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2016 is the past. 2017 becomes the present. What does that mean to me?
Essentially it means, that history has been written and manifested for the ending year 2016 and a new history chapter is beginning, namely 2017. Actually what happens happens and cannot be reverted and it is literally a non-stop constant process.
Like a history book with chapters - "2016" is a chapter full of past experiences of the 21.st century and a new chapter "2017" is going to be written.
New years is the time, when I review the past time of the ending year. What have I achieved, what were the keypoints for me in that year, how much did I "score" in life. Pretty much like a scoreboard on a video game, that is ending and the player reviews it.
Unfortunately for me 2016 was one of the toughest years I survived, so if you are in a rather good mood to celebrate the new year without me being the killjoy for it I GRANT YOU NOW A CHANCE TO LEAVE THIS MYTAKE. Do not cross the line below!
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/!\ DO NOT CROSS /!\ DO NOT CROSS /!\
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OK, you decided to stay to read on.
A little backstory about me: As I write this 2016 is ending in a matter of hours. Over the past time and past years I have done so much and only so little has changed. This is something I have realized in this year.
22 years old, no friends, no dates, broke, no affection, no changes, no opportunities to take charge, no future, poor diet, partial poverty and no s e x. It has been like that since 2010 for me and this one is going to add up to it and that's because I am unable to take charge of my own life.
In fact I was shocked to have been gone through this specific scenario, that marked the beginning of my bigger struggles: Earlier when 2015 was about to end, I got a job around autumn. As soon as I was employed I felt much better and that marked for me the beginning of changes. Changes, that I can actually take charge in my own life and I was looking forward to grow more and more independent and choose my own life's route and destiny.
Coincidence or not, this was also not far from new year 2016. Our company celebrated the new years eve and we were photographed with everyone smiling. Pretty good so far and I thought I will work in 2016 towards my goals. Ambitions, dreams, fulfillment, you name it how that felt.
And that's where my happiness was shot down as quickly as it was celebrated. I got fired right on January 2016 because my boss personally didn't like me. From January until all the way to mid- December I was on an intense job hunt with no success until just recently an employer FOUND me and HIRED me.
Because of this past experience, I feel nothing on this day because I fear, that my happiness would be shot down again like before, even if this new company I work for now is in my opinion better and my boss is also friendly.
But nevertheless new year is coming and I will live through it.
I still hope for the best and prepare for the worst. 2016 was a disappointment for me.
It's also just, that emotions are either very strong or I am just not used to emotions. I always acted on logic, expressionless. I can't afford risking another emotional breakdown so fast from happiness to devastation in a matter of such a short timespan.
That being said I rolled up my protective instincts a very long time ago and I keep reinforcing it.
I don't see any happiness in it when the pasts of 2010, 2011, 2012... 2016 have been so similar to each another, that the next future is likely to be yet another past for me.
I have but one word to describe the upcoming new year.
No.
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