Husband Says He Can’t Afford His Wife As A Stay-At-Home Mom!

[Anonymous]

Steven Nelms and his wife, Glory, have been married for three years. When their son Ezra was born, they both decided that Glory should stay at home to care for him. He wrote an essay on We Are Glory about why he can't afford for his wife to be a stay-at-home mom. Wait, before you jump down his throat, the essay is actually about exactly how much his wife's annual salary would be if she was paid for being a stay-at-home mother and how he could never, ever afford her on his salary.The essay highlights the sacrifice, hard work, strength, and beauty in the work of a stay-at-home mom, one of the most important jobs in the world.

He writes:

My wife stays home and takes care of our son every single day. She changes his diapers, feeds him, plays with him, puts him down for his nap, and comforts him when he's upset. And that's just the bare minimum. A child can typically get that attention at a day-care. But on top of that, he is her only focus … Obviously, this is part of being a parent. You take care of your child and you raise your child. But let's face it. In our day and age … there is a company ready and willing to do just about anything. So while, yes, my wife is my son's mother and it is a natural result of being a parent to love and care for your own child, there is also a very quantifiable dollar amount that can be attributed to the services rendered. I am in no way trying to simplify, objectify, or devalue the priceless love of a mother for her child. But let's be real. Pay day feels good for a reason. Because you're seeing your hard work appreciated in a tangible way that lets you "treat yo self." And this is exactly why I can't afford my wife being a Stay-At-Home Mom.

In an attempt to appreciate all of the work Glory does for the family — and put a numerical value on it, Nelms further elaborates on the cost of all his wife does.

Based on personal research, this is what Steven feels is the cost of everything his wife does:

National average weekly salary for a full-time nanny: $705, or $36,660 a year
Cleaning service: $50 to $100 per visit once a week, or $5,200 a year
Personal shopper (running errands like groceries, etc.): $65 per hour at 4 hours a week, or $13,520 a year
Chef: $240 a week, or $12,480 a year
Financial assistant (budgeting, paying the bills, etc.): $15 an hour at 5 hours a week, or $3,900 a year
Professional interactions (business dinners, etc.): $75 per hour at 4 hours per dinner 3 times a year, or $900 a year
Laundry: $25 a week, or $1,300 a year

So far we’re looking at a grand total of $67,860!

We should all appreciate stay-at-home mothers. They are heroes. They have a 24/7 job that offers zero financial rewards, no sick days off or vacation.

[LittleSally]

Of course he can't!
This is what i've been saying all along!

People can't survive on only one salary every month... Nope...

Not bashing stay at home moms - they work more than anyone, but just saying that if you're going to work, why not actually get payed for it?
Yeah. Because you won't survive otherwise.
And share common responsibilities - i. e., everything to do with home and the kids.

[Prof_Don]

Unfortunately these days, having a family being supported on a single income, is a luxury for most people.

[Anonymous]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Hitc8haEu_g

That is all.

Plus, since he put his math out there, lets point just a few things out. $65 per hour? LOL. Go on TaskRabbit, and it's less than $30 for "administrative" errands like picking things up or waiting in line, etc. "Heavy lifting" or "handyman" goes up to maybe $50 per hour.

$240 per week for a personal chef? Let's say that's all (7) days. That's $30 and change per day? Plus the cost of food. Might as well eat or order out each night (and save the extra hassle at the grocery store).

"Professional interactions?" What the **** is that? What the **** was that based on? An escort? $75 an hour for what? Damn, I guess I have to go send a few invoices to all my friends for every party they every invited me to, as an attorney and accountant, I'd say $75 per hour is very reasonable.

What happens when the babies are in school, and it's no longer a "full time nanny" position? What's the "total compensation go down to then?

Further, maybe "one income alone" couldn't afford a full-time nanny for the first few years, but "two" incomes making "more than" $65,000 a year could. And then what? How is college going to pay for itself? By that $75 per hour "professional interaction" fee? I hope you realize there are ads on Craislist every day offering LAWYERS the opportunity to start on a 6-month doc review project the very next day for $35 per hour.

Let's relax and take this for what it was, women patting themselves on the back for being women, and men patting women on the back because they want to get laid.

If I had a daughter and she choose to be a stay at home mother, I would consider her a failure and disappointment. Women didn't fight to get the same right to work and be independent, just so they can make excuses for laziness and regress into a dependent role.

As someone who "can" afford to have his partner stay home, I would not be okay with that decision. We both enjoy a better lifestyle (and our non-existing children enjoy a better future) because we both have six figure earning power. And we still make time to cook, go shopping, and run errands.

This is a slap in the face of all the women who are partners in law firms, unit Chiefs at hospitals, CEOs, CFOs or managers, who have busted their ass to not be labeled as entitled dependent princesses, yet have to share the same gender as entitled dependent princesses.

[myTake Owner]

Most of the stay-at-home moms I know are contributing to society. They often volunteer at not for profit organization, animal shelter and the local soup kitchen.

[FromAshes]

These numbers are misleading, and a complete joke for a site attempting to have editorial integrity with "trending & news" section from pink anonymous nobody so we can't scrutinize the bias of the writer.

You do NOT take national averages for household statistics, you take MEDIANS that are SEGMENTED based on geography.

If Britney Spears hires a nanny at a premium, that says nothing of the lower-middle class suburban mother who pays the neighbors daughter under the table. The impact of wealthy, urban spenders has a disproportionate impact on averages, which is a lesson in dishonest statistics.

If you really think Nannies make 36K across the board, more than a recently graduated paralegal, a rural school teacher, or entry-level AP accountant, then you'd see a lot more nannies making their careers out of babysitting. That's not the case, IS IT? Or have you fudged the numbers to make a weak point? Rhetorical question.

Cleaning service, $50-100 a week. Lets just pretend you didn't take the high-end of that range to bake the final result. I can get a better price, because resourcefulness trumps excuses.

Chef & Shopper - Did the parents suddenly lose their limbs? What's stopping them from using their time wisely and shopping after work, and preparing meals ahead of time? Doesn't the nanny know how to spoon feed?

Financial assistant & professional interactions- Seriously. You're just patting yourself on the back. Are you seriously implying that we need a fully-staffed office space by making up positions that a stay at home mom apparently fulfills and otherwise can't BEFORE WORK, AFTER WORK, OR ON WEEKENDS?

Laundry - Right, because if not for stay-at-home moms, laundry never gets done in America.

At best, for the services you're suggesting the typical household requires for a child say, ages 2-3 (A 2 year window until pre-school fills the gap), your services are worth $21,000.

Remember, by working it doesn't mean you DIE or DISAPPEAR forever. It means there are 40-45 hours out of 168 per week where you are earning money, which is only questionable for 2-3 years before the child goes to pre-school.

So, $21,000 is the annual value you're claiming at the cost of earning more at an actual job. If you earn $30,000 (not much) and hire a nanny at the MEDIAN rate as a SMART, RESOURCEFUL person, you netted an additional 9K for your household. Bad idea? Apparently it is, when you lie to yourself.

[Kuraj]

"We should all appreciate stay-at-home mothers. They are heroes. They have a 24/7 job that offers zero financial rewards, no sick days off or vacation."

They are "heroes" ?
So what the fuck are those parents who do all this on top of having a full time job then?

[YourFutureEx]

Superheroes like my mom <3

[AleDeEurope]

From those numbers, the only difference from her and I, is that she has a baby, cause I clean my house, buy the groceries, cook, pay the bills, and do the laundry... where's my money?

Sorry, but this is stupid. Stay at home parents (not just mothers) shouldn't be paid. Why should tax payers pay you for having a baby? I could adopt a kid, and spend my day at home while earning $60k a year, that's the dream! xD

I value everything a parent does, but saying they should get paid is ridiculous.

[popsickle]

You're missing the point. A lot of people traditionally haven't respected homemaking because it doesn't have an income attached to it or they see it less than a formal job. He's basically saying all of it has worth. There have been studies on this in the business world. The only people who think it's a dream are the people who've never done it. The only time it's a dream is if your spouse is rich.

[ManOnFire]

I do support stay-at-home moms, and I'd pay my wife if she was one. I wonder what his job is, because if he has a good paying one he would have no trouble with his wife. In any case, it would probably cost more to pay a nanny.

A lot of women tell me they wish they could be stay-at-home moms but say they can't afford it. I think it's sad when we've reached a place where a woman isn't able to be that kind of traditional thing, though I do think eliminating stay-at-homes is part of the economic plan: make career life more attractive to women so they'll choose that, while making traditional family roles harder to achieve anymore.

[Relentless_Hippie]

My boyfriend's sister has a baby and I never realized how much work it is taking care of a child until that baby was born. Just the few minutes to a couple of hours shows you how much time and effort is involved in having to continuously pay attention to and care for another living being. I've always supported the notion of a stay at home parent so long as they're parenting and not vacationing and so long as the family can afford to do so. I find the traditional aspects of marriage and family to be the most efficient in rearing children. Seeing first hand how much work is involved in raising just ONE child let alone several further increases my support.

[WalterRadio]

How often do we hear that wives have to work to make ends meet these days, because the cost of living is so high?

The real reason why so many women work, when they feel they have to, is not because things have become more expensive, but because their lifestyle expectations have increased. In many parts of the country, it is still easy for a one earner household. Simply buy a car that was made in 1970, a 1,200ft2 house with one bathroom, no cable, no cell phone, no air conditioning, no computer, and not much going out to eat.

That doesn't quite work everywhere, since housing has gone up in some places, but the reason it has gone up is because of competition to buy it. If a household of one earner wants the house, a household with two will pay more for it.

[YourFutureEx]

My wife would do all of these things + earn money from her job!
images.clipartpanda.com/...m_scribbles-d429j3w.jpg

[brain5000]

Yeah, and Supergirl is a real person too. :\

[YourFutureEx]

@brain5000 my mom is a superwoman. Superwoman exists.

[brain5000]

My mom does those things too, but she is often tired because it's a lot of work.

[YourFutureEx]

@brain5000 my wife would be "exceptional".

And no, I won't force her.

[Mayamoon02]

If you want her overworked and stressed then sure..
I would only do it as a single mum cause I know I couldn't have time in my day to be intimate in my relationship and give quality time to my children.

[YourFutureEx]

@Mayamoon02 You shouldn't judge my future wife. She will be an engine.

[Mayamoon02]

Hahah ok if you insist

[krash2002]

I am extremely lucky to have such a great mom as well as many other's do. She raised 4 children, worked full time, and went to school by taking night classes once my oldest sibling could baby-sit the rest of us. It's very much possible to do all of this. Though, she was tired many of the nights, and she was stressed out, but it taught all of us kids great morals, work ethic, and motivated us to make something of ourselves.

[YourFutureEx]

@krash2002 Glad to know :) 👍

[MandyRuth]

My mother was a stay at home mom, but not by choice. She would have loved the opportunity to get a university education and work. But instead, she had to stay home to raise my sister, who was born severely mentally and physically handicapped. In fact, she did this for 30 years, on top of raising me and caring for my widowed grandmother. I believe she should have gotten paid, because the government sure as hell didn't help us. So to all of you who think being a stay at home mom is easy, think again; you don't know their reasons.

[Anonymous]

Stay at home moms are NOT heros... please lets stop pretending it's more than it is. It's no more a 24/7 job for the mother than it is the father.
But he has to leave that "job" for 8 hours a day to do actual hard work and then come home and is expected to do a honeydo list of bullshit, and is expected to help her with "her" tasks she didn't do during the day.

Single moms have been giving way more credit than they deserve. Yes it's a busy day but it isn't a fucking heroic act, it isn't "the most difficult job in the world" as some women say it is.
I have 4 kids. I have been the stay at home dad, and have had her stay home. Now we both work. The duties are split equally. But when I was home shit got done and I didn't complain about it being difficult because it wasn't.

[popsickle]

Heroic was kinda an irrelevant word, but you've got it backwards... stay at home parenting has only started to be appreciated. It's being defended, because before it was seen as nothing since it doesn't have an income attached to it. Chill the fuck out! People need to quit it with gender wars if they intend to date and marry the opposite sex. Kinda ridiculous you describe every job with a salary as "actual hard work" and implying something else is true for taking care of a home and raising children. It is hard work at both ends is hard work and all of it is necessary for a family.

[Opinion Owner]

@popsickle The gender wars are a female created thing and fighting back against their bias and bullshit is the only way to stop them from bullshit like stopping men from sitting comfortably on a bus.
Don't worry, my wife is a very beautiful female and a former gymnast. She agrees with me. I never said that every job with a salary is "hard work" and I don't down play stay at home parenting simply because it doesn't get pay. I down play it because it actually isn't hard work. I have done it for 4 children. It is called being a parent and people who make it out to be worse than it is, maybe shouldn't be parents.

[popsickle]

No, the gender wars are a current thing perpetuated by both sides. Look at Gag alone, males on here particularly are way worse about it. In real life, it's probably 50/50. We are prioritizing the silliest things nowadays lol. Okay, let's be more real here... Hard work isn't something defined by whether you work a formal job or run a home. It's defined by how much effort you put into it. Sounds like you and your wife divide the work and alternate? That's not the same as a couple where one person is a homemaker and the other works. Saying something is hard work does NOT mean it's "worse!" I think you're talking about something completely different. All this is discussing is to acknowledge something is hard work instead of seeing it as less.

Also, why are you posting anonymously? And you're 25-29 year old and raising 4 children and settled in your career? Lol.

[Opinion Owner]

@popsickle I post anon on every question. Yes I am 29 and settled in my career. I own a construction company which does quite well for itself. I have 2 step kids and 2 of my own children. Which is all completely irrelevant to the conversation.

When it comes to real work vs being a parent... Construction is real work. Sewer treatment is real work. Roofing is real work. Doctor is real work.
Throwing a load of laundry in the wash, filling the dishwasher with dishes, then taking a kid to the park is NOT real work. It's a simple as that.
The amount of effort put into manual labor vs tossing some clothes in a machine is night and day.
Like I mentioned before... my wife and I have both been a stay at home at some point. It's exactly what you are referring to.

*Side note:(Gender war is mainly a feminist created thing, and the male push back is simply people getting tired of it and pushing back.)

[popsickle]

It''s not irrelevant, I actually didn't believe you especially given how anons on this website seem to act but perhaps you're telling the truth. I don't know. This isn't getting anywhere, because you seem quite fixed on what you consider work or not. There's nothing left to say. I'm a student doctor who also takes care of a home without help at the same time. Both sides to what I do is hard work. Perhaps I work harder than you do around a home, I'm not sure. Anyways, carry on

[timbergag]

I agree. Stay-at-home parents work hard.

But let's not forget the moms (and dads) who have a job, because they need the money, and who in addition care for their children as much as possible. They are heroes too.

Sadly, being able to make the choice that a parent stays at home is quite a luxury these days.

[Anonymous]

I think the traditional way is the best way to raise kids, so I think stay at home Mothers should be appreciated.

But at the same time, I notice that many women who say these things look at stay at home Fathers as lazy deadbeats. Anonman32 said he'd like to be a stay at home Father and got a load of dislikes from women.

I was a stay at home Father for a while. There's a lot of work involved, but it's not hard in comparison to the work I do at my job. I never saw it as a chore to take care of my baby, I loved spending time with him and am actually jealous that my wife gets to do that but happy for her at the same time. When I mention this, women are always very quick to tell me that I'm wrong for thinking that it isn't the hardest job in the world despite me doing it, and I think they downvoted that guy because he said it would be sweet because that spoils the story.

[Anonymous]

I mean I get what he's saying and that makes sense but what I don't understand about a lot of people who want to stay at home with their children is- you both obviously know that you want children in the future, you both know that one parent will be out of work for a minimum of a few years. So why not both work, pay off things, save up enough money to maintain a decent living for those years that you are going to be out of work.

What happens is people decide to just start popping out kids and then put an intense strain on one person financially. If you're really destine to be a stay at home mother, then you should want the best for your future children and your future children need things. So work, plan and save before you decide to have them, not after. To me you're just being selfish as hell if you bring kids into the world before you do any of that.

[Anonymous]

I believe a housewife/mom should be paid for the services she gives cause is no easy job to be a wife/mom at the same time. I wish some day in the future there is a law in any country that says moms should be paid a salary if they decide to stay at home taking care of the kids and being awife at the same time.

Im not a mother pr a wife but I agree something like that should happen. Being married and have kids in this age and day is way too difficult, I rather stay the way I am, single and not married, less drama and complications.

[mikemx55]

It's not a job. Its called being an adult...

[Opinion Owner]

@mikemx55 Still is a hard work that should be remunerated

[cinderelli]

How about both partners share all the responsibilities... because a baby isn't something only a mother has to take care of or a father by paying for everything.. both work.. and both take care of other stuff.. working as a team would make everything a lot easier and women won't have to give up their careers just because they're women.. and hey.. even the kid is gonna appreciate more money when he'll grow up

[oddwaffle]

Yeah stay at home mom is bad for the economy. The mother makes no income and nobody gets the job. It's not that bad, however. You can trim the costs of a badpby down a lot by sharing the housework between the wife and husband. You still would create jobs for the economy though

If she goes out there and work then hire some people then she would be more productive and people get jobs to run the economy instead of waiting for food stamps.

[SwoopingHawk]

Not necessarily so in all cases. When both parents in a two parent house work, one has to wonder how much of the second income goes into childcare, the second commute every day, and perhaps the extra work that has so be done by paid labor depending on how busy the parents are and if they want a real weekend. The family doesn't necessarily gain a lot of spending power with a second worker in all cases.

Also, when one sends bunches of extra individuals, mothers mostly in this case, into the economy the value of labor drops. Why? If there are 20 qualified applicants for a job rather than 10, it becomes more difficult for the applicants to make demands of their employer, seeing as the hired worker is replaced more easily, perhaps even by those willing to work for less. Supply and demand applies to labor.

[oddwaffle]

@SwoopingHawk

It is a misconception that you will have less job position if there are more people looking for work. That is not true. When machines were introduced, people thought they would loose their jobs because companies would need less people. It turned out that companies produced more and sell for less.

Average wage increases as women are going from non productive, non paying and non skilled jobs into to productive, high skilled and paying jobs. Jobs in an economy increases as productivity raises. Some people will open their own businesses as long as the government anticipate the raise in productivity of the population.

[nooriginality]

This is kinda funny because it reminds me of back home in saudi, women often didn't work and stayed home and took care of the kids (vaguely) usually with the help of Filipino maids and nanny's. They would get some sort of allowance from their husband weekly or monthly. The allowance was just for them, not the groceries or the kid or the house.

[TakeMaker]

And we should all start making stay at home dads feel less like parasites and less manly. It isn't just mom's job to look after the kids, lots of guys would love the chance to spend those precious months and years with their child... not that I think you have said anything opposing that view, just wanted to whine about it :)

[StarryNights]

Honestly, if women plan on being stay at home mothers then they need to either seek a husband who makes more than enough money to sustain that lifestyle or they need to bust their asses and work hard to put money aside so that when the time comes, the situation isn't a financial stressor. I can't blame him for feeling overwhelmed and frustrated at the situation.

[anonman32]

lol i want to be a stay at home dad, seems like the sweet life. i can take care of the house, work in the garden work out every single day and take care of the kids all day long. i would love doing that.

[brain5000]

Why are girls downvoting this? Are they sexist?

[anonman32]

@brain5000 could be, its not like i dont care.

[Pacificblue62]

Women shouldn't be down voting this. Remember that whole thing about equality!

[anonman32]

@Pacificblue62 yeah man, i can cut expenses by keeping chicken in the garden and planting vegetables. thats cheaper than going to the store all the time and your food is fresh. i make home baked bread in an oven.

[Hasaboyfriend]

My husband is going to be a stay at home dad while I work because he didn't finish school and I'm going to be a nurse. Congrats on deciding to be a stay at home dad! My stepdad was one while his wife went out and made the money since her degree would earn her more than his university degree. His wife divorced him though so he had to go back to work.

[anonman32]

@Hasaboyfriend well i am currently studying to become a massage therapist, i could set up a practice at home and make some money too that way.

[Pacificblue62]

Lol that's the way to go. Both great ideas.

[popsickle]

You should do it then!