Breaking up has got to be one of the suckiest times in our lives. I wish someone had warned me about how painful they really can be. But apparently I missed that memo. Getting back on your feet again and learning to trust someone again is a journey in itself. But ultimately break-ups lead to us understanding life, relationships and ourselves much more. Despite this it's TOUGH. So I'm here to help by listing some of the inevitable stages of a break-up and what you can do about them to GET OVER IT!Denial
First comes the fact that you even recognize that there is a problem
and that he/she actually told you that they are breaking up with you. Essentially you are waiting for the "Hahahaha just kidding babe, I want you back". But nothing seems to arrive.Bargaining
Then comes the bargaining. This is usually the point where we want to make it work once last time. This can be dangerous as it can sometimes end up with you having the one last fling with your ex or attempting to give up some of your emotional needs just to save the relationship. This is where the pleading to save the relationship
comes in and there is still an inch of hope that the relationship will last.Get over it technique
If you want to talk to your ex then make sure that you are composed and that you are not going to lash out with them
. The key is communication, not yelling, screaming, crying, pleading and door slamming. If you know that you can refrain from this, then talk to them and tell have an open and honest conversation with them without getting upset. Ask yourself if he wanted to take me back tomorrow, would I honestly want him back? Or am I just emotionally needy at the moment?Depression
This is where break-ups suck the most. You can't eat. You can't sleep. Life seems to lose all meaning. And for some reason you have thought about them more in the last week than the past 2 years you had been dating them. The amount of time spent in this stage depends on the person, but
eventually you are going to have to be the one that says enough is enough!Get over it technique
To counter this, the best thing to do is to talk to friends, family, and any poor soul who is willing to listen
. For girls, get all your girlfriends together or get someone close to you to really listen to how you feel. Talk everything out, because it makes you feel so much better.
If you are tempted to call your ex .. call your best friend instead. The worse thing that you can do is to spend time alone! Make sure you book yourself out and keep yourself busy, because you are less tempted to wallow in your own self-pity.
For the guys - Try and hang out more with your mates .. you know the ones you neglected while you had a girlfriend. They will probably welcome you with open arms, because they haven't seen you recently anyway. You guys should do whatever you do to make you feel better. I know talking doesn't help you as much as it helps chicks .. So engross yourself in a sport that you have forgotten, Xbox, beer, grunting ... whatever makes you happy and takes your mind of your ex.
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So you're not so sad anymore, now you're just plain pissed off!! All that depression of wanting them back has turned into hoping that they are just as miserable as you are. Thoughts that may cross your mind include, wanting to get them back, hoping that they hurt just as much as you do ..
and for some reason wanting to get all your stuff back from his/her place. Many people say here for a while. But it's best not to linger here too long, because the anger builds into resentment and starts eating into your spirit
. It starts affecting your relationships around you and you begin to ponder on all the things that you did wrong or that they did wrong.Get over it technique
List the things that you really liked in them as a person and the things that you did not like. Then focus more on what you would like in an ideal relationship
. Understand that they are not the enemy and tell yourself, that if they had a choice to do the same thing and not hurt you in the process then they probably would have chosen that outcome. Do your best to convert your hating thoughts into loving thoughts. Just think more along the lines of .. the more negative energy you direct to them, then the more you let them win. So do your best to stop it.Acceptance
Finally you reached the last stage. This I believe is the best stage of any break-up! For some reason the acceptance that things are finally over, gives you a great sense of peace. The struggling to try and make things work is finally over and you can start clearing all that old energy from your life
. This is time where you can pick yourself up from the ground and dust yourself off and yell NEXT!!!Get over it technique
This is a process where you can really start to reflect on where it went wrong from a more rational point of view. This is a good time to divert all your energies that you used to spend with your ex to spending more time with yourself. Go do things that you used to love doing. Replace dinners that you used to have with your ex with dinners and dates with your mates and family
. Re-ignite the passions that you used to have about certain things, but you dropped because you spent all your extra time with your ex. Pick up a new sport, try something that you have never done before. Discover some of the bad relationship habits you had in the last one and see if you can work on them. It is at this stage where I delved into a lot of personal development.
"Re-ignite the passions that you used to have about certain things, but dropped because you spent all your extra time with your ex."
I read a lot of books in regards to dating, attracting ideal partners and the one book, which I read called 'The Power of Intention,' really helped me build the belief that everything happens for a reason. So in other words this break-up HAD to happen to teach me something about myself that I have to learn, so that I could have a better relationship in the future
. This is a great time to practice a lot of self-care. To discover whole new reasons why you love yourself. To do things that you can only do when you are single. Embrace this time. It's liberating, carefree and insightful!Clear the ex OUT!
There is one thing that I have to add. The healing process after acceptance can only come if your ex is well and truly out of your life. I see so many questions on here with people who are still in contact with their ex's and I think that this only delays the healing process. Breaking up with someone requires a lot of strength and helps you build that muscle so you know that you CAN stand on your own two feet. It's a time where you can really understand that no one can take away your happiness unless you let them.
To keep you from talking to your ex. Tell yourself that you can be friends with them, after you have found a new partner
. This usually is an easier let down then thinking to yourself that you will never speak to them ever again, as this can make the whole process harder. Usually once you have found a new partner you will find out that you don't need your ex in your life anyways.
Also be sure to remove any pictures or anything that reminds you of your ex
. Don't go to places that you used to go with them all the time. Don't listen to songs that you considered as "yours". Take their number out of your phone and tell yourself that if they are meant to be in your life then you will find a way to get in contact with them later on down the track. Gather all the things that remind you of your ex and place them in a box and either throw it away or put it in a safe place.
"Remove pictures or anything that reminds you of your ex. Don't go to places that you used to go. Don't listen to songs that you considered as yours."
Also do your best not to think about them. It takes work but you can actually direct the focus of your thoughts. So instead of thinking how great or bad your relationship was, this of how awesome it will be when you meet the right person again.
Come up with some positive affirmations
such as " I get to fall in love all over again!, " I have a lot to give to someone deserving of my love", "I trust that the ideal person will walk into my life when the time is right". Whatever you find works well with you.
One last thing. Get a diary. When you are feeling down then write how you feel, get it all out on paper. Always make sure to end the entry on a positive note though =)
With that said, while breaks really can be tough, it is nice knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel. After a bit of time has passed you can really look back on your last relationship and appreciate it for all the good times you had while in it. They made you part of who you are today and you could not replace those wonderful memories for the world.
Hot Alpha Female
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is a blog, dedicated for chicks by a chick. (Although I do get a lot of male readers) We tackle issues of dating, dating and more dating and bring out things that need to be discussed and discuss it!