My defensive mechanism is to be a bitch and I don't know how to change it...

[Anonymous]

I have been hurt by relationships a few times.

Well when I meet a new guy at first it is great and fun but then when I feel like I might be getting to the point where I become vulnerable and start taking my guard down I do a complete turn around and just become a bitch with teeth.

I know I am pushing them away because I am scared of getting hurt but I don't know how to stop it. Its a defensive mechanism and sometimes I don't even notice when I start becoming bitchy. Its almost become second nature.

I have met some really nice guys but I don't want to push them away just because I am scared.

[Coolah]

You are not alone. We all get scared of getting hurt. But dating is just like the lottery... You can't win if you don't play. (And we all want to win. ;) ) So just remind yourself when you meet someone new, that you may get hurt and you may not, but it's better to be able to blame someone else for hurting you than to blame yourself for never getting a chance to be hurt... (I try to think about it when I'm getting closer to someone, remind myself not to be a bi***) Better yet, one time I flat out told the guy, I like you alot, but fact is I'm going to start getting defensive, because I don't want to get hurt, and if you really like me, you'll have to decide whether or not to stick around.

[Anonymous]

It takes a lot of practice because it IS second nature. I have a similar problem, expect instead of being mean, I get really pessimistic. I ended up with an anxiety disorder because of my f***ed up thinking.

Now, I am learning to catch myself repeating bad thought patterns in my head and replacing it with a positive one. You really have to start paying attention to your thoughts.

Anyway, your thoughts become your feelings and your feelings become your actions, so working on making your thinking better actually does help.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Stop dating until you learn to control your emotions. If you're still bitter over something that happened in the past, you need to take a breather until you get over it instead of dating guys for a while and then pushing them away. Deal with your issues first.

[posted]

Unless someone here is into physcology, you may need to find some kind of professional to talk to for something like this. Maybe a school counsellor?

[posted]

Personally I have a hard time understanding why people do things like this, so someone who does this professionally may help change your state of mind/thinking.

[Alpha93]

Well your gonna have to change that if you want a guy to stick around so be vulnerable instead of closing off.

[Anonymous]

Try finding out ways to trust others more easily.