Do you think that we neglect men in abusive relationships?

Question

The MeToo movement started with good intentions and all but it became out of control. A guy in class asked to a friend to say to me that he thought me presentation was good. I walked to him and asked why he didn't told me that himself, and he replied that he had given a compliment to a straight up B*tch and she said that it's sexual harassment. D*ckhead do you know that he is gay and wanted to be nice to you?
And yes there is a lot of women being abused physically, verbally, emotionally, and psychologically but men too!
And they don't say anything because of some BS society stigma that it's unbelievable and if they are brave enough to press charges everybody will believe the woman! A clear exemple is Johnny Depp.
There is woman's right but also men's right. Both gender deserves respect, security and equality. It's totally wrong and unfair!
Women can be straight up psychopath and manipulate their world and the poor guy. And almost every time he is a true sweetheart and is genuinely afraid.
Just because he is a man doesn't mean that he can't be in an abusive relationship! This is BS. I want women right but if it means crushing down men and making them afraid to talk to women it's just nonsense.

Lionman95 · Accepted Answer

I think it truly can happen but I don´t see a way of really change it. The problem as a guy you´re always seen as the man in the relationship and that´s the way you wanna see yourself.
So asking for a help or realizing you need help can be harder as a guy especially as there are no male only places.
There are no man only counselor/therapists (at least where I come from). Here in Germany in nearly every town is a woman protection house or women only therapists but there are no alternatives for men.
So if a guy wants to see a therapist he has to go to a woman to do so and convince her that he has a relationship problem.
There are such cases for sure and they will always be around and it will always be kind of male privilege to have a harder time proving that it´s her abusing him and not the other way round.
I´m not really sure if that could be changed because the only way metoo and other movements would be changed is by women trying to change its direction because the moment a man tries he´s patriarchal and misogynistic even if he never showed signs for that in his life before.

NamerOfStars · Accepted Answer

If the "MeToo" movement had ever had good intentions, it would have prioritized getting victims support. It didn't- from the very beginning, it prioritized punishing the accused. Not the guilty; the accused. Now, I've used this image before, and I'll use it again:

Do you think that we neglect men in abusive relationships?

It's not a complicated idea: a person who's in danger may need help NOW, and demanding proof they don't have on hand may get them killed. But demanding blood based on nothing but an accusation is how Emmett Till died. It's how Giles Corey died. It's how American democracy almost died, when political lobbyists for an abortificient drug almost blocked Kavanaugh's appointment to the Supreme court with an accusation and "testimony" that would've been laughed out of any courtroom in the land. It would've been rejected by the Spanish Inquisition, but it was an accusation, and that was all that was necessary in the minds of these people.

LovingLoverReturned · Accepted Answer

Great point of view you gave.

Reminds me of a video I watched this evening of an old female Karen putting her hands on (pushing) a boy (minor) who was on his bicycle... he stopped and waited for her to let hi pass... thankfully he had his camera.
The snake even lied to his mom bit mom saw the footage. They called police but they didn't arrest her. Lol she is old but who cares?
This very old woman shot her son simply because he was like 70, and couldn't care for her anymore so he wanted to put her in a home with nurses to care for her.

Age and gender shouldn't be excuses nit to receive discipline. Of course, minors should have age-appropriate discipline...

Razp_Sorbet · Accepted Answer

I think the Johnny Depp situation really showed how we do also believe men can be in abusive situations, we as in the people. It's the media that is for some reason silent about it, probably because it goes against their narrative.

Heck been trying to help my neighbor downstairs who gets physically and verbally abused by his partner for over a year now. We've made police reports, tried talking to him, but there's really nothing we can do or the police can do, it's his decision in the end.

Hellodownthere · Answer

I lived with a woman like that for a few years. Used to hit me in he face with closed fists. Now she never really hurt me and I never struck back. I ever helped her put her knuckles in ice one night after she hurt her hand on my head.
But one night I had just had enough. That was my snapping point I guess After she hit me I started to advance on her and I could see her fear because she knew I was angry. I backed her against a wall. I didn't touch her, but I looked into her eyes and told her using a lot of profanity and yelling that I would hospitalize her if she ever hit me again. Then I punched a hole through the wall beside her head ( luckily there wasn't a stud behind it). But I didn't lay a hand on her. And she got the message. She never hit me after that. I know I ought to have handled it differently, but I put up with her shit for two years.
As why I didn't leave before that? Well I was the breadwinner. I took care of her. I paid the bills. It's not easy for a man to leave a woman with nothing. A lot of pride involved. It doesn't look good especially since no one outside the home knew what was going on and they wouldn't have believed me if I had told them.
But it did end eventually over other things. That was 16 years ago and I haven't seen her since. I don't know if she's dead or alive.

Screamsgutter · Answer

Well, I've been noticing that men aren't automatically getting arrested when the cops are called for DV. For example, about a month ago I found out that a few years ago my father's then-girlfriend, a nurse, was drunk one night and for some reason decided she wanted to fight him in the living room. Telling her to calm several times did nada, and after doing the whole boxing thing she wound up hitting him twice in the face. He didn't even bother defending himself, yet it apparently really pissed her off that her blows had no effect. As if on queue with the stereotype, she called the cops on him. He went outside and smoked a cigarette while sitting on the gate of his truck 'til they got there. He gave them the story and didn't even realize he was bleeding from his cheek until one of the cops told him. One of them went in the house to speak to her. Thankfully, she admitted to starting and being the only physical party in the situation. They asked my 'ol man if he wanted to press charges on her and naturally he didn't.

With the advent of cellphones that record video as well as the widespread use of commercial and residential surveillance/security cameras, they're not so quick to default arrest anymore, and I'm noticing that since this evidence can be readily available more than ever, it's being used to turn the tide for men more often than not. In a lot of situations both parties have been getting arrested without bias, which believe it or not is a step in the right direction. And in some videos the looks on the womens' faces when they realize their word is not just gonna be taken at face value is a telling portrait of how these particular women expected privilege.

Two more examples of video evidence brightening mens' future a bit: the "Uppercut Heard Around the World"/bus driver and "One-punch Justice" videos. The men weren't charged for retaliating. However, the women, both initiators of the attacks, didn't either.

crossdressingrihno · Answer

Yeah abusive relationships involving the men getting abused is greatly increasing or I think it is
I've wound up in abusive relationships but I generally leave them quite quickly
Unfortunately I can't say the same thing for other men and those poor fellows are going to have a lot of regrets in life
It's almost getting scary now

Probably the worst part is nothing's going to get done about it most of the time because men are viewed as stronger and if their wife is hitting them or their girlfriend is hitting them then it's the man's job to just take it like a man because you know we're men and we're supposed to be strong when in actuality we still have skin and flesh and blood and we still bleed our skin still gets hurt and we still have soft parts of body and defending ourselves from the abuse is frowned upon and if you break up with the abuser everyone is likey to take her side (aside from your truest friends of course and MAYBE your family) I've actually had some of this happen to me which is how I know it happens and I've also seen it happen to my dad because my mom went a little bit crazy and he never did as much as grab her wrist but he wound up with a broken nose after my mom hit him upside the face with a frying pan literally and then my mom tried to throw pots and pans at me not much was done about it

All in all things are just starting to suck in general

Guanfei · Answer

Y'a certainement une très grande différence de traitement. Que ce soit de la police, des proches, de la justice ou des gens en général.
Je me souviens d'une émission sur la BBC où un homme victime de violences et de mauvais traitements venait témoigner, et quand il a expliqué que pour fuir sa copine il avait dû sauter du 3ème étage, les femmes du public ont rigolé. C'est un peu le sentiment général pour ce genre de cas. Un homme ne peut qu'être un abuseur, jamais la victime.
Et le soucis c'est que c'est plus difficile de prouver aussi qu'une femme est coupable, parce que là où les hommes violents dans un couple utilisent surtout la force brute et la contrainte physique, les femmes elles ont plutôt tendance à utiliser la psychologie et la manipulation.
Une femme va plutôt isoler son copain, le séparer de ses amis, de sa famille, et lui faire croire qu'il n'a qu'elle. Il préfèrera encaisser et se taire plutôt que perdre la dernière personne qu'il lui reste. Et une fois que c'est fait, là elle utilisera la violence physique, en sachant que le gars ne partira pas, et qu'il ne dira rien, parce qu'en tant qu'homme, il devrait pouvoir l'arrêter, mais il ne le fait pas.
La dernière raison rejoins la première. On voit toujours les femmes comme coupables, donc si un homme se dresse physiquement pour se défendre, la femme peut immédiatement appeler les flics et c'est le mec qui ira en prison, immédiatement vu comme coupable.

Anonymous · Answer

I did read you might write a book. I used to be strong person in every way physically and mentally but taking care of mesothelioma patient Which was my parent did broke me back then i won't deny my ex was supportive at the beginning but small problem happened between us and then she became abusive in mental way she abused me mentally i couldn't cope with her i couldn't even do something except quitting the situation i couldn't fight on 2 side it was hard to see malignant fluid drainage from loved one and you just smile to not make it worse and behind the doors you break in tears sorry to mention that during that time and what i was going through she abused me and did shame me for my sadness i had to change my number thankfully she didn't know my work place or my home address. I had to disappear from that woman she had no mercy however there was good moments before you never know how people change and what they really hide against you till something happen. I had to collect myself to stand again that woman did really hurt me emotionally. I had to deal with so much pain to stand again but thankfully im still myself and i could revenge but i knew that's a short cut and it has its consequences it may poison my mind i don't deny i became toxic for a while after that but i just kept going in my own way and i always believed good will win at the end no matter how long. Saw her after 5 months she was miserable and looked sick I cried after that for her condition i knew probably karma got her and i knew i wasn't wrong i cried for myself and for what happened to her i loved her back then. But now if she brings me a ton of gold i can't be with her to be honest I may take the gold but inside i just can't be with her no matter what she do.
Sorry if that's too long i feel i needed to write it

monorprise · Answer

This is far more true than you know, Today it is no longer safe for men to sit alone with women who they don't know or trust completely.

Without the presumption of innocence any man can be destroyed by any public woman, and you never know which woman might eventually do that to you.
Most women may be honest and good natured but it only takes one woman perhaps in a bad situation at some unknown future date.
As a man we have no way of knowing your nature today much-less your situation for the next 20 years in judging risks.

This is not a new problem, people have been dealing with the others baring false witness against their neighbors since the beginning. That is why the rule even made it into the bible, and is a basic legal principle of innocence until proven guilty.

HighValue · Answer

When I was student teaching and having a class discussion, the regular classroom teacher was telling the students to only go up to a stranger woman if they are lost because they are good, caring, and helpful.
I told the class afterwards that most men are good and that most police, firefighters, etc. that save people's lives are men and that just because someone was born a man, that doesn't make them a bad person like TV, social media, and schools try to present them as.
Even in elementary school they are teaching little kids to not trust men and that they are dangerous and not to be trusted, but stranger women are. It is ridiculous.

lightbulb27 · Answer

yes, relationships are emotional and both sides can be or feel abused. were all human beings that started out as little children... and still have those little children inside somewhere.

there isn't much in the way of support for men and I've heard and seen that with men along the way. But that is our problem and responsibility. Thank you for your consideration though. It may be women are more favored in the courts, but I haven't personally seen that.

I'm not blaming this on women or some movement. I agree with you we are all human beings and deserve to be heard, understanding, love, support, respect... discipline, therapy, etc... More of that in society would go a long ways.

For clarity's sake... I am not a biologist, so whose male and female anyways? 😅 oh lord help us... that's a USA joke. C'est la vie.

Looking forward to a trip to france soon with the wife and step kids.

Anonymous · Answer

This might be a little out of topic because it's not about a relationship. But I have been abused by my own cousin sister when I was 14. She did things to me repeatedly and threatened me that she will commit suicide if I talked to anyone. When eventually things came out, I was blamed for everything because I am male. My own family didn't believe me because apparently, men or even teenage boys can't be r*ped. I had to leave my family and live on my own since I was 15. And even after 16 years of that incident, I can't get over it. I am in my first relationship right now and this is the first time I have met someone who is patient with me and understands my insecurities. But I feel like I can never be whole. It's not just about the r*pe but the fact that everyone made me believe that I am the monster while the woman who abused me is happily married and living a wonderful life!

Slartybartfast · Answer

Neglect would be a step up, we automatically assume men are bad and women are good. Women are the majority of child abusers, if he calls the police they will arrest him, if he tries to leave to protect the children she gets custody. Most publicly funded shelters won't take him or any of his male children over 13. Men are demonized not helped. At best he will be looked down on as weak.

Women literally get away with murder.

Julie4 · Answer

C'est le problème actuelle du féminisme et du militantisme quel que soit la cause défendu de manière générale. Les Féministes ne prennent en compte qu'une seul souffrance car elles considérent que les hommes sont la cause de tous les problèmes. Elles ne peuvent imaginer une femme qui violente un homme ou si elles admettent elles diront que c'est une vengeance au nom du patriarcat subit depuis des siècles.

HawkPerception · Answer

Finally a girl that understands mens situation in western culture. It's genuinely depressing to live as an average male nowadays.

Feminism had good intentions and results when it just started. Now it's just toxic as hell and almost every female in western culture seems entitled to more privilege.

Stupidsigninpage · Answer

Women are being brainwashed by toxic feminist ideology and it is sad to see.

Yes, women deserve rights and all, but they also deserve to be treated as equal members of society.

What toxic feminism does is perverts the equal value of both genders and elevates the status of women beyond that of men, like women are superior.

worldscolide · Answer

Take a step back and look at the country as a whole. Men are 46% of domestic violence cases, but we have no DV shelters. If men call DV hotlines we are treated like we are the abuser not the victim. When the police are called because of the feminist policy called the Duluth model (look it up google is your friend), men are automatically assumed the aggressor, even if he is the one laying bleeding on the ground. When i was attacked by my ex, my face sliced up because i kicked her out of my home. I was told that i was lucky i was not the one being arrested, because if she had so much broken a nail hitting me, i would go to prison for it. I was laughed at, at the hospital when i told them it was my ex that did it.. and i needed 25 stitches...

Yeah where women get #metoo.. and all kinds of support men are left to suffer in silence. Women everywhere who push this kind of thing.. ( I am talking to you NOW, National organization for women) all have blood on their hands...

lrina · Answer

yes, very much so. people make it seem like women are only ones struggling and that if a man cries then he's just baby and it's totally his fault, which is very unfair and wrong.

Jenny4455 · Answer

Have a friend who got caught up in coercive control in an abusive relationship. It went on for a long time because most people utterly dismissed it. 'Men can't be abused' 'a real man would just leave' and more and more like that

Sixgunsound · Answer

Men don’t get abused, according to the biased legal system. In my state, the legal definition of rape makes it impossible for men to be raped. Men get told to suck it up walk it off and quit being a pussy.

Wintergrace · Answer

Yes, and I also believe abuse in general is neglected. Men are often victims of verbal abuse, but since it isn’t physical they’re left mentally broken with absolutely no support or validation.

Sayitalbeit · Answer

I use to believe this and be a huge MRA (male rights activist). However, the statistics and fact a lot of abuse is sex fueled- has opened my eyes. Do men get abused? Absolutely -in manipulative, sneaky ways at that. OR ironically raped by OTHER men! The overwhelming amount of women compared to men is why the spotlight seems to be more focused on the women.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

Your absolutely right. Men date abused as well and it's overlooked because they are men. It's wrong either way and needs to stop. People should at least be cordial with each other.

Do you think that we neglect men in abusive relationships?

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