Should I forgive Him? Is sleeping with hookers, cheating?

[Anonymous]

I Have been my husband for seven years Married for 3 we have a 2yr old Daughter and I thought we were quite happy together...

The other day I caught my Husband in the local "massage" parlor and he denied anything but a massage, he told me I was stupid and that he couldn't believe I didn't trust him!

I let it go, talked myself into "you know he's right! Why would he lie?"

But the next day I couldn't go on with out confronting him, I had to go with my gut!

So I confronted him at work, and he eventually came clean... He had a rub and tug session with a topless "masseuse"

I was furious, and curious as to what else he has been up to?

so he confessed again he had been there a few times over a year and a half, (about 5 in total)

Even more angry and now very hurt etc, I probed some more and he has now confess to Prostitutes as well ...

He seems to think that, hookers is not cheating because there is now emotion involved? Well not his!

He claims to be very sorry, cried and begged me to stay etc I just don't know what to do?

Do I forgive and try to move past this?

Do I move on? Get an std test and try to bring up our Daughter alone?

(the std is in the process anyway)

Please Help! Is this cheating?

Updates

+1 y

Ok, I think we have established this is cheating!and I thought I would fill you all in on the Update...I have decide so far to try and work things out. Firstly for our Daughter and secondly, I do love him.I have to at least try! who knows...

[alyssa1234]

this happened to me only with

my parents; I didn't find out from

them I found out from my sister

i was devestated. I still don't know what

to think about it. every time I get angry at him

i just wanna scream at him and

tel him how much he has hurt

me and my family

i love my dad but I just don't trust him

or respect him

do I consider this cheating YES!

and I feel sorry for you. your daughter is

so young she doens't know what has

happened but I think she can feel

some thing is up.

just go with your gut feeling

my mom stayed with my

dad because she said marriage takes

work and you just have to work through the

difficult thing in life; and that's what

makes you a strong family.

i thank god everyday for

my mother being a strong women

and always being there for me.

just pray to god (if you believe in god)

sorry if you don't:/ but just pray

that he will lead you to

the right answer!

good luck

[Asker]

Thank you! I'm still really confused with the whole ordeal and probably still in shock! fear of it happening again is a huge factor too.

I'm not a huge believer in God, but at this stage I am open to all the help I can get!

I too also hope my Daughter sees in me, what you do your mum! It really is a lovely thing to hear!I hope your mum knows this too!

thanks again

[egibb13]

Wow. Technically yes, it is cheating because he went outside your vows. Your call on staying but you need to find out the reason behind this. Is it something you are doing or not doing maybe because the kid changed your situation. An addiction to sex or is it so easy that your husband has became slick rick and thinks he's the smartest man alive.

I always thought I could look the other way with a hooker after 15-35 years of marriage but 3 isn't long enough to even get comfortable pooping with the door open.

Better find out if this is his new outlet or something he's had going on for a while because the happy ending places aren't that easy to just walk in and order the special.

Hope this helps and best of luck to you.

[Simple-Simonette]

Whew, what a mess. He was definitely cheating - if he didn't think there was anything wrong with what he was doing, why would he lie about it?

If it were me I would definitely leave him.

I don't know about other women, but something like that would destroy my trust and respect for my husband. What's would be the point in staying with someone I could see me hating?

But everyone is different, so if you feel you can forgive him and still be with him - more power to you. Make sure there is tons of therapy for the both of you, just so you can deal with this upheaval in a healthy way.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I think sleeping with a hooker is cheating. I don't know you situation completely so I am not going to tell you to stay with or leave your husband.

[l-hedoniste]

Is it cheating? Yes. Unless he had cause to believe that you were okay with a lively trade, then he cheated.

Should you forgive him? Of course. Grudges only wound the bearer.

What to do? That's the hard, hard question.

Leave aside the child for a moment. Traumatic though divorce may be, it beats a marriage so thoroughly ruined that the parenting becomes toxic. Divorce even improves some parents, relieving them of farce of keeping a family and a marriage they desperately wish to leave.

So, a strange question: cheating aside, how's the marriage? Is there enough love there, enough stability there, enough family there to make the marriage worth saving?

Maybe I'm being too old-fashioned about this, but do you really need to bet your marriage on your husband's faithfulness? I can't say whether you should or shouldn't, only that it's your business, not your family's, or your friends', or society's. Do what you have to do, not what you *think* you have to do, and certainly not what somebody *says* you have to do.

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice! I have decided to at least try... I couldn't continue my life without trying, I think everybody deserves a second chance. Well I owe it to my Daughter to try!

I do love my husband and perhaps I did contribute to him straying in some form. I can only try to fix what may be broke and hope he also too is willing to try!

If not, well we gave it a go and that's all we can really ask for.

Thanks again

[l-hedoniste]

Good luck. I hope this all heals up.

[Dbird2011]

I'd like some input on the 'cause for believing it was an exchange.' My husband and I want to be together. We've been married for 3 years, but before I was ever serious about him, I slept with someone I had been involved with before. My husband and I both consider it cheating because I was leading him to believe I was monogamous. Worst mistake of my life! Last year, he proposed that I allow him to sleep with a prostitute to clear the air between us about my fling. I am torn up about it. I have agreed to it but sometimes I can't pull myself together imagining him with someone else, even if it's a transaction and he's not emotionally attached to the other woman. I realize that this is how he felt for a long time about my infidelity but now that we have a deal he seems less bitter. We have a daughter together and also I'm the only woman he has ever slept with... is this something that could ruin our relationship?

[1FastFC]

Stay together. Your daughter will suffer dramatic psychological damage from your divorce that will have various effects on her and will take years of therapy to recover from. Although he did go out and do that, he confessed it all to you which is the first step to change; most people will not confess everything they have done. Give him a chance to redeem himself and prove he wants this to work and when he does, work on your marriage. This is most likely a result from a build-up of sexual tension on his part so you have to make sure to keep him sexually satisfied because being horny can really make guys do something they wouldn't normally do.

Hopefully for the sake of your daughter you take my advice but in case you don't, at least please don't argue and fight in front of her. I'm a psych major and as much as I need people to go through trauma so that I can have work in the future, I hate to see kids get traumatized by parents that are oblivious to how much damage they are doing to the mind of their growing child.

[Asker]

You're right in the way of, I don't want to affect my Daughter negatively.

But He didn't confess, I caught him in the act! I really believe he would have kept quite about it.

He has said it has nothing to do with sex, as we have quite a healthy sex life. He feels I don't love him? which I could understand the cheating, if it was with another woman! but a prostitute!!! they don't provide love...

so I'm confused?

Thanks for caring about my Daughter though, he obviously wasn't. Thank you

[1FastFC]

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

[madhatters4]

it is without a doubt cheating. whether you stay with him is up to you. i personally would have a lot of trouble being with someone who repeatedly cheated and then lied about it and then tried to rationalize it... he knows it's cheating that's why he lied about it repeatedly and only came clean after tons of questioning

i'd have trouble trusting the person and perhaps even worse i'd be deeply concerned about their values and moral code

[Bluewave64]

Married means soul, mind, and body are bonded. He broke all of those bonds, plus if he has been doing it this much then what are the odds that he stops? Imagine if one day in the future he brings a hooker into your home with your daughter watching! Make your choice...

[Decentguy]

yes its cheating, and i would advice you to dump his stupid ass

[Rick912]

If he had intercourse, it is cheating. Everything else is a form of petting and fondling.