Technology & Internet

Things that piss me off about Apple Support callers (Part 2)

Welcome to Part Two

Again, I will be speaking mostly about the iPhone and Mac as they are Apple’s Flagship products, but best believe that this applies to EVERY apple product there is.

Before you continue, I’d like to state AGAIN that I am FULLY AWARE that I am speaking from a biased POV, I fully understand that I am generalizing when I say “Apple users”, I understand that people only call support when there is an issue (for the most part), but it doesn’t mean that what you will read below, is not true. There will be name calling, and use of profanity, but I will swear, I am only using it to emphasize the words, and for the readers to feel my pain, and at the end, my motivation.

15. Apple is not in charge of everything you do or connect to your device. When an advisor says call another company/brand/manufacturer/developer, just DO IT!!

This is the BIGGEST peeve for any apple advisor. People feel that because they have an apple device, apple is responsible for everything on it, and everything it’s connected to. The first job an advisor does is to make sure that the device is in tip top shape. All the settings are right, you are updated to the latest and are not running something that is blocking apple services…(Yea, people do that, buy apple products because “it’s secure and private”, then they turn around and add VPN and virus protection software when apple recommends against that. And when because of that software, their phone is unable to connect to apple services or anything really, they call Apple Support. Some even have the NERVE to argue that it’s not the third party software. If you are going to argue…then fucking go figure it out yourself!!)

Sometimes, you gotta go back
Sometimes, you gotta go back

Like I said, they are ADVISORS!!!! And it’s not a Magic Line, either take the advice or get the fuck off the line. Back in the day, people knew apple devices didn’t play well with others…do they think it has changed now???

When the advisors determine that it’s NOT the Apple device, and you should call the manufacturer or the developer of the software, why can’t you idiots just ever take it and go??

Apple is not a carrier service, but advisors get people who call about signal, sim, voicemail, etc. and all other issues that are to be handled by the carrier. I mean, you don’t pay your fucking phone service bill to Apple, so what does Apple have to do with you getting a new sim. Worst part is that the carrier is usually the one to refer them to Apple.

It’s funny because LITERALLY ANY other company/manufacturer/developer can say “Call Apple”. No one ever seems to object then (even in cases where they know Apple has nothing to do with it) but when the Advisor determines it’s not Apple and refers the person back, all of a sudden, it’s a fucking problem.

If you have ONE Apple product...Apple is to blame for everything.
If you have ONE Apple product...Apple is to blame for everything.

Eg: Someone can’t connect to their Facebook, it says “can’t connect to Facebook, try again later”. The person calls Apple. No problem, the advisor goes around the phone, internet is working, and other apps are working, no security software or VPN blockers, the person can sign into other social media platforms but not Facebook. The advisor says, everything looks good, call Facebook. The customer then pipes up about how the Facebook is on their iPhone and its Apple’s responsibility….really???? How stupid are you…??? It clearly states Facebook.

Your HP printer won’t print from your Mac. Your Mac can detect the printer, when you click “print”, it says the document has been sent to the printer, but the printer, which is on, doesn’t react. Who do you think this genius is going to call? HP? Or Apple?

Nah, they call Apple, because that is the logo on the printer right?. Call Apple and have them MAKE the printer print.

CarPlay fucking people…Apple does not reach out to all the millions of companies that make software that connects with the iPhone and force them to update…if their software is working with your old phone but not the new one with the new update…do the fucking math…THEY…need to update their software..Calling Apple Support will NOT make it happen.

APPLE IS NOT THE ONE THAT MADE YOUR CAR SYSTEM!!!
APPLE IS NOT THE ONE THAT MADE YOUR CAR SYSTEM!!!

Apple support is supposedly the best customer service/tech support in the whole world, so why is it that when the advisors on Apple Support say that they CANNOT do anything, no one ever seems to listen. Why would they lie? They are the best because they help in EVERY way they can...so if they can't...THEY CAN'T!!!!

16. Apple Support cannot fix physical damage over the phone.

If you have a broken device that needs to be physically repaired, please do not call Apple support for anything other than to set up an appointment for the store, set up a repair, or to ask questions about your repair options. If you feel that the store is charging too much to fix your device, don’t call Apple Support, they can’t fix it over the phone and the cost will still be the same even if they could.

Apple Advisors CANNOT do this!!
Apple Advisors CANNOT do this!!

For those of you that live out there in the middle of nowhere, it’s not Apple or the Advisor’s fault that YOU chose to live in the middle of nowhere. Apple builds its stores where it wants to, and if the nearest one is 3 hours away? You have your choices. I will continue this in the next section.

17. Apple has a limited amount of repair/replacement options. If none of them seem favorable to you…you are welcome to go find your own.

When there is hardware damage, people are given options on how to get a repair done. You can take it to the nearest apple store or authorized repair center, you can send the device in (sometimes at cost) for a repair, for undamaged devices under the Limited Warranty or, for Apple Care customers, you can get the Express Replacement.

  • Take it to the nearest Apple store

This brings me back to No. 16, if you chose to live out in the middle of nowhere and the nearest apple store to you is 4 hours away…that’s YOUR fucking problem. You have choices, either drive the 4 hours, or sit with your broken device and shut up.

  • Send the device in to Apple

With this option, Apple will happily send out a box for you to put your device in and ship it back to them to take a look and repair it. For people with limited warranty whose device is physically undamaged, this service is usually free, along with people with AppleCare. The thing is, people hate this option because their device is important to them and they “cant live without it”. And the poor advisor then goes “ok, what about to the nearest apple store”…and the 4 hours away thing comes up again. But I say, again, you have choices, either pick one, or stay with your device as is. Contrary to popular belief, Apple devices don’t run on Unicorn farts and fairy dust. It has chips, wires, and components in there like ALL other technology. There is no magic involved. If its damaged, it NEEDS someone to put hands on it, it can't be done over the phone.

Also, for the ones who are out of warranty and the send in repair cost HUNDREDS upfront for what you think is a small fix…sucks for you. Apple has a policy whereby, it’s all or nothing.

Eg. Your phone has a volume issue, your old iPhone 8 which is out of warranty, you call Apple right? You want to do the send in, and you are told it will cost $350 up front, now you are mad, “that’s almost how much I bought the phone!!!”…that’s on you.

Eg. Another instance, your iPhone 13 which is under Apple’s Limited Warranty is having a volume issue, you are under warranty, its free. So you send your phone in, and Apple discovers a chip on the front display and a crack down the back glass. To you, it’s pretty simple right? Forget the glass and chip and just fix the volume…but for Apple, it’s all or nothing, so you are informed that you have damage, your warranty doesn’t cover it, now it will cost $530 to fix everything, accept or decline. And now you are mad. If you had only READ Apple’s repair policy before….oh wait, I forgot, most Apple users don’t read.

  • The Express Replacement

This option is available to people with the one year Apple Limited Warranty, and those who are smart enough to purchase Apple Care. With this option, the customer can just have another device sent out to them, and they can send their broken/damaged device back.

There is a quirk though, before that device can be sent out, Apple requires that they get a bank account to put a hold on for the FULL PRICE of the device being sent out. So basically, you are buying a new device. But once Apple receives your broken device, your money is given back to you.

The rub on this one for some people is that their phone is about $1500, this is not a big deal when you are paying an additional $30 a month on your phone bill, so it’s not that big a deal, but now you have to fork over the FULL amount, and that’s where the complaints come in. “I don’t have that kind of money lying around”….umm, no one said you did, but if you want your device FIRST, them the rules. If not, you can go with sending your phone/device in, then advisors get hit with another, “I can’t send my device in, I use it every day, I run a business..blah blah blah”. Again, you have choices, pick one, or shut the hell up and deal with your device as is. Advisors cannot give you more options than what is laid out in front of you and they aren’t going to try because they are not going to lose their job over you and your lack of fucking sense.

That seems to be a "YOU" problem mate.
That seems to be a "YOU" problem mate.

Those are the 3 options available from Apple to customers with damaged devices, if you cannot do any one of these three…then well…oh well.

18. Advisors LOVE the Elderly (most of 'em)

This is one of the best parts of any Advisor’s job, helping the Elderly. The people who call in and need GENUINE help, and it’s so heart breaking how they just go “I'm not tech savvy” or “I'm dumb when it comes to this” they don’t tell you what their device SHOULD be able to do, they just ask you to help them understand or accomplish a task…THAT!!!…THAT is why advisors accept the job they do. To help, not to entertain some entitled moron that doesn’t even know what the device is capable of and is wanting you to perform magic or get a free fix because they were too stupid and didn’t get insurance or stupid at handling their device.

Things that piss me off about Apple Support callers (Part 2)

The Elderly and people who need help and are WILLING to listen are the reason why advisors do what they do, those are the people that make the job worth it. Spending all that time telling someone that it’s not their fault that their kids or grandkids gave them the device they didn’t want, or the fact that they want to be able to video call their kids or grand kids so they got the device…these are people with genuine problems who want solutions and advisors bend over backwards to help people like those. Not people who call and go “ I have this problem, I have a busy life, I only have 5 mins, FIX IT”….yea, that’s not gonna happen, go back to your “busy” life Alfalfa.

Nothing like having someone in tears because the advisor fixed what was a minor issue to the advisor but a big obstacle to the elderly person, and the gratitude, makes the job worth it.

Things that piss me off about Apple Support callers (Part 2)

Conclusion: MY biggest Peeve

You are mad that you have to pay sooo much for this expensive device and it’s not “working right”…Apple is still fucking technology, wires and chips and batteries, it has the possibility of a breakdown, either due to Apple, or YOU. There is almost literally nothing that apple devices do that other devices can't. When your Toyota, or Honda, or Ford or whatever runs out of gas, you don’t call the dealership and say “well, fill it up, make it work”, you go to the nearest station and fill ‘er up. So why is it that when something goes a little wonky, Apple-using morons just pick up a phone and call.

Let me tell you the reason why Apple devices are so expensive.

The reason why apple devices are so fucking expensive is because of YOU, Mr/Ms caller.

It is all because of you....and those like YOU!!
It is all because of you....and those like YOU!!

Rather than go to support.apple.com and search for your issue, nope, you would rather call and be walked through. Why use your brain and comprehend instructions, when someone can just alleviate your brain from working and just walk you to a solution?. The moment something is even SLIGHTLY off, you pick up the phone and you don’t want to wait for 2 hours while your morons-with-device (other callers) are getting their help. No, you want instant or almost instant. So because of that, Apple has to pay hundreds of thousands of LIVE PEOPLE (and that’s only in USA) a decent wage to sit and man the phones to walk you through steps that are ALREADY available online FREE. And those advisors gotta get paid somehow.

So your device is NOT expensive because its PERFECT, its not expensive because its carved out of steel made in mount Mordor and runs on fairy dust and children smiles, its expensive because most Apple users are morons who refuse to think, so the company has to get people to do it FOR you. That's what they get for having proprietary technology.

Apple
Apple

That being said, Apple is a great company, its amazing how much they actually try to make life easier for their customers, but I just wish they would be more truthful. Stop lying, and stop setting unreal expectations for Apple Support callers. Advisors are told not to set expectations, but Apple is setting the WORST kind of expectations, making idiots believe that if they call….everything will be instantly alright. At the end of each support article that doesn’t pan out, they have that irritating “Call Apple Support” line at the end of it. Fun Fact, remember how I said advisors use the SAME articles available on support.apple.com? it means that those advisors see the same “call apple support” too lol. There ain't no instant fixes, though Apple makes it seem like all you have to do is call.

You bought a Macbook pro M1, but don’t have wifi at your house so you can't connect to the internet?? Call Apple Support, they’ll click that magic button and voila, wifi.

You notice that when you go in the basement of your house/apartment/condo, you can’t get a signal, no worries, call Apple Support, they’ll click their fingers and voila…signal!!

Yup, All advisors have that magic finger.
Yup, All advisors have that magic finger.

Your Apple TV tells you that you can't watch a show because you aren’t subscribed to HBO, but you have the Apple TV subscription, no worries…put the Apple TV on the phone, and an advisor will give it a good talking to. 😒

And that is what people are thinking when they call, and when they don’t get that instant fix, that magic fix, or they have to pay an exorbitant amount to get a fix, they hunt that survey down to express their disappointment. And the best part…? Apple doesn’t give a shit and blames the advisor for doing the job they were told to do and following company policy.

What about the ones who DO get that magic fix and get off the lines happy…? You think they hunt down that survey to express their happiness? Nope, they go right back to their lives. Fuck the advisor who did the research you could have done yourself and fixed the shit you broke. They should just fade into Obscurity.

Things that piss me off about Apple Support callers (Part 2)

Lastly, please pass this on to every Apple user you know of. Let them know what goes on on the opposite end of an Apple Support call.

Things that piss me off about Apple Support callers (Part 2)
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