Society & Politics
10 d

Did you know that a worm ate part of RFK's brain?

1. He meant to tell voters about this, but he forgot.

2. The brain worms only ate the defective portions of his brain, the judgment and morality parts.

3. You can't blame the brain worms. They were attracted by the high levels of 1970s cocaine and heroin remaining in his skull. Apparently the brain worms have divided Junior's brain into territories and are re-enacting "The Wire" inside his cerebellum. This explains Kennedy's intermittent blurting out of the words "OMAR COMIN'!" during speeches.

4. Spokespeople for Kennedy said that there was no need to worry about the parasitic brain worms, since they were "done eating."

5. Kennedy campaign advisors went on the counterattack, saying, "We are the only campaign that has had the courage to openly disclose that our candidate's skull is crammed with fossilized brain worm guano. Sunlight is the best disinfectant. Sunlight, and, of course, the copious amounts of brain worm-extermination poison doctors pumped into his skull during the 1990s."

6. Some RFK Jr. supporters have refused a vaccine that protects against parasitic brain worms. "My cousin's ex-wife's friend's dealer says it gave him a rash for a couple of days," one said. "Herd immunity!"

7. The Mexican tequila industry has issued a statement denying any culpability in the RFK Jr. Brain Worm Infestation. "Our products have proven over centuries to be perfectly safe when used responsibly by generations of decent mescaleros, bandidos, luchadores, and even turistas. We cannot be held responsible for the rare occurrences in which rich gringos decide to eat thousands of agave-cured mezcal worms like vermicelli."

Updates
9 d
Maybe what rfk has been saying lately are the words of the worm instead of the words that would have ordinarily have come from him when he was sane. Who knew the worm could be an anti-vaxxer and a conspiracy theorist all in one?
Did you know that a worm ate part of RFK's brain?
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