It pisses me off, why is it okay for girls to be needy, clingy, insecure, desperate, but not okay for guys?

[Anonymous]

It's okay for a girl to need or want a boyfriend for validation, but it is not okay for guys to want or need a girlfriend for validation, it really is frustrating, pisses me off, yes, I'm obviously aware of the fact that guys and girls are not the same when it comes to attraction, at least that is how it seems. Because when a guy is desperate, it is a sign of weakness in him, so guys are not supposed to want companionship? are we guys supposed to be robots, cyborgs, androids? guys have feelings, emotions too, well just not as much emotional as girls do but it is still human nature, instinct, to want to be loved and love another, etc. Girls are allowed to make getting a boyfriend their number one priority, Guys are not, seriously, why is Desperation a sign of weakness in guys? Why are we guys expected to be so damn Independent? Comfortable and Content with ourselves? Secure? I'm not necessarily saying that is bad thing but it is a lot of f***in' work to do, it's not an overnight process you know, because the cold harsh truth is that girls are attracted to guys that don't need or want a girlfriend to feel good about themselves. It pisses me off, like this one guy says, unfortuneately he is right but I hate how things have to be that way: "You are playing a role reversal card here, you are acting all desperate and complaing and bascially acting like a girl, if you act like that around women, as in calling her all the time textng her trying way to hard, your not going to get anywhere with them, but the thing is women can do that all they want, and let them when they do. It just simply means she's interested in you, but if you do that it means wow this guy is desperate, desperate means weak and lame, not sexy not fun, not a guy she wants to be with."

"Point is to most women, a desperate guy might be cute but only seen as a friend, so there's one reason. Look women are looking for a man, someone who will be there for her when she gets all emotional and stuff, she wants to be held in your arms, she doesn't want to hold you in her arms. Being desperate is not a good thing to be, if women wanted to date a girl they would be lesbians, but most aren't and they want a man, a big dog, not a puppy."

See all the f***in' work we guys have to do? girls just simply just have to wait and stand there, look pretty, be hot, cute, beautiful, it doesn't matter what the girl's self-esteem is like, what her attitude is like, etc.

Updates

+1 y

guys have to love themselves, be comfortable and content with themselves, secure, but girls don't have to in order to attract someone of the oppossite sex. Guys can't allow their worth and attractiveness to be defined by the responses of one girl or any girl, but it's okay, acceptable the other way around. Seriously, WHY IS IT THAT GIRLS JUST HAVE TO BE CUTE, HOT, PRETTY, IN ORDER TO BE ATTRACTIVE TO GUYS, BUT WE GUYS HAVE TO HAVE CHARACTER, THE RIGHT ATTITUDE, CONFIDENCE, SOCIAL-SKILLS, ETC.

Updates

+1 y

Seriously, why girls are allowed to be entitled for a relationship but guys are not?

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way, my man. It's a frustrating cycle when it comes to dating/trying to talk to women. If you try to reach out to her because you're genuinely interested, you come off as desperate (as you've already pointed out). So what does any logical guy do when he realizes that he's being perceived as el desperato? He begins to play hard to get. And hey, what do you know? All of sudden, there seems to be a spike in interest from the female community because women like this newly found badass of a man that you've become. But in order to move any further in a relationship with one of these girls, you have to (at least in my opinion) reciprocate that interest i. e. talk to her, crack some jokes, even just acknowledge her existence for God's sake. But the second you engage her in any meaningful sense, no matter how casual the approacg, you are violently thrown down in with the other sorry souls camping out in the lonely little town of desperate-ville. And then as you're rubbing your recently bruised ass cheeks, you think to yourself, "sooooo at what point can I attempt to have an actual relationship without being consigned to this emotionless pit of despair?" And after some time of self-reflection, a small part of your inner being slowly begins to wither and die as you come to realize that in this modern era of dating, we "emotional freaks" are royally fucked for life.

But I'll try to end on a positive note - well, two, to be more exact. One, you always have your boys (homies, amigos, Bros, the guys) to go to for companionship. Sure, they might give you some shit for trying to talk out your problems, but if they're any real friend, they'll will listen to you, nod, and reassure that, at heart, you're a great guy... unless you truly do suck as a human being, but I digress. As all of us are aware, however, there are just some types of "emotional support" that a guy neither can or should provide, which brings us back to the dilemma of finding a girl that we really care about. While I'm certain that many girls sense a stronger degree of desperatism in a man who's actively searching for a relationship, I am equally certain that they can't all be like that. So yes, it will be painstakingly difficult to find that small percentage of rational-thinking women who aren't influenced by sexist societal constructs, but once you do stumble upon one of those blessed goddesses, you'll be glad that you didn't give up on women... And as always, "You stay classy, San Diego."

[Anonymous]

tell me about it, it makes me hate women because of this

[RubyRedRox]

Ok what world do you live in?

I am fairly attractive yet I don't get as much action as I should be getting according to you and I know why.

Because:

1) I am not hot enough (according to you)

2) I am just not as social as I should be thus I don't know that many guys and thus they don't approach me unless they are players.

You see you are just having a personal view problem, it looks like you are only approaching those women you deem "CUTE" or "HOT" and "PRETTY" who, depending on your standards, are probably used to having guys swarming them. TAKE A LOOK AROUND, take a second and step back from your monocular range of view where you only see a select piece of the image and take a good look at those other girls who may not fit your standards.

I know plenty of girls who the average young male (or frat boy) may not deem "HOT" but have many beautiful qualities like kindness or a wicked sense of humor, and guess what they have boyfriends, they probably befriended their boyfriends before they had that type of relationship.

Then I also see those who you may find "HOT" or "SEXY" who are a bit self entitled to having guys flock them, when I see them they are probably flirting with a bunch of guys or getting out of relationships and into new ones since I honestly believe those types of girls can't hold stable relationships.

I know these are two EXTREMES but since you are looking at it through an EXTREME point of view I had to show you to where you understood.

[Asker]

still, as long as those girls are getting a guy, whether it is a serious relationship or non-serious one, that's all that matters

[RubyRedRox]

Then if that's all that matter to you then that's all you'll know. Get used to it.

[Asker]

well girls just have to be hot, cute, pretty, in order to attract guys, they don't need to have anything else going for them

[RubyRedRox]

haha wow.

[Asker]

i know I am right about that

[AliceMcKay]

I see where you get this generalization, but there are guys who do not want needy girls just as there are girls who do not want needy guys. My best friend just literally told me a few days ago that she needed her boyfriend to be more needy, because she wants to feel wanted. My boyfriend isn't exactly aloof either... he wants to see me all the time and I'm okay with that (obviously lol). Its nice to be wanted. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I do not feel needed. I honestly think desperation is an unattractive quality in both genders... If you can't make yourself happy then how do you expect others to be attracted to you. "When she gets all emotional and stuff, she wants to be held in your arms, she doesn't want to hold you in her arms" I agree that I want my guy to be there for me when I need it, but I have no problem being there when he needs it as well.

[Asker]

girls don't need to be happy, they don't need to be secure, comfortable and content with themselves, but guys do, look at all the work we guys have to do, girls don't need to do any social, mental work in order to attract a guy

[AliceMcKay]

For you maybe, other guys might mind. Everyone is different. Plus it has been said that guys are more visual creatures than girls. If it bugs you then then only go for the "secure, comfortable and content" girls. Simple as that.

[Asker]

no, I only go for the hot, cute, pretty girls

[AliceMcKay]

Well then you are creating the issue for yourself.

[Asker]

how so?

[AliceMcKay]

you complain that girls can get away with just being pretty and that's all they need, yet you only go after those types of girls... you enable them.

[Asker]

well duh, they are the ones I want

[snowangle]

I understand why you might think that, but it's really not okay for girls to be clingy or desperate either. I've sat with my group of girlfriends and if a girl ever blurts out "I really need a boyfriend" or something, the rest of us remind her to get a grip, guys like independent girls. I had a desperate period once when I thought a boyfriend would fix all my problems. And for the most part, guys avoided me like the plague while I was like that. I ended up getting set up by a friend with an equally lonely and desperate boy, and we had a long, sweet relationship before breaking up.

[Asker]

still I would rather be in a bad relationship than not be in one at all

[snowangle]

No.. you really don't. XD Thinking about it though, it might be good for you. Getting set up by with that desperate guy was probably the fastest way to cure my own desperation, although it did cause unnecessary pain when we broke up (he took it real hard). But yeah, if that's what you want then ask to get set up or try online dating or something.

[Asker]

i would rather have loved and lost than never have loved at all

[Brando]

But it's not okay for girls to be clingy? Guys just allow it to happen because they're either attacked by her or by others for being insensitive to it. But just because someone puts up with it doesn't make it alright. Don't get involved with clingy types because they will drain you, and you'll be fine. There are girls out there that aren't the things you've listed here.

[Asker]

i'm okay settling for a clingy, needy girl as long as she is cute, pretty

[Brando]

Then that's your problem. I'm happy aiming higher so I won't have all that sh*t to deal with like you're going to. That desperation of accepting the first cute girl that comes along will backfire on you.

[Asker]

i don't care, I would rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

[Brando]

Completely different meaning of that quite than your situation, but that's alright. We'll roll with it :)

[Brando]

*quote

[Asker]

thats correct

[aMuse]

It's your choice what standards you live by and the girls you are willing to be with. If it's not OK for girls to be like that for you, then you don't need to be with those girls... Don't you have your own mind, or does someone else do the thinking for you and then you just gripe because you are unable to make your own decisions about what is acceptable to you?

[Asker]

i have my own mind, I'm attracted to what I want

[MrNameless]

I do agree that men have it harder when it comes to courting.. since they are the ones that are putting themselves out there and doing all the work, while most women sit back and have guys come up to them--while they choose which one is best for them.

[MrNameless]

And clingy is a feminine/childish trait I guess?

*shrugs*

[Asker]

yeah that's what pisses me off

[MrNameless]

. There's really nothing much we can do about it. Maybe in a few decades things will change.. Maybe not. . But it's not terrible either. And think of it this way... You do have some control over who you pick as a partner. Also You don't have to make yourself look desperate. If you put yourself out there already and ask a girl out and get rejected--then don't bother asking again. More experience you get with girls, the more you know how to deal with them and not bend your back for them.

[Asker]

it's hard not being desperate

[MrNameless]

The more you talk to women and see them for what they are, as well as learning from your mistakes.. The more you'll know what not to do and say that could be looked upon as "desperate."

[Asker]

we guys do have control over who we pick as a partner, but girls get to have the final say, all they have to do is approve of the date and the relationship, whether a second or third date happens is all up to her

[MrNameless]

I know that. This is why you always have to have options. Don't always focus on one girl. Be interested in multiple ones, so when you get turned down by 1, you have others as back up.

And if a girl is genuinely interested in you and had a good time on the first date, I'm sure she'd want to stock around for more dates.

Other than that.. Don't go after the ones that get a lot of attention from guys, if you don't feel like competing much.

[Asker]

and girls, apparently are extremely attracted to guys that have a lot of options, choices, stupid, weird, but oh well

[MrNameless]

Girls are attracted to guys that have confidence in themselves and everything they do, know what they want in life/or at least in the right direction, can have a good regular conversation with, smell nice, has a social life, a good listener, and can treat them well

[Asker]

why is confidence so attractive to them? why are girls hard-wired to be attracted to confident guys?

[MrNameless]

Confidence is sexy, especially if you're a dude. It makes you look less insecure, and more masculine, goal driven, decisive, and adventurous.

Think about it.. Would you rather be with a really insecure woman or a confident woman?

It's especially important for dudes, because, like it or not--we are the ones who are expected to initiate everything and be leaders and good role models.

[Asker]

i don't care if a woman is confident or insecure as long as she is hot, cute, pretty, but why is confidence a masculine trait? thing? where is the logical explanation for that? why is having goals, being decisive, adventerous all masculine things? it pisses me off because I feel it makes it easier for women to get a boyfriend, attract men that way because they don't need that much going for them in order to be girlfriend material

[MrNameless]

Stop asking so many questions and just deal with it.

You think I like I like the fact that women have it easy when it comes to courting? No. But you work around it and you stop complaining, because it won't lead you to anywhere.

[Asker]

man, women piss me off

[Anonymous]

It's not OK. But obviously for you it is because you'd enjoy it if a girl was desperate for you, right? I know I used to. It was great... for a while. Then you know what it's like for girls when guys are desperate. You just need to get to that stage... and being needy isn't going to get you there.

"See all the f***in' work we guys have to do?"

It's LESS work being non needy.

[Asker]

i'd love a desperate girl

[aDzNichilista]

Evolution of men & women. That is the only answer for it. Can't help it dude :P

[Asker]

yeah, oh well, I don't like it at all

[Anonymous]

Only a fool demands the world change to suit him.

Whether you hate it or not, the world is what it is. You can either learn to deal with it, or rage in impotent anger against your perceived injustices, and get virtually no sympathy from anyone. After all, most people are able to navigate the world without difficulty.

[RubyRedRox]

Haha yeah exactly, I can understand perhaps raging about crappy politicians thus he might want to get a coalition of voters to vote against them but stuff you can't really change like the general behavior of millions of people in the past, present, and future... no.

Pues good luck with that guey.

[RubyRedRox]

It's not OK. Maybe you guys just choose to put up with it more. And I as a girl find courting hard thank you. I have been denied before by a guy who I really really liked and that just shot my confidence because I had created some sort of emotional connection to the idea of him, my fault for being a stupid emotional and perhaps caring girl.

Dude what you give is what you get.

And desperation in both women and men is NOT cute, it's icky.

[Asker]

how have you been denied when you expect guys to approach you?

[marilynmansonssextoy]

The real question is, why are you so bitter?
xx
~ Mrs Manson

[PatriceONeal]

Clearly women hurt us and it doesn't make us very happy, especially when you then mock us for it.

[dwiller943]

Not true for me. Guys never want to date me; due to me being desperate, needy, clingy, and insecure.

[Anonymous]

women are the more picky, choosy, selective sex.

[snowangle]

Now that you mention it, I notice it's true in other species too. Female elephants go after males with the largest tusks, female birds pick the male with the prettiest nest, etc. Maybe we're hardwired that way? Interesting...

[Asker]

yeah that sounds right

[pirofaz]

men are the mass producers , women the quality control...

a man can get many women pregnant, a women can only get pregnat once every 9 months and is a hard process

[Anonymous]

You and me both brother. I feel you. Girls are bitches these days. 😐

[Anonymous]

i know, I hate being male at times!

[Anonymous]

girls are sluts and always looking for dick