car.
C.) As someone who grew up suicidally depressed my whole childhood, and has aspergers syndrome, a form of autism. I am glad my parents took the time to teach me that actions have consequences, and that I can't use my conditions to abuse those around me.
I grew up in the ghetto. I've seen this stuff on the daily basis for 23 years of my life. All I am telling you is to stop making excuses for why you have to spank. There is no need. Some people are just wicked. And you can't always do anything about it. Just pray that your child will not turn into that person. And even so, you did all that you could. You are not perfect. It is a LEARNING experience. No, You having those issues are not excuses. It is an opportunity to help you face those challenges unlike somebody like me who doesn't have those mental disabilities as you do. There is a difference. You needed more regulation. So it was more appreciate for somebody of YOUR particular NEEDS.
You needed more discipline than those like myself. So we regular people, no offense, do not understand the same needs as you do because our needs are different and I was depressed also. I went to school with kids like you. Many of you needed supervision and a social worker to help you. While very few had little to no behavioral problems. So again, no offense, that is not the same as the rest of us. You needed more structure because your challenges were unique. And not everybody is equipped to handle a child who has a disability or impairment. Again, this is no disrespect towards you or prejudice, but what you speaking is out of common sense and personal bias. This is exactly my point in making no child is the same.
Don't go attributing more to my parents than they deserve. I was suicidally depressed because of them, not because of the spankings, but because the only things they gave me were judgment and loneliness.
9 times out of 10, spanking is not needed, and there are people who spank to much, or do so out of anger, and both situations are abuse and need to stop. But sometimes you need to teach children to respect authority and that sometimes when an authority figure says something, you say, "yes sir" or "yes mam" and do it immediately. Because if you don't teach them that while they're still children, it could get them into a lot of trouble when they're adults.
You are 30 years old, have autism, and have suffered depression and more and likely still. You are angry at yourself and you have yet to fully understand and realize that. Had you not tell me you were autistic, I would have changed my answer. But now that I know, as I said. You needed more regulation, and you do not realize the source of why you feel that way, because at the root it is depression. If I cannot attribute that, should I than blame you as you blame yourself? If anybody gave loneliness, anybody gave you JUDGEMENT, then who are you to judge if you coddle them? Either you love them, or you don't. Either you hate yourself or you love yourself. Which is it? There is no gray area with this. HERE is your problem. You have no AUTHORITY. And you do not understand what your authority IS. Which is why nobody can listen to you.
You do not understand commands. You do not emulate authority or dominance. From this entire conversation, I can tell you are a sensitive man who is not naturally dominant and do not understand commands. You naturally do not have it which is why you equate spanking with authority. People say "yes sir, or ma'am" not because of that. But because the person exhibits that through body language and ENERGY. You sound submissive as a man.
So what you're saying is that you can find no flaw in what I'm saying, so you're attacking me personally? Mature.
Let me tell you something. I am an INFJ, highly sensitive and emphic. I have authority and I understand my authority. Why do you think a lot of people and some adults never liked me? Because of who I am. I had to learn who I WAS, and that when there is boundaries and you understand that nobody has the right to cross them and your authentic and hold true to your word, people start respecting you. Not by yelling, or screaming, hitting, etc. But by simply learning how to be a calmer person learning to control your environment but understanding not everything is going to be in your control. And things you can, not you give it to God. That is what I learned to do. I learned to do the opposite of what was done and taught to me. Now I do not tolerate that same thing my dad did. I told him straight, touch me, and there will be problems. Disrespect me there will be PROBLEMS. And I mean it and do IT. NOT talk about it. 1 positive thing I have learned from dad despite all of the abuse is if you say you're going to do something, DO IT. People will not respect fake people and those who are wishy washy. I raised my dogs. I did not and do not have to hit or yell at my dogs to command respect. If I tell them to do something, I make sure to let them know they need to. And I have 3 dogs. Now 2. Each with their own personality. they are like children with the minds of children. All I have to do is snap my finger and point, and they know they did something wrong and they go to their room. It taught me how to command. And still honor and respect them as dogs. It is the same with children. I disciplined one of my friend's sons. He was upset and my friend didn't know how to handle him. I had his attention when I did the opposite of what his mom did. I told him if he wanted the toy, he has to respect his mother.
See, I UNDERSTOOD his personality. He just wanted the TOY, but he was behaving in a manner that was not appropriate. When I asked her about if it was okay for that and whatever he wanted, she approved. AFTER, I told him, Listen. You need to respect your mother. Your mother loves you and doesn't want to get hurt or do anything to get you and her in trouble. You making your mom sad. You don't want to make her sad right? He told me, no. So I told him this, would you like it if she makes you said? No. So I asked him why would he make her sad? He stood quiet. I told him I forgive him, but I want him to apologize and appreciate his mom. He was but about 3/4. Do you know what he said? "YES, MA'AM" He calmed down, turned to his mom, and was sad. "I'm sorry, mommy. I wouldn't do it again." He didn't the whole day and ever since. AUTHORITY.
Now if you have a little snot for a child, then by all means. Do whatever is necessary. Sometimes they need a little challenge to get them to cool off. Sometimes you have to give them what they are looking for. I would have sent that one to a traditional African village and put them through the test they do for their young. You people are too soft. I am soft but I know when to be firm. I don't play that BS. I would put through sword training, martial arts and wipe their butts right there. Show who is the BOSS. What do you think the Japanese do? The Asians? They don't play that crap.
No, I am mature enough to not tolerate myself. If you were my husband I wouldn't tolerate that talk from you because I desire and see GOOD for you. You are loved, man. I say what I say out of love, not shame. Stop hiding behind your shame. There is joy and peace in Jesus Christ. God has taught me this. I pay you to get healed from your past and become the man you truly desired to be. A man free to be YOU.
You're not the only person who has experienced hardship. That hardship doesn't make you the most valid person on Earth. I don't care about your life story, and I don't feel like doing a pity party challenge with you. Everyone has experienced some measure of pain and heartache. Yours don't make you or your opinions any more important than anyone else.
I agree that yelling and hitting are abuse, as they come from a place of anger, which I have said 4 times now that I am adamantly against, thus I do not do those things. You seem to have a fundamental misunderstanding, I do talk, I do teach, and in the very few times that it is necessary, I discipline.
Actually it is you who need to learn that. That's the very point of why I said what I had said. So I understand and know that you don't care about it. Which is why I told you it's flat-out wrong. If you don't think it's wrong that is you. I only hope and pray you'll be able to make this out okay as a parent. You say you are against it but as I said before, it's about Authority. which is why I gave that example. You're the one that is confusing that part of what I had said. Lacking Authority. So again that's not my opinion. I just hope and pray you don't learn it the hard way. But if what you're saying is true, then more and likely you will. It's not the point of hardship. But the kind of again personal damage that can be done. One minute you're talking about what your parents done to you next month each other about it because of your spanking. I think I can kind of see exactly where the problem is and it has nothing to do with autism.
You are very much confusing yourself and reading your past comes with the other user is why I said what I had said because you're a very contradictory. You talk about your nephews and then you talk about yours. You say that you send them to the room for 15 to 20 minutes so that you can get past the initial anger at them just abandoned you. That is something not corrupt with the picture. If you got to send them to your room just so they can avoid your anger something is not correct and that is the point that I am making. The fact that you have to avoid. You said four times you said it. No I addressed the very point of what you had said. You're talkin about aborting your anger. What is the problem. If it's to the point where you are starting to get angry that is a problem. So they are in fear of your anger and not you're disappointing. I pretty much see what your parenting style is exactly is which is exactly why you're talking about something being counterproductive. you are causing counterproductive measures already. Your talking psychological issues, this is how it starts because your not stable yourself. My issue is that you give yourself tome to cool off. That is a sign or a possible problem that needs to be addressing I know because I get like that, and it's not healthy. If I sense that abput a person, I would not stay with them. I cannot be with a man who acts like that. I don't know if your a somgle father or not and it is part of the reason your stressed, but I sense problems here. Kids are different.
Nobody said you can't teach it is, how. Which is why I gave you that example. I don't know what's causing you to act and behave like this, but you really need to fix it. It is clear that the spanking and the depression is very much linked and connected. I think you just had issues which I had said earlier, and your autism just didn't help much which lead to your spanking. Because they didn't know how to handle you. I know I'm not the only one which is why I speak the way I speak and why I'm an advocate against these things. I know what mentality you have. I once had it myself. What you're doing is out of fear and not the discipline that they are in need of. The very thing you fear what you do not see, May sadly become that future. You and I have the same problem. And I am telling you, your defensiveness can and will cause problems. I used to think the spanking was a good thing. Until it was revealed to me that it wasn't. The problem is your ignoring your pain as if it still doesn't affect you and your npt basing it on being strong to do it alone.
Are you saying I should burry my anger? That's healthy. I used to do that, but grew increasingly worried that it would explode out and cause me to hurt someone. So I decided a long time ago that if I felt my anger build up to much, then I would allow myself to vent some of my anger in a safe and harmless way. Everyone has anger, and trying to ignore it will just get you into trouble. That said, I refuse to let my anger cloud my judgment, so I give myself time enough for it to pass so I can look at the situation with calm eyes and approach it correctly. I've made a point to ensure that those I love never see me reach the point that my anger starts to violently lash out, because I don't want them, especially my children, to fear me.
Since you're so interested, fine I'll correct your misconception. I was suicidally depressed because my parents never took the time to get to know me, everything we did was because my brother, their biological son, wanted to do it. I spent my entire life growing up as my brothers plus one. I was all alone in my family, even when we were all together, because no one actually knew me. It wasn't until I started to hangout with my now best friend that I actually got past the suicide part at least. He gave me a place free of judgment and expectations. A place where I could love and enjoy who I really was, even if I didn't know who that was myself. All the spankings I got, were because I did things that they told me not to. So I knew that doing them would result in a spanking, did them anyway, and learned real quick that actions have consequences. I think I got maybe 5 or 6 spankings in my life.
by the way: my Aspergers syndrome just means that the social rules and laws that everyone is born with, I had to learn by trial and error. It had nothing to do with any of my spankings.
Finally the truth comes out which i already knew. Your pride is thw problem. Guess what? Been there, done that. Supressed anger -> asthma, low BP, feel like dying, etc. BUT, God had told me this. Forgive yourself!
You must learn to OVERCOME these challenges before you can teach and guide your child. Especially if your child is a boy. Your son needs you there. Handle the anger. And deal with it. Not hide it. Your children will always love you. They too want love as you needed your parents. Your parents wanted your love too, but could not understand that love.
You are noy defined by your illness.
Nog everybody anger is the same either. Yours was neglect and abuse. You feel your weak. You are not weak! In sin, yes we are, but there is strength in Jesus. I forgive how you reacted, but understand I say what I say out of LOVE. Its not the amount of spankings. But HOW it impacted YOU as a SELF. your children are still developing a self and childhood is tender, but the world is ruff. Just because the world is broken, that doesn't mean you have to bring that world in their world. Understand what they didn't want you to do and ask yourself what have you dome differently if you was you? You can't answer if you dont know yourself.
Since you want to play therapist, fine. My anger was never at myself, but at everyone else. I hold myself to very high standards; selflessness, charity, kindness, bravery, intelligent, etc. I do this subconsciously mind you, I have no control over this. This isn't a problem as I generally manage to uphold my own standards. The problem is that I hold all those around me to those standards as well. So when I see someone being; selfish, greedy, cruel, cowardly, stupid, etc. it arouses my anger. Because they know better and have chosen not to be. I've been though all this emotional soul searching before.
The spankings were nothing but a positive influence in my life, they taught me to respect authority, even if I don't understand why they tell me to do or not do something.
If I was my parent I would have done nothing differently in regards to discipline. I know myself because a different situation entirely forced me to learn every single aspect of my personality.
I don't have to play therapist. You very much have control, but have to have a desire to do so. Either way, I hope you develop in the areas you need.
Great, that you read something and pointed to sources of info, but those sources are of not reputable. As both articles are talks about some study and only tells one side and both authors some nobody who interprets some studies, with no links to them and even one is interested in click baiting more then truth...
All this is could and would only without even any data, it might be affecting in a way you describe only 0.0001% of children...
Not saying, that spanking is good or bad. It was done to me and no affect, you described accrued.
I think kids should know what it is, if they misbehave VERY badly, but it is only my opinion. Obviously laws in a country you are should be obeyed and no permanent damage (including mental) done to children in process...
The word spank is an adult soft word to describe child abuse. Children are young adults learning they learn from mistakes. My parents spanked and I hate them, everyone hates them. Anyone who lays a hand on a child deserves to be judged in the after life. Because they will be born children there and what they think others deserve they should receive 10x worse.
Abuse is participation trophies. That's how kids grow into Twitterati.
I'd never do it myself but I don't feel inclined to tell other people how to parent their children when I'm not going to have any of my own.
Also, I was yelled at a lot as a child, and I feel like it did a lot more damage than any spanking or smack that I received.
My father used to hit me when I did something wrong. He did it bc he believed in that methid bc his parents did this to him too. This method is fast and good bc if you get hit for something, u know u did something wrong and then u learn not to do the thing again. It didn't work for me though for some reason. Everytime my dad hit me i hit him back and continued to do what he wanted me to stop doing. He didn't abuse me at all and I did not have an abusive childhood. Now I hit him sometimes as a joke.
your kids are not gonna obey you to the fullest , unless you give them some type of severe punishment. Taking away privileges will only lead to rebellion in other ways.
when i was a kid, spanking was the only thing that worked to discipline me.
Depends on how it’s used and it was justified. Both my parents spanked and slapped me up (they got worse as kids). I had undiagnosed ADHD as a kid but my mom saw my sometimes unpredictable behavior as “disrespectful” and me being an unruly young boy.
Anyway my dad apologized to me for beating me as a kid. But it was usually more clear cut and justified when he used physically punishment. My mom did it to be controlling. She’s never apologized for any the physical/emotional abuse bs she did to me as kid. She believed she is beyond reproach and still talked down to me as a grown in my 30s. Hence the reason i haven’t talked her in 5 years.
Yes it is outdated and trust me from experience there are much more scary ways to punish a kid. Like getting them away from stuff they like etc. Plus spanking is really bad for there mental health while making them get bored would make them more creative or reading a book or whatever.
Add to this that you shouldn't get there in the first place if you're doing everything right as a parent.
When i got spanked as a kid i never did what i did again lol same as my family it is a format if discipline nit sure if i would ever spank my kids due to the backlash today lol but i grew up normal. today these kids are out of control and wild and aren't going to be prepared for adult life.
Did you get a smack or did you get the belt
@Sarahr123 belt and smacked but mostly belt
You been brainwash the belt is abuse.
Your parents were useless that believe violence is the key to discipline.
@Alwayreckles93 no thats you being soft and sugarcoating abuse, abuse is being beat discipline with a belt taught me to never do what i did again, abuse is people who say everything you do is wring and beat you just cause that was never my experience.
Some people see children as objects not as humans. And your parents saw you as an object. Why have children if people are going to mistreat them. Again I believe your parents at what in their late 50's or 60's? yeah that's the kind of mindset that old generation has.
@Alwayreckles93 yeah but their was spankings and then their were people who actually hurt their kids for no reason i didn't have parents who hurt me for no reason.
More often than not studies are conflated based on the bias of the individual.
I've yet to see anyone who is anti spanking be truly honest and fair to the best of their ability when diagnosing this. There is always a scenario where spanking and straight up abuse are conflated with eachother.
Then they'll talk about the effects of abuse, then broadly spread that over to spanking. That's not a methodical method for truth seeking. That's seeking to prove your bias.
The most scientific way to "prove" a theory is to consistently attempt to honestly disprove the theory.
Apply this process to your beliefs. If it holds up you have a stronger case for your theory. That's why the theory of evolution has lasted so long. It's had years and years of attempts to disprove it and not yet been disproven.
Now there is nowhere near enough evidence, nor will there probably ever be enough for it to move pasta Theory. But it will more than likely forever be a theory. Until humans genetically mutate enough to be considered a new species.
Off topic but you get the point
@mountaverage
Tell me you're a bitch without telling me you're a bitch 😂
Speaking from experience of being whipped with a belt I’ll say this.
when I was a kid I hated my parents for it. But being a mature man now I look back and realize they were right and I did deserve it when it did happen.
its effective and if my kids when I ha d em do something bad enough to deserve getting spanked you bet your ass I’ll put them over my knee.
and no it’s not child abuse especially if it’s only 2-3 strikes.
So because you think you deserved it so should everyone else? That is a falacy. Did you deliberately do something bad? Most kids don't know what they did wrong and have learnt a said behaviour from someone else. And why do parents think they know best? Smoking drinking gambling cheating etc whilst the child has to naturally learn to be perfect without any help. Lol you see where your parents sold you short.
Both spanking and yelling have never been effective other than to break the child's spirit. Only a parent who is weak needs to beat or yell at their child. Understand if u're consistent and stern, the child automatically gets unto ur program. It's a battle of will power.
No it still works ;)
all jokes aside I don't think it's right to discipline a child that way. I had a parent who would hit and scream at me and one who would just be disappointed in me. The latter is what crushed me for an entire week as a kid.
I agree that it still works but always as a last resort...
It is cruelty. Teaching your child that if they misbehave, they will be beaten. It teaches them that when they are adults and have children when the children misbehave, they can expect to be beaten. A child can misinterpret the actions of another child and decide that child needs a beating.
Spanking is a completely acceptable form of punishment. However, it should be reserved for the worst offenses. For example, my mother and grandparents would only spank me if I did something stupid that could have physically hurt me, such as running in the road without looking both ways. Spanking would not be appropriate for a lesser offense, such as a child cussing. I believe in making the punishment appropriate to the behavior, but am not opposed to spanking in general.
I support spanking the kids when it's necessary, to hell with all these studies, let's see what they can do if they have a bull and not a kid who in no way can understand in the good way...
To keep them on the right track and not losing them, you'v got to do when needs to be done!
Got spanked in my childhood and did the same way with my son when he was a child but only did it when i found that there is no other way...
@alice55 1st of all don't call a real a DUDE, unless you want me to call you a chick!
2nd who told that i don't have a kid? Are you a psychic!
3rd yes i'm a VERY loving parent but strict when i need to be strict!
In the end, don't hit and run like a coward by using the block button!
Works if used right. many did use it when frustrated instead of last resort to mark and correct a behavior that is off.
The funny thing with no physical is that it's much easier to create mental wounds and psychological problems for life. less margin of error befor messing up the child.
No. Denying parents the ability to discipline their children is taking away their authority. And we can see the result of that in society.
Also, spanking =/= beating.
Honestly I don't believe in spanking is okay. As someone that was beaten regularly in my opinion that is abuse. Violence is not the answer.
Yep. It's been well proven that physical punishment is a very poor way to train anyone/anything.
If a child's being violent, restrain them. Don't teach them that violence is what solves problems.