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I think it boils down to one thing. Girls are more impulsive when it comes to love. Because they are emotional creatures (more so than men), they make emotional decisions which we all know are typically not the best decisions.
Many girls get caught up in the emotional excitement of a new guy they just met and will end up cheating or leaving their current Boyfriend for him, only to find out a few months later when the initial infatuation subsides, that it was all a big mistake, and their old Boyfriend was actually a better fit.
you have to remember women unlike men, don't take as much of a logical approach to dating. It seems heartless to women, but us men, will literally play out the pros and cons to being with a certain women and make a mental list of good and bad things about the girl and decide if its a good fit. Women don't do this. If something get's their heart racing, they go with it without really knowing why.
I wouldn't say these movies are explicitly trying to promote cheating, but I can see your point. Even if you fall in love with someone new, there is a right and wrong way to go about making the transition and movies don't always portray the right way.
Very good post, especially the third paragraph.
I think they are Implicitly trying to promote cheating, but yes, not Explicitly. Think about it: Say in the Notebook she didn't have a fiance that she fell in love with romantically from the WWII hospital. Instead, say she was 100% single and needed to find a guy. The movie would have ended Much quicker and would have been pretty bland in getting back together again. It would have instead focused on her mom hiding the letters. The End.
Instead it Needed her to have an Intense Loving Relationship -- that brought more drama than if she was in some arranged marriage with a jerk or something. But the Strong side-effect is, it makes her 100% a cheater. But the movie moves the focal point on the romance & nostalgia, and the guy "getting his girl back". But she 100% Cheated on a Fiance she spent more time with and fell truly in love with (not a short-term fling like Gosling was 7 years ago at end of high school).
I should add this. Guys do cheat as well, at a similar rate to women. The reasoning though is usually different. I remember reading a study about this. Most guys cheat for purely physical reasons, women it's for emotional reasons. What you are seeing in romance movies in the female side of things. The emotional attachment to a new guy. In a guy centered movie, the cheating is usually more reminiscent of a one night stand, not a new budding relationship. Neither is better or worse. They're just different. That said, I still think that our media in general promotes unrealistic as well as unhealthy dynamics with regards to our love lives. In general this gives people false ideas of what to expect from their love lives and relationships. Especially women since they are more likely to consumer media that centers on the romance. Psychologist have proven this to be an issue with women who consume lots of romance novels and moves.
That's basically it -- moreso if you're female and it's shrouded in romanticism. Romanticism is the scapegoat.
"No, honey, I didn't really 'cheat' on you -- it was Romantic with Bob. I didn't have sex with him... we made love! So you're just being a jerk saying I 'cheated' on you!"
In The Notebook, her fiance, who she romantically fell in love with in the WWII hospital as a nurse-to-soldier, was a Great Guy. He even forgave her after she cheated on him, but she still kicked him to the curb anyway -- over a *very* short-term *fling* 7 years in the past when in the last throes of high school.
Can you imagine telling a girl on your 3rd date "Well, if any past crush or fling I've had shows up online or in the paper, I can bone her as long as I have REAL feelings for Her and it's romantic passion." LOL. Do you really think that girl's going to say "Yeah, in that case, since it's romantic, I can't argue with that. That has nothing to do with trust."? :)
Yes, and in Titanic, Rose is engaged to Cal when she has an affair with Jack.
They do encourage cheating. What our society, at the moment, values the most is happiness - at whatever cost. The message of these movies is to sacrifice anything and everything for liberty and love. They are about empowerment. They battle the idea that girls are always supposed to be nice and nurturing rather than look out for themselves. For example, Rose was supposed to honor her word, take care of her mother, honor Cal, marry him - she was a slave to them. She cheated on him, yes, but in cheating, she found not only her love, but her liberty as well. So I guess what you can say about these movies is that they are a big fan of the greater good, or the ends justify the means. They preach a bad message to get to a better ending.
Of course I can't say I agree; I don't think any person really would. But you never know until you're in that situation. If I was somehow forced to be engaged to a man I didn't love, and the love of my life came back around, can I honestly say I'd pass up the opportunity to cheat? No, I can't say for certain I would.
Same idea with the Scarlet Letter. Hester Prynne found empowerment and liberty, but also loneliness, though her affair. As did Edith in "The Awakening."
First, let me say that in A Walk To Remember, Landon and Belinda weren't dating when he got feelings for Jamie, although I'm pretty sure they had broken up shortly before.
I don't really count Titanic because her fiancee was a royal arse. But in The Notebook, I agree that it was wrong for her to sleep with her ex boyfriend while she was engaged to a wonderful man who she loved.
I agree that the message they probably intended to send was that "love will find a way" or something. But I can say that I don't feel that the 'cheating' message rubbed off on me. However I know some girls who have acted like the ones in the movies did; an example is my friend cheated on her boyfriend of over a year with a guy she just met but "had stronger feelings for." You may have a point.
So wait -- if the fiance/husband/wife has a bad attitude, it's not really cheating? It's okay to cheat on someone who's being an arse? Yeah, don't break up -- just cheat! ;)
The movie was made very well, and I think that's the point -- the Actual Cheating didn't "rub off" on many viewers, namely the girls where the romanticism of a very short-term fling in 7 years past masked it all. It masked the BLATENT Cheating. :)
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when you put those movies in perspective it shows that how can you trust someone to stay with you when you walked out on someone else. I don't find it nice at all. the only movie I exclude from the example is the notebook because she was in love with the man from the start her parents forced her and status was really important...so the other movies though I can see what you mean. but in titanic remember the women forced into some loveless marriage they wouldn't have probably left the man if they actually loved them. it all shows social pressures and that's when I say people need to stop following the social and family pressure but their hearts...
I disagree. The Notebook actually is way worse than a classic "arranged-like marriage" with someone who's a jerk AND they don't really love but are pressured to get married to -- when a long-lost love or new-found love whisks them off their feet.
The Notebook is a Very Short-Term summer-fling in the latter high school days... then 7 years later when they're adults and have grown up -- she's meets a handsome prince who's GREAT, falling in love with him as she's the beautiful nurse in the hospital where he's injured... romantic and all.
But while ENGAGED to this Great Catch, she runs back to check out that very short-term FLING she had in high school, and gets boned by him. The great, cool, charming fiance of hers Forgives her, but she still stammers out to run off with Ryan Gosling. Wow.
It totally promotes cheating. If you found out a short-term fling of your husband-to-be ended up writing him, but his mom blacklisted the guy's email -- it would be okay for him to bone her?
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I find it funny how, how females can always find a reason to excuse another female's cheating. It is all romantic and all that other crap, but when it is her man that is involved that all changes.
I have heard this from many females, and they really believe this crap. Men cheat because they are dogs, when a women cheats she has a good reason.
You watch any program that is directed at women, and you will find the perfect woman having some drama about having to chose between 2 men. The story is always the same, the woman is always perfect, and one of the guys is perfect and the other is always an azzhole.
I know I am not perfect, and I don't know anyone else who is either.
Except in the Notebook, her fiance who she fell in love with romantically in the WWII hospital -- was a Great Catch though and was the opposite of an azzhole.
It just goes to show that a gal can not just leave a guy she fell in love with as an adult, but cheat on him, for a short-term summer fling when she was in high school. And, not to mention, that guy who has some issues of his own. Ouch.
I don't agree with those movies at all, but those women only cheated because in Titanic, Rose's husband was an a**hole and she didn't love him, so she fell in love with Jack who treated her like she wanted to be treated with respect and he loved her unconditionally. In a Walk to Remember Landon's ex girlfriend was a bitch and he DIDNT love her but he fell in love with Jamie, because she lived like the next day was her last day and she didn't like him because of his popularity. In the Notebook, Noah and Allie were in love, so even though she was engaged to this other guy her heart told her to go to her old love which she did..the point is..if you're meant to be together, you will always find a way back to each other. Those movies werent telling you to cheat on your significant other...
The Notebook -- I highly disagree with what you say. It was a short-term summer fling in high school. VERY short-term. She *cheated*. On a Fiance. Would it be OK for your fiance to cheat on you because he saw a girl who wasn't even a GF but a fling, in the newspaper, and porked her with lust AND romantic passion? And you forgiving him he still left you -- would you think "Hey, it's OK he cheated THEN left me. Love always finds a way back."? No.
1. I believe you do whatever the h*ll you want to do, so you cannot blame a movie or anyone/thing. Cheating or fidelity is a choice that a person makes.
2. I believe that the media does desensitise people to cheating/adultery. Society as a whole sees & hears about it so much in movies, tv, & celebrities that we are now accustom to it being "normal." This is quite sad that people cannot stick to their own values & morals without influence, but, as I said, it is a personal choice.
3. "Teach" us, no, people know how to do that without being taught.
I guess its how you interpret things. I don't get that message, I get the message that sometimes feelings and relationships are really f***ing complicated and you can be in relationships for the less than idea reasons when someone perfect for you comes along or you can have feelings for more than one person at once. it doesn't mean you have to cheat or that its right, but things are complicated and messy in real life.
also an affair is probably better for drama and passion.
in titanic, she didn't really love her fiance, it was a different time and age for women and she was only with him for survival and he was an a**hole. Not trying to justify cheating (although I don't think I have to) but its a different situation from the notebook, where she was happy with both, though in love with one more than the other, and had to make a tough decision between two good men.
also, you should have your own brain and think for yourself. but I know that's not easy for everyone.
Things being emotionally complicated aren't reasons to cheat. If a boyfriend/fiance/husband said "I'm confused" or "I now love two girls, not just you" -- would that have been OK for him to cheat on you?
Part of being a decent person (not even a great person) is that you don't excuse cheating on someone because a crush or a revived crush from the past comes back. In real life, 90% of the time when that's done, it blows up in their face. And much of the time, they were in love with the significant other, but impulse-emotion made them lose a good amount of that emotion to make way for someone else -- and they shoot themselves in the foot, and things fall apart.
Hence, that is why Trust is important.
movies are realistic. you description of a utopian world of non-flinching loyalty is not. in this world you just don't know when your feelings might change and how the situation will make you act in a certain way. you might hate it but that's how it is.so many people cheat. movies are just reflecting the society.
This is true, but that doesn't mean you have to fall slave to your feelings. I mean, just because I see some hot girl walk by that I would like to have sex with, doesn't mean I do it just because I'm following what my subconscious wants. My active brain steps in and makes a determination of what is right and wrong, regardless of what I really want. Life doesn't mean you can always have what you want. There must be a sense of morality or society would fall apart.
They do, in a melodramatic way frequently. The problem is, in The Notebook she BLATANTLY Cheated 100% on an awesome, great fiance she fell in love with for a short-term fling guy she argued with 7 years ago when finishing high school -- because it hit a certain spot and had question marks still about it in the back of her mind (and heart).
The problem with the movie is that her Cheating was Glorified. Why? It was Romantic. A true reflection of society would 500 Days of Summer. Where getting the girl back fails... or a true-version of The Notebook where she & he don't get along and end up getting a Divorce, while her Fiance years later instead marries an Emotionally Stable woman and lives happily ever after. Or she & Gosling do get along but it's tough, and she deals with regret about cheating while her ex-Fiance lives a much better life, etc etc.
The Notebook does not resemble life's common situations. At all. It takes from life and re-models it into something different.
Well technically in Titanic, her marriage was arranged to him because her mother's wealth was drying up and she needed some more wealth to marry into. So really, Rose was just a bargaining chip.
You could easily look at that the other way and say for girls to follow their own choices, and not those of ANYONE else around them.
I agree with you somewhat about the Titanic. Although what she did was Not Okay -- it's something that you don't feel much sympathy for as far as the guy's concerned, because added on, he was a complete arse.
However, she should have shame in how she handled it. She wasn't going to solve her financial situation by running off with Leo any more than first breaking off the engagement. And with Leo, he was just some dude on a boat who genuinely charmed her. Seriously? I would have trust issues with her for a good long while, and wouldn't be surprised (if I was Leo & survived the sinking) many months later after the honeymoon phase subsides, that she'd be keeping her options open.
The movies would be less boring if they broke up first and Not immediately sack up with the "new" person until full resolution is completed, which takes a variant amount of time. That's the method one's supposed to do.
Yes. I hate chick flicks for so many reasons and this is one of them.
There are some exceptions but those chick flicks are about the friendship between women, or male strippers, the romantic ones are an insult to men and women and set up unreasonable expectations for everyone.
I never thought about this fact, but wow, you are 100% right. These movies just encourage doing what you want to feel gratification in the moment and think nothing about the long run. Neat observation.
Yes never thought of it b4 but I think you may have a point here I on the other hand do NOT agree with cheating at all whether the guy is a a**hole fell in love with some one else or just plane unhappy there is really no excuse
You're either a man whore or not..you make your own decisions. You can't blame it on movies, take responsibility for your actions. Period
yes and they are also just movies... also allie hamilton only cheats on lon hammond because she was already with noah before.
You can't use the "it's just a movie" thing, though. Sure, for small technicalities, things overplayed -- OK. But about concepts people swoon over and adore -- you can knock someone for adoring it, and knock the movie for embracing something as good when it isn't, or bad when it isn't.
She was IN love, romantically, with Lon her fiance. So it's okay for her to CHEAT on him for anyone who she had a short-term fling with and still has a special place in her heart from the past? Seriously? Imagine if a girl you started dating said it'd be OK if she did that with any guy she had a short-fling with in the past, even if you two were engaged -- would be OK with that and get into a relationship with her?
Her fiance didn't treat her right and it wasn't true love. If it's not true love and the guy isn't treating you right then who cares? more than likely he's doing the same thing himself. Don't have loyalty to someone who doesn't have it for you
In The Notebook, the fiance was an awesome gentleman she fell in love with. So your argument doesn't apply there. AND she *cheated* on him. She didn't see a guy who was a short-term fling one summer (albeit a special one) in the paper and realize "Shoot, I can't get married. I'm not ready," and break off the engagement. She wanted to cure her cold feet, went over to Ryan Gosling, and got boned. Then the fiance gentleman forgives her, but she still kicks him to the curb. WOW.
In other movies, if one's gf/bf/fiance/husband/wife is a jerk and there's missing feelings -- YOU BREAK UP. *Then* you move on. You don't cheat. Because people can have crushes when with someone. In real life, one will have a crush on someone at work or about an ex or whatever -- then cheat -- regardless of how much a jerk their significant other truly is (their crush initially will usually cause problems with their sig other to "justify")... then the newbie doesn't work out & they want sig other back.
i believe if you like another person then you need to end your current relationship. it is only fair and will cause far less damage than cheating.
Totally agree. If the significant other is an a-hole, even without a crush forming with someone else, they need to leave -- and when a crush does occur, then there's NO excuse for them not to leave them BEFORE allowing that crush to blossom.
And in The Notebook, when the significant other is Prince Charming -- you definitely either don't chase an old crush from high school... or if you faint seeing their picture in the paper and the crush comes rushing back -- you break it off -- THEN go see that old crush you're all about.
One's selfish if they're not going to break it off with their significant other Only Until they solidify things with someone else. That's Cheating to the Nth degree.
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