Are modern “tradwives” just feminist beneficiaries doing conservative cosplay?

[MzAsh]

Many women today are pushing the “tradwife” image, but is it really about tradition?

They’re setting all these rules and demands for men, curating content for strangers online, and choosing when and how they “submit,” all while rejecting the word “feminism” like it’s a curse.

If you’re setting your own terms, marketing your lifestyle eight hours a day, and deciding when submission is convenient…
Is that really “traditional,” or just modern autonomy in a different outfit?

If you’re building a life funded by the freedom to choose, promote, and profit from your choices…
At what point does it stop being tradition and start being performance?

Truth is, without the gains feminism secured, half of this lifestyle wouldn’t even exist.
If you’re living a life built on its wins, you’re in the club, like it or not.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Living a traditional lifestyle is a choice, the fact that it’s a choice is a privilege compared to only 3 generations ago when there was no choice.


And anyone who knows how submission works knows that submission is a very important choice made by the sub. The dom cannot force them to submit and still expect to keep the ever-essential trust that allows them to experience the sub’s submission. Submission only occurs when the sub feels safe enough to allow someone else to make their choices for them.

Traditional relationships and traditional lifestyles are built around the cornerstones of trust, honor, and labor. She has to trust that her husband isn’t trying to financially trap her in a relationship with him and their children, he also has to honor her hard work in caring for those same children when he’s unable to in the role as a provider and kept so busy, and both know that their self-assigned roles take a significant amount of labor. This is all a choice that they both make together based on the fact that they respect one another, know the other well enough to be certain this is the life they want together, and agree to work towards that ideal they both share together. Traditional lifestyles cannot happen alone and they both know that.


Forcing lifestyles on other people who may not want them is objectively, morally wrong. That’s why it’s a choice to pursue that lifestyle or something else. Women were forced into that role for hundreds of generations and when we started to lose the respect and honor from men in society that made us feel comfortable in that role, we rebelled and demanded our own freedoms. And we more or less have them now. This is a good thing, and making a choice to have a traditional lifestyle now is a choice that I can respect if it’s made of both members own volition. I won’t do it myself, but setting healthy boundaries and creating an environment that allows for this lifestyle to flourish takes work you and I don’t see and I let them live that life if that’s what they want and leave it when that honor and trust goes away.

[alice55]

Ther's many tradwife in real life but the one posting on internet are fake one doing it to gain money if they were true one they wouldn't be posting it on internet as posting it on internet mean theyre influencer so working mom and not trad wife.

[Shiprex]

Truth is without men allowing it, feminism would be a dead duck. If it were decided tomorrow that women were to become "trad" by default then it wouldn't be stopped. Just look at nations where it already is that way. Not that I advocate for that just pointing it out.

The fact is ONLY women get to choose that lifestyle. Could you imagine a MAN being considered a marriage or even dating type who said they wanted to be a stay at home husband? How many matches, likes or laughs would there be on that profile? NO, way would they succeed and would only attract the weirdo women who fetishised over that kind of thing.

There is no harm in wanting to be a householder though. Like feminists have been broadcasting for ages about the "unpaid household labour" that they provide is more valuable than the male partner in a household... with all the calculations of a chef, cleaner, babysitter, dog walker, chauffeur, taxi, purchaser etc. as an indicator of what being an adult should cost while MEN are "just" out at work 8 to 10 hours a day.

The innuendo behind the trad husband being a bully, abusive, aggressive, dominating by fear misrepresents the reality in that a man would be in his benevolent but leadership (NOT a boss just the one who decides WITH ADVISORY support from others in the household) role that has a direction, makes right and wrong decisions but the final say is his.

Being submissive is also subjective as it takes away a burden or CHORE from the individual and as long as they are prepared to be accountable for those chores then that can work.

[MzAsh]

I get where you’re coming from on a couple points, like how society can still side eye stay at home husbands.

But honestly, stay at home dads and househusbands are increasing.
And personally I wouldn’t mind having a househusband someday as long as he’s handling his responsibilities. It’s all about partnership and pulling your weight.

Now about the idea that “if men decided to take away feminism, they could”…
I don’t think that’s as simple as you make it sound.

If it was that easy, it would’ve been dead a hundred years ago. Men (and women) have fought hard against feminist movements across history, and yet, here we are.

Once you open the door to autonomy, you can’t just slam it shut again without massive rebellion or collapse.

Feminism isn’t just laws, it’s a mentality that’s been baked into how most women think, live, and expect to be treated now.
You can’t just undo that. Not without setting the whole society on fire, and even then, it wouldn’t stick. You think modern women (even the ones who cosplay tradwife aesthetics) are going to hand back voting rights, credit cards, ability to own property, the option to work, or control over their bodies? Good luck with that.

As for traditional marriage roles, I don’t think every trad husband is automatically a bully or abusive either. There’s definitely some nuance there. But when men talk about getting the final say by default, it doesn’t really fly anymore unless the woman agrees to that dynamic. And if she doesn’t, well then the final say isn’t his, it’s hers to leave or renegotiate.

Submission is a choice. It’s not mandatory, and no one’s going to force it without consequences. That’s the real difference now.

[Shiprex]

Absolutely it would be difficult to turn western society into the Handmaid's Tail made real BUT it's still possible. Just look at places like Afghanistan where it took days for it tor return after years of it being under the auspices of Western control. "Enlightenment" unless it's delivering a positive for the majority won't become reality without a battle.

I don't think any move to push women out of the workplace is likely to be so extreme. Maybe the notion of offering double tax break for stay at home households would be something to encourage that kind of lifestyle choices where the higher earner is given double the tax allowance to KEEP their spouse out of the workforce as an incentive as long as it was done properly. It wouldn't necessarily be men either but society as a whole saying hold on, wages in the bloated workforce aren't providing everyone with sufficient prosperity to benefit them so get households back in vogue and incentivise those people to live as families with a financial penalty for failing at fixing the contracts of marriage that both must endure and disallow alimony with default 50/50 custody and stop the divorce rate from growing thanks to social pressures telling people "they shouldn't put up with that, to expect to be treated as such, you can do better", etc message that is pumped into people's heads from toxic media publications.

[Shiprex]

I don't imagine the SAHH or SAHF are ever going to be accepted by women in general. The ones most likely are from gay marriages and that's a different dynamic. It's akin to asking women to start looking at similar height and shorter men as romantic partners. it's hard wired that women are physically inferior to men and thus will seek a bigger male partner. That notion of the caring and nurturing nature of women is also still there so the dynamic of a MAN being the one at home doing all of that as a replacement for a mother/wife is another psychological barrier women would struggle to overcome. The home is STILL her domain and will remain so for some time. It is a very nice (pie in the sky) thought though that there are women WANTING a stay at home husband which is something men have a strong acceptance of with wives as well as accepting of their career aspirations.

This difference in desires for men and women going into relationships has been far more flexible among men who've largely embraced working women into their lives but I feat less so within women to even contemplate a man NOT working or having capacity to provide. Maybe it will change but I won't hold my breath.

[MzAsh]

I get that you’re trying to float a soft return to more traditional structures through incentives like tax breaks, but it doesn’t speak to what actually motivates a lot of women to work.

It’s not just about money.
It’s about purpose.
It’s about autonomy.
It’s about building something of your own and controlling your own life.

You could offer me a massive tax break and it still wouldn’t make me want to quit work, because what I get out of my work can’t be bought. And I’m far from alone on that.

A lot of women aren’t fulfilled by traditional housewife roles, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Trying to herd women back into that mold isn’t going to work. Because fulfillment isn’t something you can manufacture through incentives.

You’re making it sound like women can’t accept house husbands but it’s already happening. My husband makes less than me, and I’m okay with pulling a little extra financially as long as he’s showing up and doing his part at home. That’s partnership. And I think more women are realizing that it takes a lot more than financial provision to have a truly happy relationship.

And about Afghanistan, that’s not a good comparison. That was about extreme force in a country that never culturally broke from religious authoritarianism. Modern democracies aren’t flipping back like that without total bloodshed, and even then, it wouldn’t stick.

Autonomy is baked in now. You can’t bribe it away. You can’t tax code it out of people. And you can’t guilt people into being miserable “for the good of society.”

[Shiprex]

It's not making people hapy though is it?
People are more alone claiming happiness which for social creatures it's rather odd. INDIVIDUALISM has thtived, selfishness has risen, narcissistic tendencies have bloomed and people are giving no shits for others.

One aspect that might bite back is the idea women are living off the backs of men rn. The responsibility for society functioning is still largely men providing for all yet there's less return for that effort from the way things are forming. It's still men filling in the lower strata of society, homelessness, criminality, lack of opportunity and access to social mobility. Not that it's the fault of women but as a consequence of PROVIDING that enhanced position to access and choose from the buffet of society that reduces men's options and opportunities yet pushes them further down social scales that aren't pressing women similarly.

[Shiprex]

Is it REALY autonomy thugh since men are actually still providing society with it's needs?

[MzAsh]

Honestly, it really depends on who you ask.
A lot of people are a hell of a lot happier living life on their own terms. Not everybody needs constant social connection to feel whole. Some of us are introverts who actually prefer a little distance from the chaos.

As for individualism and selfishness, there’s some serious nuance missing in your take. A lot of people, including me, had to learn the hard way that you can’t keep pouring into others when your own cup is empty. Caring isn’t bad, but overgiving to the wrong people absolutely is. It’s not narcissism to prioritize your own needs and desires first before you focus on others.

Now, historically men built society because women were legally, financially, and culturally barred from doing it themselves. It wasn’t about merit. It was about access. And today women are working, paying taxes, building businesses, raising families, running companies, contributing in ways that weren’t even an option a hundred years ago. Men aren’t carrying society alone.

If men are struggling with homelessness, social mobility, or criminality more now, I believe that’s partially a system problem and partially a personal problem.

Women have managed to claw their way up out of brutal systemic disadvantages, and if men want to exit a life of poverty and crime, there are evolving opportunities and support systems that can help.

And yes, it is real autonomy. Because society doesn’t belong to men anymore, it belongs to everyone contributing to it. That includes women.

[Shiprex]

Society never belonged to men though. It was sustained by them FOR WOMEN and children to thrive in. Men had to work, no choice but graft, still is. That's not power thats obligated to them without choice. How is that privilege or even autonomy?
Autonomy from whom?
It's still men doing the essential jobs by and large. So in effect it's not changed apart from women are now able to take full advantage of using the system provided by men that gives them advantages in education, opportunities access and promotion enhancements to create a artificial "gender balance " at top levels without corresponding ground floor balance in most industries. Like the 50/50 boardroom of an 80/20 employment demographic is wrong and unfair yet is the political notion of e current vogue.
As far as men and criminality is concerned it's a fairly simple logical step to see disenfranchised men seeing privilege handed to women no beer than tem for just being women and the enhanced competition of larger workforce available as a probable cause, isn't an outrageous leap.

[MisterWack]

I mean women back in the old days did strive for women’s rights hence why flappers, voting rights, working in the factory to support the men then openly deciding to pave their own way to a male dominated workforce, etc. occurred so it would just be ‘Conservative cosplay’ where they actually aren’t that too happy with the relationship they’re in.

What people need to understand is, a relationship takes two people and there isn’t a dominant 24/7 and a submissive 24/7 it is both halves working together for love. That love and devotion goes a longer way than forcing someone to be something they’re not or more complicated than it is made out to be.

The marriage standards of the past are gone because people figured out it is more liberating to be able to choose your life partner after getting to know them for a bit without having sex or thoughts of baby making be the guide. A woman and man is entitled to choice and entitled to making the decision to commit or to leave, not for the other to say.

[ProbablyClueless]

That's probably a pretty accurate way to describe it, honestly.

Tradwives are a glamorized stereotypical (and unironic) depiction of the lifestyles of an extremely small cross section of uber privileged and submissive women who had the time and luxury to LARP as live-in maids for their husbands and children.

This was from an extremely small window of time, too. The kind of lady the tradwives are trying to emulate from history was like the conservative members of the wealthiest 3-5% of the European elites of the late 1800s.

[Kaneki05]

Conservatives are all doing cosplay so wait until you figure that one out. If they aren't then we're be the traditional cavemen men that's true raw conservative ideals really. Anything else is progressive and every year the Conservative goal post moves, while they pretend it does not.

[Kaneki05]

Where be*

[MzAsh]

I agree with you there

[jshm2]

Errr.. you're confused.

The "tradwife" is none of that. It's an aesthetic some influencers have created to market products and aspirations.

You've just taken it all to a weird fucking tangent to ferment your own jealousy or biases.

[MzAsh]

If you’ll read, you’d see I did mention the marketing and lifestyle branding side.
My point is that once you’re curating and profiting off the image, it stops being pure tradition and becomes performance.

[Dargil]

No, they are not. my mother was a traditional wife. she was never a feminist She just understood history and knew That her best roles were a home making And raising children. I agree with that. that is not to say that women should not work outside the home It's just that their best role is in the home.

[SmokinAces2000]

Who are you to tell someone what their best role is

[chocolatetwopointo]

yeah no thats complete bs.

[Dargil]

@SmokinAces2000 I'm the one that answered the question the way I wanted to.

[MzAsh]

Well, a lot of women simply aren’t going to be happy if their primary role is homemaking and raising kids. For those women, it’s not their best role. Something else is.

[Dargil]

And every woman has free choice. And every man has the freedom to choose the wife that best suits his desire for our family and home.

[SmokinAces2000]

@Dargil that doesn’t change what I said

[MzAsh]

Yes, and that’s fine. There are plenty of men who want a more modern relationship with a modern woman as well. To each their own.

[NicholasRedone]

@MzAsh it also appeals to those who maybe were strictly raised or strictly religiously raised - and nowadays they're secular yet still wanting to be "old school" lol 😆 get out the whips and chains when it's kinky night of the week ladies lol 😆 and it ain't your man ♂️ submitting lol 😆

[Babygirl_S]

Submission to a man whom I trust is key. I can’t be forced into a relationship like an arranged marriage. That is just rape. Choosing the one you want to submit to is called consent. He can make the rules but the one I choose can dominate not someone forcing himself on me. Lack of consent is just abuse and the submissive partner can’t give their best in that situation.

[backdoorman]

It is certainly true that today's women benefit from the gains feminism achieved in the past, and perhaps more importantly, the natural evolution of post-industrial western society. But women rejecting what feminism has become today is just an expression of honesty and compassion. The notion that a woman choosing to be more traditional is cosplay is just silly.

[Grond21]

It's a fair critique. Many of the women who make content online and claim to be tradwives are not. Some of them are, however, and don't set their own terms like this. However, the problem is that it's not a binary choice. Feminism versus tradwives. But many feminists and many women thinking they are tradwives fall into this binary thinking that is lacking in nuance and incomplete.

[Jackblue]

You have a point there, however arguably women can be traditional without being 100% obedient. The idea people seem to have, that before the boomer generation women were slaves who did whatever their men wanted, is an exaggeration. References to women scolding and nagging their husbands go back to the Bible.

[Twalli]

Traditional wives live with their father until their future husband agrees on a dowry to marry her. This requires a monetary transaction. The man then is married and the woman has to maintain the house, cook, and raise the children. She has nothing that she owns. She can make no important decisions and must obey the man in everything. That is traditional.

[Agape93]

No. Tradwives choose to do it, because that's what they want. It isn't forced on them. All Feminism is, is a desire for equality. That's it. It has fuck all to do with how one structures their desired relationships

[NathanDavis]

just influencers making money with trends... that's all

[DrPepper12]

I've never heard a better description and analysis!! Kudos!

[abc3643]

I think that's an excellent way of wording it!

Yes!

[QuestionObsession]

Tradewife lifestyle is a pseudo submissive and fake feminism lifestyle. Most of them just want the glamour of it and not really the premise to live by.

[SmokinAces2000]

Most conservatives in general are doing conservative cosplay. They reap the benefits of a progressive society but keep talking about how we need to go back to the 50s and 60s.

[MzAsh]

Exactly.

[Ariesman81]

Some are. It's a man's job to determine who is legit and who is faking. I value the tradwife message more than the feminist message however.

[chocolatetwopointo]

so u js want a submissive dog?

[Ariesman81]

@chocolatetwopointo

No, no no... I want a woman

[chocolatetwopointo]

u want a submissive woman?

[Ariesman81]

@chocolatetwopointo

Oooo... now that sounds lovely

[chocolatetwopointo]

soo a submissive dog. u want a woman who cooks and cleans for u? does ur laundry? picks up after u? be ur mom? basic man.

[Ariesman81]

@chocolatetwopointo

Yeah... know any?

[chocolatetwopointo]

yeah actually, js go to a huge cliff, and jump off it! you’ll find ur mother and grandma there!

[Ariesman81]

@chocolatetwopointo

My mom maybe. My Grandma definitely went to heaven though.

[MzAsh]

Out of curiosity, what parts of the traditional message do you feel are worth preserving more than the feminist side?

[Ariesman81]

And I might tell you if I felt you genuinely wanted to know.

[MzAsh]

What makes you say that?

[Ariesman81]

Experience

[oldpigg]

Traditional wives are useless housewives who want a man to support them and give them money.

[loveslongnails]

Anyone else find the term "traditional wife" to be hilariously ignorant. I do.

[TwoToTooTutu2]

"Trad" is a midernist idea. Trad wives aren't actually traditionalists.

[seeyounexttuesday]

Feminism's ever increasing attempts to stay relevant, eh?

[MzAsh]

Pretty sure feminism’s not the one scrambling, it’s the people still throwing tantrums over women’s choices.

[seeyounexttuesday]

Made up victimhood

[MzAsh]

It’s not victimhood when women are the ones doing what they want regardless.

[Jennz6]

That’s awesome

[ABC1x1x]

They are rejecting the unnatural.

[RedInnocent69]

This!!!