Would you date a girl you didn't find attractive?

Question

Insecurity complex coming up ...

But would you date a girl you didn't find attractive?

Basically there's a guy I've been getting to know for a while, we see each other pretty much every week at this club I go to, and then speak afterward at the pub. We talk a lot, he's funny, smart - a little bit obnoxious which I like ...

Anyway - he's always going on about how "He doesn't care about looks - it's the personality which is important." and yes - to an extent I agree, personality is the most important. But maybe I'm just being a bit vain ... I don't know; but I'd like to think a guy I'm seeing is at least attracted to me physically a bit; even if looks wise I'm not bang on 100% his type.

I mean, I know for me, he isn't my type looks wise, but I do definitely find him attractive in ways; and as I've got to know him, he's got more attractive to me. I guess my issue is - the first time we spoke it was his friend who approached me, he was just sort of there, and they were both - not drunk - but yeah they'd had a few.

So I don't really know what I'm getting at - but spare a few drunk comments over the first few times we met, he's never said anything about my looks; and is always talking about how they don't matter; and I can't help thinking that he's meaning - you're great - you just don't look it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

As expected, most people would answer No, definitely not. I myself can say that I would certainly not date someone I didn't find at least a bit attractive.

Now, I also do know that some people do date girls or guys they don't find attractive. Why do they do it ? Well, because most of the time they know for sure that this person loves them a great deal and is willing to sacrifice a lot for them, and that is to them an incredibly attractive quality to have. Besides most guys and girls who I know have done this, are very attractive people who have a lot of options. So instead of chasing someone as attractive as they are, they settle for someone for whom they know they're going to be the "sunshine". It's also a way to know that the other person isn't going to cheat on them since looks wise they have the upper hand.

But I don't think that finding someone physically attractive makes you attracted to them. Attraction works in very odd ways. I've seen tons of handsome guys and I don't necessarily want to date them. I'm sure it works the same way for guys too even if we keep being told that they're more visual than us. Honestly, if you find someone gorgeous or handsome but the chemistry isn't there, or worse he's a complete douche, then I won't give a second look. And it works the other way, I've been attracted to quite a few people who didn't meet my inner "physical" criteria of gorgeousness. And it is the same for guys too.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Personally, I wouldn't be able to date a guy that I didn't find physically attractive (not saying that looks are EVERYTHING because if a guy is good-looking and has a terrible personality, I wouldn't go for him).

Speaking from experience, all guys are different. For instance, this guy I liked in high school has dated only girls who most guys wouldn't consider physically attractive (i.e. they were all overweight or had skin problems). However, the first guy I ever dated was more picky about looks and seemed to go for girls who were considered classically beautiful (i.e. thin, big eyes, clear skin, specific type of bone-structure, etc.). People have different ideas of what they consider to be physically attractive.

But chances are that if a guy likes you, he'll see you as physically attractive. Like you said, you can feel like someone doesn't have the "wow" factor based on looks alone, but if that person is able to charm you with his personality, that can make you start to see the person as physically attractive.

tohrment · Accepted Answer

You basically feel that him saying he values personality over looks is like him hinting that you're not great to look at, but you're a wonderful person. Trust me, I can totally see how you'd feel that way, and I probably would in your position.

However, I was talking to a male friend the other day and he basically told me that sometimes guys say that to add a bit of depth to them - to let the girl know they aren't just in it for the shallow reasons but also want something deeper, something more meaninful (i.e. someone who's company they enjoy).

I don't know if that's it, but it could be. I would try not to fuss too much about it, and if you're physical with him (or see it going that way), I think you can rest assured that he finds you attractive.

want2helpout84 · Accepted Answer

Wow, I don't see how you'd have trouble finding a man! You look good! You're young still. You have kind of a fresh look. You have a good smile! you may be fertile and youthful so that's a BIG plus for men (I think) just make sure you don't hurt people and become arrognat in your ways and you'll be good to go for having a bf!

Levin · Accepted Answer

I think people have a habit of parroting politically correct nonsense. Including people who say to obese people, 'you're fine, if no one likes you then it is them at fault'. And the people who say that are doing these overweight people a disservice, because they often won't date them themselves. I know I have said a whole host of rubbish in my younger years, which I now know deep down weren't honest.

So everyone is different. I can't speak for other men. But I need to find my potential partner physically attractive. Doesn't mean she need be attractive in a conventional sense. That's the beauty of it. Everyone has different tastes. But she needs to be attractive to me. I often find that someone's personality is what makes a person more or less attractive. I would definitely choose what society might call a more average girl physically but with great insight and a warm personality, over a stunning pleb.

I think you should go with your intuition. What feels natural is often what is right. If you have a great rapport, the conversation flows, he looks interested, etc. These are your subconscious cues to know whether he likes you. My view is this only happens if you find a girl attractive, both physically and personality-wise.

Cryostatic · Accepted Answer

Personally, I think he's just trying to show you that he's not with you JUST because you look great, but because you're also a great person, and he's probably just overdoing it a bit. Look, if all he was doing was sitting there saying how hot you are, yeah, you'd love that, but eventually, you'd think that was the ONLY reason he was with you, and you'd start getting insecure about your personality, saying that all he ever wants is sex, etc. Chances are, he's made that mistake in the past, and is overcompensating for it now.

I've ~never~ known a guy who pursued a female that he didn't find sexually attractive, because despite what he might be saying to you, guys are primarily about sex. Yes, we're also about relationships and spending time together and having fun and stuff, but we're still primarily about sex. So when a guy's interested in you, that means he's interested in having ~sex~ with you, and that means he finds you attractive.

honeyltsme · Answer

You are cute as a button, other than needing to adjust eye makeup (just my opinion as a photographer).

Normally guys would say that either because they dumbly repeat the seemingly nice thing that other people claim, or they want you to start questioning yourself.

You could get most girls, even those who are a "prefect 10", instantly questioning their appearance if you seemingly unintentionally wrap an insult inside an awkward compliment.

"Gosh, you look so stunning! 3 months ago when I run into you, you were skin and bones!"

"You've got beautiful hands! I don't buy for a minute what some say about never using acrylic nails"

That sort of stuff. If you hear it, and the guy is overall a dumb guy, this may be by accident, but if he is otherwise sharp and savvy, it may be that he is playing you.

aMuse · Answer

Nope.  I have to be attracted physically for the sexual tension to build. I need to be attracted mentally for me to want to actually want to be around her and to continue to see her. I have to be attracted emotionally to stick around, and so on... If she's not physically attractive it's never going to happen. If she's not mentally attractive, it's never going to happen either. =P

unleashedsavage · Answer

Theoretically speaking looks do matter after all men are visual creatures, that is why you always catch or find men staring at women, but honestly speaking if the women got a amazing personality..i wudnt see why any guy wudnt wanna date her :)

btw never question a guy choice. if he chose you, there a main purpose your his girl,

Yeahhbro · Answer

there is this girl who is a totall donkey (forgive my spanish!) but she has an amazing personality, totally fun person, gets along with pretty much each person she meets, she has so many friends that I am sure everybody knows her. She is funny, chill and its never a dull moment with her. So yes if things are going as well as they are now, I might get with her.

dawnfang · Answer

No, I could not. In the world we live in you see people first and get to know them second. So you judge them by what they look like first. You have to be attracted to some one in order to date them and then when you start dating them personality comes into play. I'm sure he is attracted to you, maybe he does not feel comfortable saying it? I guess if you wanted to find out maybe compliment him on his looks and see what he says back to you?

zagor · Answer

I would date a girl I wasn't strongly attracted to, but not a girl I found unattractive. I don't think that would be fair to her.

I had a very good F friend I hung out and went places with, but when she tried to turn it into more I kind of played dumb and naive, and we were able to just keep being friends. She was fun to be with, but I just wasn't interested in her physically at all.

Anonymous · Answer

He sounds like a bullsh*tter. Any guy who doesn't care about looks is desperate,or has no self esteem. We find beauty in certain things, and we see ourselves in a certain way and what we are capable of. If you can get a porche compared to a rust bucket, why get a rust bucket?

Then you have the car in the middle that isn't necessarily ugly, but is alright, but is also reliable.

Pick your choice.

Anonymous · Answer

No. I have to find a girl attractive to date them. The guy is just saying that because it sounds good. But, attractiveness is just a starting point. You get to know someone and then there personality makes you want to stay with them. From you pics I would say you have nothing to worry about. Can you answer my question?

Anonymous · Answer

Hey would you mind answering this question for me.     I would like to see your opinion because I have seen a lot of your answers and they are great.

sexyasianboi26 · Answer

" Would you date a girl you didn't find attractive?" The question made me go WTF.  My answer is NOPE. Can't do it.

Anonymous · Answer

I might go on dates with her, but it probably wouldn't work out in the long run. Who knows, but I'd giver her a chance though if she's nice enough and has a good personality.

AdamThomas · Answer

I couldn't date somebody that I wasn't attracted to physically.

xJoBo97x · Answer

Yes I would if she was smart funny and could always cheer me up when I'm down then DEFINATLY! She could be the uglyist girl on earth and I wouldn't care as long as she had all those attributes

Anonymous · Answer

Yes and no, Sometimes when I first see a girl, I don't find them physically attractive at ALL, but once I get to know them and see how nice and sweet they are, somehow I find myself attracted to them.

Anonymous · Answer

Some guys do which is messed up..if they want sex they should get it else where not led a girl on then disappear when he gets what he wants

DCEFG · Answer

No I have to find them somewhat attractive, sorry but that is the case

Anonymous · Answer

Somethings off because it what person woud keep pointing out and saying looks don't matter

taster · Answer

How do you know he does not find you attractive?

crazybastard · Answer

would you kiss a guy with herpes?

Xx_DRE_xX · Answer

Hell no, even though it is good Karma haha.

Would you date a girl you didn't find attractive?

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