Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
The type of parent who is too afraid to yell at their kids or harshly discipline their kids. They would rather let their kids get away with things than to implement harsh discipline when well deserved. Their only way to discipline is a 15 minute time out or taking video games away for a few days which is basically nothing. They don't want to set high expectations for school because they don't want to stress their kids out, which basically means their kids will never fulfill their highest potential. These kids don't work their first job till their early 20s cuz their parents willingly paid for absolutely everything. Parents paid college tuition in full, these kids never had to lift a finger. Then these kids never end up moving out even in their late 20s or 30.
In my opinion, these parents raise sore losers who would never achieve anything in life. It takes discipline and having high expectations and hard work to actually achieve in life.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
3Opinion
Honestly the yelling and seldom harsh "discipline" from my father (with a belt or hand smacking) is actually one of the main reasons I'm still seeing my psychologist.
No, I don't feel grateful for that at all. Thanks to that treatment, I still don't fully trust my father as an adult. Discipline isn't about fear-based compliance through yellings nor physical punishment. That's shaming and ill treatment. I'm also a non-believer (atheist) so don't waste your time trying to use the overused bible mantra nor religion as an excuse for poor parenting skills.
You're thinking in extremes. Neither yelling and harsh punishment nor being your child's friend and saying please on ever command are parenting. If you have no patience to parent without yelling and using physical punishment with objects don't ever reproduce. Not everyone deserves to be parent. Yes, I'm a proud married atheist mother to a happy, expressive 17 month-old boy. I will never resort to yelling, hitting nor using threats with a belt. Yuck.
I hate physical punishment. I hate shaming. I hate yelling at kids. It feels you're the problem, getting upset with little humans who deserved to be treated like people... not your servants to be molded into submission.
I was hit by a belt and a stick as a kid. Nothing had ever happened to me. Maybe you are just mentally weak
Bad kids who don't get molded into submission tend to grow up into bad adults. If you can't handle getting yelled at, you won't survive the real world. The real world is harsh and life is cruel. The world doesn't exist to comfort you
My brother was also hit as a kid. So were all 6 of my cousins. None of us suffer from PTSD. we are all normal functioning adults with careers. I think it's just some people are weaker mentally where they're less able to tolerate adversity
You only learned to normalice it. The fact that you think it's ok means your're not ok, regardless if you're a professional or wealthy. Doesn't matter if you have the highest grades either. All that matters is the fact that you're advocating harsh treatment and violence as a way to make people stronger.
Honestly I don't see anyone that uses fear-based parenting as strong nor stable. It takes little to no effort overpowering kids into submission and hitting small people. That's cowardly. Anyone can raise kids that way. Anyone can get obedience out of pure fear. Uninspiring people have no idea on how to raise kids without relying on hitting and yelling. You're just venting out you're frustration at that moment (always done in the heat of the moment) just because they pissed you of.
If you're going to be frustrated at your own child then why even have kids? I'm not weaker. I'm actually do very cold analysis. I'm very analytical by my own nature of being within the spectrum. I'm a nivel 1 on the autism spectrum and clearly don't understand the urge to lash out on kids.
Secondly, even you had a kid that according to you is emotionally weaker and can ever handled getting yelled harshly nor hit wouldn't that be a good reason for you to try another parenting methods, something else since it's clearly not making them stronger and not working?
My greatest achievement isn't graduating from college, nor getting good grades, nor going on vacation, nor having a good job... nope. I don't care about that. My greatest achievement is breaking that toxic cycle of fear-based compliance with my son.
I know people that are also functioning adults with major that were never yelled at nor hit growing up. So nope, fear-based compliance isn't the only way to raise non-criminal people.
@Vesuvius87
because it has been normal for thousands of years all throughout history. only till this past decade, it hadn't been considered normal. If it has worked for thousands of years, why can't it still work today?
And I know there is nothing wrong with it because I don't have ANY PTSD from it at all. Neither did the rest of the kids in my family. I don't think your type of PTSD is a common thing.
It's not that I support violence or hitting, it's just that light punishments don't work for the most part. Especially when you have a very unruly, rebellious kid. This is the major problem with light punishments that don't hurt or doesn't really bother the kid.
Slavery was normal at some point too and so was wife beating. Some husbands used to hit their wives with belts too. Just because it's been normalized for thousands of years doesn't mean it was ever ok. People evolved and so does science. If you don't want to progress that's sad.
If supposedly there is nothing wrong with it then several countries wouldn't have banned it. Even my Latin country Peru has banned physical punishment since Dec 2015. Many parents would overdo it to the point of leaving marks or bruises or venting out all their anger when they yelled, along with insults. That's not normal.
You don't have to follow that cycle. You can always break it. I find it so pathetic when someone wants to raise their kids exactly how their parents raised them. Really? That means you don't want to evolve nor progress. It's time to think outside the box.
Raising the kid exactly how your parents raised you means you don't want your child to be better than you. You want them to be the same as you but not better. Fear shouldn't ever be confused for respect. Both are different.
@Vesuvius87
I grew up with some of the worst kids because they had never been strictly disciplined by their parents. Trust on me this, light punishments don't work especially if your kid is rebellious or bad.
You want to take his video games away? he can eventually learn to hide those video games. Once he gets big enough , he can fight you from taking his video games away. One day, he will be stronger and taller than you.
what are you going to do about it?
stand there and just let him get away with it?
@Vesuvius87
slavery is not an equal analogy. Slavery is the beating and abuse of innocent people. Bad kids are not innocent, they are far from innocent. They're little monsters who are gonna grow up into soon to be assholes and criminals
[Raising the kid exactly how your parents raised you means you don't want your child to be better than you.]
listen, sometimes raising a child who will do better than me, requires me to be hard on them. Something you don't like hearing but it's true. Nothing good comes out of being easy or soft on the kids.
Who said not yelling nor hitting means I'm easy and soft on my son?
Just because I don't use fear-based compliance doesn't mean there is no discipline. We don't get yelled at nor hit at our workplace and there are still consequences, discipline and rules. You seem to think in black and white when it comes to parenting; that it's either them fearing you or being soft on them. Both are polar extremes.
What is a child doing wasting time with video games when he can cultivate his mind doing useful things and being outdoors most of the times, burning energy, being very busy? The video games are there because it's obvious the adult bought them.
Honestly I don't really care about my son getting the highest grades at school. I'll be happy with B's and C's. What I care the most is him socializing with others, making friends, focusing on hobbies and skills he likes, having self-control, not getting into fights unless it's truly in self-defense, being mentally healthy, being happy, trusting me with everything, learning martial arts, knowing how to swim, being independent in basic functions such as cooking, washing his clothes, driving, working, etc.
@Vesuvius87
what if he stops doing his homework? what if he is failing his classes? what if he becomes uneducated because all he got are Cs and Ds? what if he now has his hands no drugs from his classmates from school? what if he is now fighting you whenever you threaten to take away his video games?
you are imagining that you are raising the picture perfect good boy who never gets in trouble and is always obedient.
If Getting Bs and Cs and enjoying hobbies is what you are satisfied with, your child will never become anyone great in life. Teaching your child to have goals and that it is ok to work hard isn't a bad thing. Having no goals in childhood usually translates into having no goals in adulthood
what if the kid gets bad? I personally grew up with kids who treated the classroom like an amusement park, throwing chairs around the room, breaking things, running screaming, cursing the teacher out, while the teacher was crying. you're not being realistic at all about what kids are like
@Vesuvius87
what if he now has his hands ON** drugs from his classmates from school?
you keep imagining that you will end up having the perfect son who never gets in trouble, never curses at the teacher, always his homework, never cheats on tests, never steals, never needs discipline.
. Reality is... there is a pretty high chance your kid won't always be good.
And bad behavior needs to be corrected.
Why would it take a report card to realize your child is struggling with classes or failing them? That's something you should be on track and speak to teachers, not wait till their report card comes. Otherwise it's negligeance.
Honestly studying hard and getting high grades isn't really a skill. It's just disciplining yourself. High grades aren't everything in life and many things taught at schools won't ever be used in the future. Even Albert Einstein would discard worthless materials (he was even absent in some classes) and only study what he found important. He was a self taught student.
My father kept putting too much emphasis on just obedience and high grades but failed to notice I was doing bad with my social skills. My mother was worried I wasn't making friends. I was getting ostracized by other girls and bullied. My social skills was more important than just good grades. In the end, I was delayed un my social development. I graduated with top grades but my performance with doing the tasks at a workplace relating to my major was bad. That's when just good grades don't count if you can't socialize well with others nor perform the work tasks in your workplace relating to your major.
@Vesuvius87
you haven't responded to how you were going to discipline your child for cursing the teacher out or doing drugs or fighting you when you try to take aways his video games. So I'm guessing you aren't going to discipilne your child for this bad behavior.
[ That's when just good grades don't count if you can't socialize well with others nor perform the work tasks in your workplace relating to your major.]
ok. and how are you going to get into your major? do you know how competitive it is to get into a decent college- 1st and 2nd tier colleges? do you know how completive it is to get into a nursing school or medical school? I'm a nurse. Do you know how many nursing students got kicked out of the nursing program simply because they couldn't do 9th grade math? yea... you can't become a nurse if you can't calculate dosages or do algebra.
So if your goal is to have your child to the bare minimum. If 65 is the passing grade, then you'd be happy with a 65, your child won't get anywhere in life. No, your son will never be able to become a doctor or even get into a nursing program.
It does not seem like you want the best for your child.
you just seem to want to desperately to re-create a childhood to fix your PTSD.
This happens a lot to traumatized individuals where they desprately want to have children in order to "Fix" their own traumas.
Your not wanting to discipline your child's bad behavior is not considered "wanting good for your child".
Only a mother who doesn't care about her child will allow him to have bad behavior. Only mother who does not care about her child's future will be ok with Cs or Ds on exams. If you actually cared about your son's future, you would want him to do better in life.
@Vesuvius87
A mother who actually cares about her child growing up into a decent person will definitely do something whatever it takes to correct bad behavior such as if he steals, cheats, is rude / disrespectful, fails in school, does drugs, curses at teachers.
Only a mother who does not care will allow her son to do WHATEVER HE WANTS and claim that she is too afraid of disciplining him.
It can be hard (probably rare) to be outgoing, popular and at the same time academically on top too. Off course it would be ideal and a bonus if my son was going great in his social skills, was hanging out with friends, never gets bullied, was emotionally healthy and getting top grades. However from what I see the most, people tend to perform better in one area than another. If he's a high achiever at school, he can lack friends or be an introvert that stays at home 24/7. He can get bullied too. If he's outgoing and popular, while he's doing great in social skills, he might be average academically. It would be great if my son became the US president (he has dual nationality) in the future but having all that combination I've mentioned can be hard. You can't have it all in life. Don't get me wrong. I would be obviously happy if he made it that far.
If he were to cause trouble at school then both my husband and I would have him homeschooled, eliminate privileges and make him do community services hours, get him to know how hard it's to work. I don't plan on buying him video games so how is he going to even use it if needs the equipment to work?
Drugs? I would take him to therapy immediately, he would be banned from seeing that friend and we're having a serious conversation. He has to tell me everything.
Now here is a question for you. What would you do if your child is really struggling with math and can't really get anything beyond a C or B-? He's trying but it's so hard for him and that's the only subject keeping him from getting the major he would've wanted?
What if you had a child that truly hated studying and isn't really motivated to getting high grades and is ok with B's and C's?
@Vesuvius87
let's be honest, what child actually likes studying in school? probably 98% of them hate school. I hated school too. All my classmates hated school. But I worked very hard in school. Because my parents instilled such ambition, persistence, hard work in me, I managed to get multiple degrees. Now, I'm an amazing career that pays super well. It's a life of comfort that I could never dream of as a child.
I have this type of persistence and work ethic only because my parents instilled them in me. It didn't come out of nowhere. My parents had always been hard on me.
For me, my education paid off. I do regret having worked so hard but at the end of the day, I really appreciate the rewards of the good pay and nice lifestyle upgrade. And I don't have many of the financial problems that other people are suffering from nowadays.
The most desirable highest paying jobs don't go to mediocre folks who get Bs or Cs. They only go to those who make all As, and maybe 1 B. I understand that some kids are just not very intelligent and can't make those grades but what worries me is your "I don't care" type of attitude when it comes to your child's education.
Even if your child isn't the brightest kid, you should at least encourage him, prepare him as much as you can for a good future. Maybe if he can't get all As, at least get as many Bs as possible.
if you can't do math, many career options will be off limits to you. If I were a parent, this would be what I'd do. And it is not a good feeling for a parent to know that so many career options will be completely off limits to my child.
A parent who never disciplines her child for bad behavior is someone who does not care about her child. A child who doesn't care about preparing her child for a good future is someone who does not care about her child.
@Vesuvius87
It is my job as a parent to make sure that my child will become a smart, capable, responsible individual with a good job that can actually pay the bills. Not only this, I want to raise an adult that can actually find a spouse. And you have no idea how many young men nowadays don't have the qualities to be wed-able. All of this due to bad parenting originating from childhood.
I know this was long but to sum it all up, I just want to know that my child will be ok when it grows up. And I would do whatever it takes, even if it is imposing harsh discipline (if necessary). My worse nightmare is to spend so much money, years of hard work into raising a child who grows up to become lazy, entitled, unambitious, spoiled, has no motivation, no education, rude. I already know I have failed as a parent. And there is no more of awful feeling than that.
I know many parents out there who really don't care about their kids or even care if their kids can afford to raise their grandkids.
And it's very easy to tell if a parent has a good job or not. All parents say they have done a good job. Not many of them would be willing to admit they've done a bad job.
@Vesuvius87
you're not doing what is best for your own son. You are just re-creating a childhood to fix your own traumas. You are desperately trying to serve your own needs that you didn't get in your childhood. Someone who has no expectations out of her child in school is not a parent who wants the best for the future of her kid. Someone who refuses to correct bad behavior and willingly let that child grow up into a bad adult is not someone who wants the best for her own kid. That's why I say... you are just trying to fix your own traumas through your son.
I can tell you are going to be a very permissive parent. The type of parent who lets the kid be the boss. I know you say you want to be somewhat of an authority but I honestly doubt you'd ever be capable of being one. When a child becomes the boss of the parent, this is how they will become entitled, narcissitic jerks. When you're always catering to their feelings, they grow up to assume that the world revolves around them to make them feel good. And that's far from how the real world works. The real world is a very mean, harsh place. You are better off teaching your son how to handle hard feelings, conflict, obstacles and adversity than to avoid them.
I do very much hope you end up having that picture perfect good boy who is obedient and never needs discipline. Because once you have a bad kid, the kid will be doomed. There will be no hope since you are incapable of disciplining a child like that. The kid will just get worse and worse as it gets older. And trust me, that kid CAN hide his video games so you can't ever take them away. Or maybe take his birthday money to buy a lock to secure it.
My parenting approach actually does include discipline and there are consequences for negative conduct. It just doesn't include physical punishment (whips with belt, sticks, slapping around, etc) nor yelling with insults.
That still didn't prevent my younger brother (also within the autism spectrum) from acting out. Even though my father also used the belt on him more times than on me, as an adult he hit back our father (overpowering him physically) during a terrible argument. He managed to punched my father twice and shoved him hard, literally throwing him on the floor, while screaming "Don't touch me, don't touch me" twice. He didn't like getting hit nor yelled at either. He still can't do some basic math, still doesn't have a job at age 24 and has been taking several medications for anxiety and depression. He still has meltdowns from time to time.
This is where fear-based parenting can backfire if they grow up stronger than you and can hit back as adults. So no, in my brother's case, receiving harsh treatment sometimes didn't make him stronger; didn't make him get a good Carrer. He never recovered.
Off course by the moment my brother hit back and threw our father on the floor (he's now much stronger), that's when my father expressed that he tossed the towel.
Tough love is not required. Yelling is counterproductive. Consistency works. Show children how to behave when they are young and they will follow your example. What works? Natural and logical consequences.
What If your light consequences aren't enough for them to change their bad behavior?
Yelling is not tough love. That teaches people to react submissively to others when they act out. That doesn't raise strong children nor does it equate to strong adults
Kids won't learn unless they feel the pinch
I have no opinion on how other people raise their kids. That’s up to them.
They are raising monsters.