Why does opting out of motherhood provoke so much public anxiety?

Question

So now they’re panicking.

They’re spitballing baby bonuses, motherhood medals, and taxpayer-funded fertility education being floated around like they’re revolutionary ideas. As if this is what’s going to suddenly convince women to restructure their entire lives.

The vibe is desperate. Like women are a depleted resource that needs to be guilted or bribed back into production.

And somehow, they’re still missing the point.

You want people to consider having kids? Then start with the basics:
Safe and affordable childcare. Paid parental leave, for both parents. A livable wage. Affordable housing. Workplaces that don’t punish mothers for existing. Men who participate in the domestic and childcare labor at home.

That’s the bare minimum. And even then, it won’t apply to everyone.

Because there are also plenty of us who simply don’t want that life. Not because we’re struggle or haven’t found the right incentive, but because we’re simply content with life as is, and becoming a parent doesn’t fit the future we want.

And somehow, that’s the part that seems to make people the most uncomfortable.

jessacat · Accepted Answer

If people would simply do some research, they'd find out VERY quickly that the Earth is in zero danger of facing a major crisis regarding the current or future population. As a woman, I feel like perhaps this question was motivated by the frustrating "feud" (that gets very nasty & sanctimonious) between women who want to have children (with a partner or alone; that's another issue) and women who choose not to take the family path because they have career ambitions, academic or creative goals or simply never felt was imperative to have a happy, successful, meaningful life. I happen to have a daughter, but I don't have any opinions one way or another as to what other women "should" or "should not" do with their lives. We fought for years & years for the rights to make decisions about our reproductive health & whether we should be "allowed" to decide if motherhood is the right thing for us. Now women are battling one another (backed by political, religious, and a million other agendas) as to who counts as "real women" If we don't have children, is our existence worthless or wasteful? Some believe so. But women (with or without children) are moving upward and onward, making a difference in the STEM fields, medical research and other jobs that were traditionally men's positions. But does that discredit the value of "professional" mothers who stay home with their kids? Absolutely not. Women are just as smart and capable as men, but nobody guilt trips men who are childless, or even blinks an eye about it. The point is that people will always disagree, but letting our personal opinions lead us not forward in cooperation, but backwards into petty squabbles that just distract us from real current important issues we could be working on together, that's a shame. It's not the job of any single individuals or special interest group to decide what makes a human a valuable, productive asset to our society, and God help us if it ever comes to that AGAIN. Why do we have to see eye to eye to see another person as being just as important, worthy valuable to our society? Meanwhile, plenty of women who become pregnant without intending to & decide to keep the child and raise it are saints to many conservative and/or religious people & organizations, but when the day comes that their tax money is used to help support her/the child they have much different ideas about the value of every single life. It's sad how deeply this issue goes & how many people are affected by it every day. We can and should do better as a society.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

You know those motherhood medals were also given out in Nazi Germany? The Cross of Honour for German Motherhood was given out to women to celebrate their hard work in creating more members of the nazi party. You got bronze for 4 kids, silver for 6 kids, and gold for 8 or more kids, all being german, all being taught Nazi ideology. If that changed, the medal could be revoked. Wild stuff

Shiprex · Accepted Answer

Why it's happening is because birth rate is dropping and unless enough replacement workers are in the pipeline, IMMIGRANTS will be needed to support that ageing population YOU and us are soon to join IF we want a sustainable retirement.

What is sad about the current state is what you said as a woman, that you are "content" that the life you have gives you what you need and some of what you want. However, that lifestyle is provided by society (mainly men) who have to work their lives away to provide for YOU and everyone else to thrive. Not having a workforce for the future is a recipe for disaster. Sure the bribes and all those other incentives may be sufficient to bump a few more sprogs out but the underlying diminishing birth rate will not support the increasingly longer living population. AN alternative would be to have another war and have men perform their historically required purpose and die on battlefields and leave behind women to take the brunt of the tasks to sustain society with fewer men around to do so and that demanding purpose without someone to support them would be less than pleasant I suspect for many women. THEREFORE the need to repopulate would become even greater.

Alternatively, we could let humanity die off and reduce the impact on the planet and allow the animals and plants to thrive here more freely.

goaded · Accepted Answer

Who are "they", exactly? C:

"In recognition of the substantial importance a woman's role and motherhood was in support of a strong Germany, the Cross of Honour of the German Mother was introduced by decree in Berlin on 16 December 1938 by Führer und Reichskanzler (leader and chancellor) Adolf Hitler. The preamble of the statutory decree declared:

As a visible sign of gratitude of the German nation to children-rich mothers I establish this Cross of Honour of the German Mother (Original text in German: "Als sichtbares Zeichen des Dankes des Deutschen Volkes an kinderreiche Mütter stifte ich das Ehrenkreuz der Deutschen Mutter")"

"1st class, Gold Cross: eligible mothers with eight or more children
2nd class, Silver Cross: eligible mothers with six or seven children
3rd class, Bronze Cross: eligible mothers with four or five children"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross_of_Honour_of_the_German_Mother

14gurlz2gagonit · Answer

MzAsh... I almost want to ask the question "Why does opting for motherhood provoke so much public anxiety?" I watch chicks that make their man lunch and breakfast get bashed for doing so even though he goes to work all day while she stays at home.

The modern agenda hates that idea of that sort of codependence between the sexes... you should all be strong and independent... and we all know (at least those of us that actually know) why the government likes it... a worker makes tax dollars that need to be paid.

You don't want to be a slave to a man do you? Fuck that... right? That's weak. You should work all day for some other man instead of just supporting a man working for you. 2 incomes is the best! You'll both be paying taxes and possibly be paying someone else that has to pay taxes if you have kids!

You can probably tell I hate the manipulation that modern "feminism" that had fuck all to do with equal rights has done. They hate you for having kids unless you work now and pay someone else to raise your kids.

Which is fine and all if that's what you really want. You have the right to do it and the ability... is that what you really want though or is that what you've been told to want?

So on the opposite end where people are like why? When you just opt out of the easy life for the 4am to 10pm jobs, no kids, but at least you can say you're strong while obviously not happy... It's not anxiety, they just think you're choosing a thing for some reasons that you probably don't really want.

But fuck them right? Having kids and a family is bullshit right? Working all the time is gold, right? When they say they enjoy life, don't listen to them... they're lying! Go work, pay them taxes. That will make you way more happy than being a Grandmother one day.

MisterWack · Answer

A lot of people make other’s business, their business which is downright stupid.

I believe you are given one life, that one life should be spent where you’ll be happy, fulfilled, successful at whatever you want to do, and be the best version of yourself that you can. If it doesn’t hurt anyone else, then who the fuck cares? Go be happy.

If the thought of not having a kid or thought of having a kid makes you happy then make the decision and do what makes you happy. That is it.

It isn’t their fault the economy has wages that make them live paycheck to paycheck, inflation at an all time high, housing market being total crap, insurance companies scamming you from lobbying the fed govt to prevent positive change for broken healthcare system, etc. So they get to choose how they survive this, one choice is simply not having kids until cost of living is sustainable for a multi-children household. Just sayin’

OneViewpoint · Answer

ROFL, the White Nationalist Jesus Freaks are having a Code Blue meltdown over a perceived "Browning Of America". Their genius strategy is to breed their way back to White dominance. But at the same time they are bending over and spreading their butt cheeks for Oligarchs to increase the wealth gap, thereby almost guaranteeing a drop in domestic population growth because 60% of young married adults aren't willing to live in abject poverty in order to have children who will grow up to also live in abject poverty. These White Fascists are the dumbest motherfuckers on the planet. Every decision they make only accelerates their own downward spiral into a peasant class for the rich to exploit.

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

Because the "norm" is meet someone get married have a few kids and supposedly I've happily ever after. I don't want kids myself for many reasons. You're just fine not having kids. Politics suck and unfortunately they seem tailored to only being fair to upper class white men. Women of all races are considered by those in charge to be beneath males. I'm sorry it's this way. You're not selfish for not wanting kids having children can be wonderful or horrible and you can never tell which one it's going to be. All the things you mentioned that those in charge are taking away should be a standard at all jobs. They should be there by law.

AyChingao · Answer

The alt-right US Trump nuts want this VERY specifically for white women. There really is a philosophical tie to Hitler's Germany here with the eugenics, racial purity rubbish etc. In addition there are people that are scared to death that the "Mexicans and the Blacks" will soon outnumber "us" soon and are afraid that they will be treated as they have treated them. Gonna need a lot of poor ignorant babies to replace all those migrants from "shithole countries" that they so desperately want to expel. Their policy on wages, social programs, and education backs this notion up. The people will have to be desperate enough to agree to do backbreaking labor for next to nothing. They look to be creating a modern peasant class. But will the planet support their ignorant desires?

Lynx122 · Answer

I don't know I'm not anxious :) In Switzerland people are still having children (fertility rate 1.4 it's not great but it's not a disaster) because the standard of living and school system etc is good Plus we get immigrants from all over the place wanting to work here because the salaries are high af. So there's no problems :)

I think in todays world it's just more difficult to provide the things you mentioned, even in countries that aren't plagued by corruption or incompetence in government. Things will balance out in the end there will just be a difficult period from now to then. I'm thinking about having kids some day, we'll see if it actually happens :)

Twalli · Answer

"Men who participate in the domestic and childcare labor at home.".
Exactly. My mom made more $ than my dad. So he got up early to get into work early enough that he could pick up my sister and me after school. He cleaned the house every weekend. He made sure he contributed to the family as much as my mom, whrn he couldn't be the primaryor major breadwinner.

jshm2 · Answer

LOL, cool your tits.

The issue isn't about opting out of motherhood. The issue is the cost of living crisis is forcing both potential parents to work harder.

But as only one can bear a child, he hope is that by lowering the burden, it will ease some to be able to afford working and raising a child.

Lets be honest, the rich aren't making babies as they are too disliked by other people, and cannot bear spending money. So it falls on the poor and middle class to provide the work force. But as they are overworked, you cannot expect them to work as hard, while making and raising kids.

Douglas1180 · Answer

Let's call your so-called "basics" what they really are: another attempt to expand the nanny state and control people's choices. What a double standard. On the one hand, you're saying "Respect my individual choices" On the other hand, you're saying "Give me handouts." Sorry, honey, but the world doesn't revolve around your vagina.

loveslongnails · Answer

Bringing a child into a life in the USA at this time is not a wise choice, in my opinion. However, without little minds to brainwash and indoctrinate into systematic slavery under the guise of "purpose or societal good", how will the aristocracy survive? P-2025 overall plan is based on generating as many uneducated, obedient worker bee humans as possible in order to feed the wealth machinery they own. There IS no other goal.

exitseven · Answer

yes, kids are not for everyone. They are a lifelong commitment. I was pretty ambivalent about having. I was not against it but if it never happened I would not be disappointed. Now that i had 3 kids and they are all through college I am glad that I had them

DrPepper12 · Answer

Conservatives simply look at women as an empty vessel, useless until impregnated by a far superior man, then simply an object to control for their delusional fantasies of the Great replacement or their insane genocidal goat harder book told them to have lots of kids. Fucking nutty dystopia

Ariesman81 · Answer

Why is the assumption that the woman would work? Personally, I feel she's much more valuable at home.

How about this... I (the husband) agree to handle the career, income and oversee the maintenance. You (the wife) take care of the house, kids and domestic responsibilities.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

I respecr both "the ones who chose to live a life without kids and the ones who decided to have kids"
Marriages are unions betweeb men and women!
Not every married couple are forced to have kids!

You don't like to have kids circus girl?

RavVid · Answer

From a population pyramid view it is desirable. China is rapidly aging. Japan has aged. Russia likely can't fight another war.

At the individual level, I have to ask myself why do this self inflicted harm? So I won't.

Babebytheshore85 · Answer

It's not provoking "anxiety" the US is just behind. Other countries have been giving a year long paid leave to New mothers and fathers. Maybe you're just feeling insecure about your situation.

katiesmuff · Answer

Once again it is the spreading "Nose In Your Business Disease" which has increased by dramatic proportions over the years!

Agape93 · Answer

Because it goes against the social expectation of wanting to be a mom, and false fears of population decline to the point of extinction

RingOfFire · Answer

"Why does opting out of motherhood provoke so much public anxiety?"

Just guessing here but could it be that because the more women that make that choice the closer we are to the end of the human race? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Jersey2 · Answer

Women need to do their job for society. Have and raise children. We don’t need women engineers, firefighters, or other job roles. We need mothers. Otherwise you fail in your primary role.

seeyounexttuesday · Answer

People had children with a lot less money than you’re expecting the government to hand out to you.

TwoToTooTutu2 · Answer

Population crisis.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

💯🏆👏👏👏

Why does opting out of motherhood provoke so much public anxiety?

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